The Read And Weep Bundle: Anonymous, Perfectly Hopeless, Run (13 page)

Stroke after stroke she meticulously ran the brush through her hair. She touched the lace on her dress and took a deep breath. Tonight was the night she would bare her soul.

She put the brush on her vanity and took a seat so she could slip into her high heels. Her stomach hurt. In the back of her mind she wanted to back out and have Hart pick her up.

Speaking of Hart, he would be there for her speech. He would probably be the only person in the room that actually had sympathy for her. The only person that really got how she felt. Everyone else wanted to see her vulnerable in front of an entire room of people.

Her mother tapped on her door. “Five more minutes.” She surveyed her room and took a seat on her bed. “How you feeling?”

“Nervous.”

“Do you know what you’re going to say?” Her mother picked at her nail. She looked as nervous as the day Elle went to rehab.

“I figure it best to fly by the seat of my pants,” she messed with the clasp on her necklace and secured it. “Or dress.” Her mom didn’t even crack a smile.

“Well good.” She stood. “I’m proud of you.” Her hug was rushed, she obviously wanted to get their little chat over with so she could report back to her dad.

Before Elle could finish up her brother tapped on the door. “Are you ready for this?”

She squirted a bit of lotion in her hands and started rubbing. “I figure I’ll give everyone what they want. This isn’t for me, it’s for Stephy’s parents.” Her father reassured her that they welcomed her there and were equally happy to hear that she wanted to speak about what happened. She didn’t know how true that was but she was just going to do it.

“Don’t let them get to you,” Nick said. He usually scolded her on the topic of Stephy but he knew how hard it was going to be for her. He patted her back and pulled her in for a hug.

“Thanks, Nick. I’ll try my best.” It didn’t matter what they thought she told herself. She already knew most of them hated her for what she did.

“By the way,” Nick said, hands in his pockets as he prepared to leave. “The guy from rehab is downstairs trying to keep cool under the microscope of our father.”

She grabbed her purse and hurried downstairs before her dad could scare Hart away.

He was still there, which was a good thing. She came in the room and ended the conversation going on between her dad and Hart. How much of it was an actual conversation rather than a lecture she wasn’t sure.

“Hey. I thought we were going to meet at the church.” She was sure she told him to not make a big deal about her big step.

“Since when do I listen?” He stood up, her dad’s eyes were on the two of them. He pulled a box from his pocket and she was sure her dad was about to have a heart attack. “A gift for moving forward. Jesse always did the same for me, so I thought I would do it for you.”

She smiled taking the gift, and opened it up to a dazzling pair of earrings. “These are great.” They were tiny diamond Hearts.

“Glad you like them,” he smirked. He wanted to kiss her but with her dad feet away he settled on the awkward hug she gave him.

They broke apart and her dad cleared his throat. “Are you ready?”

She nodded, now that Hart was standing beside her she felt even more confident.

“Well let’s head on over.” Her dad raised an eyebrow. “We’re you driving yourself or riding with your mother and I?”

She looked at Hart. “Mind if I hitch a ride with you?”

“No problem,” he said. Her dad left the room a bit miffed. “I don’t think your dad wanted you riding with someone else.”

“He’s getting what he wants, he can suck it up.” She applied lip gloss in the hall mirror. Her parents were gone along with Nick and they were alone.

“He’s a hard ass but I really do think he cares about you,” Hart said. “It’s very obvious after the conversation we just had.” The guy had more or less threatened to debone him like a fish if he caused any more drama in his daughter’s life.

“He has a terrible way of showing it. Maybe it’s the judge in him,” She shrugged.

The place was packed. It was the first thing she noticed as she approached the church. The second thing she noticed was the big banner hanging with her best friend’s picture staring back at her. It produced a lump in her throat that wouldn’t go away no matter how hard she tried to swallow it down.

It all felt real, too real. And her knees shook so bad she wasn’t sure if she could walk through the parking lot to the doors.

“This is some turn out,” Hart said closing his door. He adjusted the collar on his dress shirt. “What exactly is this all about again?”

Elle’s heart raced in her chest and she was doing everything she could to pull it together to form words and answer him. “They created a charity to protect the youth against driving under the influence. So what happened to Stephy never happens again.”

Hart was by her side. He wasn’t sure if he should take her hand or throw an arm around her.

Little by little all eye gravitated in their direction. Judgement was beginning all over again he could see it. He wasn’t so sure himself if it was a good idea.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d gone inside a church. And then it hit him it was the day he attended the funeral for Sadie. One of the first run ins he had with Elle before he knew how head over heels he was with her. He wasn’t ready to admit to love, but he was head over heels in something with her.

Elle’s mom walked up to them as soon as they made it through the doors of the church. Hart studied the pews, so many people and he wasn’t sure who anyone was. But he was there for her and that was all that mattered to him.

“I’m going to go speak with the Ingram’s and then I’ll be back to sit with you,” she said in his ear. He could feel how shaky her hands were when she touched him. He watched her head off with her mom and he took a seat in the pews.

Elle’s brother took a spot next to him. “This is going to be something.”

Hart studied the bible and songbooks on the shelf on the back of the pew. “She’s nervous.”

Nick nodded in agreement. “That she is. But I think it will be good for her. It’s about time she gets some kind of relief for this accident.”

Hart looked over at him. “You know she really thinks everyone hates her.” If he wanted to use the word accident maybe he should treat it as one.

Nick rubbed the back of his neck. “Nobody hates Elle. She made a mistake and she knows that.”

“Does she?” Hart watched as someone familiar came into view. Elle’s douchebag ex-boyfriend. “Because the time she spent in rehab I’m pretty sure she was convinced everyone hated her.”

Nick leaned back in the pews, for such an upstanding guy he sure acted like he owned the place Hart thought. “She killed someone. Did she tell you I called her that night to give her a ride? She never picked up.”

Hart swallows. “I think we all have missed phone calls. She’s a good person. I would think you guys know that more than me. She’s beating herself up over this.”

Pauly sat down beside Nick. “Hey there, fellas, looks like everyone is here to see the big show.”

Hart gritted his teeth. Nick blew Pauly off with nothing more than a shrug of the shoulders. “How goes it, Pauly?”

“Couldn’t be better.” He looked at Hart. “Not carrying around someone else’s baggage tends to do that for a person.”

“Man, I bet girls are just lining up to date you,” Hart said, he watched the church fill. He wished he could pull down the giant cross and impale Pauly with it.

“You would be shocked,” Pauly said back. “You probably don’t have much time for dating, I hear scoring drugs can be time consuming.”

Her brother looked at him. So did the lady in front of him. He reminded himself where he was and held it together. “Most people stay away from that part of town. I’m surprised you saw me.”

Nick cut Pauly off. “I thought Elle told my parents you were clean.”

Hart sighed. “Not that I need to explain myself to anyone, but just because Pauly knows where I hang out doesn’t mean I am doing drugs. I didn’t do anything.”

“This guy is in and out of rehab every couple of months. I heard this from you sister myself.” Pauly pretended to be more interested in the stage than talking to Hart. “That’s why she is going to fail. She’s involving herself with the wrong kind of people. Like this guy who overdoses in the middle of the road at college house parties.”

Hart swallowed the rage down for the second time. “The guy who has never been to college a day in his life. That was so high and drunk that he almost died after crashing a party. Yeah, I heard all about you. I may have broken up with Elle but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about her.”

Hart rubbed the back of his neck catching sight of Elle. She waved at him completely oblivious to what just happened.

“Those kids you were hanging out with have all kind of stories about you on campus. I heard all about you and you’re infamous near death experience.” Pauly wouldn’t let up, he tried to do whatever he could to break him in front of god and everyone. “His parents even gave up on him. What a piece of work you have to be to have your own parent’s give up on you.”

Nick glared at Pauly. “Enough. Leave the guy alone.”

“Or what?”

“Or I hand you your own ass here in front of this entire church. I know all about you and my sister. You treated her like shit, and you’re lucky I never gave you what was coming to you,” Nick said. He hated the guy. He only put up with him for the sake of his sister and his family.

It was time. She was thankful her mom’s arm was around her as she approached Stephy’s parents. She held her breath and waited for those first words.

“Elle,” Stephy’s mom said. She opened her arms and welcomed her into them. “How are you, sweetie?”

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. It’s wasn’t hate, it was love and comfort. “I’m okay. How are you?”

“I’m doing much better,” she told her. She touched her face. “You look wonderful. You look healthy. Why don’t I see that wonderful Elle smile I remember? This is a day for celebration.”

Elle searched her eyes. “This is all very overwhelming, I’m sorry. It’s been a long time since we saw each other. I just wanted to say that I am sorry before I go out there. Being able to tell you how sorry I am is more important than anything.”

Stephy’s dad joined them and puts an arm around his wife. “And being able to see you and know that you’re okay is what is most important to us. We asked your mother if she thought us visiting you in rehab was okay and she told us you needed your space. We’re just glad you finally agreed to speak to us.”

Stephy’s mother agreed. “Stephy wouldn’t want you beating yourself up for the rest of your life about this. She loved you.”

Her own mother squeezed her shoulder. She was hardly able to produce words to show how grateful she was that they weren’t angry. “And I loved her.”

“You go out there and you share you story with everyone. If we can change one life it’s all worth it,” Stephy’s mom told her. “That’s all we want.”

She took a deep breath. “I think I can do that. Thank you so much for talking to me. I’m glad I got to see you.” They hug again. And she leaves to take her seat. Soon she would be front and center about to explain what her mistake did to her life.

She was glad to have Hart’s hand in hers as she listened to each speaker. Every one that finished pushed her closer to the goal—to admit what she had done to the entire town.

He stroked her arm and whispered in her ear. “You’re going to do just fine. Take a breath.”

She did like he said. She hoped she was. This was a big step, she just hoped she didn’t make a fool out of herself.

The audience clapped and her stomach sunk a little more. She heard her name and rose to her feet. The crowd went silent as she approached the stage praying she didn’t make a mistake and hit one of the religious statues or drag the white tablecloth down.

“Thank you,” she mouthed to Stephy’s mom taking the mic. All eyes were on her. She pushed her hair from her eyes and took a deep breath. It was time.

She looked around the church, so many somber expressions bore holes into her and made her feel paper thin. But she pushed on. Pauly sat with his family arms crossed and stared her down just like everyone else.

She searched for Hart and found a way to calm her racing heart.

“I came here today to share my story in hopes that I can help even one person not make the same mistake that I did.” She gripped the microphone even tighter. “On April 16
th
I got behind the wheel of my car with my best friend Stephy Ingram. I was drinking.” She closed her eyes, her hands shook, she was sure she was about to drop the microphone. “I thought that I was okay to drive. I was wrong. That night became the worst day of my life. And for over a year I have been trying to figure out why I did what I did.” In a flash it was like her life came into focus, that night replaced everything that existed. It was like she was there back behind the wheel. “But now I know. I know that I made the wrong decision. I did the wrong thing and I took Stephy away from her family, her friends, and her life. There will never be anything that I can say to make this okay or better. She’s not coming back.”

She could see Stephy’s face, her smile, she could hear her laugh. She could even remember the last thing she said to her before starting the car.

The microphone thudded against the floor of the church. Her mother stood up ready to rush the stage to get Elle. But her father stopped her. Elle forced herself to look at Hart, only this time something else stared back at her. Something she never thought she would remember something she wished she didn’t.

“Please, if any of you could learn one thing from what happened, it’s that doing the wrong things and living a bad life are not going to save you. You will end up going down the same road if you continue to be careless. So don’t be.” She picked up the microphone pulling it together. “Thank you.”

They all clapped for her. She hurried down the center aisle and out the front of the church able to breathe finally. She knew in a matter of seconds Hart would come out of the church to see if she was okay.

“You did great,” he said, his arms around her. “I bet that was a big relief.”

But she didn’t say anything.

“Elle.” He forced his image into her dazed view. “Everything okay?”

“You were there,” she said. “I remember the hat because you were wearing it that night. The night that I crashed. How did I not know that?”

Hart shook his head, he didn’t believe her. “What are you talking about?”