The Problem With Heartache (23 page)

“H
ERE
? A
GAIN
?” I looked into his eyes, and they were warm and full of mirth. The sunset dappled a warm glow through the trees, lighting up his gorgeous face, highlighting those amazing dimples.

“Well, it went pretty well the first time …” Lachlan smiled, and I pressed my lips together. The first time, when we’d swum together, naked. This time, though, I hoped we’d be doing a lot more than swimming.

“So … skinny dipping?” I asked, with way too much hope in my voice.

Lachlan laughed and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to him. He smelt like coffee, that familiar, comforting smell, and I melted into his embrace. This was where I should be. This was where I belonged. “Whatever you want, beautiful.”

I bit my lip, looking around the clearing. The trees cast long shadows behind them, and the birds sung sweet melodies of summer in the trees. The water made soft rushing sounds as it whispered against the rocks, and I knew. This was the time I was going to do it. This was the place where I’d lose my virginity.

I reached my hands behind my head and grabbed the ties of my sundress. I pulled, and suddenly my dress was billowing to my feet, and I was standing before the man I loved, absolutely naked.

There was no more mirth in Lachlan’s eyes. Now there was just desire, pure, raw and wanton lust. “Kate …” He swallowed, and his Adam’s apple bobbed as he took one hesitant step toward me, his feet shuffling through the rotten leaves underfoot.

Instead of feeling naked and vulnerable under his gaze, I felt free, sexy and like I could do anything, be anyone I wanted to be. I kicked off my flip-flops and skipped toward the pool, diving into the turquoise water.

The water was fresh, refreshing me, reminding me of every cell in my body as it caressed me while I swam. I surfaced, the pull of my wet hair slowing my descent, but when I turned to the shore, Lachlan was gone. Doubt gripped me only for a millisecond before he surfaced in front of me, still completely dressed. “I couldn’t not follow … as soon as I could.”

I laughed, tugging at his T-shirt, and he pulled up his arms, letting me lift it over his head. “So eager to be with me naked, huh?” I teased as I balled up his shirt and threw it to the shore.

Something dark and dangerous flashed in Lachlan’s eyes. “Kate, I’ve wanted to be with you naked since the very first time we met.”

My heart stopped—it stuck in my chest—then it pumped back to life, beating like a bullet train at full steam. I licked my lips and wrapped my arms around the neck of the man I loved. His skin was cool, and my hands slid over it as if he were oiled up. His eyes darted down to my chest, and I realised my movement had raised me just that little bit out of the water, the tops of my nipples dancing on the water line. As soon as I saw him watching, they hardened, and I bit my lip and pressed myself against him, almost embarrassed that he could see just what he did to me.

He cupped my face with his hand, lifting my chin up so my gaze met his. Only what I saw in his eyes left no room for doubt about what my desire did to him. What I saw there was pure sex.

Our hungry lips met and parted, and our tongues danced together, tender, desperate, everything and nothing all at once. Lachlan’s hands teased my body, skating up my back and then dancing down my sides, his fingers inching toward my breasts. I wrapped my legs around his waist and broke the kiss for one quick moment to undo his shorts, which he promptly kicked off. They might sink; they might float away. It didn’t matter, because all that mattered was the here, and the now, and the slide of his bare skin moving against mine.

I locked my ankles behind his back once more and I felt him against me. Heat pooled between my legs, and I ached for him. I needed him, like no need I’d ever known. It was all consuming, leaving me gasping for air as we kissed, as our lips continued to press against each other.

Only now, it really was getting harder to breathe. His lips did consume mine, leaving me with little time to catch my breath. My lungs started with a gentle ache that soon progressed to a needy pain, pushing me to the point of breaking. If I didn’t take a breath, I was going to die.
I am going to die
.

I had to stop.

I pushed away from Lachlan’s chest and sucked in a desperate breath of air, the oxygen hurting as I forced it down into my lungs. I opened my eyes, and looked up.

There was no one there.

I looked left to right, searching for Lachlan. Maybe he’d ducked under the water again, playing, as he did before. Or maybe he was … maybe he was …

Where was he?

“Lachlan?” I spun around, treading water, my eyes searching the shoreline for him. The sunlight wasn’t dappled anymore. The trees were all about shadows, sinister, and the birds didn’t chirp. It was silent.

“Lachlan!” My cry was desperate, loud—afraid.

I took one last look at the area where we’d entered the pool. Lachlan’s board shorts had made their way to land and were resting upon the shore, the tide of the water pulling and releasing them with its breath.

Floating in the water, two metres from the shore, was a skull. And I knew without question that it was his.

“Ah!” I shot upright in bed, gasping, clutching at my shirt that was stuck to my chest, my sides, my arms. My pulse raced and my heart beat with such force that it hurt as I tried to slow my breathing, to calm myself down. I was … I was having a panic attack. Shit, I dreamt Lachlan was … and I …
shit!

All of a sudden I was drowning, caught in a wave of my grief. Just when I was starting to breathe again …

On shaky legs, I made my way to the bathroom as fast as I could and turned the faucet on full bore, then hunched over the sink, splashing icy-cold water against my face with one hand. It didn’t make the heat go away. It didn’t stop the burn in my chest.

I sculled some water and it stabbed me on the way down, my big gulps too much for my oxygen-deprived body to handle. Then, with wavering knees, I sat down on the lid of the toilet. What a horrible, horrible dream. I’d dreamt he was …

That was when it hit me.

“Lachlan …” My voice trembled, and tears welled in my eyes. For all it was imagined, the dream was real.
He really is dead.

Tears flowed from my eyes, and I wished for the thousandth time that things hadn’t happened the way they did.
I had wanted to be your forever.
“It’s … not … fair …” I hiccupped the words out, sobs now wrenching themselves from my chest with a sharp gasping effect.

Now, he was like he’d been in my dream. He was nothing but a skull, a pile of bones. Or maybe he was more, somewhere out there in the universe, but what hope was there of that? How do you know?
How do you ever know?

The idea of him being nothing—of not existing—it was just too much for me. Just. Too. Much.

But the worst part? The bit that stung even worse?

His voice was getting harder to remember.

The edges of his face were blurry.

I was killing his memory without even meaning to.

An hour later, I dragged myself back to bed. My hair was clammy and my body still damp as I pulled the sheets up on top of me. Despite the air conditioning and winter temperatures, I was sweltering in the Vegas heat. Or maybe it was the heat of hell. Sometimes, I didn’t know which would be worse.

I didn’t sleep. I was too afraid to. Every time I closed my eyes, I worried that I’d see him again, and some days that thought was more than I could take. How could someone I knew for a relatively short period of time have made such an impact on my life? Such a monumental difference?

Sometime after four I forced my eyes to close, and my body to lie still. I pressed my index and middle finger to my lips, kissed them, and then pressed them against the photo in my wallet, the one I slept next to without fail. “I won’t let you go.”

Rapid pounding on my door woke me up, and I didn’t know who the hell it was, but I did know that I wanted to murder them.

Ugh. I stomped over to the door and opened it just a little, a tiny crack, to squint my puffy eyes open and see Lee-
freaking-
Collins standing there, a big-arse grin on his face and a gift-wrapped box in his hand.

“Morning.” Lee smiled and went to push the door open, but I held it firmly in place, all too aware of the fact I was only wearing a T-shirt. And my legs were not something he needed to see.

“We don’t have to be up for another …” I checked the wall clock. Six thirty. The last time I remembered looking at the clock last night was somewhere around four, as I tossed and turned for the zillionth time. What the hell was Lee doing at my door at
six thirty? “… four hours.”

“We don’t
have
to, no.” Lee agreed. “But I got you a present.” He wiggled the box again, and I gave a half-hearted smile. What was he playing at?

“Give me a sec.” I closed the door and quickly threw on some shorts, then ran a brush through my hair. I had to hide the evidence of my grief. I couldn’t handle it being on full display.

“Okay.” I opened the door and Lee all but skipped into the hotel room, looking around the space. He spun, and turned to me. His eyes seemed to take in my dishevelled appearance, but as if he thought better of saying something, he shook his head and sat on the edge of my bed, patting a spot next to him for me to join him.

“Come here,” he said.

“I think I’d rather stand.” I frowned. I was already starting to forget Lachlan, and Lee was just too close. I didn’t think adding a bed to the mix would be the best idea.

“Fine.” Lee shrugged and held out the box, again wiggling it, with a twinkle in his eye. “Open it,” he sang.

I stepped forward and took the box from his hand, a quizzical smile on my face. “It’s not my birthday.”

“I know,” Lee said. “I checked your file. August twenty.”

“Wow.” He’d memorised my birthday? “I’m impressed.”

“Open, open,” he sang, giving a tiny bounce as if he were a little kid.

I ripped open the paper and let it fall to the floor, then I opened the bright orange box. Inside was a pair of Nike runners, some gorgeous, black-with-hot-pink-detailing, seriously kick-arse Nike runners.

“Lee.” I held one up. It was even my size. How the hell did he know my shoe size? Was that in my employment file too? “Thank you so much! You didn’t have to do that.”

“Do you like them? Because, um, if you don’t, I have another pair in a different colour scheme in my room. I wasn’t sure which you’d prefer.” He chewed his lip, and for a moment he was just a boy, and I was just a girl, and there was no Lachlan, no murder, no rock star, nothing. It was just
us
.

And we fit.

“These are perfect.” I clutched them to my chest, then spontaneously closed the gap between us and kissed him on the cheek. His stubble brushed my lips, and he smelt like mint, and like pine. God, how did one man smell so good? “Thank you,” I breathed, slowly pulling away.

Guilt immediately staked me in the heart, and I tried my best to pretend I wasn’t betraying Lachlan.
It was a hug. That was all.

Lee stiffened, then gave a small smile. It seemed he hadn’t missed my internal punishment.
“Good. So, put ’em on.”

“Now?” I furrowed my brow.

“Yep. We’re going running.” Lee gestured down to his own outfit, and it was only then I twigged that he was wearing black trainers with some casual shorts and a T-shirt. “You said you liked to run; that it helped you through things. And after you were upset the other night, I thought maybe you could use some thinking time. You
look
like you could use some thinking time.”

“You can’t go for a run. You’ll get mobbed!” I laughed.

“We’re taking Benny. And besides, it’s Vegas. No one exercises here, or leaves the casino. It’s too damn hot.”

“So why are we doing it again?” I quizzed, a smile on my face.

“Kate, I really want to help you.” Lee stood up, and for a terrifying moment I thought he was going to reach for my hand, and then in a reality that was equally as terrifying as it was relieving, I realised he wasn’t. “You’re important to me. As a friend.”