As I was saying Mr. Hersland had a strong feeling about educating his children. Mostly always it was strongly in him the feeling of the need of educating them, always it was changing in him, the feelings he had in him about what kind of education was the right kind of education for them but always that is mostly always there was one thing constant in him the wanting them to be individual and independent. Sometimes when they were too much of one kind of living he had a new theory of independence for them that took the form of restrictions on the liberty they were enjoying and sometimes he wanted that they should be as they would have been if they had had the living that would have been natural for them and this came to him a few times in the living of his daughter Martha and he tried to make her over but mostly he wanted them to have an education making them to be strong and independent. About their living the life, of the poor people near them, he never really thought about this in them. Mostly as I was saying when he was in the country it was to him as if he were of their living, he had then no sense of social distinction, they were poor men and he was a rich one, he never wanted then his children to have any position. His feeling about his daughter Martha then in the beginning was that she was of them, later that she could learn from them what they all knew in living, later when she sometimes met people it would have been natural she should be knowing he was impatient at the way she was looking and he was full up then with impatient feeling. Mostly she was never important to him, very much later in her living she filled him very full of impatient feeling. As I was saying they were both of them of the independent dependent kind of them. There was a great difference in the way they had in them each one of them independent dependent being.
Mr. Hersland to his children when they were old enough to realise him was very full of impatient feeling. They were then afraid of him though they knew it of him that he never would go as far as his anger could drive him. They knew this of him more and more until almost they were not afraid of him.
Mr. Hersland had in him independent dependent being, his daughter Martha had in her independent dependent being. This being was very different in Mr. Hersland than in Martha Hersland as I was saying. This is now some description of the differences between them. This is now some description of the feeling in Mr. Hersland in different parts of her living about his daughter Martha and what he thought and said about her. To begin then now with a little description of the different way their being was in the two of them.
When Martha was a little one she was a whole one, always she was a whole one. When Martha was a young one she was a whole one. She was not very interesting to her father or to any one who knew her, then in her young living. She was not very interesting ever to her father or ever very interesting really to any one who ever knew her.
Sometimes she was a little interesting to some one. She was never very interesting to her father or to any one knowing her in her young living. She was never really interesting to her father in her living. Later in his living she was always with him. In her young living as I was saying she was really not very interesting to any one. Always as I was saying she was the same whole one. When she was first a young woman she was a little interesting to some. She was never really very interesting to any one. Always, as I was saying, all her living, she was the same whole one.
She was as I was saying of the independent dependent kind of them. More and more it is interesting, more and more I am understanding the being in men and in women. More and more I am realising that each kind of men and women each kind of the two kinds of them have completely in them in whatever kind or condition of being any one will find them, with more or less intelligence, with more or less strength, with more or less weakness in them, with more or less originality or energy or interest or success or failure in them, each kind of them, all the men and women of each of the two kinds of them of each kind of the two kinds of them have the same way of eating, drinking, loving, hating, succeeding, failing, fighting, escaping, have the same kind of being in them as all the others of the same kind of them and that makes grouping of men and women always to me more interesting. Sometime in my explaining it will be interesting to every one, it will be interesting in explaining men and women for every one interested in understanding men and women.
Mr. Hersland as I was saying had in him independent dependent being. As I was saying more and more in his living he was full up with impatient being. As I was saying he had it in him to always be strong in beginning, to be very strong in attacking and then he would go another way to another beginning never knowing that he had not finished to really winning, never knowing this in him, not really even when in his later living his children when they were angry at the impatient being then in him and not then being any longer afraid of him knowing then that he never would be carried through to the end of the anger in him told it to him. He never really knew it in him but this was the being in him as I was saying. He never knew the being in his daughter Martha until she in his old age living managed for him, until she came back out of her troubles to them and then he was beginning already to be shrunk from the outside of him and she was then not interesting to him. She never really was interesting to him. He never knew it in her that she had independent dependent being in her, because for him she was not thorough in anything, she was always beginning and never really beginning anything. This was in her for him when she was a little one and then when she was beginning her education it was annoying to him for always he was really beginning and always she was almost beginning and then when he was changing she was then really beginning and then it was to him in her stupid being, that she was nervous then and not finishing anything, not thorough in anything. His feeling was very different with his two sons who each in their way were annoying to him but Martha was annoying to him being as she was of the same kind of being as the being that was in him.
Martha as I was saying always was a whole one, as I was saying when she was a young one she was of the living of the people living in small houses near the Hersland family then. She was completely of their living then, the governess the Hersland family had living with them was sometimes troublesome to Martha in her living but only one of them the last one Madeleine Wyman was ever really troublesome and that was when she was trying as I was saying to carry out in the children and mostly on Martha who was a girl and older the ideas of education Mr. Hersland had then in him. It was then that Mr. Hersland came to a realisation that Martha was not really thorough in anything. Martha was hard-working and did well enough in her schooling but when he wanted her to have disciplining, to make strong beginnings in french and German and music and swimming and exercising and dancing, as I was saying she was always a little mixed up in beginning and then had a nervous confusion from the changing and Madeleine Wyman was thorough and annoying to her and then Martha was completely of them the poorer people near them. As I was saying Martha was interesting enough then to every one but not really very interesting to any one knowing her then. As I was saying she was more completely of them the poorer people near them when the governess Madeleine Wyman was living with the Hersland family in the house with them and for some years longer than she was of any other living, was more of them in her feeling, in her living, in her understanding of all living but always then all of them the poorer people living in small houses near them were having things happen to them, the young boys the young girls whom she knew then which was not of her future living to have happen to her then and always neither she nor they knew this in them but always it was there between them and Martha was then there in living neither bird or beast or good red herring and she did not know it nor did any one else know it of her then.
So then Martha's young living was very confusing to her then but she did not know it in her then. She had in her as I was saying independent dependent being, she had attacking as her natural way of fighting but as I was saying she was only a little more concentrated in her being than that other one I was describing and so when she was in motion except in jerks there was not really very much action, there was very much nervous being and confusion and this was in her stupid being and always all her living she was the same one the same whole one I have been just describing.
This then was the young living in her. It was well enough but rather confused inside her. Confusion always was strong in her. All of her when it was in motion just was sort of knocking together, and that was mostly all the active being in her and that was to many who knew her obstinacy and resisting in her and to her father it was that she was never thorough. Sometimes there was stronger reaction for a moment in her, anger, or a deep commotion for something that was a disgrace to some one or to her and then she was a little more than the whole one that she mostly just was and was mostly to every one.
This was then the being in her. Always then she was not very interesting to any one knowing her. Her mother had never a very lively realisation of her. Her mother more and more was external to her when she Martha was to her mother no longer inside her. Not that Mrs. Hersland ever knew this in her, always she had a feeling of having had and having her as a child as part of her and always she had her dresses and her hats and all as important to her but as I was saying Martha was then when she was growing completely as completely as there was really living being in her of them the poor people living in the small houses near the Hersland family then. As I was saying later there was a difference, that they were having living that could not be in one going to be having a different future from that that any of them would have as natural to them. Earlier when she was a young one, yes there was a little difference between them for she had a father and a mother to them and these other children could be conscious of the father and the mother of her and she had a governess living in the house with her and servants and all that that made her in ways of living, but mostly to them then the poorer people living in the small houses those that knew her then they did not feel the difference to be a difference that in any way cut her off from the living natural to them only they could sometimes be conscious of the mother or the father or the governess or the servants when they were with her, when they were not with her, not from anything in her but from their being really existing the father and the mother and the governess and the servants of the Hersland family. So then in her younger living she was not cut off from them by her future for the children she was then knowing were young then and not having any such feeling. Almost not at all then was she in any way cut off from them. Sometimes they as I was saying, from hearing other people or their parents talking, from seeing them or from something that Martha said in talking could be conscious of Martha's mother or father or governess or servants living in the house with her and so they might be just by a shade cut off from her but mostly then she was completely of them the children and the poor people living near them. As I was saying she was really then, Martha, not very interesting to any one knowing her then. She was completely of them then the people living in small houses near the Hersland family then. She had no feeling in her of a different kind of living in her. All the active living there was in her was of the living of the poorer people near her.
As I was saying when she was quite a young one there was not any feeling in any of them, not in the parents of these children then any feeling that she was in her feeling cut off from them by not being able to have some things happen to her that could not happen to any one having the kind of future that was the natural kind of future living for her. As I was saying a little such a feeling came when she was somewhat older, when she was older with them, but in her younger living there was not in herself not in any one of them, a little perhaps in her mother and the governesses and servants then living in the house with her, not any in her father then not anything of such a feeling. And so she was completely of them then to them to all of them the children and the other people living in the small houses near the Hersland family ten acre living place then, she was completely then of their living then always even when the children or the others were conscious of the existing of Mr. or Mrs. Hersland or the governess or the servants living with them.
At this time Martha was completely of the living of these people near her, of the children and the parents of them, then in her younger living. Later as I was saying there was the developing of feeling the natural future for her in her in them and in her father and a very little in her and always a little more and more in all of them. And then it came that she went away to another kind of living. This is now a little history of how they felt her when she was young, when she was a little older, every one who then came to know her. There will be then a little description of the transition to another kind of living that then came to her.
When she was quite a young one, as I was saying, she was then quite completely of the living of the children and the people living near the Hersland family then when the Hersland family were living in that part of Gossols where no other rich people were living then.
She was completely of their living then. She could have happen to her then what could happen to any of them in their living, in their schooling, in their playing, in their quarrelling, in their liking, in their disliking, in their being interesting one to the other of them.
As I was saying Martha Hersland was not then very interesting to any of them, she was good enough at doing anything, they were friendly enough with her most of them, they did not most of them think vary well of the way she did quarrelling whenever she did any of that with any of them. One little boy wanted her to do loving the little boy who with his sister lived with the father who smoked to help his asthma but this was not very much of a success for Martha then had a nervous feeling and was not very daring and was not very understanding and had a confusion that was a little like wanting, a little like obstinate hesitation, a little like being afraid of everything, a little like a very stupid way of being, and the little boy then forgot about her being existing for really Martha was not then to any one very interesting. Martha was alright then but she was not interesting enough to be successful in quarrelling or in loving then, they all of them forgot her a little when she wanted to be quarrelling or they were quarrelling or they wanted to be loving or she wanted to be loving. Perhaps a very little it was that she was not quite entirely completely, altogether of them, perhaps it was that she was not then really interesting to any one. She was of them then so that she was living their living entirely then with them and they did begin with her then in loving or in quarrelling as they did with each other in their living then but as I was saying she was not interesting then, the being in her as I was saying when it was active was just knocking together in her and that made in her a little confusion and she was not stupid in ordinary living and she was not interesting and that was her younger living.
