The New Topping Book (26 page)

R
ITUAL
P
RACTICE

So how do you make an S/M scene into a ritual? A ritual is the performance of a series of symbolic acts that work like keys to change our state of awareness. To do ritual successfully, we begin by creating a sacred space, a place free of interruptions or everyday constraints, a safe space of mutual trust and respect, an optimum space to focus on the journeying. We clear the everyday stuff out of the way so we can feel the subtler energy of spiritual consciousness.

Start with cleansing both of you, individually or together. A bath scented with fresh lemons or a bubble bath will do fine – it’s the attention you focus on the cleansing that achieves it. Imagine washing all the tension off and letting it gurgle down the drain. Let your attention travel over your entire body, feeling how the warm water relaxes each part, allowing vibrant energy to fill you up. Visualize each little source of tension, each little worry, each little attachment dissolving and flowing into the sea.

Pack up all your cares and woes… try writing them on a piece of paper and putting the paper in your freezer for a time. Respect your cares by promising them that you will return to pick them up again when your ritual is over. They may be different by then.

Cleanse the space, the room in which you will play out your ritual. Sweep, dust, remove dissonant objects, bring in fresh sheets and towels, sweeten the air with herbs or incense. Perform these humble acts with all the consciousness you can bring to them.

Create a focus in the space, a setting for your journey, with candles, music, pillows to nestle in, perhaps an altar of objects that carry special significance. In time you may develop your own symbol system – images and stories, deities, crystals, bones, whatever resonates for you – your personal symbol structure is your web of connection with the flow of nature and the divine, keys that open the doors to heightened states of consciousness.

In ritual space, choose carefully who and what you allow close to you – when your mask is off, you are both more open and more vulnerable. As we cleanse and protect our sacred space, we build a safe hearth to contain some very wild fires.

P
LANNING AND
N
EGOTIATING.
Rituals get negotiated just like any other scene, by talking about what is important to each of you, preparing to validate and respect everyone’s needs and limits. An S/M ritual may or may not incorporate genital sex. It may or may not incorporate pain. It may or may not include opening the skin. And then again it may. You can ritualize anything by doing it with intention, and you give a special significance to instruments that you employ in ritual. So clean all your toys too.

The physical focus of a ritual might be a flogging, or other intense stimulus to raise endorphins. Bondage can be ritual in and of itself, a meditation on rope and constraint, muscles and limbs, balance. You can open the skin with piercings or cutting, for the sensation of it, to imprint a mark of symbolic meaning, or to connect through that opening.

Good ritual has a beginning, a middle and an end. It starts by defining where you are, by cleaning and by forming a circle or enclosed psychic space, and by defining your intention – perhaps with a statement to your partner, perhaps with an invocation to whatever deity has relevance to your purpose. In the middle you perform the acts you have agreed upon, and see where they take you. The end is closure, in which you return to normal consciousness, often by going back over the symbolic path that you walked in the beginning, thanking the powers and deities on the way, and returning any energy you may have raised that you can no longer use. Some players offer that energy to the greater good, like world peace or healing the environment: the Buddhists call this a dedication of merit.

Ritual works. Symbolic acts have real consequences in our lives, the power of pulling down energy to manifest in the real world, of bringing spirit into our bodies and onto the planet, of realizing. It is dangerous to treat ritual frivolously, as if symbolic acts won’t change anything. Magic works. Take care, be mindful. Have respect.

We are using the metaphors of power and cosmic energy interchangeably, because our understanding is that personal power is the universal life force, power that we can access whether we envision it as coming from within or from outside us. Janet, when a scene is working well, feels energy from some external source pour into her like white light – others report seeing that light in her too. When this is happening, she feels as if she can do no wrong, that she is totally connected to what she is doing with her bottom. Dossie feels the energy welling up from within herself, or perhaps from underneath her, power from the earth’s hot molten interior, and when that power is with her she also feels totally empowered and in total communication with her bottom.

With that power – personal, planetary, cosmic – comes the understanding that we are all manifestations of the same energy, and that we have the power to change how we manifest ourselves. This is the power of transformation, and of transcendence. To manifest is to realize, to make real and thereby understand. In S/M we take a fantasy, a myth, a vision or a dream and manifest it, live it out in our bodies, sculpt it with the forces of endorphins, eroticism and consciousness, and bring it into the material world.

17

T
HE
L
IGHT
T
HAT
S
HINES IN THE
D
ARKNESS

Who tells me Thou art dark

    Oh my Mother divine?

Thousands of suns and moons

    From Thy body do shine!

                        —
translation of a Hindu chant to Kali

W
e sadomasochists are always playing out heroic myths, and exploring altered awareness. What lies beyond the edge, over the cliff? The journey leads into darkness, into the unknown, where we must walk with care because we cannot see our footing, like exploring in caves deep under the earth. Thus, all BDSM is to some degree ritual – a voyage of self-discovery, a journey through the darkness and toward the light of transcendence.

The darkness may be of our own creating, but we still cannot see what is in there until we are courageous enough to enter it. Then it is our own consciousness that becomes the light that shines in the darkness, that illuminates our inner landscape as if we carried spotlights in our metaphysical (or metaphorical) eyes.

The archangel of the territory of the Earth is Lucifer, often pictured as a frightening goatish demon of evil and darkness. But the name Lucifer actually means light-bearer; he is the fallen angel who goes into unfathomable darkness with an unquenchable light inside him, and who carries the power of the villain and of the emancipator.

It is within the darkness of the earth, in the cool depths where seeds germinate, that the material of waste and decay is transformed into fertilizer for new life. When we evoke our personal demons in an S/M scene, we dig up the darkest and most difficult aspects of life’s journey, and with the magic of erotic energy transform that shit into our rose garden.

S/M is sex magic, and you are the magician. The bottom is the cauldron in which you perform your miracles. Wave your wand, and make magic happen… as you mix your bottom’s power and your own, heat them up with the fire of passion, and with that potent precious power turn lead into gold, misery into exaltation, bondage into liberation and sex into revelation.

So have a great journey, with our blessings – and more power to you.

Catherine A. Liszt

Dossie Easton

January, 2003

R
ESOURCE
G
UIDE

We can’t possibly include all the excellent resources – print, online and groups – that can help you in your journey as a bottom. Please consider this section as a jumping-off point so you can go on making discoveries on your own.

B
OOKS

Note: Some of the best books on BDSM are currently out of print. We encourage you to seek out used copies if possible.

Coming to Power: Writings and Graphics on Lesbian S/M,
by Samois. Alyson Publications, Boston.

The Complete Guide to Safer Sex,
Ted McIlvenna et al. Barricade Books, Fort Lee, NJ.

Consensual Sadomasochism: How to Talk About It and How to Do It Safely,
by William A. Henkin, Ph.D. and Sybil Holiday. Daedalus Publishing, Los Angeles.

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission,
by Gloria G. Brame, William D. Brame, and Jon Jacobs. Random House, NY.

Exhibitionism for the Shy,
by Carol Queen. Down There Press, San Francisco.

Jay Wiseman’s Erotic Bondage Handbook,
by Jay Wiseman. Greenery Press, Emeryville, CA.

Learning the Ropes: A Basic Guide to Safe and Fun S-M Lovemaking
by Race Bannon. Daedalus Publishing, Los Angeles.

Leatherfolk,
edited by Mark Thompson. Alyson Publications, Los Angeles.

Leathersex: A Guide for the Curious Outsider and the Serious Player,
by Joseph Bean. Daedalus Publishing, Los Angeles.

The Lesbian S/M Safety Manual,
edited by Pat Califia. Alyson Publications, Boston.

The Loving Dominant
, John Warren. Greenery Press, Emeryville, CA.

The Master’s Manual
, Jack Rinella. Daedalus Publishing, Los Angeles.

Partners In Power: Living In Kinky Relationships
, Jack Rinella. Greenery Press, Emeryville, CA.

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns,
by Philip Miller &Molly Devon. Mystic Rose Books, Fairfield, CT.

Sensuous Magic: A Guide for Adventurous Lovers,
by Pat Califia. Cleis Press, San Francisco.

SM 101: A Realistic Introduction,
by Jay Wiseman. Greenery Press, Emeryville, CA.

The New Bottoming Book,
by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy. Greenery Press, Emeryville, CA.

Ties That Bind: The SM/Leather/Fetish Erotic Style – Issues, Commentaries and Advice,
by Guy Baldwin. Daedalus Publishing, Los Angeles.

P
ERIODICALS

Prometheus.
Published by The Eulenspiegel Society.
www.tes.org
, or TES, PO Box 2783, Grand Central Station, New York, NY 10163-2783.

O
RGANIZATIONS

Black Rose, Washington, DC.
www.br.org
.

The Eulenspiegel Society, New York.
www.tes.org
, or PO Box 2783, Grand Central Station, New York, NY 10163-2783.

Gay Men’s SM Activists,
www.gmsma.org
.

Lesbian Sex Mafia, New York.
www.lesbiansexmafia.org
.

National Leather Association International.
www.nla-i.org
, or 4038 Cedar Springs Road, #961, Dallas, Texas 75219.

The Society of Janus, San Francisco.
www.soj.org
, or P.O. Box 411523, San Francisco, CA 94141-1523, 415-292-3222

W
EBSITES
&O
N
-L
INE
R
ESOURCES

www.domsubfriends.com
offers links to hundreds of BDSM clubs, organizations, munches and other resources worldwide.

The Usenet newsgroup
soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm
is a freewheeling open discussion of all topics related to BDSM (and quite a few that aren’t).

SCREAM
BY JANET W. HARDY

from lungs that fill your whole body

            Scream

because you can’t keep it in and you won’t let it out

            Scream

the storm that blows ocean through you, wind, smoke

            Scream

so huge I have to suck in air to help

I love your scream

            because you scream tears into my eyes

I love your scream

            because it howls through all your beautiful holes

I love your scream

            because of everybody who has ever screamed

Scream into my mouth

Scream into my cunt

Scream into my clever hands