The Kryptonite Kid: A Novel (23 page)

JERRY

DEAR ROBERT,

Well I did it. I stole that green towel from my mom and I got a Magic Marker and I put KK on it just like I said I was gonna do. And I hid it in the attic right next to where I hide all my old comicbooks. It’s too bad you can’t get in to see it because it came out REAL nice. That’s why I thought I might sneak out on the roof and hold it out so you could stand down on the sidewalk and see it. Except somebody else might see it like Veronica nextdoor who would tell my mom FOR SURE. So maybe you better wait till Sunday. So goodby.

Your Friend,

JERRY

PS: Here’s your homework back. I’m sorry I spilt some ink allover it. Jimmy Sinceri made me do it when he kicked my elbow when you was at the blackboard. I tried to wipe it off 
but it didn’t work too good but you can still read quite a bit of it anyway. And you can’t read mine too good either.

DEAR SUPERMAN,

The reason Sister Scholastica hates me so much is because Sister Mary Justin hates me so much. Which is also the reason why Sister Agnes Therese the Principle hates me so much. Because if one nunn hates you then they ALL do. And if the nunns don’t like you then neither does anybody else. Not even the Protestents or Buster or ANYBODY. That’s why he told me I ain’t allowed to talk to him EVER again when he sees me on the street sometimes. Because he don’t want everybody to think it runs in the family. But I don’t care because I hate Buster anyway and the ONLY one I really want to talk to is Robert. Except I can’t because my mom won’t let me. And neither will Sister Mary Justin. And the only time she ever talks to me anymore is when she wants to say something bad like IT’S TIME TO GO TO THE KINDER GARDEN, JEROME. And today in Religion class she was making all the kids laugh at me like she does all the time now. And she was saying how I was a Pagen just like the Pagens who got drowned in the Red Sea when they was chasing Moses and the Israelites. Because a Pagen is a person who don’t believe in the right God and so the right God (who is God the Father) gets mad and drowns them in the Red Sea.

That’s what she said.

So maybe God would make ME get drowned in the Clarion River because the Red Sea’s pretty far away from here. But since I know about it now I’ll make sure I don’t go near the Clarion River for a while. Not until I get Super.

Because then it won’t matter if I’m a Pagen or not because if you’re Super then you can NEVER get drowned. Not unless there’s a piece of Kryptonite at the bottom. Which there won’t be because I’ll check with my X-ray Vision first. Because God can’t kill ME, Superman. Because if you want to be Super then you can’t let ANYBODY stop you— not even Sister Mary Justin or your mom or the Holy Ghost or Robert.

Which reminds me.

I had another dream, Superman. I didn’t wake up right away and I wasn’t alone because Robert was in it. At least I think it was Robert . . .

You see, I walked into this bar that looked a lot like the Italian Club. Except it wasn't, because it was a lot bigger and a lot more crowded. And I saw this man who looked like Robert, except he looked a lot older than Robert. I tried not to stare at him and pretty soon everybody noticed how I was trying not to stare at him. Even he noticed.

So I went into the men's room and I peed and I looked into the mirror for a long time and I washed my hands and I dried them and when I went back he was still there. Sipping a beer.

So I ordered a Bud and I stood in a corner and I watched him drinking his drink and I wondered when I was gonna wake up. I mean, what's a kid like me doing in a place like this? Look at all these people. Look at all these men. They're ALL looking for Robert. Their own Robert. What am I doing here? I should be home writing a letter or something.

But 1 can't leave now.

I can't take my eyes off that guy that looks like Robert. Do you see him over there? He's the one with the red shirt and the perfect blue eyes. I'd know them anywhere. See how they won't look back? See how they look through me? It's as if he's never seen me before. He doesn't know that it's me. Jerry. The kid who became The Kid. Hey, 
Robert, LOOK! Please, Robert! (He’s ignoring me. He can’t hear the look on my face.) Hey, Robert! Look at me! Before I wake up! HURRY!

... It was AWFUL, Superman. One of the WORST dreams I ever had. That’s why I was afraid to go back to sleep. So I took out a sheet of paper and I started writing this letter. And pretty soon I’m gonna write a letter to the editor of your comicbooks. And then maybe I’ll write another letter to Robert Sipanno. And then it’ll be time to wake up and go to school and kneel in front of Sister Scholastica’s classroom again. So goodby for now. And goodnight.

Your friend,

JERRY CHARIOT

Dear Mr. Editor,

I been reading your comicbooks ever since I learned how to read. And before that I used to look at the pictures quite a bit. So I know a awful lot about Superman and Jimmy Olsen and Everybody Else. Even Lois Lane and Mr. Mxyzptlk! who lives in The Fifth Dimension. And I even wrote a letter to METROPOLIS MAILBAG which I’m still waiting to hear about. So I thought it would be a good idea if you hired me to write stories about Superman when I get to Metropolis. I mean print because I don’t write very good yet. But even Sister Mary Justin in school said I’m a REAL good printer and so if you hired me then I could go out and talk to Superman and ask him what he’s been doing lately. And then I’ll come back to the office and write (I mean print) about it. And somebody else can draw the pictures 
because I don’t draw too good. And then you could put it in your comicbooks because you always print anyway. And you print REAL NICE just like I do. Except I print a little bigger. So the pictures are gonna have to be smaller. So I hope that’s OK. Goodnight.

Sincerly Yours Truly,

MR. JERRY CHARIOT

PS: I almost forgot to tell you that my friend Robert Sipanno is gonna be coming to Metropolis with me and you might want to meet him because he prints pretty good also. And so maybe he could print about SUPERMAN’S PAL JIMMY OLSEN if you want.

Dear Robert,

On Sunday morning I’ll say I forgot something when we’re getting in the car to go watch everybody else get their First Holy Communion. Because my mom said I have to go anyway because that’s part of my punishment. And so I’ll run upstairs and I’ll go right in the attic and I’ll get my cape and put it on and climb out on the roof. And my dad’ll be in the car saying WHERE IN THE HELL IS THAT BOY? And he’ll probly be thinking about hitting me. And so I'll go right to the edge where EVERYBODY can see me and I’ll look down and yell HERE I AM! Except Buster will be in the back seat so I’ll have to wait until he climbs out.

And looks up.

And sees me standing on the roof with my arms out in front of me and my cape flapping behind me.

And maybe Veronica nextdoor will be coming out of her house and so she’ll get to see me also. And then if you 
and your family was coming down the street at the same time then you’d get to see it too, Robert. EVERYBODY could see me jump, leap, soar through the air like on TV. And I’ll fly right down towards my mom and she’ll say LOOK!

And my dad’ll say UP IN THE SKY!

And Buster’ll say IT’S A BIRD!

And Veronica will yell IT’S A PLANE!

And then it would be your turn, Robert. And so you could say NO, IT’S THE KRYPTONITE KID!

Isn’t that good?

Your BESTfriend, 

JERRY

I had another dream last night. It was the worst one yet. I dreamed I wasn’t big anymore. I dreamed I was little and I was still a kid and I was standing on the roof and I was alone. Nobody was there except me and my cape and I didn’t know who I was. And I didn’t know when I was. And I was crying because I couldn’t find Robert. "ROBERT!” I cried. "ROBERT, WHERE ARE YOU?” Nobody answered. Not at first. Then I heard a voice, a small voice coming from below. I looked down.