The Next Door Boys (29 page)

Sandra laughed.

“When we come here, we usually just pay for the room, it makes dinner quieter,” Richard said. Like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“Oh.” I sat next to Noah, grateful for the comfort of him next to me.

“So, what are you working toward in school?” Sandra asked.

“Don't grill the poor girl,” Richard said.

“No, it's fine.” I set my hands in my lap, unsure of what to do with them. “I started out in architecture, but now I'm doing something in theater—costume design or clothing design.” It suddenly felt like a lame thing to get a degree in.

“Leigh is a genius at the sewing machine.” Noah rested his arm on the back of my chair. “She's sure to be a famous clothing designer one day if she wants to be.”

I looked at Noah, completely flattered. I didn't realize he thought about my sewing that way.

“Hmm.” Sandra didn't look impressed.

“I just…” I started to say that I was too tired and still recovering, and architecture just didn't work out, but that didn't feel safe.

His parents both looked at me expectantly.

“It seemed that if something comes naturally to me, I should use it.” I shrugged. It's what both Jaron and Brian suggested.

“But college is such an opportunity for you to stretch yourself.” Sandra looked at me intently across the table.

“Oh, come on, Mom.” Noah half laughed. “I'm doing theater, and it doesn't look like I'll finish.”

Her eyes turned to Noah, full of pride and adoration. “Well, honey, that's because you're about to do something that most kids with a degree can't do.”

“True.” He smiled wide at his mom first and then at me.

I felt sick. I knew right then that no one would be good enough for Noah. I thought about my wonderful but completely normal family. It felt as though I wouldn't be able to come up with any part of my life that was equal to their son.

“Excuse me.” I stood up, and both Noah and his dad jumped to their feet. “I'll be right back.” I smiled at everyone in turn before walking out of the room.

I needed a moment by myself before going back in there.

“Can I help you, miss?” A waitress stopped next to me.

“Restroom?” Did my voice sound okay? Because I felt like I shook, just a little, from the inside.

“That way.” She pointed to the closest corner.

I walked straight into the bathroom. I looked in the mirror, and at any other time I would have felt beautiful. But after meeting Noah's mother, I felt plain. I turned to the left and back to the right. I sucked in my stomach, but not much happened. I was about as skinny as I'd ever be without being sick. I took a few deep breaths in the hopes it would calm my anxiety and walked back out.

I opened the door of our private room, and it was silent, a sure sign they'd been talking about me.

“You were gone, so we just ordered. I hope that's okay.” Noah stood up to hold the chair while I sat.

“Thanks. It's fine.” I folded my hands in my lap, clasping them together. I tried to push the nerves away again, but it wasn't working.

“So, this is your first year of school. You must be eighteen? Almost nineteen?” His dad smiled.

“Almost twenty.” Then I realized Noah might not have said anything about my year off of school. We should have talked more before coming to dinner with his parents.

“And this is your first year of school?” Sandra's eyebrows went up.

“I… I took a year off.” I looked over at Noah to read his expression. Maybe I'd know whether he'd said something. Though I already knew the answer. I couldn't imagine forgetting that my son's girlfriend had cancer.

Noah's dad laughed, “What did you do with yourself for the year? Do some wild trip across Europe or something?”

I glanced at Noah again. He rested his hand on mine.

“I was sick.”

“And that kept you from a whole year of school?” Sandra had the same expression of disbelief and disapproval she'd had when I'd told her my age.

“She had cancer, Mom. But she's all better now.” He smiled warmly at me and rubbed his hand over mine.

“What kind of cancer did you have?” Sandra leaned toward me over the table.

“It doesn't matter.” Noah's dad rested his hand on his wife's shoulder.

“It's fine.” I shook my head. I didn't want them to think I kept things from them. “Ovarian cancer.”

“And do they worry about that coming back?” Her eyebrows came together. It didn't feel like concern for me; it felt more like concern for her son.

“They do. I don't.” Why couldn't I lie? Why couldn't I just tell her no?

Noah's body went rigid. We hadn't talked about it much, or really at all. It was news to him too. I wanted to leave. He squeezed his hand over mine, trying to be reassuring, but he didn't meet my eyes.

“Here we are.” Noah's dad rubbed his hands together as our food was brought in.

I wasn't hungry. At least I didn't think I could eat. No one spoke as we dished our plates.

Sandra suddenly stared at me. “Can you have kids?”

“Sandra.” Richard's voice was soft, but he looked at her almost as intently as she was looked at me.

Dread washed through me as I shook my head.

She sat back in her chair.

Richard glanced between us a few times and finished dishing up his plate. “See, this is nice,” he smiled. “Casual like this.”

“It's great, Dad.” Noah's voice sounded forced.

“And your dad is an attorney, right?” Richard looked at me. “It's what I've done for years.”

“Yeah,” I breathed out, so thankful the topic had gone from me. “He's trying to retire, but he can't say no to people who need help, so he's still sort of working from an office in his house.”

“And you have an older brother.” Richard took a bite off his egg roll. Sandra listened intently.

I thought my night would feel a little like an interview, but it suddenly had the feel of an inquisition. “Two.”

“Two?” Noah's head jerked my direction.

He could have been more subtle. “My oldest brother is in Portland.” I took a small bite of fried rice and scrambled through my brain to find something to talk about or to ask them to take the focus off of me.

“Is he married? What does he do?” Sandra asked.

“I… I don't know. We don't, um… talk with him… much.” All the hardest and worst things from my life came out, and I didn't know whether or not they should. Was I allowed to lie to people Noah wanted me to meet? To be around? I didn't think so.

The rest of the evening passed in a blur. Fortunately, Noah started talking about his screen test for the movie he hoped for a part in, and the attention was, thankfully, taken from me.

We walked to the car in silence. Noah opened the door for me, and I slid in. The evening felt devastating. Aside from one of us simply standing up to leave, I felt like the night couldn't have gone worse. What would it mean for Noah and me?

“Leigh.” He leaned over and kissed me lightly on the cheek. I hadn't heard him get in the car. “What's wrong?” His eyes stayed on me as he leaned back and pulled onto the roadway.

“Do you have to ask?” I pressed my fingers to the corners of my eyes in turn, willing myself to feel better.

“My dad loves you. My mom can be a little overbearing, but you'll get used to her.” He ran his hand up and down my thigh a few times, trying to make me feel better.

“Will I?” Will I have a chance to?

“I thought it went fine. I thought our night went fine.”

“What room were you in?” I felt my chest cave at the thought that he might not understand.

“Okay, it could have gone better.” I could see his jaw tighten and his lips pull together.

At least he'd admit that much. We drove in silence. The lights of Salt Lake slowly disappeared as we headed south. I wondered how much longer Noah and I would last? I wanted him around. I wanted his distraction, his fun way of looking at things, his life and all the exciting things that came with it. I didn't feel like I'd get to keep it.

“I didn't know about your older brother. That caught me by surprise.” His hand still rested on my leg. He gave me a little squeeze.

Tears sprang to the surface again. I blinked and looked at the ceiling of his car to keep them from spilling over. “And it took me by surprise that I had to tell your parents about being sick.”

He pulled off the freeway close to my apartment. “You're right. I should have told them. I guess I should have told them a lot of things. I can see how my mom was… I'm sorry.”

I didn't know what to say to him. I knew I didn't belong with someone like Noah. Someone who was so obviously a step above me. That realization should have started with his looks, his soon to be career, and the private jet. I should have kept my distance.

We came to a stop in my driveway. I jumped out of the car, needing to be alone for a while.

“Leigh.” He followed.

“Noah, there's no way your mom is ever going to like me.” I walked down the stairs and through my apartment door. Noah followed. Jaron and Megan lounged on the couch. They both turned from the TV and watched Noah and I cross the room. Great. I kept my eyes from making contact with either of them. I went straight for my room.

Noah walked in behind me and shut the door. “We could have some privacy if you hadn't leapt out of my car,” he whispered.

I kicked off my shoes and sat on the bed, too weak to do anything else.

“Leigh? What's going on?” He kneeled on the floor in front of me and took my hands in his. “You're scaring me.” His voice sounded soft, comforting.

“I'm sorry. I just feel like…” I thought about it—considered telling him my biggest worry about being with him. “I feel like I'm not good enough for you and that there's nothing I can do to change that.” I'd gotten it out. Would it make a difference?

“Leigh… that's crazy.” He reached a hand up and touched my cheek. “I know there's a special girl in there somewhere…”

Yeah, I just needed to find her before Noah decided I wasn't worth the trouble. No kids, broken up family, cancer, his mother doesn't like me… How long was the list?

“Are we okay?” He kissed my hands. “Please tell me we're okay.”

“We're okay.” But I didn't know if we were okay at all. How much thinking would he have to do before he realized he didn't want me?

“Miss Tressman.” Dr. Watts walked into his office where I waited. “How are we?”

“Pretty good,” I held his gaze. “I'm sleeping and haven't had any issues since before Christmas.” It felt good to be able to say that to him.

“Great. Maybe pretty soon you won't have to drive all the way up here to see me.” He smiled and sat down in the chair in front of his computer. He scanned the screen a few times, checking my vitals that the nurse had taken. He spun around and looked at me.

“I'd like to see you gain some more weight, Leigh.”

“I feel okay.” I didn't want to be working on gaining, I was trying hard to maintain.

“You're way at the bottom of where you should be for your height, and you've really only gained a few pounds since the beginning of the school year.” His smile disappeared, waiting for my response.

I grabbed my stomach. “Well, my jeans don't fit anymore. That has to be worth something.” If I felt okay, I didn't know why he worried about my weight.

“Leigh, you wanted to be up here with some feeling of independence, right?”

I stared at him. We both knew the answer.

“Part of that is being in control of your health and understanding that your body needs certain things to be strong the way you want it to be.” He crossed his legs and sat back in his chair.

“Well, I still feel fine,” I mumbled. My few breaks between school and Noah were used to rest or catch up on homework. When Noah and I went out, I couldn't eat more than he did. What would he think? What would he think if I gained weight and lost my skinny, petite frame? I tried to decide if I cared what Dr. Watts had to say about my weight or not.

“Please, Leigh. Do this with healthy foods, but I'd still like to see another ten pounds on you. It's great that you're feeling so good, but you still need to make your health a priority.”

“Understood.” I looked at him, and he stared at me for a few moments before turning away.