The Impossible Art of Falling (Impossible Art #1) (23 page)

“The bank owns it now, I suppose. It’s a foreclosure, so it may sit here empty for months. After my dad died, so did the soul of this place. Within a few short months, when everyone realized that my mother was going to do nothing, they all left in search of the next big trainer. My mom didn’t want to deal with it and said as much. A few missed loan payments and the bank was knocking at our door. She all but gave them the keys.”

“She didn’t care about what you thought?” he asked.

“No. We didn’t talk about it.” Her voice was bitter. “She just left.” After a few minutes, she added, “Although, I don’t know if I would have been in any position to tell her what I wanted.”

They walked in silence, their feet crunching on the gravel. Finally, they reached the once-grand entrance and crawled back through the hedge.

“Thank you, for taking me here,” Jena said. She opened the truck door, then turned to give one last, long glance down the driveway. A smile played on her lips, and Luke knew that she was lost in another memory. Finally, a contented sigh escaped her lips and she climbed into the truck.

“Where to next?” Luke asked. “Or did you want to head back.”

Jena looked at her watch. It was nearly three o’clock in the afternoon.

“There’s one more place I would like you to take me, if you don’t mind. The cemetery.” She looked straight ahead, as if she had just asked him to take her somewhere as meaningless as a parking lot.

“Sure. I can take you to the cemetery,” Luke agreed. “Just tell me the way to go.”

She began to give him directions, and he rejoined the road. They both stayed silent and again, their hands found each other. A few minutes later, they pulled through the gates of the cemetery. The front part was clearly old, many of the names on the headstones covered in moss and lichen. They meandered through tree-covered lanes until they neared what was obviously, the newer part of the cemetery.

“Here. Stop right here, please.” Jena’s eyes were distant as she climbed out of the truck. Luke stayed seated for a moment, before getting out and standing next to the rusted sideboard of the truck. Jena looked anxiously at him. He nodded at her, pointing his chin in the direction he assumed she needed to go…his way of encouraging her. As much as he wanted to be at her side, something told him that she needed to go by herself first. She sensed this and kept walking. About halfway through the row, she stopped and turned, and went down to her knees in front of a stone. He could see her lips moving, talking to her father buried below. She talked for several minutes then looked up at him expectantly and smiled, his cue that she was ready for him.

“I want you to meet my dad,” she said, reaching her hand out to take his. Luke was suddenly nervous. The man was gone, yet Luke knew this was an important moment.

“Dad, this is Luke,” she said, talking as if he were standing next to them. “Luke, my dad.” She gestured toward the stone. Luke simply nodded, somehow knowing that he had passed some sort of test.

“I wish you could have really met him,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I think he would have liked you.”

“Even though I’m not into eventing,” he teased.

“Especially because you are not into eventing. My dad just wanted me to be happy. He may have been aloof at first, worried that you would distract me from the ultimate goal, but I know he would have come around and realized what you are to me. Honestly, it could be bad if both of us competed, because we would be competing against each other. My dad knew this, which is why he married my mom. It’s better for the relationship if you aren’t competing against each other.” Jena crinkled her brow as thoughts of her mom began to invade her.

“But, surely there are lots of people on the circuit who date each other?”

“Of course. The O’Connor’s are married and make a great team. I think it’s just something my dad thought would be better in the long run.” She turned toward Luke and slid her arms around his neck. “The longer my dad is gone, the less I think I know him.” He pulled her close and she laid her head on his shoulder. “Sometimes, I worry that I’m going to forget him completely.”

Her voice was so quiet that Luke wondered if he had heard her correctly. He also knew what she meant. Sometimes, if he thought too hard, he couldn’t remember what Ali even looked like anymore. And when he watched an old video of her, her voice seemed a distant memory.
Is this what happens when you lose someone
?
Will they eventually be forgotten?
This was a thought he didn’t want to entertain.

“No,” he finally answered quietly. “I won’t let myself forget.” Jena pulled away slightly and they stood in a side embrace, each of them remembering what they had lost.

THEY SPENT THE REST of the afternoon driving around. Jena took him on a tour of Aiken. She showed him various farms and show grounds; the places where she learned who she was. Luke couldn’t help but notice the happiness that exuded from her. There was a new calmness about her, as well, and a small pinprick of doubt began to invade his thoughts. He felt as if he were getting to know her for the first time. Listening to her talk about her old life, he couldn’t help but think that she missed it more than she let on.

After dinner, they headed for home. Unlike on the way there, the silence between them was suffocating. She sat closer to the door, and Luke couldn’t help but think that he was losing her. Visiting her old life had clearly affected her. He wondered how, or even if he would be able to compete with all of that. He was also envious of the fact that visiting the farm seemed to make her stronger and more ready to move on. Visiting his past had only awakened the pain for him, and he knew he still had a long way to go.

Jena welcomed the silence between them. It gave her time to think. She hadn’t realized how much she missed her life, until she had gone back to the farm. Oh, how she missed riding and how it made her feel. She glanced sideways at Luke, wondering what he was thinking about, and for the first time, she began to wonder what their future held.

When they pulled into the driveway, it was after midnight. Luke pulled his truck to a stop beside the barn. He shut the engine off, but made no move to leave the interior. Jena waited.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she said, “better than I’ve been in a long time.” Her blood tingled as it ran through her veins, making her feel alive again. “Thank you.”

Luke reached out for her hand. When she placed it in his, she felt his warmth invade her.

“I am really tired, though. I think I’m just going to stay in the house tonight. I do have a lot on my mind. Please understand.” She searched for his eyes in the darkness, hoping that he did understand. His silhouette nodded. Instinctively, she reached for him, and he pulled her close. Their lips met, and she tried to convey, without words, just how much he meant to her. She needed him to know that she was still here, still with him, and that she only needed to be alone with her thoughts tonight.

“I’ll come out in the morning,” she whispered. “I promise.”

“I love you,” Luke offered.

“I love you, too.”

Luke got out first and walked over to open Jena’s door. There was more silence between them, as they stood in the moonlight. Finally, Luke leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

“Goodnight,” he murmured and walked away. Jena smiled at his retreating figure until finally, the exhaustion of the day hit her and she walked inside.

chapter 22

D
ESPITE THE LATE NIGHT, JENA awoke early the next morning, her bed cold and empty. How quickly she had gotten used to someone beside her…it scared her a bit.  The sun was just beginning to peak over the trees, bathing them in a shimmering yellow light. While she had slept through the night, she could tell that she was far from rested. She thought about yesterday and all that she had done and seen. She thought about Luke and their conversations. It was time to do something about it. She felt the restlessness in her bones, seeping into her soul. It was time to make that ache go away.

After she was dressed, Jenna grabbed her tall boots and crept down the stairs. On the porch, she slipped her feet into the worn leather. In the barn, Gatsby nickered at her, and she paused, hoping that Luke wouldn’t hear him and come out. She stared at his door, willing it to stay shut. Unlike going home, this was something she needed to do herself.

In the tack room, her saddles were just where her uncle had told her they were. The polished leather of the English saddles stood out against the roughness of the western work saddles that were used for the trail rides. Jena ran her hand over the seat of her dressage saddle. The leather beneath her fingers was soft and supple. How odd, she thought, as she hadn’t used it in many months, and the humidity of summer should have covered it with mold. Her bridles were in the same condition; bits shiny, and leather polished. She knew Luke must have been keeping them clean for her, knowing all along that she would eventually find herself here. She smiled to herself when she thought of yet one more thing he did for her.

Jena grabbed a bridle, saddle pad, and her dressage saddle, and approached Gatsby’s stall. He was a little rounder than he had been a year ago, the girth barely attaching. She poked his side and laughed a little, trying to get him to let out some of the air that he was clearly holding in. Soon, it was evident that he was just overweight. Sighing, she attached it the best she could and walked him out into the arena next to the barn.

There wasn’t much time; the rest of the farm would be waking up. This was something that Jena knew had to happen now, regardless of the chance of being discovered. She walked her horse up to the mounting block and checked her stirrups and girth one more time. Slipping her foot into the stirrup, she swung herself over Gatsby’s side and sank down into the saddle. The tension in her muscles relaxed, and she felt a release in her soul. It was amazing how just sitting here, sitting on her horse’s back, could make everything in the world right. With a squeeze of her legs, Gatsby walked forward. After a few minutes, Jena began to put him through his paces, and it was as if she had never stopped riding. This was different than sitting on Honey with Luke in the mornings, or even taking her on a trail ride. This was what it felt like to be one with a living creature. This is what it felt like to be home, and Jena began to wonder why she ever thought she could stop. This was part of who she was.

Luke had awoken when he heard Gatsby nicker but stayed in his room. A few minutes later, he walked out to discover the horse gone and somehow, knew that Jena must have finally decided to ride. He peeked out the door and caught a glimpse of the pair, a dark silhouette in the morning light. They trotted and cantered. They extended the trot and performed lead changes and it was beautiful. Luke stood in awe of what he was seeing. He had no idea. Gatsby was perfect and Jena was amazing. Her blonde hair bounced on her back, her pony tail sticking out from underneath her helmet. Gatsby’s tail wiggled back and forth, happy to have a job once again. Luke’s happiness was suddenly replaced with fear. How could he ever compete with that? How could he ever think that a simple life on a farm would ever make Jena happy?

It was at that moment that Jena caught him watching. Instead of sneaking away, she rode up to him, a giant smile on her face.

“Hi,” she said, slightly out of breath.

“Jena… you… I have no words for what I just saw,” Luke struggled to speak coherently.

“It feels good. It feels like this is where I belong.”

Luke smiled and his heart fell, as she gave life to his biggest fear.

“You look like that is where you belong.” He patted Gatsby’s shoulder. “Well, you keep going. I’ll start feeding the horses.” Jena turned the tall gelding back out toward the rail at a trot. He forced a smile to hide his fear and went back into the barn, but felt the distance widen with each of Gatsby’s retreating steps.

JENA BOUNDED DOWN THE stairs later than usual, but her aunt and uncle pretended not to notice. They did, however, notice the bounce in her step and the sparkle in her eyes. They assumed the trip must have gone better than imagined.

“How was your trip?” Meg asked.

Jena placed a hand on Luke’s shoulder, before sitting down next to him and grabbing a plate.

“Sad,” she answered, “but, it was something that I needed to do. We went to the farm and then, to the cemetery.” She looked sideways at Luke, who sat stiffly beside her. He forced a smile and grabbed her hand. She scowled a moment, confused by his stiff demeanor today. “The farm looks awful. It hasn’t sold and has quickly fallen into disrepair. It was hard to see.”