The High Calling (23 page)

He was aware of muffled voices outside his office, and from time to time a flight of planes took off or landed.
Automatically he identified them as Hurricanes, Spitfires, or Wellingtons, but this was all second nature. His mind would not leave what the note had implied. He had been unhappy in his marriage for some time and was well aware that Veronica was equally unhappy. He had fancied himself in love with her when they had married, and he had thought they were happy at first, enjoying the physical side of their relationship for a few months, but that had quickly faded with the stress of everyday life during wartime. Less and less often did he seek Veronica’s arms at night, and he became aware that this was actually a relief to her. They performed as a happy couple publicly, and Veronica, being an accomplished actress, pulled it off better than he himself did. Parker was painfully aware that his parents were disappointed in Veronica, although they never said so.

Wearily Parker dropped his hands and sat up straight in the chair. He opened the drawer, found a schedule, and studied it for a moment.
I’ll go home tonight and have it out with Veronica,
he decided.

The decision brought no peace of mind. On the contrary, he dreaded it much more than risking his life in an airplane. But perhaps the note was all a lie. He could not imagine who would invent such a fabrication. He tore the note into shreds and dropped the pieces into the wastebasket. Then putting on his hat, he left his office, his jaw set.

“I’ll be back in the morning, Lieutenant.”

“Yes, sir. Going home, are you, sir?”

“Yes. Just for the night. If anything comes up, call me there.”

“Yes, sir. Looks like the Jerries have quieted down a little.”

“Let’s hope it stays that way.”

Parker left the station and drove slowly toward home, oddly aware of the greenness of the grass and the brilliance of the flowers. Everywhere were riotous bursts of reds, blues, and yellows so bright they almost hurt his eyes. Every house he passed seemed to have a small flower garden, some only three
or four feet square. Somehow people had an instinct to bring a little beauty into life amidst all the horrors of war that lurked just over the Channel and sometimes flew overhead to drop its deadly load upon the peaceful land beneath.

When he pulled up in front of Benleigh, a heaviness rested on him.
I wish I hadn’t come.
The thought came unexpectedly but very strongly—so strongly that he almost turned and drove back to the station. But it was too late, for the door had opened, and his mother was waving to him and calling his name. Sighing, he got out of the car and went up the steps. “Hello, Mother.”

“Parker, I’m so glad to see you. Can you stay the night?”

“Yes. I’ll have to get back fairly early in the morning, though.”

His mother held on to his arm as if she were afraid he would run off and leave her. Parker had noticed the tendency of both his parents to touch him more often than they used to, as if finding out if he were real solid flesh and not some phantom.

“Where’s Veronica?” he asked as soon as they were inside the house.

“Oh, she’s gone into London.”

Parker waited for his mother to explain why Veronica was gone, but he saw that she was nervous and fidgeting.
She probably doesn’t know.
“Well, where are the children?”

“They’re playing out at the pond with your father. He bought them a little boat. They’ve gone crazy over it. I expect they’re in mud up to their eyes by now.”

“I think I’ll put on some comfortable clothes. Maybe I can splash around a bit myself.”

Lady Grace put her hand up and touched Parker’s cheek. “That would be good,” she said. “I’ll come out and watch you. Oh, you did know that we’re having Katherine Winslow to supper tonight?”

“She did mention something, but I’d forgotten the day.”

“Joseph is picking her up at five.”

“Let me see what I can change into.” Parker went to his room, where he changed into old clothes and then left the house. When he got to the pond, he called out, “What’s going on here?” Immediately Paul and Heather ran to him, their legs muddy to the knees. The mud was even in their hair, but despite that, he caught them up into his arms, mud and all, and spun them around. “You two are filthy.”

Heather was squealing with delight. “Daddy, come see the boat!”

“Yeth, ith
my
boat!” Paul shouted.

Parker carried the children over, and their argument continued as he set them down. “Hello, Father.”

“Son, it’s good to see you. We weren’t expecting you.” Gregory had a considerable amount of mud on himself. He looked down at his white shirt and shrugged. “Well, it’s washable, I suppose. I’ll tell you what. They’ve about worn me out, son. Why don’t you take over?”

“Yes. Why don’t you go on inside?”

“I believe I will.”

“Now, who’s the captain of this boat?” Parker asked the twins.

“I am!” both Paul and Heather shouted at the same time. They both waded into the water up to their shins to show him how they propelled the boat around the pond.

Parker laughed. “Now I think it’s my turn to be the captain.” He took off his shoes and socks and waded in with them. “And if you argue with me, I’ll stuff mud up your nose.”

Heather squealed with delight. “Yes, mud in the nose!” She reached down and got a handful of mud and handed it up toward Parker.

Laughing, he said, “No. No mud in the nose. Let’s see about this boat now. . . .”

****

When Kat arrived she got out of the car and thanked Joseph for picking her up.

“You’re welcome, miss. Whenever you’re ready I’ll take you back to your flat.”

“That will be fine. I expect I’ll stay at least until the twins are in bed.”

“No problem at all, miss.”

Kat walked up the steps, but before she could ring the bell, Millie, the young maid, opened the door. She was smiling brightly and said, “Hello, Miss Winslow. We’ve been expecting you.”

“Where is the family, Millie?”

“Mr. Braden is in the library reading to the—”

“Mr. Braden—as in Mr. Parker Braden?”

“Yes, miss.”

“I didn’t expect him to be here tonight.”

“Neither did we, miss. And Lord and Lady Braden are getting ready for dinner. It’ll be served very soon.”

“Thank you, Millie.” Kat walked down the wide hallway and followed the high-pitched voices to the library. Parker was on his hands and knees with both Paul and Heather on his back. Heather was in front and was leaning forward, holding two handfuls of Parker’s hair. Paul was busy slapping his father, yelling, “Gittyup!” at the top of his lungs.

“Have I interrupted a rodeo?” she asked loudly so they could hear her over the noise.

The twins at once scrambled off Parker’s back and came over to greet her.

“Did you bring us presents?” Paul asked brightly.

“Yes, I did,” she said, holding out the bag. “But they’re not from me.”

“Who they from?” Heather asked as she snatched the package.

“From your father.”

Parker got to his feet, making a face as he did. “I’m too old to be doing a thing like this.”

He doesn’t look like an old man,
Kat thought. Fatigue did
show on his features, but his skin was smooth, and his eyes, though somewhat troubled, were bright.

“I’m glad you could come,” he said.

“I didn’t expect you to be here.”

“I decided to take a little holiday. Here, stop pulling at that elephant! You’ll tear his ruddy trunk off, Paul!”

As Parker had assumed, the two were arguing over the two stuffed toys. But Parker settled it at once by playing a game with them, giving the winner first choice.

Finally Mrs. Henderson, the housekeeper, came and hauled the children off to wash up for dinner.

Kat watched them go and then shook her head. “I wish I had their energy.”

“So do I. They never run down.”

“How have you been, Parker?”

“Very well, considering.”

“I worry about you.”

Parker turned and asked quietly, “Do you really?”

“Of course I do!”

“That’s good to know. I’ve had to give up worrying about myself. There’s no point in it.”

The two stood there talking quietly, and finally she said, “Tell me the truth, Parker. How do you keep from being terrified every time you go up?”

“Oh, I suppose you get used to anything. I’ve had men in the front-line trenches say that the first few times a bullet came anywhere close to them they tried to dig a hole. But after a month under fire, they walked around with bullets whipping everywhere. It’s a psychological necessity, I suppose. You can’t go around stiff with fear all the time. Couldn’t fly an airplane that way.” He cocked his head to one side and said, “You know there’s a poem I had to memorize when I was a schoolboy. I think Byron wrote it. For some reason I say it to myself.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t know the name of it, but it’s fairly short:

“I don’t know why I like that, but I do.”

“It’s a sad poem.”

“It’s a poem about loss. We lose pretty much everything, don’t we? There’s always the last trip to the country. The last kiss. The last meal. And death, of course, is inevitable.”

Kat studied him carefully. “You’re tired,” she said. “I can see it in your eyes.”

“We’re all tired. It’s an occupational hazard for all military men.”

A tiny warning sounded in Kat. She had vowed to keep herself separate from this man, but she couldn’t help the way she felt about him. “God will keep you safe.”

“That’s the only hope I have, or any of us, for that matter,” Parker said simply. “I don’t know why one man dies and another lives. God is sovereign, and I’m rather glad it’s in His hands. It makes me feel good to know that. He may choose to take me tomorrow, or He may choose to let me live to be an old man. But whichever, it’s God’s will. That’s what I’m embracing.”

“That’s wonderful, Parker. Do many of your men feel like that?”

“Not too many. Most of them are rather wild young
fellows. They never seem to give a thought for tomorrow and certainly not for eternity. I think they’ve blocked it out of their minds.”

At that moment Edith Braden came in. “Parker, it’s good to see you!”

“Aunt Edith, it’s good to see you too,” he said as he kissed her on the cheek.

“It’s nice to see you again too, Katherine. Come. Dinner’s on the table. Let’s all make utter gluttons of ourselves.”

The three went into the dining room, and Kat immediately noticed that Parker’s wife was not there. Lady Grace made a quick statement that Veronica had an engagement in London, and Kat noticed that Parker looked uncomfortable as his mother said this.

The meal was excellent, and Parker’s aunt was at the top of her form. She had a quick wit and a way of drawing others into her stories. Before long Edith had them all laughing at tales of her struggles with publishers. After they had dessert they moved to the drawing room, where the twins greedily clamored for attention. Finally Kat looked at her watch and exclaimed, “Goodness, I must go!”

“No!” Paul cried out. “Stories.”

“Yes! Stories!” Heather added.

“If you wouldn’t mind,” Grace said. “They’re fascinated with your stories. Just a few minutes?”

Kat was really in no hurry to get back to London. She was merely being polite. “Of course,” she said with a smile.

Fifteen minutes later the twins were in their pajamas and Kat was sitting at the side of their bed. She was aware of Parker standing with his back against the wall. She told ridiculous, implausible stories, and the children loved them. Finally she saw that they were getting sleepy, and she kissed them both and stroked their hair. “Go to sleep now.”

“More stories,” Heather whispered.

“Not now. Some other time.”

She stepped back, and Parker came and said his good-nights.
She saw the affection in his face as he touched them, and a quick fear came as she thought,
What would happen if he were killed? They would be without this man who loves them so dearly.

Kat left the room and Parker accompanied her to the front door. “Joseph will be pulling the car around in just a moment.”

It was a beautiful evening, so they waited in front of the house. “I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate your taking time with the children.”

“It’s such a pleasure to be with them. They’re lovely children.”

“I don’t want to take advantage of your kindness, but any time you could come back and be with them, I would consider it a favor.”

“Why, of course. I’ll come as often as I can.”

Impulsively Parker took her hands in his own and kissed them. “Bless you, Katherine.”

A car pulled into the driveway, and Kat pulled her hands away as she saw Veronica Braden staring at her out of the window. She instantly felt guilty. “I shouldn’t have come here, Parker. It’s not right—I mean, I shouldn’t be spending any time alone with you.”

“You’ve done nothing wrong,” he said.

The chauffeur pulled his car up behind Veronica’s and got out to open the door for Kat.

“Here you go, Miss Winslow.”

“Hello, Mrs. Braden,” Kat said as Veronica got out of her car, but Veronica only glared at her. Kat got into the car, and Joseph shut the door.

She watched as Veronica walked up to Parker but could not hear what she said as the car pulled off.

****

“You’re going to have to stop seeing that Winslow woman,” Veronica said adamantly as she got ready for bed.

“What about the man you’re seeing?”

“What are you talking about?” she cried.

“It’s getting bad when I have to get notes telling me you’re seeing other men.”