Read The Read And Weep Bundle: Anonymous, Perfectly Hopeless, Run Online
Authors: Holly Hood
Her mother tapped on her bedroom door for the fifth time that day. She hadn’t stepped out of her room for a solid day. She trudged to the door and unlocked it and went back to her bed and back under the covers.
She was worried about her she knew she was.
“Are you hungry?” Her mother asked. “We bought Chinese on the way home.”
“I guess I could eat.” She sat up, and let her mom smooth her hair back on her head. She really wanted to tell her what was wrong. But she didn’t know what to say.
“Everything alright?”
“Did you ever think that something couldn’t get any worse and then it did?” This was how she felt now that Hart told her what he told her. “That’s how I feel.”
Her mother squeezed her arm. “How so, honey?”
“I know you and Dad don’t like him.” She sighed. “But I did. I still do. But there are just some things about him that I don’t know how to handle.”
“The addiction?”
Elle shook her head. “No. I understand we all make mistakes. I’m talking about his self-sabotaging. He stands in the way of his own happiness.” Hart refused to allow himself to be happy. “He thinks he ruined my life.”
Her mother’s eye grew big. She brought a hand to her mouth. “Oh, Elle, you’re not pregnant are you?”
“No, I’m not pregnant.” She ran a hand through her hair. “What I did that night at the party that was my fault. And I don’t think it would matter what was the cause of the accident it was still me behind the wheel. It was still me who decided to drink.” It wasn’t Hart’s fault that she crashed. If she hadn’t decided to go to the party to begin with none of it would have ever happened.
Maybe a year ago she would have gladly blamed him, but not anymore.
If she didn’t drink she might have reacted differently when she saw Hart in the street. If she would have answered the phone and let Nick pick her up Stephy would have survived.
Nothing was Hart’s fault. He was just as much to blame as Stephy. They both did something wrong but it was Elle who made the disaster culminate into what it was.
“I’m not sure I understand but you are right. I’m just glad you are willing to talk about this now and see that it was a mistake. A really bad one but it was a mistake all the same.” Her mother lifted the picture next to her bed of Elle in happier times. “Your dad was just saying the first time he saw your eyes light up like this again was when Hart gave you those earrings.”
Elle touched her ear. She couldn’t believe her dad admitted he saw her happiness. “Dad said that?”
“He sees what you see in Hart. He knows Hart made mistakes but he sees the true gentleman and good person underneath. He said that too. He’s just too much of a hard ass to admit it to you.” Her mother smiled. “And I can see just how obnoxiously handsome he is. What girl wouldn’t like looking at the likes of him?”
Elle smiled. “So handsome, it’s almost sickening.” They both laughed.
Her mother stood up glad she could make her daughter smile. “When I was younger I met a guy who was so caught up in life he didn’t realize what was right in front of him.”
“What did you do?”
“I kicked him in the ass. I told him to get it together because my love might be everlasting but my patient was another story.” She pursed her lips. “And that’s when he proposed. And we have been head over heels ever since. Even the days I want to kill him.”
“I unloaded the truck and mopped the floors,” Hart told Jesse.
Jesse flipped on the lights of his lounge, he was right he did all his work in a matter of a couple of hours.
“Impressive,” he said. “Thanks for all you do. You know it means a lot to us.” He watched his little girl dash from one end of the lounge to another.
“Keeps me busy,” Hart said. “Anything else you need done?”
Jesse checked his phone. “Run Isabella to her play group. Angela is running late. She’s getting her hair done. It’s right by the salon.”
“I don’t even know the first thing about handling a kid.” He shook his head. “I don’t feel comfortable. What if she needs her diaper changed or something?”
Jesse slapped him on the back. “She’s potty trained. You take her backpack, you drive ten minutes down the road and you wait at the class until Angela arrives. It’s easy.”
Hart sized up the little girl that seemed to steal Jesse’s heart. It wasn’t that big of a deal. If he could manage for three years without breaking the kid he didn’t see why he couldn’t do the same for ten minutes.
“Fine. But if they make me play patty cake I’m out of there and Isabella’s going to have to fend for herself.” He took the backpack and shook hands with his best friend.
“You’re a lifesaver,” he said. “I owe you one.”
Hart agreed. It wasn’t something he would do for just anyone.
“Bella,” Jesse said. “Uncle Hart is going to take you to play group. Mommy will meet you there after she fixes her hair okay?”
She shook her little head yes and followed Hart outside to the parking lot. After ten minutes of struggling to get her car seat in place he cursed himself for not taking Jesse car. But finally they were on their way.
He played some silly kids music he found on the radio and made sure to assure her that he was competent and knew what he was doing.
And as they pulled into the parking lot of the shopping mall a little part of him felt silly for even being there. He helped her out of her seat and held her hand all the way up to the door.
“You know,” he told her. “For three years old you behave pretty well. I guess your dad did something right for once.”
She simply smiled and slipped through the doors igniting smiles on every adult’s face that she passed.
“And play group. When I was a kid I played outside in the backyard. This sort of thing was unheard of. Be grateful you have parent’s that care so much about you.” He scooped her up and walked through the door of the play group.
“Well hello, Miss Isabella. Did you come to play with us again today?” A tall blonde gushed oohing and ahhing all over the little girl. She looked up at Hart. “And I’m not sure if we ever met. I am Stacy.”
“I’m just a fill in until Isabella’s mother gets here.” He lifted a magazine and took a seat.
“Alright,” she said, clasping her hands together. “Did you want to join us in a few songs? The children love when adults participate.”
He pointed at the magazine. “I’m fine right here.”
She accepted his refusal and lead Isabella back to the group. And as Hart mindlessly read old cooking recipes out of the corner of his eye he saw her. She was coming out of the same salon Angie was at.
A gravitational pull kept him watching her every move. It had been almost a week since they spoke and he wasn’t doing a good job of keeping her off of his mind.
She did a double take and stopped before passing. “I would never expect to see you here.” She brushed some hair behind her ear and moved a little closer.
“Jesse was busy and Angie is getting her hair done.” He set the magazine down. “Speaking of hair, yours looks amazing.”
She touched her hair. “Gretchen passed boards and is working at the salon. I promised I would be her first customer.”
He nodded. “What about you?” He knew her boards were coming up the last time he talked to her.
“I am officially a certified cosmetologist.” She gave a small smile. It wasn’t what she wanted to talk about with him.
“That’s great, Elle. That’s really great.” He looked down at his feet and sighed. “I’m sure salons everywhere will be pounding your door down soon.”
“I was thinking California.”
Hart’s head shot up. “What? That’s clear across the United States.”
“I know where it is,” she said. “It’s a new start. And stylist are always wanted out there. Besides, there’s no reason to stick around.”
“There’s always a reason.”
“Like what?” Was he going to admit he wanted her to stay?
“This town wouldn’t be the same without you.”
“I think this town will be just fine. Besides, if this town cared this town would say so before it’s too late.” She touched his arm. “And for what it’s worth, I don’t blame you for anything that happened that night of the accident. It wasn’t your fault. So stop beating yourself up over it.”
She said her goodbye and headed through the mall eager to find some clothes for a night out. Gretchen and Ky were dying to get her out of her drab mess of a wardrobe and into a club to celebrate all of their victories. And she was willing. She wanted something to take the sting of Hart’s rejection away. And a night of dancing with her free spirited friends could do that.
“You look fabulous,” Ky said downing another red bull. “I hear this place is bananas.”
Gretchen sprayed hairspray teasing her hair. “Bananas eh, Ky?”
“Girl, you know what I mean. It’s the place to be on Saturday nights. We are going to have a blast. And maybe even find Elle here a hot hook-up for the night.” Ky eyed Elle sitting on Gretchen’s bed staring at her phone. “Right, Elle?”
“Right.” She pocketed her phone and smoothed out her blouse and eyed her rear in the mirror. Her skinny jeans were fabulous. She felt like a goddess of the 80’s variety. “Tonight we let our hair down.” She tickled Ky’s scruff on his chin and let him twirl her in a circle in front of the mirror.
“Do you think you will ever drink again?” He toyed with his jewelry. “I know I know it’s not something I should be talking about. But I think you have more self-control than any of us.”
Gretchen pinned her bangs back and shook her head at Ky. “People can have fun without drinking. Don’t pressure her into anything.”
“No, it’s fine. I can talk about this stuff.” She sat down. “Yes Ky, I probably will drink again in my life. Just not anytime soon.”
Gretchen touched her arm. “And we both back you. Energy drinks are just as tasty.” She winced taking another sip for her friend.
They both watched as Ky did a really impressive job applying eyeliner in the mirror. “I hope we all snag really hot guys tonight.”
“I’m not sure if Elle can find anyone as hot as her last roll in the hay.” Gretchen pointed out. “That guy was brilliant to look at.”
“I can only imagine what he looked like underneath the fitted jeans and casual t-shirts he is always walking around in. Do share, Elle,” Ky said with a devilish grin. “Was the sex mind blowing?”
Elle’s cheeks warmed. “The sex was mind blowing. Hart is definitely someone I will never forget even if I try.” She sighed. “But tonight I am going to try really hard.”
Ky clapped his hands, dancing around the room with his red bull. “That’s the Elle I know and love.”
They all linked arms and headed out of the Gretchen’s bedroom to the club downtown. Elle was ready to enjoy the night and put Hart as far out of her mind as possible. If he wasn’t willing to admit that they shared something beyond physical, that maybe just maybe he loved her. She would let him go, even if deep down her emotions tugged at her mind, body and soul when it came to him.
She handed over her id to the bouncer at the door. The strobe lights were visible even from out on the sidewalk. She was sure she was in for a wild night by the music and the dj over the loud speakers.
“This is going to be great,” Ky shouted in her ear. He was ready to party no matter what.
The bouncer looked her over and handed back her id. She slipped it in her pocket and let the next guy stamp her hand with the club logo.
“This looks like a dick,” Gretchen said staring at her own stamp. “It really looks like a dick. Or maybe I just am in need of some right now.” She eyeballed the guys in front of her rearends.
“What shall we do first?” Ky asked looking around the packed club. “Dance or dance?”
He tugged Elle by her hand to the dance floor. She bounced along to the music letting her friend take the spotlight. Ky pointed to a group of good looking guys to their right and they giggled.
As she spun around she ran into the one person she wasn’t planning on seeing.
“I didn’t know you went to clubs anymore.” Pauly shouted over the music. “How you been?”
He had a girl on each side.
She moved along to the music. “It’s a celebration!”
“For what?”
“Graduation from school,” she yelled again. He moved in taking her hands in his.
“I’m happy for you. Let me buy you a drink in celebration.”
She shook her head. “I don’t drink remember?”
He motioned her over. “I know. They do have other kinds of drinks.”
She excused herself telling Ky she would be right back. He was too busy twerking to notice she was leaving. The air cooled closer to the bar she got. And she didn’t have to scream when she was talking to Pauly.
“What will it be?” he asked, leaning against the bar counter.
“A water with lime is fine,” she said crossing her arms, the ogling from the group of guy’s next to her made her a little uncomfortable. One of them stepped on her foot and apologized a dozen times before she could get him to shut up.
“Here you go.” Pauly handed over her drink. “So how you been?” He offered her a seat at one of the tables.
“I’m fine, Pauly. How are you?” she sipped on her drink.
“Great. I’m great. I’ve been dating.”
She didn’t know why he cared to share this bit of news with her, maybe to make himself feel better. “Great.”
“What about you?” It stung. “Are you still seeing that one guy?”
She took a long sip of her water and placed it on the table. “No, I’m not seeing anyone. And I need to be getting back to my friends. Thanks for the drink.”
He grabbed her arm. “Don’t be that way. After everything we have been through you throw it all away for a druggie and now you’re done with him?”
She tried breaking his grip on her arm. “Stop. Go back to your girls and leave me alone if this is the way you want to act.” She pulled again and fell backwards into her chair when he let her go. The crowd parted and Pauly stood over her. “Even when you’re sober you make a fool out of yourself.”
Ky rushed to her side and helped her to her feet dusting her pants and shirt off. “Are you okay?”
She stared at Pauly. “I’m just fine. Just get me away from this douche.”
Ky got in between Pauly and Elle. “What is your problem, asshole? The girl is out to have a good time and you want to ruin it.”
Pauly shoved Ky into the tables. “Nice eyeliner. Get out of my face before I smear it.”
Ky laughed. “I may apply a good eyeliner, that doesn’t mean I won’t kick your ass.” He pushed into Pauly.
Elle grabbed a hold of Ky’s arm trying to stop him from doing something stupid. He didn’t need to get into trouble on her account. Pauly was an ass. He was angry and bitter, always had been.
“Just walk away, Ky. He is so not worth it.” She kept her eyes on the bathroom doors and not all the eyes that were on all of them. The bouncers were making their way through the sea of people towards them and soon she was sure they would be in a ton of trouble if things went any further.
“You weren’t worth it.” Pauly smirked. “And now I don’t have to deal with your drama and bullshit. You were fucked up before Stephy died. And once you killed her you went even farther downhill. Good luck with that.”
She saw red, and winced when her fist crashed into Pauly’s face. He grabbed his nose doubling over. Ky pulled her through the crowd before the bouncer could get a hold of her and they snuck down a hallway to the bathrooms.
“That’s was incredible!” Ky laughed looking down the hallway to make sure nobody was chasing after them. “I think you broke his nose.”
“I think I need a drink,” she said pushing into the door to get into the bathroom.
“Are you sure?” Ky fiddled with the long feather attached to his hair. “Gretchen is going to kick my ass for letting you drink you know.”
“I’m an adult. If I want to drink I can,” Elle informed Ky.
“Fine. Let’s go get some.” Ky clapped his hands and they hurried out of the bathroom to the bar to score something to get the party started.