The Read And Weep Bundle: Anonymous, Perfectly Hopeless, Run (17 page)

She never heard such language come out of a woman her age. But there was a first time for everything. Hart’s mother had thrown a fit that could have won out against a toddler. She sat on a stool in the kitchen trying to hold it together and not act as if she was as shocked on the outside as she was on the inside.

August on the other hand acted as if it wasn’t anything out of the norm and went about setting the table. “She does this. Give her about five minutes and she will calm down.”

Elle nodded. She hoped the sight of Hart wasn’t too much for the woman. It had been some time since he had seen her he said.

“August made chicken soup just like you like. The same way you made it when we were kids,” Sam told her as he led her into the kitchen.

She tightened the belt on her robe. “I thought I said dinner was cancelled.” She took a seat at the table. “And what is Hart doing here? Hart what are you doing here?”

Elle could see the panic in Hart’s eyes as he tried to form words. “You’ve been telling me about the dinners for months now.”

“Yeah, but you never come to them.” She crossed her arms; long tangled hair covered her features. “Why now? Are you in some kind of trouble again?”

August started setting bowls in front of everyone at the table. She motioned Elle to join everyone. Elle took a spot between Hart and Sam.

“Mom, Hart even brought his girlfriend to meet you today. So be on your best behaviour.” August handed her a spoon. “Her name is Elle.”

She stared her down, her eyes intense and her eyebrows drawing together. “What happened to the Mexican girl who was addicted to heroin?”

“She died remember?” Sam spoke up, he leaned forward. “Remember she shot up in some alley with Hart a few years ago and overdosed on bad heroin or something?”

Hart’s face grew red. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Sam some things you just don’t say. Shit.”

Sam threw his hands up. “Well isn’t that what happened to her. What was her name?”

August twirled a strand of curls around her finger. “Bianca. Blanca.”

“Briana,” Hart finished. He scooted closer to the table taking his spoon. “And she wasn’t with me when she overdosed. She was coming to see me and stopped on the way.”

“That’s right.” Sam sighed. “What a shame. You were in love with her weren’t you?”

“Maybe after we eat you can show me what you been working on, Mom.” Hart looked over at her. She was lining chicken in a row on the table. He was beginning to wish he never came.

“It’s not finished.” She started smashing carrots. “It will never be finished at this rate. I can’t concentrate on the room with all this noise from you kids.”

Elle brought her spoon to her lips.

Sam did the same and chuckled. “Looks like Mom is back in the past right now. Careful she might chop all your hair off again, August.”

August started to cry, just out of nowhere. Elle stiffened not sure what to do with herself as she took in this dysfunction.

Hart stood up. “I can’t do this. None of you have changed.”

August’s eye grew big. “Sam knows how I feel about that. I’m sick of him making fun of me.”

Sam groaned. “Get a sense of humour.”

Elle took off after Hart. She couldn’t just let him leave. He was trying to make an effort and she would be damned if she didn’t help him through it.

“I think you can make it through dinner,” she said. “I can tell it would mean a lot to them if you did.”

He gripped the railing of the porch staring out into the backyard. “Things never change. She’s always telling me how she is doing so much better and for once I wanted to believe her.”

Elle squeezed his arm. “Maybe she is when she says it. Maybe she’s just having a bad day.”

“She’s falling apart. She has nobody to help her take her medications and this is what happens. She falls apart.” He hung his head. “And my sister and brother, they are going right down the same path. She screwed them up. She screwed us all up.”

“Hart, you’re more than just your childhood. You’re a great person. Your mom is flawed, but she can’t help it. Let’s just go back inside and have dinner with them and then we can go home.” She tried getting him to go back in the house.

“I think you should go to California.”

His words hurt. “What?” She couldn’t believe what he was saying.

“Things are bad here. I need to fix them. I don’t expect you to sit around and deal with this. It’s not fair to you. Go to California and do what you want to do.”

“What about the long haul, Hart?” Was it over already?

“You’re so much more than what my life is about. There is so much more out there for you.” Hart sighed. “I don’t want to ruin your life.”

“You are not going to ruin my life. How many times do I have to tell you that?” She was yelling. And she never yelled but she was angry.

“I’ve already ruined it. Who are you trying to fool?” He refused to look at her. “Do you think things will get better? Things don’t get better they get worse. That’s how it works, that’s how it will always work, Elle.”

“No. You’re just trying to run away and I am not going to let you.” She tried to hug him but he pulled away from her.

“Go to California, Elle. Quit being stubborn and just go to California.”

“No.”

“I’m an addict. And you’re stupid if you think anything I say is going to ever be the truth.” He bit his lip. “We lie. We do whatever we have to do get what we want. And you don’t matter. You won’t ever matter because I’m screwed up and even if I want you to matter I will never know how to make that work. So go.”

She rifled through a magazine in the doctor’s office. She had been feeling like crap for weeks now. Her mom Finally forced her to go see a doctor.

The doctor was the last place she wanted to be. She was leaving soon. Going away just like Hart had told her to do.

“This looks amazing,” Gretchen said shoving a dessert recipe in her face.

“It’s making me queasy get it away from me.” She pushed the magazine away from her. “This damn bug needs to leave, I can’t fly on a plane like this.”

Gretchen raised an eyebrow. “The flu usually last a couple of days at the most.”

“It can be longer,” she argued. “And since when do you slather on the perfume and body lotion?” It was making her head hurt.

Gretchen closed her magazine and turned to her friend. “This isn’t my business but when you slept with Hart did you use a condom?”

Her palms started to sweat. “Yes.”

“Every time?”

“Yes.” She looked away. “God yes.” Why was she lying to her friend? The night she was drinking, the night she had confessed her undying love to him, she promised him it was alright. She swore she only had eyes for him and that she wanted to enjoy the moment fully. God, she was an idiot.

The nurse waved her back. She stood on trembling knees and made her way to the door. She looked back at Gretchen she could see it written all over her face. Even her friend thought she was pregnant.

She didn’t want to be pregnant by a guy that refused to love her back. A guy that wouldn’t allow himself to be happy, that pushed her away every chance he got.

“Elle. What brought you in today?”

She stared at the nurse afraid to say it. “I think I might be pregnant.”

“When was your last period?”

She dug through her purse locating her phone. She scrolled to her calendar and looked up shocked. “A month and a half ago.”

The nurse opened a cupboard and handed her one of those god awful urine collection containers. She numbly located the bathroom and closed the door. After giving a bit of urine she returned and handed over the cup.

“I’ll be back,” the nurse informed her and left the room.

She dialed Hart, and then hung up before he could answer. What was she doing? She couldn’t tell him she thought she was pregnant before she even knew. She had to know for sure.

So she sweated out the ten long minutes pacing the room as she waited for the nurse to come back. And when she did she was sure she was about to faint.

“Well,” the nurse said. “The doctor will be in shortly to talk to you.”

She swallowed. “Am I?”

“It seems you are.” She closed her file. “The doctor might want to schedule an ultrasound.”

She stood up, completely blown away. “I have to go.”

The nurse stared in absolute shock that she was so quick to leave.

Gretchen jumped up as soon as she saw Elle going for the door. “What happened?”

She hit the button on the elevator in the hallway before she answered. “I’m pregnant.”

Gretchen crossed her arms. “Told you.”

“I’m pregnant by a guy who wants nothing to do with me.”

“He does, he just doesn’t want to ruin your life any more than it already has been.” Gretchen reminded her. “He’s looking out for you.”

Elle shook her head at her friend and slipped through the doors of the elevator. “He’s never going to give me what I want.”

“So what happens now?” Gretchen looked Elle over. “Are you still going to California?”

“Yes. Why would this change anything?”

“Because you’re having his child. This might be the thing that makes him see that he can’t run from everything in life.” She shrugged. “Or it might be the thing that pushes him even further over the edge.”

Elle closed her eyes leaning against the wall. “Fuck.”

“I think you should tell him. He deserves to know.”

“I’m going to California. If Hart and I were meant to be together things wouldn’t be so hard. He doesn’t care.” She sighed. She had to keep telling herself that or she would never get on the plane.

She knew California was the best place for her. In California she could start over, she didn’t have to tell her parents about the baby and she could make a good decision on what to do once she was there.

She was going to California.

“So tell me about this job,” Gretchen said she twirled Elle around in the chair. She was touching up her color and adding highlights before the trip to California.

“It’s a new salon right along the beach. Just minutes from the apartment complex I am hoping to get into,” she eyed herself in the mirror.

“I wish I was going.” Gretchen sighed. “It’s lame doing old people’s hair every day.”

Elle smiled. “You could always come with me. What’s holding you back?”

Gretchen tilted her head to the side. “Ky wouldn’t know what to do without me. And this situation you have yourself in is going to leave me homeless when you pop out a baby.”

Elle crossed her arms. She almost forgot what was going on with her. Until Gretchen opened her big mouth and pointed it out all over again.

She followed Gretchen to the shampoo station and took a seat. “That’s if I keep it.”

“I thought you were against abortion?”

“I am. But there is such thing as adoption.” She bit her lip and leaned back. Gretchen’s nails gently scraped her scalp helping her relax.

“The father has to sign away his rights. If he isn’t okay with the adoption it won’t happen.” She worked in some shampoo and hurried to finish her up before her next client was in.

“I’ll just say it was a one night stand and I was drunk. It’s not like anyone would doubt it.”

“But he wasn’t a one night stand. He was someone you saw yourself being with.” She started rinsing her hair. “I think you should tell him.”

“I don’t think Hart wants a baby. He can barely manage his own life let alone someone else’s. What, is he going to be a part time dad and only come around when he feels like it? No thank you.”

Gretchen kept quiet. She knew enough about Hart to know that what Elle was saying was probably true.

***

“Hey, buddy your blocking the exit,” some arrogant prick said. Hart lifted his head and focused in on his surroundings.

“What the hell am I doing in the hallway?” he asked himself, and got to his feet. “And where the fuck am I?”

The music from down the hallway triggered his memory and the girl coming out of the apartment made it all too clear. Her hands were all over him in seconds.

“I thought you were going to get cigarettes?” She stroked his chest. “I could really use a cigarette.”

He swallowed down his misery and blinked as she rifled through his pants pocket. “What time is it?”

“It’s four.”

“In the morning?”

“No, the afternoon.” She lit up right there in the hallway and tugged him by the belt buckle to her. “I hope you keep your promises.”

He looked down not even sure what she was talking about. His head throbbed. “What did I promise?”

“You said you knew who to call to keep this party going.” She licked his neck blowing smoke out of the corner of her mouth. “Can you call them?”

“Did I drive here?” He raked a hand through his hair.

“I don’t know. You were already here before I got here. So can you score or not?”

She irritated his nerves. “Did you bring your car?”

She nodded.

“Give me the keys and I’ll go get some more.” He watched her dig into her bra and produce a set. She tossed them at him and traipsed back inside without another word.

He needed to get out of there. He hurried down the hall and outside. A few cars sat in the parking lot. His headache got even worse once he plunged himself into the sunshine.

He groaned once he realized she had no car alarm on whatever piece of shit she was driving and his car was nowhere to be found.

“Hey there,” someone said from behind him. It was a woman—more like a prostitute from the looks of her. “Are you looking for a good time?”

Hart shook his head. “No way. I’m just leaving.” He squeezed the keys in his hands he was doomed. His pockets were empty, he didn’t even have his phone.

“I can make you feel amazing, baby,” she smiled, several teeth missing.

“Here,” he said he handed over the car keys. “If you can find the car you can have it how’s that?”

As soon as his hand left hers a police car pulled up. “You have got to be kidding me.” He watched the prostitute take off across the parking lot.

“Hands up, Hart,” the officer said. “It’s been awhile since we ran into each other. I thought you were finally getting your life together.”

Hart rolled his eyes. “I don’t even know how I got here.” He assumed the position letting the officer pat him down. He shook a tiny bag and examined it against the sunlight.

“This does not look good my friend. Not good at all.”

Hart sighed, knowing the drill. He was going downtown and then if he was lucky to rehab.