The Healing (43 page)

Hannah grabbed a towel, dried her hands, and hurried across the room. “Let’s not argue,” she said, placing her hands on his shoulders. “Mindy’s in the living room playing, and I don’t want her to hear us shouting at each other.”

“I don’t want that either.”

Hannah stood silently and started rubbing his shoulders. Normally, it would have felt good, but right now, Timothy was too irritated to feel good about anything.

“We’ll have a nice time tonight; you’ll see.”

“I’m glad you think so.” He pushed away from the table and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?”

“Outside. I need some fresh air!” The door banged shut behind him.

W
hat would you like to do today?” Bonnie asked Esther after they’d cleaned up the kitchen. “I think we could both use a break from the usual cleaning we do on Saturdays.”

“But if you have guests coming, we’ll need to clean the rest of the house,” Esther said.

Bonnie shook her head. “No guests scheduled until next Tuesday, so we’ll have Monday to clean.” She poured two cups of tea and handed one to Esther. “Should we take this into the living room or would you rather put a jacket on and sit outside on the porch?”

“Let’s go outside,” Esther said. “It’s a bit chilly, but the sun’s out. We may as well enjoy it now, because it won’t be long before winter is here with its cold weather and probably some snow.”

They slipped into their jackets, picked up their cups of tea, and went out to the porch.

“Let’s sit over there so we can look out into the yard.” Bonnie motioned to the wicker table and chairs on the far end of the porch.

After they were seated, Esther said, “I should have brought out some of that gingerbread I made last night. Do you want me to go get it?”

Bonnie shook her head. “I’m fine with just the tea, but if you want some, go ahead.”

“Maybe later.” Esther took a sip of tea and let it roll around on her tongue before swallowing. “This is so good. Peppermint is my favorite kind of tea.”

Bonnie took a drink, too. “It is quite flavorful.”

They sat in companionable silence for a while; then Bonnie looked over at Esther, and with a most serious expression she said, “There’s something weighing heavily on my mind, and I’d like to share it with you, but only if you promise not to repeat what I’ve said to anyone.”

“I won’t say anything.”

Bonnie took another sip of tea and set her cup down. “I—I hardly know where to begin.”

Esther waited, figuring Bonnie needed time to think about what she wanted to say.

“As you know, Allen’s asked me out several times lately, and I’ve said no.”

“Because you’re not ready for a serious relationship, right?”

Bonnie nodded. “But I’d like you to know why.” She paused and stared into the yard, watching the shadows appear as a cloud drifted over the sun. After several seconds, she looked back at Esther with furrowed brows. “When I was a teenager I did something I’ll always regret.”

“What was it?” Esther dared to ask.

“I had a boyfriend, Darin, who said he loved me and insisted that if I loved him too, I’d be willing to …” Bonnie stopped talking and drew in a sharp breath. “Before my mother died, she’d talked to me about keeping myself pure and waiting for marriage to be intimate with a man, but Darin kept insisting that if I loved him, I’d do what he asked.”

Esther reached over and touched Bonnie’s arm. She was almost sure what Bonnie was about to say and wanted to offer her some reassurance.

Tears welled in Bonnie’s eyes. “I weakened, Esther. I gave in to my feelings, and several weeks later, when I realized I was pregnant, I told him about it.”

“What’d he say?”

“He laughed and said it wasn’t his problem—that I’d have to deal with it on my own because he was moving to a different state and didn’t care if he ever saw me again.” Bonnie reached into her pocket for a tissue and blew her nose.

“What did your dad say about your situation?” Esther asked.

Bonnie swiped at the tears running down her cheeks. “Dad blew like Mt. St. Helens and said in no uncertain terms that I’d have to give the baby up for adoption.”

“Did you?”

Bonnie gave a slow nod. “I felt that I had no other choice. I was only sixteen, still living at home, and with no job or money of my own.”

“Could you have come here to live with your grandparents?” Esther asked.

“I suppose, but since I was still underage, I’m sure Dad would have come and got me. Besides, I didn’t want Grandma and Grandpa to be disappointed in me, so they never knew about the pregnancy.” She gulped on a sob. “It was hard enough to live with myself.”

“Was the baby a boy or a girl?” Esther dared to ask.

“A girl. I only got to see her for a little bit, and then they whisked her away.”

“Do you know who adopted her or where she is today?”

Bonnie shook her head. “Dad made sure it was a closed adoption.”

“I’m so sorry,” Esther said. “I’m sure it must have been difficult for you to give up your baby.”

“It was, and I grieved for my little girl, like I had when my mother died.” Bonnie sniffed deeply. “I can’t tell you how good it feels to be talking about this with you. I’ve kept my feelings bottled up all these years, and it’s affected me in so many ways.”

“When you returned from Oregon, you said things were better between you and your dad. Did he apologize for making you give up your baby?”

“Yes, and I think I do understand his reasons. Dad was still dealing with the grief of losing my mother, and between that and the stress of his job at the bank, there was no way he could help me take care of a baby.” Bonnie reached for her cup and took a drink, although Esther was sure the tea had gotten cold.

“I’m a Christian now, and I know I should have forgiven myself, as God forgave me,” Bonnie said, “but I still struggle with the guilt for having gotten pregnant, not to mention giving my own flesh-and-blood child away.” She paused and drew in a quick breath. “I’ll never let my emotions carry me away again, and I don’t think I could ever trust another man not to hurt me the way Darin did.”

“Is that why you haven’t gotten serious about Allen?”

Bonnie gave a nod. “I don’t think the scars from my past will ever heal.”

A verse of scripture Esther had read a few days earlier crossed her mind. “Psalm 147:3 says, ‘He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.’” Esther placed her hand on Bonnie’s arm and patted it gently. “God will heal your heart, if you let Him.”

“I–I’ve tried.”

“But you have to put your faith and trust in Him and become willing to forgive yourself for the things you’ve done in the past, just as He forgives us.”

More tears sprang to Bonnie’s eyes. “Funny, but that’s pretty much what I told my dad when he opened up and told me how he felt about his parents. Isn’t it amazing that we humans can dole out advice, but when it comes to ourselves, we need someone else to make us see the truth?” She squeezed Esther’s hand. “Thank you for helping me see the light.”

“It wasn’t me who opened your eyes to the truth,” Esther said. “It was God’s Word. That’s how He speaks to us.”

“I know, but God often uses others to show the truth of His Word.”

Their conversation was interrupted by a horse and buggy coming up the driveway.

“It’s Ethan Zook,” Bonnie said. “I wonder what he wants.”

Esther grimaced. “He probably came to see me.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“He asked me to have supper with him tonight, and I said no. He probably came by to ask me again.” Esther rose from her seat. “Guess I’d better go out and talk to him.”

She hurried across the yard and joined Ethan at the hitching rail, where he’d just tied his horse.

“It’s good to see you, Esther,” he said with a nod. “I came by to see if I could talk you into havin’ supper at our place tonight.”

Esther shook her head, trying not to let her irritation show. Didn’t Ethan know when to take no for an answer? “I’m really busy, so if you’ll excuse me …”

He motioned to the porch, where Bonnie still sat. “When I pulled in just now, I saw you sittin’ up there with Bonnie. Didn’t look like you were busy to me.”

“We were taking a break,” she explained.

Ethan leaned close to Esther—so close she could feel his warm breath against her face. “Isn’t there any chance you might change your mind? I’d really like the opportunity to court you, Esther.”

Esther didn’t want to hurt Ethan’s feelings, but she didn’t want to be courted by him either. Without knowing it, he’d managed to irritate her more times than not, and she couldn’t get close to someone like that. So she forced a smile and said, “I’m sorry, Ethan, but I don’t think we’re meant to be together.”

When Samuel pulled his horse and buggy into Bonnie’s yard, the first thing he saw was a horse and buggy parked in front of the hitching rail. As he drew closer, he spotted Ethan standing real close to Esther.

Oh, no. Am I too late? he wondered. Has Ethan already begun to court Esther?

Samuel debated whether he should turn around and head out, but when he saw Ethan climb into his buggy and pull away from the rail, he changed his mind. He was here now, and he had to speak to Esther, even if she turned him down.

Samuel held his horse steady until Ethan had pulled out of the yard; then he eased his horse up to the hitching rail and climbed down from the buggy. When he approached Esther, she looked at him strangely.

“I’m surprised to see you here, Samuel. Where are the kinner?”

“I left them with Suzanne and Titus.” He took a nervous step toward her. “I wanted to talk to you alone.”

“What about?”

Samuel swallowed a couple of times. “I … uh … was wondering if we could start over.”

Esther stared at him with a curious expression.

He took another step toward her. “I made a mistake saying I didn’t want to court you anymore, and I almost made the mistake of moving back to Pennsylvania.”

“The kinner mentioned that yesterday. I was afraid you might move and wished you wouldn’t,” she said in a voice barely above a whisper, never taking her eyes off his face. “What made you change your mind?”

“It was something I read in Elsie’s journal this morning. She wrote that she wanted me to love you, Esther.”

Esther’s eyebrows lifted high. “But your wife didn’t even know me.”

“You’re right, but she was afraid she was going to die, and she wrote in her journal that if she did, she wanted me to find someone to love again. She wanted me to find someone who would love me as much as she did and who’d love our kinner, too.” He touched Esther’s arm gently. “I think that woman is you. Fact is, I never thought I could fall in love again until I met you.”

Tears sprang to Esther’s eyes and dribbled onto her cheeks. “Oh Samuel, I love you, too—and your kinner as well.”

Samuel glanced around, worried that someone might be watching them. When he was sure no one was, he took Esther’s hand, and they stepped around the corner of the shed, where he pulled her into his arms and kissed her sweet lips. She fit perfectly into his embrace, and he knew at that moment he would never let her go. “I don’t think we should rush into anything, but after a proper time of courting, do you think you might consider marrying me?” Samuel murmured against her ear. His heart pounded, awaiting her answer.

Esther nodded and rested her head against his chest. “I know that Elsie will always have a special place in your heart, and I’d never try to take her place, but I promise to love you and the kinner with my whole heart.”

They stood that way for several minutes; then Samuel tipped her head up so he could look at her pretty face. “The kinner and I are going to supper tonight to celebrate Leon and Titus’s birthday. It would make the evening more special if you could be there, too.”

She smiled. “I’d be happy to join you.”

Samuel closed his eyes and said a silent prayer.
Thank You, Lord, for helping my heart to heal and for giving me this special woman to love
.

T
here’s something I want to share with you,” Samuel said to Esther as they sat on his front porch one evening, visiting as they drank some coffee.

“What is it?” she asked.

“It’s a letter I got from my brother Timothy today.” Samuel pulled an envelope from his pocket and took out the letter. “Listen to what it says:

Samuel looked over at Esther and squinted. “What do you think about that?”

She sat for several seconds, letting the words from Timothy’s letter sink in. “This is a surprise. I had no idea Timothy was thinking of moving here.”