The Humans (7 page)

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Authors: Stephen Karam

BOOK: The Humans
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ERIK

What?

DEIRDRE

. . . the Lifetime movie about the housewife who got AIDS, / guys—it was so cheesy but really terrifying . . .

BRIGID

ERIK

Mom, you're steamrolling

She made me watch that . . .

the—

     
(To Brigid)

 

Worst two hours of my life . . .

DEIRDRE

You loved it.

RICHARD

What was scary about it?

DEIRDRE

This housewife cheats on her husband, right?—and he comes home from work and asks her how her day was and—I mean what can she say? “Today I cheated on you and contracted the HIV-virus, honey, how was
your
day?” . . . can you
imagine
?

BRIGID

You're trying to be a comedian . . . / no more wine for you—

RICHARD

No, she's fine—be nicer to your mom, babe.

DEIRDRE

Thanks, Rich.

Brigid goes to the kitchen, frustrated. Richard follows her. We can glimpse them having a controlled-but-heated conversation. Erik raises his eyebrows, tries to make light of this.

DEIRDRE

Anything I say makes her [annoyed] . . .

ERIK

Yeah? Well who does she remind you of?

DEIRDRE

You.

ERIK

DEIRDRE

Me? She's all
you
, my friend . . .

You
, yeah you, my friend . . .

They smile at this disagreement.

DEIRDRE

Don't wait until after dinner.

Erik drinks his beer, thinks.

DEIRDRE

     
(Getting up)

Your call, Big Guy . . .

Deirdre heads for the stairs. Brigid returns from the kitchen alley.

BRIGID

Where're you going?

DEIRDRE

Gonna check on Aimee—

BRIGID

I'll do it, stay down . . . stay down . . .

ERIK

Are her shakes in the fridge?

BRIGID

Yeah—Rich'll get it, sit down. Rich can you bring out an Ensure shake? The straws are in the bag.

RICHARD

No problem.

ERIK

Thanks.

Brigid goes upstairs. Richard returns with an Ensure shake. Erik opens it, prepares the drink for Momo under the following. A bit awkward with just Erik, Deirdre and Richard.

DEIRDRE

So how's school, what is it a, a master's in social work you'll get?

RICHARD

Yeah, I have one more year . . .

ERIK

You like your classes?

RICHARD

I do, yeah, very much . . .

UPSTAIRS
:
Brigid knocks on the bathroom door.

BRIGID

You need anything?

AIMEE

     
(Offstage)

An air freshener . . . ? Matches?

BRIGID

Just stink the place up. We'll deal.

AIMEE

MOMO

     
(Offstage)

     
(Barely audible)

I'll be out in a few.

I'm I here'm I. / why'm

 

I heresuh blag sezzor why'm

 

I sezzor . . .

ERIK

You're here 'cause it's Thanksgiving, Mom, that's why you're here, Brigid invited us . . .

DOWNSTAIRS
:
Richard continues dinner preparations during the following conversation.

RICHARD

Brigid said you guys went on a cruise last summer?

DEIRDRE

Yeah, we've gone on four of 'em now, to Halifax and Mexico . . . you ever been on one?

UPSTAIRS
:
Brigid pauses at the top of the staircase to listen . . .

RICHARD

Uh, not on one of those big ships, but . . . I sailed with my family growing up.

ERIK

We try to get the girls to come but they think it's pretty lame, you know?

DEIRDRE

Yeah, we know it's cheesy but we like it 'cause they take care of everything, you feel taken care of . . .

RICHARD

Yeah, I get that. Are you able to avoid all of the touristy stuff when you dock? / Or do you—

DEIRDRE

All of the . . . well, they let you off in good spots usually / . . . where there's a lot to do . . . ?

RICHARD

Oh, cool . . .

DEIRDRE

. . . yeah . . .

     
(Small beat)

. . . the spots are pretty good usually . . . where they leave you off at.

UPSTAIRS
:
Brigid is still listening to this conversation. It makes her sad.

RICHARD

Cool, cool . . . I tend to be more of a . . . I like to wander off the beaten path . . .

DEIRDRE

No, I hear you . . . Brigid's the same way . . .

RICHARD

Can I [pour you more wine] . . . ?

DEIRDRE

Thanks . . .

     
(Beat)

There's usually decent entertainment options on the ship, lotta the singers have professional credits. Lotta stuff going on all at once . . .

RICHARD

ERIK

Sounds awesome.

Yeah, yeah, so at night she can go see a show and I can go, you know, go do / something else . . .

DEIRDRE

Gamble. You gamble.

ERIK

Or whatever else I feel / like doing . . .

DEIRDRE

Well c'mon, don't act like you play shuffleboard on the lido deck.

UPSTAIRS
:
Brigid finally heads downstairs. Erik passes her, going upstairs.

ERIK

     
(To Brigid, ascending the stairs)

Just gonna check the score of the game . . .

UPSTAIRS
:

DOWNSTAIRS
:

Erik climbs the stairs, struggles for reception by the window.

DEIRDRE

 

         
(Pushing her Ensure shake closer)

He sees some falling ashes.

Mom, you're not hungry? Just

It looks like light flurries.

finish drinking your—

Perhaps the smallest suggestion of a moving shadow in the alley.

Momo overturns her Ensure shake, splattering it everywhere. She mumbles under the following:

Erik's a bit unsettled by what he sees, he steps away from the window, takes a few calming deep breaths . . .

MOMO

Sorn it all / . . . sorn it all sezzor dollen black? Homeran sinitz inner therell . . . sornitz says . . . it allinners . . . sorn it allinners . . . sorn it all . . . sorn it all . . . sorn it all . . .

DEIRDRE

Oh man . . . I got it, you're all right, Mom . . .

     
(Calling up)

Erik . . .

BRIGID

Mom, let him go, I got it—we have loads of paper towels . . .

RICHARD

Where are they?

BRIGID

They're in the shopping bag upstairs, Rich can you—I got it, Mom . . .

MOMO

     
(Tapering to calm and quiet)

. . . its allinners . . . sinnin . . . sahn . . . airywheres . . . itsen . . . senna . . . sahn . . .

DOWNSTAIRS
:
Brigid cleans up the mess, back and forth between the kitchen, soaking up the liquid and ringing out her kitchen towel in the sink, while Deirdre wheels Momo away from the mess and into the other downstairs room, calming her.

UPSTAIRS
:
Richard arrives upstairs, notices Erik staring out the window.

RICHARD

You okay?

ERIK

Uh, yeah, just worried about the roads. It's snowing out there . . .

RICHARD

     
(Looking out the window)

Oh. No, I think someone from a higher floor just emptied their ashtray.

Richard searches for the paper towels. Erik is glued to the window.

DOWNSTAIRS
:
Deirdre has been helping Momo up and onto the couch.

DEIRDRE

There we go . . . / there we go . . .

ERIK

Hey make sure you get blinds up, will you? You don't want people looking in on you . . .

RICHARD

Yeah, no I'm on it, this week I'll put some up.

Richard descends the staircase with the paper towels.

DEIRDRE

You feeling good, Mom? . . . now you can rest . . . there you go . . .

     
(Seeing Richard clean up the last of the spill)

Thanks, Rich . . . we got most of it . . .

RICHARD

Okay, no problem . . .

UPSTAIRS
:
Aimee exits the bathroom, phone in hand. A bit nervous, she make a call. She doesn't know Erik is in the next room.

DOWNSTAIRS
:
Richard heads to the kitchen. Brigid's back is to us, her hands on the sink counter. She rings out the towel, appears to be de-stressing, taking a moment for herself.

AIMEE

     
(On her cell)

Hey, hi . . . Happy—I know—Happy Thanksgiving—

I know, but—

I know, I know . . .

BRIGID

Ahhh . . . [will we make it through dinner?]

RICHARD

 

Can I get you anything?

AIMEE

 

uh-huh . . .

BRIGID

 

Can I get
you
anything?

 

 

. . . mm-hm . . .

Richard kisses her, she smiles, he pulls her farther into the kitchen alley . . .

UPSTAIRS
:
Aimee continues her phone conversation. In the next room, Erik listens.

AIMEE

I know, I know, I just thought the holidays could be an exception . . .

. . . uh-huh . . . well sorry if—

I understand, I just wanted to hear your—

no I get it, I get it . . .

I'm good, you know?, I'm okay . . . and you're, are you upstate with the fam, or? . . .

     
(Hurt, but not showing it)

. . . oh . . . good for you . . .

. . . no, I figured you were seeing someone . . . I saw your pics online—

no I think it's good . . . I've been dating too . . . so . . .

yeah, nothing serious, but . . .

AIMEE

BRIGID

. . . yeah, yeah . . .

     
(Calling from the kitchen)

 

Mom, does Momo need another shake?

DEIRDRE

Sure, let's give it a try . . .

Brigid disappears into the kitchen alley to get a shake out of the fridge.

UPSTAIRS
:
Erik moves in a bit closer, listening to Aimee's phone conversation.

AIMEE

. . . well hey, I'll let you go, but glad you're—

. . . ha, I'll tell them, ha, they will, they'll appreciate that . . . so—

absolutely, and love to your—

exactly, Happy Thanksgiving and—

     
(Hurt, but trying to keep things light)

—well don't wish me a Merry Chr—

we can talk again before
Christmas
. . .

DEIRDRE

AIMEE

     
(Laying Momo on the couch)

. . . uh-huh . . .

There you go . . . there you go . . .

 

 

. . . yeah . . .

DEIRDRE

AIMEE

Deirdre steps away from Momo

 

to tell Brigid to forget the

. . . uh-huh . . .

Ensure shake, and catches a

 

glimpse of Richard and Brigid

 

enjoying a quiet moment—

. . . uh-huh . . .

they're just visible in the kitchen

 

alley. They are laughing about

 

something. Richard kisses her

 

forehead, then slaps her on the

 

ass playfully. Richard disappears

 

into the alley as she slaps his ass

 

back. This stirs something inside

 

Deirdre. She retreats back to

 

the couch.

 

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