The Highlander's Woman (The Reckless Rockwoods #3) (21 page)

Bewildered by the brief exchange, Patience stared at first the housekeeper and then Muireall as she tried to make heads or tails out of the puzzling conversation. Who was Aiden, and why would Mrs. Drummond expect her to visit him in the nursery? Patience looked at her sister-in-law, whose expression was one of worry and apprehension, while Mrs. Drummond appeared thoroughly confused.

“Aiden?” Patience cautiously asked, and the housekeeper nodded her head as she smiled at Patience.

“The wee bairn is a bonnie lad, my lady. He looks just like the Crianlarich did when he was a little one. And the bonnie lad has your temperament, my lady. He’s such a—”

“
Thank you
, Mrs. Drummond. I
said
that will be all,” Muireall interrupted the woman again.

This time her voice was almost icy. It was a tone of voice she’d never heard her sister-in-law use with anyone before. The sharp note in Muireall’s voice was designed to point out the conversation had ended.

“Of course, Miss Muireall.” The housekeeper flinched as her cheeks became flushed with embarrassment, and with a quick bob of her head the woman left the room.

Patience’s gaze focused on Muireall who was studying her with an uneasy look on her face. An icy draft blew across her skin as her surprise vanished, and she absorbed Mrs. Drummond’s words. Julian had a child. He’d told her he’d been faithful, and she’d been a fool to believe him. Her chest ached as if someone had torn her heart out. Horror followed on the heels of the sickening pain pounding its way through her. He had a son. A child the housekeeper believed was hers and Julian’s.

Dear God, Julian had told everyone she was the child’s mother. Suddenly very cold, Patience shivered. Why had he done such a thing? Did he really expect her to claim a son that wasn’t hers. A child he’d had with another woman. The thought made her twist the napkin in her lap into a tight knot. She swallowed hard to suppress the bile rising in her throat.

“Who is Aiden?” Patience asked in a stilted voice.

“Tis no’ my story to tell.” Muireall’s reply made Patience’s stomach churn.

“I’ve heard those words before,” she said bitterly. Quickly rising to her feet, she flung her napkin onto the table.

“Patience, if I—”

“
Don’t, Muireall
. The fact that Julian didn’t mention he had a son the day I arrived at Crianlarich indicates how important he feels it is to explain anything to me,” she bit out in a frigid voice. A small twinge of regret nipped at her as a pained look crossed the girl’s face.

She didn’t wait for Muireall to argue with her, she simply walked out of the dining room her entire body knotted with pain.
Fool. You were a fool to be taken in again, Patience MacTavish
. He’d lied. He’d fathered a child with another woman. An image of Una holding a baby popped into her head, and she uttered a soft cry of grief.

Patience swayed on her feet from the pain of Julian’s betrayal and reached out to cling to the newel post of the stairs. Una had been telling the truth after all. Nausea swirled in her stomach, and she dropped her head in an effort to quiet the nasty sensation.

After a moment, the sickness ebbed away, and Patience slowly climbed the stairs in a state of shock. When she reached the second floor, she turned toward her room then stopped. Numb with pain, something perverse inside her made her turn around. Patience tried to fight the urge, but her feet carried her in the direction of the nursery.

When she’d visited Crianlarich after she and Julian were married, he’d shown her the nursery. She still remembered the deep rumble of his voice against her neck as he’d teasingly asked if she wanted to work on filling the nursery at that moment. Her heart skipped a beat as she recalled the passion that had followed.

The hopes and dreams she had then were little more than ashes now. If they’d ever even existed. As she entered the nursery, a matronly woman emerged from a room off the main suite. Her expression warm and cheerful, the nurse greeted her with a smile.

“Good morning, my lady, I’d hoped ye might come tae see Master Aiden this morning,” the woman said in a pleasant voice. “Let me fetch the young master for ye. He’s just had his bath.”

The nurse quickly disappeared back into the room she’d come from and returned almost immediately with a happy-looking baby. As the nurse handed the boy to her, Patience tried not to flinch. The baby came willingly and looked up at her with eyes that were just like his father’s with the same full, sooty eyelashes. He was beautiful. He was just like the child she’d longed for from the first moment Julian had possessed her body and soul.

She would never have children of her own. She would never have Julian’s children. The knowledge that everyone believed Aiden was her son only emphasized the bitter truth of her barren state. Worse, how could Julian been so cruel to propagate such a lie? Patience fought back tears at the acute pain scraping at her insides. The baby reached up to touch her face and grinned at her. She’d always loved children, and before she realized what she was doing, she sank down into the well-worn wood seat of the rocking chair at the window.

Patience didn’t know whether to laugh at the baby’s happy jabbering and smiles or to cry because she was holding Julian’s child by another woman. Julian and Una’s child. She grew still at the thought. As the aunt to almost a dozen children, she could tell Aiden was somewhere between nine and ten months old. The realization made her stiffen in consternation.

Una couldn’t be the child’s mother
.

The realization sent a rush of relief spiraling through her. If Una had been Aiden’s mother, the woman could never have been able to bring Patience’s world crashing down around her that terrible day. Either the woman’s girth would have revealed she was with child or she would have been lying-in to regain her strength and nurse her baby.

Hope suddenly unfurled deep inside her as she quickly calculated dates. It was more than possible Aiden had been conceived a short time before she and Julian had met. Men had dalliances all the time. It was more than possible Julian and she had been married before he’d even known he’d sired a son. She could easily forgive him such a discretion. But where was Aiden’s mother? Had she died in childbirth, and Julian had done the honorable thing bringing his son home?

The memory of Julian not coming home the night before her marriage fell apart made her draw in a quick breath. He’d refused to tell her what had happened that night. His only defense had been that it wasn’t his secret to tell. Was that what Muireall had meant a short while ago? Had something changed and Julian could tell her where he’d been that night? She wasn’t sure she’d be able to believe him. But most of all, she wasn’t sure she had it in her to forgive him for his cruel lie.

Patience bounced the baby on her knee, and she smiled as he giggled. She bounced him again, and this time the baby squealed in delight. Suddenly, the nursery door flew open, and Muireall charged into the room.

“Nurse, have you seen Lady Pa—” The girl stopped and stared in amazement at Patience holding the baby. Suddenly aware how easily she’d fallen under the spell of the child, she quickly stood up and handed the baby to Muireall. She didn’t want to feel anything for the child. It was too painful.

“I’ve seen all I need to see,” she whispered.

“Patience, you must go see Julian,
now
. He wants to explain,” Muireall said with a look of panic on her face.

“I don’t wish to see him,” she said in a brittle voice. It was too soon. She needed to clear her head and regain control of her emotions so she didn’t break down into tears when she confronted Julian. “Not now, I need time to think. I can’t bear to hear any more lies.”

“Please, I do no’ like to beg, Patience, but I am begging you now,” Muireall pleaded fervently. “Listen to what Julian has to say. My brother will no’ lie to you.”

Muireall shifted the baby to set him on her hip then reached out to grab Patience’s hand in a tight grasp. The girl’s belief in her half-brother didn’t surprise her, but the conviction in the girl’s voice was persuasive enough for Patience to consider the heartfelt plea. What Muireall didn’t understand was how much it hurt that Julian had allowed everyone to believe the child was theirs. He knew how much it distressed her that she couldn’t give him a son. The thought of seeing Julian sent panic streaking through her. Patience met Muireall’s gaze then shook her head.

“I have no wish to hear what he has to say.”

“Are ye afraid to let him explain, Patience?” Muireall snapped with anger. The challenge in her sister-in-law’s voice made Patience narrow her gaze at the girl.

“No, I’m not afraid.”

“I do no’ believe ye, Patience. Ye do no’ want to listen. Ye only want tae run away.” The passionate condemnation thickened the young woman’s brogue, and Patience winced. For a long moment, she didn’t say anything. She simply stared at Muireall until she acquiesced to her sister-in-law’s plea with a brusque nod.

Very well, I shall talk to him,” she said in a voice that indicated she was agreeing under duress. “But I intend to return to London as soon as Sebastian can arrange for a private rail car.”

“Please do no’ say that, Patience. Everything Julian will tell you is the truth. I know it is, but he made me swear no’ to tell anyone. He needs to be the one who explains,” Muireall said fervently.

Patience studied her sister-in-law for a moment longer then left the nursery. Muireall was convinced she would believe Julian’s explanation. What her sister-in-law didn’t know was how Julian had lied to her in the past. Although they were small lies, they’d set a precedent. How was she supposed to believe him now? And yet Muireall had insisted that things were not as they seemed, and that Julian would tell her the truth.

He’d once accused her of not trusting him. The thought made her bite down on her lip. Love required trust, and if she didn’t trust him, how could she possibly love him? Pain, fear, anger, and hope buffeted her as she slowly walked toward Julian’s rooms. When she’d decided to come back to Crianlarich Castle, she’d promised herself not only to believe Julian, but to leave the past behind.

But when she’d made that decision, she’d not bargained for this current state of affairs. The past was difficult to put behind her when there was a child in the Crianlarich nursery. A child that wasn’t hers. And the terrible lie he’d told had only emphasized her failure as a wife. She’d never known him to be cruel, which made the fabrication all the more grievous. Julian knew how much sorrow her barren state caused her.

Now she was facing the distinct possibility he’d done more than lie to her. The burnt flesh on her body was painfully taut as tension tightened every one of her muscles. But the pain didn’t compare to the agonizing way her heart was bleeding so profusely inside her breast. Would Julian proclaim his innocence with the same passion he’d done nine months ago?

In defending himself all those months ago, Julian had repeatedly said he loved her. How could he be so adamant about his love for her if it wasn’t true? Why would he have married her if he didn’t love her? She’d brought nothing of real value in the way of power or social status, neither of which Julian coveted.

Not even money could have been a reason. Despite Sebastian’s generosity, her dowry had not been an immense fortune, and she knew Julian was well off. So much so that he’d placed her dowry in her name rather than absorbing it into his finances. She’d never been so confused in her life, and she no longer knew what to think or believe. Not even her gift had given her a path to follow.

In the past, her visions had always made sense to her. Although her gift rarely served as a compass for her own affairs, it had always been a reliable gauge where others were concerned. But the visions she’d had over the past year had been vague, incomplete, and misleading. The fire. Julian’s accident. Her vision of Una holding a baby. None of those signs had allowed her the chance to stop those tragedies or even to protect her heart.

She’d not even had the slightest warning about Aiden. Had she lost her gift? The question terrified her. If she’d lost the
an dara sealladh
, a part of her would go missing. She’d already lost a part of herself during the fire. The idea of losing another piece of her soul filled her with dread.

Patience stopped in front of Julian’s room, and the chaotic emotions thrashing inside her made her tremble as she stared at the dark wood door. Determined to end this farce once and for all, she rapped her knuckles against the door in a strong, staccato beat. At Julian’s command to enter, she steeled herself to bury her pain and look at him without feeling anything. She failed the moment she saw him. She knew no matter what passed between them she loved him and always would.

He was fully dressed, and she was certain he’d dressed himself as his clothes were slightly askew. She swallowed hard at how handsome he looked even in an unkempt state. The stoic look on his rugged features revealed nothing as to what he was thinking. As she stared at him in silence, the urge to rage at him swept through her.

“You asked to see me,” she said quietly. It pleased her that she’d managed to keep her pain out of her voice.

“Aiden is my father’s son.”

The abrupt, unexpected confession made her stare at him in shock. Of all the explanations he could have given her, this was not even in the realm of what she’d imagined. For a moment, she simply stared at him as if he’d suddenly sprouted another head. Her mind struggled to made sense of his outrageous comment. If what he said was true, why hadn’t Muireall said the child was her half-brother? Did they both think her a fool? Anger broke through her amazement.

“Your lies have become even more imaginative than ever before, Julian,” she snapped. He stiffened at her scathing rejection.

“The child is my father’s and Caitriona’s.”

“
Caitriona
,” she gasped as she stared at him in astonishment. Again, he’d managed to throw her off balance.

“She was in labor the night I did no’ come home.” Julian paused for a moment as his jaw hardened with tension, and if not for the tic in his cheek she would have thought his face that of a statue. “She asked me to care for the boy.”