The Highlander's Woman (The Reckless Rockwoods #3) (20 page)

“I can mount Remus without—”

“Quiet, woman,” he snarled.

The leather of Patience’s saddle was smooth and soft beneath Julian’s fingers as he sought to determine height and location of the tack. With a turn of his head, Patience’s dark curves filled his limited vision. The heat of her engulfed him as he gripped her waist and lifted her upward.

She was lighter than he remembered. As he set her in the saddle, he could have sworn her hands lingered on his shoulders before she straightened upright. A moment later, he was on Romulus’ back. As he settled in his seat, his anger grew as he knew he had to rely on Patience to guide him home.

“Lead now, Patience, or I’ll let Romulus find his own way,” he bit out angrily.

She murmured a small noise of agreement, and he followed her shadow, which stood out against the familiar hazy gray background of his eyesight. As they rode away from the falls, Julian tried to ignore the throbbing that had returned to his head. Even though their pace was a gentle trot, the jarring impact of Romulus’ stride became continuous, resounding blows to his head. With each stride the stallion took, it became more difficult to remain upright in his saddle.

Slowly, his shoulders slumped downward as his fingers latched tightly onto Romulus’ thick mane. Patience remained in front of him as she’d done for a great deal of the ride to the falls. Julian was grateful for that. He had no need of sympathy on her part. But the most important reason was that it ensured she didn’t come to his rescue as an angel of mercy.

The ride back to the castle seemed to last forever, and he was close to giving into the pain when Romulus’ hooves hit gravel. The sound filled him with relief. Slowly he dismounted, his fingers wrapped tightly in the stallion’s mane in order to remain standing. To steady himself he pressed his head against the soft leather of the saddle. Beside him, Patience’s perfume gently brushed across his senses.

“I’m beginning to think you have a death wish, Mr. MacTavish,” his wife said fiercely. “You could have fallen off the damn horse.”

“If you use that vocabulary around Muireall, she’ll think I condone it in her,” he muttered as his stomach began to churn.

With a rough push away from the stallion’s back, he staggered away from her and the horse. Patience uttered a cry of surprise, but he ignored it. A moment later he threw up whatever was left of his dinner the night before. Bent at the waist, he panted loudly as he fought to regain control of his body. He didn’t like anyone seeing him sick like this, especially Patience when they were estranged. Her hand touched his shoulder lightly.

“You still have your headache, don’t you?”

Unable to nod without making his head throb, he simply grunted. Her touch almost tender, her fingers stroked across his temple before she gently urged him to straighten and she wrapped her arm around his waist. Another body on his opposite side provided a similar support, and he recognized Lorne’s silent strength. As his wife and estate manager helped him up the stairs to his bedroom, Julian’s feet seemed encased in lead boots. Jaw clenched, he forced himself to try and ignore the pain in his head. The task was a hopeless one, and when they reached his room, Julian gratefully sank down onto his bed.

“Lorne, I need lavender water, and rags for compresses.” The soft, clear cadence of Patience’s voice drifted through his haze of pain followed by Lorne’s quiet reply. The door closed behind his estate manager, and Patience returned to his side.

“I’m sorry, Julian, but you need to sit up. You’ll not rest easy until you’re undressed.”

The soft steel in her voice said she refused to let him argue with her. When had his wife become as strong-willed as the Scotswomen he’d grown up with? His father had been wrong about Patience in so many ways. He growled in pain as she slid one arm beneath his shoulders to raise him up and remove his jacket.

He groaned as she eased him out of his coat, and as if understanding any movement was painful for him, Patience moved all the more quickly to help him undress. With his waistcoat and shirt off, Patience helped ease him backward into the feather pillows. Somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind where the pain didn’t reach, he remembered other times when Patience’s hands had lovingly undressed him.

Her touch was gentle now, but he knew how hot her touch could be. God, he wished he didn’t feel so fucking miserable. He’d have her undressed in minutes so he could bury himself inside her. Eyes closed, he didn’t move as Patience continued to undress him. Somewhere in the back of his mind he found himself wishing he didn’t have a migraine. He wished they were simply a husband and wife making love.

Sleep must have dragged him out of the conscious realm as the next thing he knew he was naked beneath the sheets. A cool compress lay on his forehead, and the soft scent of lavender water wafted beneath his nose. His hand reached up to touch her fingers as Patience gently removed the compress and replaced it with a new one.

“You do no’ need to do this, Patience,” he whispered hoarsely. “It will pass.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were too unwell to ride?” Guilt echoed in her voice. “I could have gone for help.”

“It would no’ have made a difference. The only way for me to come back to the castle would have been to ride.” Julian could almost sense the guilt emanating from her, and he sighed. “And do no’ be thinking you should no’ have thought to challenge me to ride. I enjoyed it. It was good to be outdoors again.”

Her hand clasped his as he closed his eyes. There was a serenity about her taking care of him that gave him a sense of peace. His head still pounded like a freight train, but the fact that Patience was with him made the pain easier to bear. Patience released his hand, and he immediately felt the loss of her comforting heat. A moment later her soft breast pressed into his shoulder as she raised him up slightly.

“Mrs. Lester fixed you some chamomile tea,” she murmured. “It will help you sleep, and that’s the best thing for you right now.”

“Aye,” he whispered as he drank the tea she’d pressed to his lips. When he was settled back against the pillows, sleep swept toward him, but not before he expressed his gratitude. “Thank you,
mo leannan
.”

He thought he heard Patience utter a soft sound, but it was impossible to be sure as sleep dragged him back down once more
.

P
atience slowly opened the door that connected her room with Julian’s. He’d yet to learn she was in the room next to his, and she was no longer sure what he would make of the fact. Twice yesterday he’d called her
mo leannan
—sweetheart.

It could simply be a term of endearment he used without thinking, but it had made her hope Julian still had feelings for her buried just beneath his caustic manner. He was a proud man. Even if he still loved her, she’d sent him away under the pretext she thought him a liar. That alone would injure his fierce pride.

As she peeked around the door, she saw Julian was still fast asleep. She breathed a soft sigh of relief. She wasn’t sure she was ready to face his reaction when he discovered she was in the room next to his. Quietly, Patience stepped into Julian’s bedroom and closed the door linking their rooms. Julian had suffered in stoic silence for most of yesterday with the exception of short, harsh snarls whenever he did speak.

The man abhorred anything resembling confinement. That he’d remained in bed yesterday indicated how bad he’d felt. Last night, she’d added a few drops of laudanum to his chamomile tea hoping it would provide him with some well-needed rest. It had done precisely what she’d hoped as she’d checked in on him twice last night, and he’d not stirred either time.

Patience crossed the room and sat down on the edge of the mattress. She took Julian’s hand in hers and studied him as he slept. Julian had never looked so vulnerable to her. She knew the loss of his eyesight was far more devastating for him than he was willing to let others see. He’d never found it easy to ask for help. Julian’s independence was something he valued highly. His sister, despite the deep love she had for her brother, had most likely made things all the more difficult for him.

Muireall’s objection yesterday to Julian riding to the falls was an example of her sister-in-law’s love and concern for her brother. The girl’s reaction had made Patience regret challenging Julian to go riding with her. It had been impulsive and foolhardy on her part to suggest he was afraid to ride. But his gruff expression of gratitude for giving him the pleasure of being outdoors again convinced her that taunting him had been the right thing to do.

Instinctively, she knew it had been much more than being outdoors that Julian was grateful for. He hadn’t said so, but she was certain she’d given him a small measure of his independence back. But would he believe love had been her motivation in making him realize his lack of vision only hampered him in certain things. It didn’t change who he was, how he loved, or who loved him. Patience bent her head and kissed his fingers then left the room. When she entered the dining room a few moments later, Muireall’s head jerked up to meet Patience’s gaze with a look of worry on her sweet features.

“How is he?”

“He’s still asleep, but I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Patience said with a smile of reassurance. “How often has he had these headaches?”

“Fairly often since the accident, but never one so bad as yesterday. But then he’s no’ gone riding since the accident either,” Muireall said with a faint note of accusation in her voice.

Patience experienced a twinge of guilt as she met her sister-in-law’s gaze. Perhaps Muireall was right. It was quite possible the ride to
Eas Falloch
might have been too taxing for Julian. But she knew the ride had also been good for him if only to make him feel free and independent again. She took a seat across from Muireall and placed her napkin in her lap. Patience directed a steady look at her sister-in-law.

“Riding did not give Julian a headache, Muireall.”

Patience reached for a piece of toast in the basket sitting close to her plate. She added a thin layer of black currant jam to the crisp bread and bit into the toast. The delicate mix of gooseberry and raspberry on her tongue was delicious, and she debated adding more jam to her toast. She would have to remember to compliment Mrs. Lester on the delectable preserves. She looked at her sister-in-law again.

“I know how much you love Julian and want to protect him, Muireall,” she said quietly. “But he needs to believe he’s capable of doing things one wouldn’t expect a blind person to do, such as riding.”

“But it was dangerous. He could have been thrown or worse.”

“It was no more dangerous yesterday than it was when he could see. The only difference was he needed someone to go with him as a guide.” The explanation made Muireall frown in contemplation.

“Tis true.” Her sister-in-law nodded slowly. “But I was afraid for him.”

“Do you think I wasn’t worried about him too?” Patience said as she dropped her gaze to her plate and her mind flitted back to the memory of Julian sprawled on the ground. “When he stumbled and fell just—”

“
Why did you no’ tell me this before
,” Muireall exclaimed. Patience shook her head.

“The man fell because he was being stubborn and refused to ask for help,” she said between clenched teeth at her sister-in-law’s unspoken condemnation. “The ride isn’t what caused his headache, and even if had, it shouldn’t change the way we must treat him from now on.”

“But I—”

“We cannot mollycoddle him,” Patience said sternly before softening her voice. “That is the
last
thing he needs. From what little I’ve seen, he’s been feeling quite sorry for himself, which means you have borne the brunt of his frustration.”

“You can no’ expect me no’ to help him, Patience.”

“Of course not,” she said gently. “But you must not do things for him unless he asks. If we don’t let him try to do things for himself then his spirit will be broken, and neither of us want that.”

“No, I would never want Julian to feel as though he had nothing to live for,” Muireall said with dismay furrowing her brow. “But riding? It seems…”

“It might be worrisome for us, and although he’d never admit it, I’m sure Julian must have felt a bit of apprehension himself. But he had no trouble riding yesterday morning at all. He enjoyed himself, Muireall. I’m convinced of it.”

A thoughtful look settled on her sister-in-law’s sweet features. It was one she’d seen on Julian’s face more times than she could count. In silence, she watched Muireall adjust to the idea that her brother could do a great many things for himself. After a long moment, Muireall nodded her head.

“I understand. I’m simply no’ accustomed to Julian no’ needing my help.”

“It's not a question of him not needing your help, dearest. We simply need to help him understand he’s independent and capable of doing most things on his own. But he also has to come to the realization that it's quite all right to ask for help when necessary.”

Muireall nodded her head in understanding, and Patience applied more jam to another piece of toast. If she wasn’t careful, Mrs. Lester’s preserves would be detrimental to her figure, but the black currant jam was incredibly delicious. The rustle of skirts announced Mrs. Drummond, and Patience looked toward the door as the housekeeper entered the room.

“Good morning, my lady, Miss Muireall.” The woman smiled at both of them before focusing her attention on Patience. “Might I ask how the Crianlarich is feeling, my lady.”

“He’s still sleeping, but I believe he’ll be fine when he awakens.” At Patience’s reply, the housekeeper’s worried frown was replaced with relief.

“That is indeed good to hear, my lady,” Mrs. Drummond said with a bob of her head before she changed the subject. “If I may, my lady, Nurse asked me to see if you would be coming to see Master Aiden—”

“Thank you, Mrs. Drummond, that will be all,” Muireall quickly interrupted the woman in the same authoritative manner Julian often displayed. “I’ll see to it that Lady Patience finds her way to the nursery after breakfast.”