When she was a little older she was still always with them the people near the Hersland family then in that part of Gossols where no rich people were living then. She was with them then living their kind of being, hearing them talking and knowing everything happening to them but not any of them then included her with them in quarrelling or loving, not even as making a beginning. The natural future for her was then separating them. She was still very much with them, with the girls she would help the mothers cooking or setting the table, she knew their daily living, she helped them in wiping the dishes when they were washing them, and was with them and always then she was not of them even as she had been to them when she was a younger one and she never knew it then and they never knew it then. She was not any more interesting then. Something happened to her then that made her now for a little time more than the whole one she was all her living to herself and perhaps a little to some who then and later knew her, it was really just a little accentuation of being put in motion and of that I will now give a very little description.
No one knew very much what Martha was feeling about anything when she was in her young living. She was not ever telling very much of her feeling then to any one, and never to any one in the family living. Not any or the Hersland family ever were telling each other very much about what feeling they had in them. Martha was really not telling any one very much in her young living the feeling she had in her about anything and then in a way too it was not in her ready for telling. It had not form in her yet, feeling in her, there was really then no way for her to tell any one anything about her feeling.
Now there will be a little more telling of the kind of a whole one she was, of the kind of nature there was in her. There will then be a little more telling of the moment in her when the movement of the being in her was a little faster, came to be almost violent emotion in her. There will then be a little telling of her living, what she was knowing, what she was feeling in her young living. There will be a little telling of how much she had heard about living and how much she had seen, how little and how much she knew then and what then happened in her when she saw something that really made all her being move together and faster than it had ever had motion before in her. There will be then a little telling of how much she had heard about anything in living, how much she had heard, and how little she knew and what she saw then and what she felt then when she saw something that I will now soon be telling. This is now a little description of how much she had heard and how little she knew and what she saw in her young living. There will then be a description of her seeing a man hitting a woman with an umbrella in another part of town from that in which the Herslands were living and of her consequent deciding to go to college and get that kind of education. To begin then.
Martha as I was saying was of the independent dependent kind in men and women. Martha as I was saying had it in her to be of the kind of them that have attacking as their natural way of winning fighting. Martha as I was saying was of this kind of them. Martha as I was saying was mostly never really attacking. Martha as I was saying when her being was all of it in motion, and mostly when any of it was in motion it was all of it in motion and then it was mostly as pieces knocking together in confusion and in nervous being and not then into really attacking, sometimes it could happen but this was not very often, yes in a sense a very little of it was in her very often, but enough of it to really make an action was not in her very often, sometimes it could happen that there was a strong impulse and then there was a strong movement of her being of all the being that was Martha Hersland and always then it never really even then came to be really attacking, it just went off into very strong knocking together of pieces of the being in her, a livelier confusion inside her than just the ordinary confusion in her and that was all there was of attacking in her in the most active being ever in her.
This was the being in her it was independent dependent being the being that has attacking as the natural way of winning in fighting or in loving but as I was saying the being in her never got into motion to carry on to anything as object in attacking, it just remained inside her as knocking together in her to be a confusion and a nervous being in her. She had in her as I was saying, independent dependent being, that was all the being there was in her. As I was saying attacking being was the natural way of winning fighting in her but attacking never came to be really an action carrying on to anything outside her.
She was as I was saying in her young living not very interesting to any one who then knew her. She did not then, as I was saying tell very much to any one any feeling she had in her, really then nothing came to be in her clear inside her to tell any one if any one was there to listen to her. This was true of her mostly all her young living as I was saying.
She was then as I was saying all her young living completely of them the people living near the Hersland family then, she was then not of the living of her father and her mother. As I was saying later in her young living she was very annoying to her father, she was not ready enough to be beginning and then there was confusion in her when he was changing to a new beginning and this was often like stubborn resistance and often then her father would begin to have in him very much impatient feeling and some anger. And always then Martha a little was beginning to be beginning and a little so then she had in her her own feeling and a good deal then she was afraid to hear him when he was beginning with her though always she felt it a little in her that it was really all impatient being in him and that he never would carry it through against her as anger the annoyed impatient angry feeling he had then toward her. As I was saying all this was mostly a trouble to her when the governess Madeleine Wyman was beginning to take charge of her. This was too annoying to be only confusing in her, what right had Miss Wyman to be forcing her, Martha, and resistance was then in Martha a thing having in her a clearer meaning than any time before in her living. Really Martha was afraid of Madeleine Wyman more in a way than she was of her father, Madeleine Wyman was a compacted power that kept going and always was there and there was not really any way of getting away from her when one was in the house with her. This was then the beginning of more concentrated consciousness of feeling in Martha this experience with Madeleine Wyman. This did not last a long time as I was saying earlier. Madeleine Wyman came soon to be only of the living of Mr. and Mrs. Hersland, not at all of the three Hersland children. Always she was sometimes troublesome to them but more and more as I was saying she was only of the living of Mr. and Mrs. Hersland and not at all of the three Hersland children. Always as I was saying she was troublesome to them then and later in their living and there will be later more history written of the feeling about her in each one of the three of them. Now there is to be a little description of Martha Hersland and what she knew and saw and heard in her younger living.
As I was saying in her younger living she was not really ever very interesting to any one knowing her then. As I was saying all the living there was really in her then was of the living of the children and the sisters and the brothers and the fathers and the mothers of the children that she was knowing then. The Hersland family living was not really important then as living for her being then. As I was saying all the active living really in her, in her younger living, was the living of the people living in small houses, the people who-were as I was saying half poor city people half poor country people in their living and their feeling.
These were then the ones that gave to her living in her younger living all the meaning living had in her then.
As I was saying these children, these people, had in them all of them the feeling of city living and the feeling of country living. Martha Hersland in her younger living was completely of them as I was saying. Martha Hersland had then in her young living the kind of feeling about living that they had in them. There was as I was saying always the difference of her having a different kind of father and mother and way of living from any of them but that was not there in her feeling and was not there in their thinking, it did however make a difference in her understanding of things that happened among them. As I was saying in her very young living and then a little later in her young living she was completely of them the people living in the small houses there then there where there were no rich people living excepting the Hersland family as I was saying. She was completely of them, of their living, of their way of feeling living in her later younger living and yet already as I was saying there could be in her a little less really being of them even than there had been because already then future living was important in the present living of all of them and her future living was a different thing from their future living. As I was saying she had not been so very interesting to any one in her younger living, to any one of them. As I was saying there would be in them a little beginning with her too in quarrelling one little boy as I was saying tried a little in loving, in things they should not be doing and really she was not resisting but it could not come to anything for there was not in her anything really active inside her then, she was really not even so important to them then any of them than when she had been a very little one but really as I have been saying she never really was interesting to any one in her younger living.
As I was saying in her later younger living she was completely with them and yet then she was the most cut off from them for then future living was beginning to count in the being and feeling and doing of all of them and always her future living more and more certainly was a different thing from that of those she was knowing then. She was then not really then very interesting really to any of them then.
She was completely with them then in her daily living then, then in her later younger living. She was always with them then, then in her later younger living, she would be with them whatever they were doing when she was not at home studying in some one of the ways her father then was thinking was important for her to be doing.
She was with them then, in the day-time, in the evening, all the time she was with them, the people living in small houses near them. Some of the girls and some of the boys had already commenced to be working. I was saying that there was one family living in a small house near the Hersland family then of a mother a foreign woman who was father wooden, and a father who was not important to any one, and three daughters who each one sometime came to have real beauty in them. It was the second one of them whom Martha knew very well in the later part of her young living. She had not come yet to have beauty in her this one, she was just beginning to work out to learn dress-making. The older one who was working in the city somewhere had come to have her beauty and there were queer things one heard then about her of her marrying a rich man, a man whose family made much money making chocolate and every one had heard of them from eating the chocolate they were making and the name sounded very Italian and somehow every one knew though no one of them had ever seen him that he was a handsome fierce looking black-moustached man and a very rich one. None of the family of this girl ever said anything, Martha Hersland did not know really where she heard all about the oldest girl for when she thought it over she knew no one had told her. It came to be in her then like something she had dreamed about some one and so it had all of it no real meaning for her. She knew dimly that all of them the three Banks boys one of whom was learning telegraphing, one of whom was learning shoemaking, the other learning nothing and perhaps sometimes stealing something, she knew they knew the three girls and said things to them that Martha was never really hearing but as I was saying Martha was not really interesting then to any one and inside, her feeling was not active to be to herself or to any one a thing possibly having then any expression. The young Rodman boy was to her a little more an active awakening because he said things to make her be understanding. There were two of them, the eldest a big lumbering fellow and this young one who made fun of her whenever he saw her and he just annoyed her and that was not really very active then in her. She was, as I was saying, of them, she was always with them, all of them, she heard them talking, she knew what they were doing, she would listen to the mothers and the fathers of them talking, she had no other notion of living than that she saw and heard and felt and had when she was with them and always her future would be a different one and so she was not then understanding what all of them were living for to her her future living was unknown and so she had no present living, with all of them then it was a different thing, their present living was their future living and so she was not really ever then of them.
As I was saying Martha was not then really interesting to any one. As I was saying feeling was then in her not very clear to herself or to any one. As I was saying she was annoying then to her father by her not making very good beginnings and not being as he put it really thorough in anything. No one of his children ever were to him in their younger living really thorough in anything. The other two were interested in resisting beginning or in beginning, he had not any such a satisfaction, as I was saying, with his daughter and she was then in her later younger living annoying to him. He wanted her to learn housekeeping then and to him it was a good thing for her to be with them the poorer people living near them so she could do what all those other girls she knew could do as to cooking and dress-making and of course Martha could not really do them and sometimes then he asked her to do some such thing and then of course she could not do it for him and then he would be full up with impatient feeling that she could not do that thing, that always she was not as he put it ever thorough in anything. And always all this time she was studying in one way or another, with tutors or a teacher from the school near her and sometimes by herself and then there came to be a change in her and for her. Always her mother was not very close to her. The mother was there always for all of her children but this was for Martha only when she was a little sick or for dressing or for an occasional visiting. This was the time when Mrs. Hersland was having in her her most important feeling of herself inside her as I was saying. So Martha was not then really very interesting to any one. Martha always was a whole one as I was saying. Martha was not then really very interesting to any one.
