The Island Of Bears: A BBW Paranormal Romance (14 page)

Starving, I made a quick dinner of sautéed chicken with pineapple-mango salsa, practically inhaled it, and then got in the shower to rinse off sand from the beach, thinking about the advice Amy had given me earlier that day. On one hand, I knew it was good advice and that I should take it, but on the other, I honestly wasn’t sure if I was strong enough.

I knew that simply making a choice to trust Holden around Hannah, and do no more spying on them, would take a level of strength I probably hadn’t displayed in my entire life. The next time I saw Hannah and Holden together, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to will myself to just go on about my business, as Amy had suggested. Regardless of whether he intended to or not, if Holden gave into the temptation of a physical relationship with Hannah, I just felt like I wanted to know.
Had
to. Even if that knowing would just be torturing myself.

Tossing and turning, I didn’t sleep well that night. I had a few dreams about Holden, specifically about him making love to me, running his strong hands all over my body while moving his thick manhood deep inside of me. When I got out of bed around seven, I was decidedly crabby, my fairly good mood of the day before, completely gone.

I was a bit deprived in the lovemaking department, and I knew it. I’d been spoiled by Holden’s touch, and his body, and being able to enjoy intimacy with him whenever I wanted. And now, after several weeks of being without those things, I was really starting to feel it. Talking with him the day before and even just touching his shoulder had seemed to make my body very aware of its unmet needs.

After picking at an omelet I made for breakfast, I got in the shower, even though I’d just taken one the night before. I hoped some freezing cold water would help to suppress my feelings of desire and thoughts about Holden. But, after at least five minutes in the chilly spray, all I could think about was how good it would feel to have the warmth of his body against mine. I shut off the shower, stomped out, and wrapped myself in a towel, shivering.

I wanted to go over to his cabin and throw myself into his arms the way I used to. However, despite the fact that I hadn’t yet decided whether or not to trust him fully around Hannah, I was determined to give him space, like he’d asked for. I didn’t like it one bit, but he’d seemed very certain about what he wanted when making the request. Which made his arrival at my front door around seven-thirty that morning just a bit of a surprise.

*

I could tell just from the sound of the knocking that it was Holden. His knocking was assertive and fairly loud, in contrast with Cora’s way of knocking, which was so quiet I could barely even hear it sometimes, and Amy’s, which wasn’t much louder.

Still in my towel, dripping water, I stood on my tiptoes and looked through the peephole, confirming what I’d thought. Holden stood on my front porch with his dark brows drawn so closely together they looked like thunderclouds colliding.

Alarmed, and beyond curious to know what had made him so angry or upset, I yanked open the door, forgetting that I was dripping wet and covered only by a thin cotton towel. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Kidding you about what?”

“You don’t throw on some clothes before answering the door?”

“Well, I knew it was you.”

“So, you decided to tempt me and tease me some more?”

“What?”

“Very smooth. An excellent way to torture me further.”

I stared at him, baffled. “What are you talking about? And why are you so mad?”

He raked a hand through his thick, dark hair, scowling. “I just came over here to tell you one thing.”

“Well, fine. Do you want to come inside?”

“I don’t think that would be wise of me at all.”

“Well, all right. We can talk right here, with everyone on the beach looking at me in my towel.”

The stretch of beach beyond my cabin wasn’t
that
packed with people, but one couple strolled hand-in-hand, looking over at my cabin curiously, while another couple followed not too far behind them.

Holden glanced over his shoulder, scowling even harder. “God damn them. And God damn you.”

My jaw dropped about to the floor.

“Excuse me?”

Holden raked a hand through his hair again, clearly in a state of agitation. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for saying that, Haley. I’m just very....” He exhaled in a rush, seeming to be struggling to keep his gaze on my face. “I’m just a bit frustrated right now.”

“Well, come inside so we can talk about it. Because one of the men on the beach has been looking over here so long it’s beginning to make me feel uncomfortable.”

It was true. Holden glanced over his shoulder just in time to see the man’s wife take his face in her hand and turn it forward, away from my cabin.

Holden heaved a sigh, raking a hand through his hair yet again. “Fine.”

I stepped aside to let him pass, and he shut the door behind him. Neither of us spoke for a second or two that felt like hours, until finally, I broke the silence.

“So, what’s the one thing that you came over here to tell me?”

Awaiting his response, I worked hard to keep my gaze on his face, not his body, afraid that if I let myself look down too long, looking back up would become impossible. A few quick glances earlier had shown me that he was wearing a plain white t-shirt and gray sweats, which he’d probably slept in, and even in this very casual outfit, his body could only be described as magnificent. The t-shirt fit  just well enough to highlight his washboard abs and muscular shoulders, and even though the sweats were fairly baggy, a distinct bulge was still visible in the front. Even completely soft, Holden’s manhood was quite sizable.

He also seemed to be having difficulty not letting his gaze wander, and in fact, he appeared not even to have heard my question, so I repeated it.

“What the one thing you came over here to tell me, Holden? Do you remember?”

Finally, he cleared his throat and responded. “Of course I do. It would take a lot more than seeing you dripping wet in a towel to drive an important thought from my mind.”

“Then, what was it?”

With lightly tanned face suddenly coloring just slightly pink, he cleared his throat again. “Well, the one thing I wanted to tell you was just... Well...”

“Yes?”

He clearly didn’t remember.

Seeming to be acting against him, his gaze dropped to my breasts, which were spilling over the top of my tightly wrapped towel, and remained there.

“What was it, Holden? What did you come over here to tell me?”

“God damn you, Haley.”

Mouth hanging open once again, I scoffed, shocked by his language for the second time, as well as a little irritated. “Damn me in my own cabin one more time, and I’m going to politely ask you to leave.”

“Oh, really? And will that be before or after you rip your eyes away from my midsection?”

I hadn’t realized that I’d let my own gaze wander a bit, but now I did. I was feasting my eyes on Holden’s chiseled stomach, narrow hips, and the bulge in the front of his gray sweats, which was a bulge that seemed to be growing, becoming bigger and better defined by the second.

Using every last ounce of my willpower, I forced myself to pull my gaze up to his face. “Now I might accuse
you
of coming over here to torture
me
.”

“That was not my intent.”

“Then, what was? Why did you come over here?”

With his breathing a bit fast and heavy, he looked at me for a long moment, seeming to be thinking, before responding. “I came over here to make it crystal clear that part of giving me space includes not coming over to my cabin like how you did yesterday morning. That was really not what I needed, and it can’t happen again, because since then, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, and I couldn’t even sleep last night. I just tossed and turned for hours. So, I came over here to tell you in no uncertain terms that we cannot, under any circumstances, speak to each other face-to-face again, like how we did yesterday.”

“And you came over here to tell me this face-to-face?”

My gaze had been sliding down to his still-growing package again, and I now took a big, slow step forward, pressing my body to his, unable to resist feeling his hardening manhood against the soft curve of my belly.

After sucking in his breath in a hiss, Holden responded to my question in a low, husky voice. “Yes. Although I have to admit, my plan doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me now. I came over here to tell you face-to-face that we can’t see each other face-to-face anymore.”

The feel of his hardness against me was making me slightly dizzy with desire. As was the rate of my breathing, which was bordering on hyperventilation.

Wanting to feel Holden’s stiffened shaft against me even closer than it already was, I hiked a leg up on his hip, pressing my naked feminine parts against him. “Well, how about this? Can we do this anymore?”

Holden tipped his head back with a faint growl, the sound rumbling in his broad chest, and moved his hands to the small of my back. “No. We definitely can’t do what you just did anymore. And we definitely can’t do this anymore, either.”

He suddenly brought his mouth to mine and began kissing me with intensity, practically crushing my lips with his own. As turned on as I was, I liked it, and encouraged him with a soft moan. Which seemed to encourage
him
to rip my towel off and let it fall to the floor.

Almost immediately after rendering me completely nude, he broke our kiss, stepped back, and raked his hungry gaze over the length of my naked body from head to toe. “So, so gorgeous. Flawless, actually. This is the sight I fantasized about seeing all last night.”

Although I knew my body was fairly attractive, it definitely wasn’t
flawless
, but it only increased my desire that Holden seemed to think it was. I did a once-over of his own body, which actually
was
flawless, and I saw that the ever-growing bulge in the front of his sweats was now more like a tent-pole, long and rock-hard. Suddenly, I couldn’t wait to feel it inside of me.

“Take me right now, Holden, right here in the foyer if you want to. I don’t even want to wait to get to the bedroom.”

Judging by the sound of his ragged breathing, he didn’t want to wait to get down the hallway to the bedroom, either. He did, however, scoop me up and carry me a short distance to the living room, kissing me the entire way. The feel of his warm, firm mouth on mine, combined with the feeling of being held in his strong arms, intensified a dull yet urgent ache that had been building low in my belly. It was the kind of ache that demanded release, and very soon. Fortunately, it didn’t seem as if it was going to be long at all before I got the satisfaction I was craving.

After setting me down by one end of the overstuffed sand-colored couch in the living room, Holden peeled off his shirt and then lowered his sweats and underwear, revealing his large, fully erect member. Panting with desire, I only got a glimpse, though, because almost immediately, nearly panting himself, Holden turned me around and bent me over the padded arm of the couch.

He then covered me with his hard body and spoke in a husky whisper near my ear. “What kind of a little freak answers the door dripping wet in just a towel?”

I couldn’t answer, because he’d entered me, driving his thick pole into my slickness with one fairly fast, powerful thrust, rendering me speechless. The only sounds I was able to make now were whimpers and moans. Soon, however, when Holden stood, grabbed my hips, and began working his manhood in and out of me with exquisitely slow strokes, I was able to form words, but only a few.

“Yes. Don’t stop.”

Grunting his pleasure, he didn’t, sending me spiraling into a world of pure bliss. I seemed to lose all sense of time, as I often did when making love with Holden, but my other senses became heightened. Even though he was behind me, I could still faintly smell the clean, woodsy scent emanating from his skin, and I breathed it in deeply, reveling in it, just as I reveled in the feel of his hands on my skin as he moved them from my hips to my breasts and then back again.

After a while, when Holden began to increase the pace of his thrusting, I was ready. Ready for the release I’d been denied for weeks so long they’d felt like months. The moment I felt him start to spill his masculine essence deep inside of me, I let myself go, crying out as wave after wave of pleasure rippled through my entire body. Covering my body with his own, Holden groaned with his own release, his breath whispering warmth across the side of my face.

For at least half a minute, he just held me from behind, smoothing my hair, while our rapid, gasping breaths slowed. Possibly wanting a round two, I didn’t want to leave the intimate paradise I was in, but I didn’t have a choice. Soon I was going to be ripped right out of it.

CHAPTER 13

Almost the very moment he lifted his body from mine, Holden began pulling on his clothes. “This was a mistake.
My
mistake.”

Horrified, I turned from the couch to face him. “What? What are you—?”

“I never should have come over. I should have been stronger. I let lust for you drive me to near-insanity.”

“But this wasn’t a mistake. It allowed us to reconnect, and—”

“This is exactly why we can’t see each other again, face-to-face, anytime in the near future.” Frowning, he finished yanking his shirt on over his head, already backing out of the living room. “Because this is what it leads to, and this isn’t what we need right now... This isn’t what
I
need. I need space and time to think, and I don’t need to be tempted by your face, and your body, and your voice.” Pausing at the threshold of the foyer, he spoke his next words with an unmistakable look of pain in his pale blue eyes. “Don’t come over to my house. Don’t call me. Don’t anything. Please.”

I hadn’t even called him. Not even once.

After one last look at me, he abruptly turned and walked out of my cabin, leaving me standing in a bright shaft of sunlight slanting in through one of the open living room windows. I felt cold, despite the warmth of the sun, like I had a ball of ice in my stomach or something. Staring across the living room to the foyer, I felt like I should cry, and like I almost wanted to cry, but I just couldn’t. It wasn’t too far past eight in the morning, and I was already emotionally drained.

I didn’t go to work in the studio that day. I just moped, something I’d never been very prone to doing. I sat on the couch; I napped; I stared out the window at the clouds; and I tried to read one of a few old books on a shelf in the living room without much success. I only left the cabin around four in the afternoon, when Cora dragged me out to go for a swim, saying that it wasn’t like me to waste the day.

On our way down to the ocean, she glanced over at me. “Come on, smile. Where’s the girl I know who blows up lakes and shoots at Forms with a laser gun?”

With my feet sinking into the warm sand with every step, I cracked a smile, though it wasn’t much of one. “
That
girl got dumped by her boyfriend, and then his ex came back to town, making
that
girl a nervous wreck. Then
that
girl’s boyfriend—or
ex
-boyfriend, I should say—came over to her cabin to tell her not to come over to
his
cabin anymore. Then that ex-boyfriend slept with her but then immediately left, saying that it had all been a mistake. And now he’s probably out taking a romantic stroll along the beach with Hannah somewhere.”

Cora slowed her pace, gaze on me. “Well, that last part is
not
true. Holden pulled some of his men off lake-filling-in duty and took them out on a surveillance patrol earlier this afternoon. As far as I know, they’re not back yet, and probably won’t be for hours. Conner told me I’ll probably be on my own for dinner.”

Confused, I looked over at Cora. “A surveillance patrol? Why? All the Forms are dead.”

Cora sighed, re-pinning a messy bun at the top of her head while still walking. “Yeah. You know there’s always gotta be something.
Something
to make sure that I never get to spend a full day with my husband.”

“Well, what is it today? What’s the threat that Holden and his men are on the lookout for?”

“Well, in all likelihood, there
is
no threat. One of the kids thought they saw a wolf streaking through the jungle earlier, right behind the school, no less, and there was a bit of a panic. Primarily because the wolves from Clearwater know very, very well not to pass through our part of the jungle without our permission, and they’ve never broken this rule in the past, so Holden wondered if maybe a few of the wolves from Wulfric Palms escaped Eric and his men when they supposedly slaughtered them all.”

Squinting against the bright sun glinting off the ocean waves, I looked at Cora. “Who’s Eric? And where’s Wulfric Palms?”

“Well, put it this way. Eric is the alpha of the wolves in Clearwater, and he and his pack are what you’d call the ‘good wolves,’ I guess. They generally stuck to their own turf and never caused us any problems. Though that’s not to say that our community is really ‘friends’ with their community, just because
none
of the leaders of the different groups on this island are really ‘friends.’ Just kind of due to typical male competitiveness type of stuff, I think. But, anyway. Wulfric Palms is the village of the ‘bad wolves,’ or it used to be, anyway, before Eric and his men attacked them.

“See, the wolves of Wulfric Palms were ‘bad’ because they and their leader Dominic were always causing trouble, plotting, and stealing, and even murdering every chance they got. So, eventually, Eric and his men took them all out, or that’s what they were supposed to have done. It was always kind of a question if maybe a few of them got away and began living underground deep in the jungle.

Anyway, when the little boy at the school thought he saw a wolf in the jungle today, Holden wondered if it might have been one of a few possible escapees from Wulfric Palms. Then, Jessica, the mom of the little boy who thought he saw the wolf, came to the school and told his teacher that just yesterday, he also thought he saw an elephant in the jungle. A blue elephant with neon green polka dots, to be exact. Meaning, this particular little boy might be prone to making up tales.”

“But what if he’s not? Or what if he
is
, but this time, the time he thought he saw a wolf, he actually did?”

“Well, that’s exactly what Holden thought, so he made a rare call to Eric, the alpha of the Clearwater wolves. Eric assured Holden that none of his men were anywhere near our village today, and he also assured Holden that he and his men tracked down and killed all remaining stragglers after taking out Dominic and his men. Eric said he’s ‘ninety-nine-point-nine percent positive’ they got them all, every last one.

Holden chalked today’s panic up to a little boy with an overactive imagination, but at the same time, he wants to be a little cautious, hence the patrols today, even though the likelihood of there being a threat anywhere near is probably pretty slim. Slim-to-none, I’d actually say.”

We arrived at the stretch of ocean where we liked to swim best, because this spot more than any other, was usually teeming with brilliantly colored tropical fish. After kicking off our sandals and peeling off our shorts and tops, we waded into the glittering turquoise water, and I was instantly glad Cora had dragged me out of the house. Once I was out in the waves, I floated on my back, gazing up at a baby blue sky, feeling all my cares and worries beginning to slip away.

A minute or so later, I nearly jumped out of my skin when Cora, who was floating on her back nearby, suddenly righted herself to vertical with a loud splash.

“Oh! Haley! I can’t believe I forgot to tell you this! Well, maybe it’s not that huge a deal, but maybe of interest, anyway.”

Curious, I righted myself to vertical, too, and began treading water. “Well, what is it?”

“Well, it’s just something interesting that Conner told me. He said that while Holden was talking to Eric, he just happened to mention Hannah and Ashley, just saying that they were safe and sound, just in case Eric, as alpha of Clearwater, was wondering how they’ve been doing since they left.”

“And what did he say? Was he relieved to hear they’re all right?”

“Well, this is the funny part. He was relieved to hear, I guess, but he was surprised to hear that they are here in Sun Cove. See, they’ve more or less been missing for a couple of months. They never got along with anyone in Clearwater, and by
they
, I really mean Hannah, with her lovely personality. After a while, she apparently got sick of most everyone in the village disliking her, so she left, taking her little air-headed lapdog Ashley with her.

They said they were just going to live ‘off the grid’ in the jungle areas around Clearwater. Eric didn’t think this was a great idea with the Forms around, but Hannah apparently didn’t care. Being that she’s an adult, Eric couldn’t stop her from doing what she wanted to do. So, anyway, isn’t that strange that she and Ashley have just been wandering around in the jungle for months? I mean... what did they
do
all that time? And I wonder what made them suddenly come here to Sun Cove?”

Treading water a bit faster due to a flash of anger, I made a soft noise of disgust. “I’ll tell you exactly what made them suddenly come here to Sun Cove. Out there in the jungle, Hannah probably had a lot of time to think, and she probably realized how dumb she’d been to let Holden get away from her.
That’s
when she decided to come back here and try to sink her rude little hooks into him.” Trying not to let myself get too worked up, I floated back onto my back again. “Well, sorry, Hannah. He’s taken now. Or, at least... Well, kind of, anyway. He’s in the process of being taken
back
.”

Now on her back again as well, Cora floated beside me. “So, have you thought any more about Amy’s advice? To make a decision to trust Holden around Hannah and just leave it alone?”

I exhaled slowly, watching a pair of seagulls circling overhead, their bright white bodies almost seeming to glow in the sun. “No. I mean, yes, I’ve given it more thought, but I just don’t know if I’m up to the task of fully and completely making a choice to trust Holden around Hannah. He
says
he wants nothing to do with her physically, but... Well, you’ve seen her. She is drop-dead gorgeous. Holden is a shifter with a very high... ‘romantic drive,’ I’ll say. He’s also been known to give in to temptation, as evidenced by what happened this morning.”

“But that was with
you
. Someone he cares about on an emotional level as well as a physical level. So, even if Hannah ripped all her clothes off in front of him, you don’t think he’d be able to resist?”

I shrugged, even though the movement probably wasn’t visible to Cora, since my shoulders were partially under the water. “I’d like to think he’d resist... And for the most part I believe he would. But I’m just not
certain
. You know? That’s part of what makes me feel hesitant to just make a choice to trust him and then actually do it, like Amy says. I just feel like I need to stay on top of this situation or something... Like I still need to continually watch Hannah and Holden when they’re together.”

“Well, I think you’re about to get your next chance to do that. Don’t freak out, Haley, please... But look who’s home early from the patrol. Look who’s riding on his back. Up on the beach. Straight ahead.”

I’d already lifted my head out of the water, scanning the beach, before Cora had even finished speaking. Now, with my blood suddenly feeling like hot lava flowing through my veins, I saw the scene she’d described. Holden was in bear form, running across the sand at a fast pace, and Hannah was straddling his back, clutching hanks of his thick black fur with both hands. She was looking straight ahead, chin up, and even from a distance, I could tell that her full, pouty lips were curving in a smile. It appeared to be a smile of satisfaction.

Without lifting my gaze from the two of them, I spoke to Cora through gritted teeth. “They’re both dead. Absolutely dead. Hannah’s getting slapped across the face at least a hundred times. And Holden... Well, for lying to me, he’s going to get it even worse. He’s about to become the first shifter ever killed by a human woman’s bare hands.”