The Lightning-Struck Heart (61 page)

And during Tiggy’s Tirade of Destruction (capitalized, to make it important as it sounds), I felt my magic settle within me, more than I’d felt in days. I didn’t understand how I’d suddenly overcome the blockage, but I wasn’t going to argue. I felt almost like myself again, like I could do what I was supposed to do. Like I could be the wizard I knew I could be.

I looked up at Randall and said, “Again.”

He must have heard something in my voice that hadn’t been there before. He said, “Interesting how that works.”

Morgan was looking toward the castle. “Maybe we should postpone this.”

“A test is a test is a test,” Randall said. “We just need to change the variables.”

I didn’t understand what they were talking about, but it didn’t matter. I said, “
Again
.”

Randall moved quicker than he had before, quicker than a man of his age should have any right to. I was struck, for a moment, by what he must have been like at my age, or even Morgan’s. There were stories, of course. One cannot live as long as Randall and not have been made into legend. Morgan had assured me many times that all of what I heard couldn’t be trusted (the time Randall rode the Great White Dragon into battle against an army of Darks or how he’d once saved an entire mermaid kingdom by marrying their princess and therefore allowing the mermaid to assume her rightful place as queen).

But it was the stories that didn’t get spoken aloud as often that I listened to the most. The stories not repeated by word or text with great relish.

How Randall had served a great king who had fallen into madness, brought back to sanity by the sheer force of Randall’s will alone.

Of a darkness that rose beyond Verania’s borders, a man bent on destroying all he could lay his hands on before Randall ended his life almost at the cost of his own.

And, if you dug further, you would find bare mention of Myrin. Myrin, who was never identified as man or woman, or even human at all. Myrin, who became Randall’s cornerstone, who stood by his side, oft hidden in shadow. Myrin, who was Randall’s great love. That last bit might have been a romantic talking, a wish to make the story more palatable. But regardless, I knew Randall’s strength. I knew what a cornerstone meant. Regardless of who Myrin was, or what the relationship was with Randall, Myrin must have been an incredible individual to help Randall construct the level of magic he had.

Like now.

He moved with such grace, almost as if he were dancing. The movements of his hands, the muttering of the dark syllables underneath his breath as he called upon the lightning.

But this time was different.

Before, I could feel him holding back. I could feel the hesitation behind it, the need to make sure I wasn’t seriously hurt. Beyond that, there was doubt. Doubt that I could even do it in the first place. Doubt that I had what it took. Doubt because regardless of what Randall thought of me, at that moment, he hadn’t believed in me.

Now he did. Or, rather, he acted like he wanted to believe.

Or he just wanted to fry my ass for turning his nose into a dick.

That could be it too.

Because the sky above darkened, and there was a crash of thunder. For a moment, I thought his eyes glowed briefly blue. I considered it a very real possibility that I was about to die. There was a shout of warning from behind me, but before I could figure out who it could be from, Randall’s lightning was called, arcing toward me, leaving burned trails in the grass. I thought
now now nownownow
, and it was like I was back on the dirt road near the Dark Woods. The Dark wizards standing in front of me, fire geckos bursting out from amongst the trees, the sounds of my friends escaping from behind me. My only thought was of their (
Ryan’s
) safety, that they (
Ryan
) would have time to escape. That they (
Ryan
) would be clear and free and nothing could hurt them ever again.

The electricity struck my palm.

It curled up my arm and poured into my chest.

I had a lightning-struck heart and my
gods
did it beat.

And here it was again, this moment, this indefinable moment when I could so easily take this magic and make it my own. Take from Randall and keep it for myself. I could turn it on him, knock him around, fry him until his eyes melted in his sockets and his beard began to burn and curl into little heated black wisps of ash and smoke, and he would
know
who was the stronger of us, he would
know
who held the most power, and I would fucking
take it from him and
—

It wasn’t who I was.

It wasn’t what I wanted.

My magic wouldn’t allow that. Not now. Not when it was settled.

(Because it said
ryanryanryanryanryan
and I thought nothing of it.)

And in the blink of an eye, I raised my other hand toward the sky and my heart expelled Randall’s lightning and it
roared
above me, his magic mixed with my own, like we were in the middle of an electric storm unlike anything we’d ever seen. The sky flashed, and I thought maybe my eyes were glowing because it was
here
and it was
everywhere
and it was—

It was over.

The sun was shining.

The wind was warm.

I took a breath. Held it. Lowered my hand. Let it out slowly.

Found my center. How easy it seemed.

Opened my eyes.

The two wizards stood stock-still, Morgan’s jaw dropped and Randall’s gaze calculating.

“Well,” I said with a cocky grin. “That was enlightening. Get it.
Get it
. En-lightning. It’s funny. It’s funny! Come on. Bah.”

Gary groaned. “You don’t
deserve
to have your clothes billow if that’s what you come up with.”

“Why?” I asked. “Would you say it was…
shocking
?”

“The fact that you can do what you just did is diluted when you open your mouth.”

“Puns,” Tiggy said solemnly. “Poor Sam and his puns.”

I laughed because I felt
light
. I had done this on my own. I had done this without—

“What in the
hell
do you think you’re doing?” an angry voice demanded from behind me.

I whirled around.

Behind me stood almost an entire contingent of knights. Dozens of them.

The Eighth Battalion, from the crest on their armor and shields. Even Pete stood with them.

They all watched me with wide eyes.

They weren’t afraid, but it was close.

There isn’t much distance between curiosity and fear.

Except for Pete. Pete just looked fondly exasperated, like he usually did.

But Ryan, though.

He stood in front of his knights. He still looked tired, and I wondered what was stopping him from sleep. I wondered what dreams he was having. I wondered why I should even care.

He also looked scared and angry and filled with such resentment, like he’d seen something that was an affront to him, that he’d been personally attacked.

Except it wasn’t directed toward me.

No. Ryan Foxheart was glaring directly at Randall.

“Knight Commander,” Randall said. “How lovely to see you.”

“Did you just
attack
him?” Ryan asked, voice low. His hand was on the hilt of his sword still in the scabbard at his side. He took a step toward me, moving slightly to the left, keeping Randall in his sights. His knights behind him looked tense.

What a fucking moron.

Which is what I called myself when I felt my heart flutter slightly in my chest.

Because
what
.

“Of course not,” Randall said. “Sam will tell you the same thing when he’s done being speechless. Which, I’ll admit, is a good look on him. What you witnessed was a test. And I think he passed admirably. Don’t you, Morgan?”

“You meddle too much.” Morgan sighed.

Randall cackled loudly. “I regret nothing.”

I finally found my voice. “What are you doing here?” I said to Ryan. It hit me then that this was the first time I’d actually addressed him face-to-face in weeks, and I couldn’t even begin to grasp if it calmed me or pissed me off more.

Maybe both.

“I’m training my knights,” he said, still scowling at Randall.

“Figured you’d be busy,” I said, and
that
caused him to look at me.

“I have priorities,” he said. “Responsibilities.”

I grinned at him because I felt like being a bit of an asshole. “Oh. I’m aware of that. Don’t worry about explaining yourself to me.”

He frowned. “Why are you letting him hurt you?”

“Does it look like I’m hurt?”

“Your clothes are burned,” he said flatly.

I looked down and he was right. There were scorch marks on my chest, and the cloth burned away, revealing reddened skin underneath. “Huh,” I said. “Look at that.”

“Are you trying to get yourself killed?” he asked.

I rolled my eyes. “Calm down. We’re training. Just like you. You don’t see me freaking out when someone comes at you with a sword.”

“You’d freak,” he said.

“Nope.”

“You’d freak,” he insisted.

“Hardly. You’re dashing and immaculate, after all.”

“That should not be a thing anymore,” he said as the knights behind him began to snicker. “I get enough grief for it already.”

“From your boys?” I asked. “Good. They should constantly give you shit. Wouldn’t want that head of yours to swell.” And, of course, since I hadn’t meant to make that dirty, it came out way dirty.

Ryan flushed slightly and said, “No. We certainly wouldn’t want that.”

“Oh my gods,” Randall muttered. “Are they always like this?”

“Constantly,” Gary said. “You don’t even know. It gets so much worse. They’ve always been like this.”

“How is it that no one told them before now?” Kevin asked. “I would have said something just to make them stop.”

“We’re standing right here,” I growled as Ryan flushed even further, causing me to
feel
things I didn’t want to feel toward him. Charitable things.
Sexual
things. I was supposed to be pissed off at him and hate him forever (okay, maybe not
forever
, but for at least four years until I woke up one morning between two attractive men who’d I’d had a threesome with the night before and realized that I had moved on in a spectacular fashion).

“We can see that,” Randall said. “Trust me, we can
all
see that. It makes you wonder where you went wrong.” He glanced over at Morgan.

“Don’t look at me,” Morgan said, raising his hands defensively. “It’s hard to train the obliviousness out of someone when apparently all they do is wallow in it.”

“I despise all of you,” I said.

“Hi, Sam!”

“Except for you, Tiggy. You’re still my favorite.”

Tiggy looked very smug at this.

“Maybe we should handle this,” Kevin told Gary.

“Please don’t,” I groaned.

Gary glared at Ryan. “Maybe we should.”

“Um,” Ryan said.

Kevin reared himself up to his full height. For someone who thought he was my pseudofather and yet still threatened to suck me off on a regular basis, he was an imposing figure. The knights took a step back as one as he bared his teeth.

“You hurt my boy,” Kevin rumbled. “Tell me why I shouldn’t eat you right now.”

“Not my real dad,” I reminded him.

“Make sure you don’t hurt your teeth on his armor,” Gary said. “It’ll be sort of like eating shellfish, I suppose. Crack the hard exterior to get to the meat.”

“So bloodthirsty,” I whispered in wonder.

“You wouldn’t eat me,” Ryan said.

“Wouldn’t I?” Kevin asked. “Do you really want to test that?”

Ryan looked back at the knights behind him, like he thought they’d back him up.

Pete shot that shit straight down. “I don’t expect you’ll find much help back here, boy,” he said. “Oh, excuse me.
Knight Commander
.”

Ryan looked utterly betrayed as the knights smirked at him. I knew I liked them for a reason.

“I raised him to be a strong man,” Kevin said, eyes narrowing. “To not take shit from anyone.”

“You didn’t raise me at all,” I said, though no one was really listening to me anymore.

“And then
you
came along,” Gary said. “And gave him a heart boner.”

“That’s embarrassing to hear someone say out loud,” I said. “Though probably factually accurate.”

“You don’t touch his flower,” Tiggy growled, taking a menacing step toward Ryan. “Tiggy smash your delicious face and make it hamburger face.”

“Ye gods,” I said. “This is turning brutal.”

“You’re a cornerstone,” Morgan said. “Something revered and treasured. Except apparently you don’t know how to act like one.”

And that was all I could take. He wasn’t theirs to berate. He was mine. They were my family but this was Ryan. “Stop,” I said as Ryan took a step back.

Randall looked between the two of us. “All morning,” he said. “I’ve been electrocuting him. Giving him just a mere taste of what he is capable of. And then the moment you turn the corner and come onto the sparring fields, I could see the difference. I gave him everything I could. He shouldn’t have survived that.”

“Um,” I said. “Excuse me? I shouldn’t have
what
now?”

“That might have been a little much,” Morgan said. “You know. In case it hadn’t worked.”

“So little faith,” Randall said. “I believed in him. Mostly.”

No one seemed concerned that I was plotting their deaths out loud.

“Sam,” Ryan said quietly at my side. “Are you all right?”

I opened my mouth to respond (and say what, I didn’t know), but Randall beat me to it. “Away with you,” he said. “We can handle it from here. See to your training with your knights and leave us be.”

“But—”

“You have your priorities,” Morgan said, not unkindly. “Your responsibilities.”

“Your oath,” I said without meaning to, and Ryan looked away.

“I know what I am,” Ryan said. “I’m a cornerstone.”