The Ironwood Collection of Alpha Moves (11 page)

N
ow that I have kids, I use cooking to make sure they have the Ironwood gene for culinary arts intact, and teach them my rules and my perspective on food.  One child at a time is designated "
Scullion”
and acts as an apprentice and assistant.  Each meal they cook comes with a lecture on where the food came from, nutrient value, portions, preservation, native culture, method of cultivation, and important historical and cultural points related to the food.  All very nerdy, yes.

But my 7
year old can turn a pretty deft omelet.  My 10 year old makes her own pie crust.  My 12 year old can tell you far,
far
more than you wanted to know about all sorts of kitchen and food-related lore.  We have enshrined "rules of the kitchen", from Rule No. 1
: Sharp things cut, hot things burn
to The Ironwood Rule:
In this house, we garnish!
  My kids go to the grocery store and farmer's market with me, help with cleanup (with a little coercion) and are generally part of the cooking tradition. 

Mrs. Ironwood has learned enough to be competent with very simple dishes, but I still like having one of the kids around to watch her, just in case.

Cooking is not exclusively a feminine provin
ce.  Consider the scene from
Goodfellas
, when the mobsters are conspiring to cook pasta in p
rison and pay loving attention
to each detail of the meal.  In the rugged Pyrenees the Euskandulak gentlemen's "supper clubs" are all-male social opportunities wherein the local leading men of the community take turns producing fabulous meals for each other (and then go on to discuss smuggling operations or furthering the goals of the Basque Separatist movement with guns and bombs). 

In my own beloved South, there are teams of male barbecue enthusiasts who compete relentlessly for title and reputation.  I
have
had the fortune to be on a Scout backpacking trip during which I ate expertly prepared venison and squirrel by a man who knew how to use seasoning and preparation to bring out the full, rich flavor of the meat.

There is nothing at all unmanly about food pr
ep.  Nor is it a demeaning or dis
honorable task.  Indeed, the idea that "men don't cook" for years gave women power over the domestic homefront.  Now that division of labor is a lot less pronounced, there's no reason at all why a man can't be responsible for
all of
the food that goes in the mouths of his family.

It's a subtle Art, make no mistake.  The comfortable dependability of food provides plenty of positive Beta, and your craft -- and eventual mastery -- of turning ingredients into delicious food provides a powerful statement about your dedication and skill, knowledge and creativity, all of which are Alpha.

But then it comes to presentation, and that's where the real Alpha kicks in.  Anyone can cook, eventually.  But if you really want to get the most out of the experience then I suggest you cultivate a bit of showmanship and cunning about how you present your food to the people who eat it.  That doesn't necessarily mean that every meal has to be 5 star fare, but it does mean that you use attractive and appropriate settings to support your meals.

One advantage of living in a traditionally-oriented culture like the South is that there is a culture of appreciation around manners, etiquette, and the proper enjoyment of food. 
No to mention boundless opportunities to display your Alpha through control. 
My table is
My
Table, and I set the rules.  It's as much my arena as my bed or my desk, and I
enforc
e those rules rigorously (though not always successfully) when we are eating.  The rules are not decided by mutual consensus, or a vote, or anything other than the fact that
it is My Table, the Captain's Table, and I alone am the arbiter of the rules there.

If they don't like it, there's peanut butter and jelly in the pantry.

So don't dismiss this very valuable avenue of alpha/beta power as inherently feminine or demeaning.  That would be letting go of a potential masculine asset.

Besides, don't forget that far more women poison their husbands than
vice versa.
  No need to tempt her or give her more opportunity than she needs.
  Just sayin'.

Alpha Move: Redecorate Your Bedroom

Is Your Bedroom Killing Your Alpha?

When a man marries (or moves in with) a woman, there's a long period where things are uncomfortable.  You don't know where everything goes, you don't know about
her
stuff, and suddenly you're sharing things you didn't used to -- like a bedroom.

Men like the bedroom.  It's where some of our favorite sex happens.  But all too often over time one of two terrible things happen, and we don't realize it.

First, if you're a parent, your bedroom may become the repository for laundry, exiled toys, and assorted kid crap you want to maintain control over.  Or, for some, a place you can hide all of your messy crap from company if you need to.  Kids are messy, and they make us messy if we're not careful.  And then there's your own crap: exercise machine, decades of SI, action figure collection, whatever.

The second thing that can happen is that your woman, secure in her relationship, decides to "nest" in the glory of her "big girl house" by transforming your bedroom and bathroom to what is undoubtedly Her Domain.  Pillows, artwork, carpet, drapes, from the moment you enter the bedroom, it's Her bedroom . . . you just sleep there.

Now neither of those possibilities is very conducive to getting laid.  A bedroom full of kid crap is distracting to the extreme.  If you have very young children, the possibility exists that you will be in your moment of passion and the piles of laundry shift and suddenly you're trying to get your rocks off to "Elmo's Song" as their toys sing at you maniacally.  Kids artwork is great, but it belongs
elsewhere
-- nothing can throw your Game like suddenly looking up at a hand-drawn pict
ure of you with WORLD'S BEST DA
DY on it.  It's heartwarming
–
but
not
boner-building.

Likewise, if your woman has over-feminized your bedroom with five times the legal limits of pillows, artwork you don't like, or every stuffed animal she's ever gotten, getting laid might be less distracting but also less natural.  Our surroundings influence us, and in the bedroom not only should we feel free to focus on the activities associated therewith, but we should also feel, as Men, that the bedroom includes a mixture of masculine and feminine energies that you both feel comfortable with.

Now that sounds like New Agey crap, but the fact is if you're bedroom is four shades of mauve and you go to sleep every night staring at your wife's prized Angel collection, your bedroom suffers from any sign of you, the Man.  And it shouldn't have to.  The visual portrayal of masculine energy aids in the establishment of masculine self-confidence and pride. 

All too often when we marry we automatically defer (in fine Blue Pill fashion) to whatever our wives want to do with the bedroom, because, well, they happen to have the only functioning vagina in the relationship.  As Captain of your ship, you have the right to have appropriate quarters that reflect your masculine soul -- especially when it comes to something as important as poon tang.

So take careful stock of your bedroom this evening -- really look around and take a mental inventory.  Do you like the color?  The curtains?  The bedding?  The bed?  Does your stuff take up about as much room as hers?  Do you have any artwork on the walls to match hers?  Did you choose the carpet?  Do you think the place would benefit from a stuffed moose's head?

Now, I'm not advocating that you turn your marital bower into a sports bar.  But a few pieces of tasteful erotic art, a rug
you
chose, a bedspread you like, or an award you won are all suggested.  If the place is filled with flowers and stuff you don't know what it is but it looks breakable and important
, then get some crap of your own to balance it out.
For every item of decoration she has, you should have an element of your own.  Candles, sconces, dogs playing poker, anythi
ng but a busty chic
k trying to sell you beer is fair game. Personally, I display a big sharp pointy sword on the wall as a counterpoint to the many feminine objects in my bedroom.

But if you do nothing else . . .
get rid of the damn pillows
.  She only needs a few.  Unless they are being actively used as
sexual props
, there is no reason to protect your bed with that many pillows.  Take ownership of your bedroom and let her know that this is a neutral place for you
both
, not
her
room that
you
sleep in. 

By sweeping away the clutter, adding a few suggestive pieces, and re-claiming the marital bed in a masculine way you can help bring a little psychological parity into it.  Both of you need to feel comfortable and aroused -- and if you think of bed as "her turf", that isn't going to be easy.

As
a
commenter
cogently pointed out
,
decor and lack of pillows doesn't mean a thing
if the over-all effect still doesn't invite an erotic response.
  Seriously, dudes,
handle your shit.
  We all have pocket contents -- they define who we are, to some extent.  But that doesn't mean they have to explode all over the place every night.

So fellas, do this: clean your room, thoroughly
, before you buy anything
.  Then buy a tastefully masculine wicker basket you can place on your dresser -- you can even find one with a lid, if you'd like.  Then find a tastefully masculine looking container for receipts that ACTUALLY NEED TO BE KEPT next to it.  If so inclined, also include a spare change jar, possibly matching the other features.  Have a trash can nearby, too, if you don't already (and make sure you make a point of emptying the damn thing when it's half full).

When you're ready to bed
-
down, watch, wallet, keys, pocket knife, and other gentlemanly crap in your basket.  Change goes into the change jar -- you'll make it part of your secret nookie fund, if you're wise.  Important receipts in the container (clear to file at the end of the month).  Everything else is trash.

You should never have more than one book and two magazines next to your bed.  Make a point not to let them accumulate.

And clothes . . . get your own hamper.  Seriously.  If it's dirty, dispose of it.  If it's clean (even "mostly clean") then roll it up and place it neatly near by your other clean clothes.  If you're wise, you'll have another, larger wicker basket for such transitional laundry.  But don't throw it on the floor. 

Have some respect -- the bedroom is your sexual arena, your stage, your laboratory and workshop.  Treat it accordingly.  Would you go to a mechanic whose tools were strewn all over his garage?  Would you trust a craftsman who couldn't maintain his workshop?  The desire to "mark our territory" with our messes is strong in men, but there's a place for that: the man cave.  Your bedroom is not your man cave.

And ladies, when confronted with this issue, there are a few ways you can choose to handle it.

First, the traditional Blue Pill approach:
nag him about it.
  That sets up resentment, is a DLV
(Display of Low Value)
for him, and brings conflict to the issue, because he's going to interpret it as an attempt at territorial control and react accordingly.  He might even do it to temporarily appease you, but before you know it he'll be back to his old habits and you'll be nagging him about it again.