The Impossible Art of Falling (Impossible Art #1) (22 page)

Thirty minutes later, they walked toward the house, hand in hand, just as Rob was coming to the barn.

"Well, well, look at you two," he commented.

"We already fed the horses, Uncle Rob. I helped, so everything is taken care of."

"Well, alright then, let's just go eat."

Luke and Jena sat next to each other at the table now, no longer hiding their feelings for each other. After a few minutes of silence, Jena put her fork down and a placed her napkin on the table next to her plate.

"Uncle Rob, Aunt Meg," Jena began, attempting to breach a difficult subject. "I was wondering if you would be okay running the trail rides tomorrow with just Kyle. There is something that I need to do and it will take a couple of days. I want to take Luke with me."

"I suppose that would be alright," Rob answered.

"What do you need to do?" Meg asked, curious.

Jena took in a deep breath. Luke’s arm immediately went to her shoulders fully supporting whatever it was she was about to say.

"Well, I think I need to go back to South Carolina. Not for good," she assured them, at the momentary look of concern on their faces. "I think I need to go back to the farm. I need closure, and I’m ready to say goodbye. I think I have to, if I’m ever going to move on."

Rob and Meg exchanged glances, and then three pairs of eyes looked right at her.

"Will you take me, Luke?" she turned to ask him, in a hushed voice. "I think it's time for you to see that part of my life." 

He was silent for a moment before answering.

"Sorry… of course, I will,” he finally responded, coming back to life. “I guess I’m just sort of shocked. You haven't said much about it, and I sort of thought you never would. When do you want to leave?"

"Well, I was thinking that we could leave first thing in the morning. It's a little more than a five hour drive. I don't think I want to be there too long, and we could get a hotel, if it is too late to drive back home. If that's alright with the two of you," Jena added, looking at her aunt and uncle. "We would be home tomorrow night or by dinnertime Sunday, at the latest.

"Of course, it’s alright with us," Meg said, scrambling over to hug her niece. "I think this is good. This is what you need. All we have ever wanted is for you to be happy."

Rob stood up to join them, waiting his turn to hug his niece.

"You know, losing your father was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. He was more than just a brother to me. He was my best friend."

Jena pulled away and swiped at the tears in her eyes.

"I know, Uncle Rob. I can't imagine. I've realized that in my own grief, I forgot that you are mourning his loss, too. I have been so selfish since I came here, and it’s time for all of that to change.”

"Oh honey, you don't need to apologize. We all needed time to come to terms with what happened, and we all do it in different ways." Meg dabbed at her own eyes. "We're family, and that is all that matters now." 

"Thank you. For everything." Jena smiled back through her own tears.

The next morning, Luke and Jena awoke at dawn. They fed the horses, and Jena gave Gatsby an extra pat and a whispered confession, before climbing into the cab of Luke's truck. They waved at Meg through the window before rambling down the driveway. At the end of the driveway, they saw Kyle pulling in. No longer angry at each other, Luke rolled his window down to talk.

"Hey," Kyle started. "Where are you two off to so early in the morning?"

"South Carolina, actually. Jena needs to take care of some things. I hope you are okay with working the trail rides with just Rob today," Luke answered.

"Sure, no problem. I figure I owe you two for the way I have behaved the last few weeks. Have a good weekend."

"Thanks, man. We'll talk when we get back."

Kyle rolled his window up and headed toward the house.

"Ready?" Luke asked, squeezing Jena's knee.

"Yes. Yes, I am," she said. Luke turned the truck toward the road and headed out of town.

It would take a little more than five hours to get to Aiken, and they hoped that by leaving this early, they wouldn't run into too much traffic. It didn't take long for them to leave the lights of the city and head out onto the highway. Jena pulled her legs up, rested her chin on her knee, and stared out the window. Luke reached over and took her hand. The pinks and oranges of the dawn were slowly giving way to the purples and blues of a morning in the mountains.

"Are you okay?" Luke asked, after they had been silent for quite some time. He glanced at Jena and the way her long legs folded up under her. Her hair was pulled up in a messy pony tail, leaving little tendrils reaching out to caress her face. She turned toward him, her cheek still resting on her knee, and smiled.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said. "I was actually just thinking."

"About what?" he prodded.

"I miss riding. I mean
really
riding. I miss riding Gatsby." Luke nodded, letting her go on. "I need to get on him. I mean, riding Honey or one of the trail horses is fine, but there is just something about riding Gatsby. We just click… and when I’m riding him, I feel like I’m floating. He just gets me, you know?"

"Actually, no. I've never been on a horse that just felt like it was meant to be. My sister's trainer used to say that, and she spent a lot of time trying to find that horse. That is, until she quit. It's a special connection when you find that."

"It is," Jena agreed and then sat in silence again deep in thought.

"Will you tell me what it was like to compete? I mean, you said once that you were Olympic bound."

"Well, in theory I was," she sighed. "Of course, there are no guarantees, and it is tough to get on the team. My dad was an Olympian and coach. Everyone seemed to think that I was destined to follow in his footsteps."

“Were you?” he asked.

Jena paused and watched the mountains roll by her window as she thought. Competing at such a high level had been something that had been decided for her so long ago, she did wonder more than once in the last year if it was her dream, or her father’s.

“Yes. I suppose it was,” she answered, her voice barely above a whisper. “I mean, I loved it. Competing, that is. But, it was lonely. I was homeschooled, because I had to ride so much. The only friends I had were those on the competition scene, and when you are competing at such a high level, it’s hard to truly get close with anyone. I’m starting to realize now, exactly how much life I missed by competing so much.”

Luke squeezed her hand, but stayed silent.

“Riding was never lonely, though,” she said, after a moment. “Riding made me feel free. Now that I think about it, the only time I felt like myself was when I was on the back of a horse.” She thought about all the time her father had pushed her, all the times her mother had walked away, and she suddenly felt a deep ire, working its way through her veins. Was her father only pushing her because it would have been good for business to have a father and daughter compete? Or did he truly think she could do this? And then, there was the mother that left whenever she didn’t like a situation. She felt a tear escape and fall down her cheek as the anger was replaced by sadness.

“Hey,” Luke said, pulling her as close to him with one arm as he could, in the cab of the truck. “Hey, don’t cry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” His voice was a caress in the still air. “We can talk about something else. I’ve got lots of stories to pass the time. Did I ever tell you about the time when I almost had to run around the football field in just my underwear?”

Jena giggled and wiped away her tear, her mind back in the present. For the next few hours, Luke kept the conversation light while he told her funny stories about playing football or getting in trouble in school. She found herself begin to relax, but nothing could take away the heavy feeling growing inside of her. She thought it was in anticipation of being back in Aiken again, but she could be wrong.

They stopped for lunch, then drove some more. Jena offered to take over, but Luke seemed content to let her sit in silence and watch the scenery change before her. The steep rises of the Smoky Mountains soon gave way to the rolling hills that eventually were dotted with white fences and horses.

“Where do you want me to take you first?” Luke asked when they were just outside of Aiken. Jena hadn’t really thought about that. She hadn’t thought about exactly where she needed to be. She came here to figure out how to let go. She came to face the past that had been haunting her. She came here to say goodbye. They were nearing the exit that would take them to the old farm, so she needed to decide.

“Turn here,” she said as they neared the next exit. “And then take a right at the top of the ramp.” They continued on their way, Jena telling him which way to go until at last, they were at the stone entrance of Grayson Stables. The iron gate was closed with a big padlock and chain, to discourage the casual observer from driving right in. Luke pulled the truck over and put it in park. He followed Jena’s eyes out the window and toward the gate. Ivy was beginning to cover the stone pillars that held the gate up. A real estate sign hung haphazardly, off to one side.

“I want to go in. I want to show you this part of me,” Jena said softly, opening the door to climb out. Luke turned off the ignition and followed Jena out of the truck. “This fence doesn’t go all of the way around. It’s just a hedge. We can sneak through right between the pillar and the hedge.” She slipped between the greenery and stone, disappearing from view. Luke followed her.

It was like a plantation, Luke thought to himself. A long driveway, bordered by mature trees with branches draped like fingers over the stones, ended at the large farm house. There were several green and white barns to the left of the house and what seemed like miles of white fencing. Jena didn’t hesitate and deliberately walked straight toward the first barn. She could see the door was open to empty stalls. She stopped and placed her hands on her hips, a scowl on her face.

“It used to be so beautiful,” she whispered. “And so…so…alive.” Luke wrapped an arm around her shoulder and stood with her. Memories were flashing by her and for a moment, she was lost to him. Finally, with a shake of her head, she walked toward the barn door. “You’d think they would at least keep the grass mowed.”

They walked into the silence of the building. It still smelled faintly of horses and hay, although most of its occupants had been vacated months ago. In fact, Jena’s own horse had been here only a few weeks ago. Jena ran her hands over the dusty wood of the stall doors, amazed at how quickly they had fallen to disarray. As she walked, she traced the names on the name plates that had never been taken down. It was like a ghost town.

“This was the main barn,” she said, breaking her silence again, her voice echoing in the deserted space. “All of our show horses and horses in training were in this barn. There’s a broodmare barn out back and a smaller boarding barn, for those who just wanted their horse here, and not necessarily for training.” She stopped again, crossing her arms tightly across her chest, as if she were trying to hold the memories in. She circled around, her eyes absorbing it all. “God, I spent so many hours in this barn. I think I spent more time here than I did in my own house. This. . .” she gestured around, “…this was my home.”

Luke’s eyes swept around the vast emptiness. The whitewashed fences were already chipping and falling in disrepair. The grass was long and the flower beds were full of weeds. Still, he could tell that at one time, this had been a beautiful farm. It was always shocking to think of how an abandoned place could fall into disarray so quickly. Although, when he thought about it, people weren’t so different. He thought about Jena and himself, and how easily they each fell apart after being abandoned. He turned back toward her. The breeze blew her blonde curls around her, reaching out like tendrils, licking at her face. She began walking into the center of the outdoor arena, her feet slipping in the sand. Three jumps stood in a perfect combination pattern, awaiting the next horse that would never come. Jena came to a stop in the center, turning slowly, her eyes on the jump combination before her, riding it in her mind. She stared at the splintered wood and the fading paint. The ache that she had pushed down for so long, was back. How she longed to ride—it had never been as apparent to her as it was now. She imagined herself riding around this very arena with Gatsby. This is where they had trained. This is where she had become the rider she was today.

They wandered around the property for over an hour. Jena showed Luke the rest of the barns and the fields. She showed him part of the cross-country course she trained on. She showed him the hill that overlooked the whole farm, and she took him to where her pony was buried. Luke let her talk. He asked her questions once in a while but knew that Jena would tell him what she wanted to tell him. Mostly, he watched her. She came alive when she talked about happier times on the farm. Memories would spew forth, and she barely got out one story before another one would begin. Luke could see now, how happy this life had made her, and how much she was missing it. He began to wonder just how happy she would be living on a farm in Tennessee. How could he compete with this?

“What will happen to all of this?” he asked, as they walked back toward the car. She reached down and grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together.