The Humans (4 page)

ERIK

Oh man, that store—on the corner of Eldridge?—we went in to get you a candle—

DEIRDRE

Don't
tell
her that, Erik, we didn't end up buying it—

ERIK

The most expensive candles I've ever seen in my life.

AIMEE

     
(A gentle reality check)

They were twenty-five dollars.

Richard ascends the staircase with a bottle of champagne and plastic cups.

RICHARD

Hey, thought we could have a champagne toast up here? Brigid claims we need to bless the upstairs
and
downstairs . . .

BRIGID

Of course we're gonna sing it! Rich has been warned.

Under the following dialogue, Erik wanders into the adjoining room to grab a private moment for himself; he rubs his aching lower back, takes a deep breath.

In the other room, Richard pours champagne into the plastic cups.

RICHARD

We only have plastic cups, but the good news is the bar is set very low if we ever host again.

Erik enters the bathroom.

BRIGID

Dad . . . ?

Brigid pokes her head into the other room, sees the shut bathroom door.

AIMEE

Did he sleep at
all
last night?

AIMEE

Okay, okay . . .

BRIGID

All right, let's just, let's show Rich how badly our voices blend, / we'll do the money verses, yeah? . . .

AIMEE

Will Momo join in if we—

DEIRDRE

Oh yeah—she's still good with music, Rich, wait'll you hear, / she'll join in . . .

BRIGID

     
(Calling to the bathroom)

—Dad! We're waiting for you . . .

(To Aimee)

. . . you want to start us off? . . .

AIMEE

No, no . . . I always start too high and you yell at me.

Erik exits the bathroom and starts to sing.

ERIK

     
Oh all the money that ere I had—

This elicits cheers/groans from the women.

BRIGID

Get in here! That is a terrible key for me.

Erik joins the group in the next room.

BRIGID

         
(Restarting in a better key for her)

     
Oh all the money that ere I had,

     
I lost it in good company

     
(Spoken)

Ladies . . . [join me] . . .

They occasionally look to Momo affectionately, expecting her to join in.

BRIGID, AIMEE AND DEIRDRE

     
And of all the harm that ere I've done,

     
Alas was done to none but me

     
And all I've done for want of wit,

     
Till memory now I can't recall

BRIGID

[Dad, you sing too . . . ]

BRIGID, AIMEE, DEIRDRE AND ERIK

     
Lay down your fears and raise your glass

     
May peace and joy be with you all

Brigid indicates Aimee should take the next verse.

AIMEE

     
Oh may all the friends that ere I had,

     
Be sorry at my going away

     
(Spoken)

I'm a lawyer, Rich—

         
(Back to singing)

     
And I pray the family that I have,

     
Will wish me one more day to stay

Aimee gestures to Erik, indicates he should take the next verse.

ERIK

     
But if blackness falls upon my lot;

     
If I should fall and you should not

BRIGID, AIMEE, DEIRDRE AND ERIK

     
Pray that all my fears be soon forgot,

     
May peace and joy be with you all

ERIK

     
Oh, if I had enough money to spend

     
And leisure time to sit a while

         
(Indicating Deirdre)

     
There is a maiden in this town

     
That sorely has my heart beguiled

DEIRDRE

Yeah, it better be me.

ERIK

     
Her pale white cheeks her skin of snow,

     
I will not rest till she comes to call

BRIGID, AIMEE, DEIRDRE AND ERIK

     
Lay down your fears and raise your glass.

     
May peace and joy be with you all.

They applaud themselves, drink. The joy of the song is cut short by Momo's steady mumbling.

MOMO

     
(Softly, mumbled)

. . . nairywheres do we blag werstrus, doll sezzer / big sussten back . . . sezz it whairidoll . . . er hairin sildern fernal garn ackening ery or loddinsezz . . .

ERIK

     
(Staying positive, massaging Momo's hand)

Shhhh, all right . . . you're all right . . .

BRIGID

She normally joins in. This is new, / this is—

ERIK

Well it's—yeah, it's not one of her good days.

Small beat.

DEIRDRE

I've missed hearing you sing, Bridge . . .

BRIGID

No, I'm spending most of my nights bartending—you guys don't even know how much student debt I'm stuck with—

ERIK

Yeah, well, I
do
know who refused to go to a state school.

Richard knows Brigid doesn't want to continue discussing this topic.

RICHARD

Why don't we—appetizers are out, / so just come down whenever you're ready . . .

BRIGID

Yes, good idea—you heard the man, let's move the party downstairs—

Everyone gathers their things, starts to move. Another
thud
from above.

Erik looks up; everyone else keeps moving. Brigid notices this.

AIMEE

[Be nicer to him.]

Brigid stops, she's noticed Erik and Deirdre aren't behind her.

She hears their voices in the other upstairs room, walks back to them . . .

BRIGID

Guys, what're you doing?—go downstairs and relax, / please—

AIMEE

How do I get Momo down there? . . .

BRIGID

What do you mean?

AIMEE

Well I can't dump her down the spiral staircase.

BRIGID

Oh God, sorry, use the elevator—

ERIK

You sure?

AIMEE

Yeah . . .

Erik heads downstairs. Brigid opens the door for Aimee and Momo.

BRIGID

Take the elevator to the B-level.

DOWNSTAIRS
:
Erik descends the spiral staircase. Richard is making last-minute dinner preparations.

BRIGID

     
(Calling down)

Rich, unlock the downstairs door please!

RICHARD

     
(Calling up)

You got it!

ERIK

Look at all this . . .

RICHARD

Come on down . . .

UPSTAIRS
:

DEIRDRE

So when Momo needs the bathroom we've gotta go out in the hall and take the elevator?

BRIGID

Yeah, but . . .
I'll
take her back up if . . .

     
(Deirdre sighs)

Sorry, I forgot about her wheelchair.

DEIRDRE

Yeah, I know you did.

Deirdre enters the bathroom. Brigid heads for the staircase.

DOWNSTAIRS
:
Erik looks around, investigating.

RICHARD

     
(Handing Erik a beer)

Beer?

ERIK

Yeah, I'll take a Coke, too, if you've got / soda or . . .

RICHARD

Yeah, coming right up . . .

ERIK

Thanks. Detroit's up seven.

RICHARD

Oh . . . oh, the football game?

     
(Erik nods. Small beat)

How's the lake house coming along? I hear you might build this summer?

ERIK