The Read And Weep Bundle: Anonymous, Perfectly Hopeless, Run (32 page)

Flynn dropped his head into his hands. “So, now what?”

“Dr. Wilder was telling us about a device that is used when a patient’s condition is severe. This will keep Henri with us until we can get him a donor.” Flynn’s jaw dropped. Janet’s bottom lip quivered and tears filled her eyes. She shook her head frustrated. “I know, Flynn, don’t remind me.”

Flynn’s muffled sobs escaped his hands. They all knew the same thing. Henri would never accept a heart. He would refuse to be added to the list. The same nightmare as the last time, the same nightmare all over again.

Flynn jumped up, ignoring his mother. He rushed down the hall and pushed open Henri’s hospital door. “You have to agree to the donor list.”

Henri’s eyes opened. He immediately shook his head.

“Don’t say no. Don’t say anything. Henri you have to do this.” Flynn told him again.

Henri closed his eyes, shutting Flynn out. But that didn’t make him go away.

“Think about Maven. Think about all the good times you guys still could have if you go on that list. That’s something worth sticking around for right?” Flynn leaned against the doorway, he didn’t have the strength to sit down beside his dying cousin and beg him to accept the list.

“I want you to tell her,” Henri said. “Be there for her because she’s going to be miserable because of me.”

Flynn pushed off the doorframe. “Fuck you, if
you don’t want her miserable than go on the damn list, Henri!”

“She’s going to need someone.”

“She needs you, not me.” Flynn gritted his teeth. “Agree to the device they want to stick in you and I’ll tell her.”

“Flynn.”

Flynn kicked the frame of the door letting out an angry scream, his tennis shoes screeching across the floor of the hospital as he took off.

Henri dropped his head, closing his eyes. He pictured her eyes, blue and calm staring into him. And soon he felt like he was there with her—right beside her.

The machines beeped and whirred.

The broadly spread rays of light crawled across the wooden porch, only breaking apart when Flynn’s dress shoes stepped in the middle of the shafts of light. Small particles appeared and then fluttered, disappearing altogether.

Flynn brought his knuckles down hard on the wooden door. He moved to the side, peering into the small square pane of the door that from where he stood lead into a foyer. He eyed the white and blue porcelain water bowl that sat atop a wooden stand.
Probably an antique
he thought.

A young girl, hardly resembling Maven shuffled unhurriedly to the door, her head low, her gaze hidden behind a mess of honey blonde hair. Just as her fingertips met with the knob on her side, she raised her head, her light brown eyes piercing Flynn’s. She pursed her thin crimson lips together, dropping her head to the side and shoved a tuft of hair behind one elflike ear.

“Can I help you?” She asked, her voice just as he expected, low and lacking enthusiasm. She all but rolled her eyes; it seemed it pained her to stand there and have to socialize with anyone.

“I’m Flynn, April and Sandra’s brother.” He scanned her expression for signs this was at all ringing a bell. “Henri’s cousin.” He offered, but still she held on to the door handle not impressed.

“So you’re here for Maven or my brother Nick.” She took two steps backwards allowing him in.

“Maven. Henri sent me.” He bit down on his bottom lip giving a diminutive smile, his eyes darting around the room taking in the decorations, standing there with a girl such as this one made him uncomfortable.

“So Henri
is
alive,” Maggie said. She walked to the bottom of the wooden staircase; her hand grabbing hold of the globular end of the rail, her head fell back as she let out a loud scream. “Maven! You have a visitor!” She turned around, looking at Flynn. “If she’s not sleeping or crying she will be down shortly. Make yourself at home if you like.” And with that she exited, her bare feet not making even the smallest amount of sound on the tan hallway carpeting.

He had almost forgotten the reason he came, even the reason he was miserable once he met with Maggie. She had a way to pull anyone out of their grief with her barren personality.

He chose a spot in the den. Where lush brown carpet and the smell of cigar smoke put him at ease, he took a seat in a chair sandwiched between the window and a corner bookshelf. He leaned forward, dropping his arms on his legs and surveyed the assortment of books. Mark Twain, Sylvia Plath, to Poe and some more contemporary such as Judy Blume and Rl Stine and even Jk Rowling.

He settled into the chair, resting his arms on either side of the fat arm rest. He studied the picture frames precisely placed on the wall furthest away, someone had spent a lot of time making sure they were flawlessly lined into rows. Maven was in virtually every picture out of the ten or so that adorned the wall.

He stood, studying the first picture. It was Maven wearing one of those outrageously large white hats, in a navy blue and white polka dot bikini, one hand holding the hat down, the other on her slim hip. The wind swept her hair behind her making it look as if it was trying to flee. Her perfectly straight and sparkling white teeth on display for the world to see, she really was stunning he admitted to himself, all the years his family had stayed in Portwood he wondered how he never noticed until his cousin did. He understood why Henri cared. He could see it in every photograph with her in it. She had something special, she oozed something wonderful.

Maven stood in the doorway. Looking at Flynn still dressed in his clothes from the hop made her feel nervous. It made everything that much more real. She touched the doorframe, watching him stare at her family photos. Finally when it didn’t seem he was going to turn around and see that she was there she cleared her throat.

Flynn turned on his heels, his dark eyebrows lifted causing a slight horizontal row of creases in his forehead. “Hey…how are you?” The creases smoothed. Flynn stuffed his hands in his pockets, dropping his gaze to the carpet as he found the chair again. He sat down, looking at her.

She was wearing a navy blue pair of shorts and a billowy white tank top, the bottoms of her shorts cuffed, hitting her high on the thigh. White beads dangled from her neck, and her hair collected in the back in a braided twist secured with a white clip. Small strands falling in her eyes and around her ears as if she had been sleeping before she came down. But he saw no signs of it in her eyes, they were clear and alert.

“How is he?” She took a seat on the loveseat parked across from him, a dark coffee table between them. She drew one of her legs up tightly, tucking a throw pillow beside her for comfort.

Flynn cleared his throat. He scratched his head and then ran his hand through his brown hair. Suddenly he wasn’t sure how to go about saying it. As her blue eyes stared, clinging to his every movement he was taken far out of his comfort zone. He exhaled, clapping his hands together and dropped forward. His elbow digging a little too hard into the muscle of his leg, he was tense.

“Henri asked me to come here and tell you what is happening.” He started, licking his lips and releasing a silent breath of stressed air. “His heart is failing.” Flynn refused to look at her as he recounted what he could of what the doctors and his mother threw at him. None of it made any sense to him, but he spit it out anyways. “His heart is failing. They want him on the donor list, but Henri refuses just like before.”

Maven’s face heated. She touched her chest, feeling her heart speeding up on the inside. “What happened, Flynn?” Before she heard the worse she wanted to know what brought them all to this ungodly result. Where had Henri gone off to that night?

“We found him behind the yogurt hut. Someone attacked him, but Henri says he doesn’t know who it was.” He knew it was a lie. He wasn’t sure why he was lying for him. “He’s a little banged up, but now he has some kind of infection or something.”

Maven dropped her leg to the floor beside her other one. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly. “I should have let him walk me home. I was so excited for him to have the surgery that I told him not to worry about me.”

“It’s not your fault. It’s my fault, I snuck him out of the house knowing he needed to stay home for this surgery coming up.” Flynn sighed. “They won’t do anything for him until the infection is gone, he can’t have the surgery and they want to set him up on some device to pump his heart for him until he can receive a transplant…” Flynn trailed off. The room fell silent.

Maven didn’t know what to say. The moment seemed to be staring all of them head on now. The moment she never wanted to come.

Maven pushed the nagging thought out of her head that Jake had anything to do with Henri ending up in the hospital. She would deal with that later. There was too much happening to focus on Jake.

“Maybe you could get through to him,” Flynn said, breaking the quiet, the thought striking him for the first time.

Maven was doubtful. “He told me how he felt about getting a heart. He most likely won’t listen to me.”

Flynn stood up. He rounded the table in a single footstep and took her by the wrist. “But you’re willing to try right?”

The truth was she was beyond scared. She was afraid to see Henri knowing he was not doing well and not going to get better if he didn’t accept some kind of help.

“I’m afraid this is going to be goodbye.” She followed Flynn into the foyer, her hair falling into her eyes, but she didn’t bother pushing it out of the way to get a better look at him. Flynn’s large hand raised, his fingers brushed her hair away from her eyes quickly, he planted both hands on her shoulders squeezing them lightly and looked into her eyes with a desperation she had never seen before.

“What if he says no?” She finally blinked, tears spilling from her eyes.

Flynn scanned her expression. “How could he say no to you?”

Maven hesitated. She didn’t agree with Flynn’s insubstantial assumption. This was life or death. Henri wasn’t going to change his views because of who she was.

“All we can do is try.” He offered his hand. Maven threw up a hand, telling him to wait and ran down the hall to the closet to pull out a pair of sandals. She jumped into her shoes quickly, running back down the hallway to Flynn who waited patiently for her to return and offer her hand. She placed her hand in his palm. They dashed out of the house and down the porch steps in a hurry to talk some sense into Henri.

Flynn opened the passenger door for Maven and ran around to the driver’s side in a flash. He poked the key into the ignition firing up the truck, the smell of dirt and exhaust wafting in through the windows as he backed up, dirt and dry leaves swirled behind them in a homemade cyclone as they jetted down the only road to Portwood Hospital.

Every footstep brought her closer to Henri. Past the never-ending beige rail that swept the entire length of the hospital walls only vanishing at each doorway, doorways that held people on their deathbeds, people recovering, all kinds of people.

They stopped right outside the door of the family waiting room. Henri’s Aunt Janet dabbed her eyes and stood. She put on her best smile and greeted Maven, but her voice was tense and marked with sadness.

“Maven, nice to see you.” She reached out and gave her arm a squeeze. “Henri will be happy that you’re here.”

Maven offered a smile nothing more. She didn’t know how to respond to that. Flynn took hold of her elbow before turning them both to the hallway so their plan could get underway.

“Maven is going to try and knock some sense into Henri.” Flynn informed his mother.

Maven glanced at the rest of Henri’s family. Sandra was asleep with her a hospital blanket draped over the greater part of her body. April busily read a magazine, gnawing at her nails. And Henri’s parents sat on separate sides of the small room lost in their own kind of darkness.

Janet’s tight squeeze as she wrapped her arms around Maven shook her back into reality. “No matter what happens I want to say thank you for trying, Maven. If anyone could convince Henri it would be you. You mean a lot to him.” She smoothed her hair with the back of her hand and watched Flynn lead her down the long hallway to Henri’s room.

She knew if he didn’t agree there was nothing they could do about it when his heart failed. They would have to say goodbye. And it was with such sadness she wasn’t sure if she could endure it. To say goodbye to her nephew, who was more like her own son. The kid that used to race around her house as a child shooting nerf guns with Flynn, the kid that made her a birthday card every year. Who wished her happy mother’s day before his mother most years. She didn’t know how to do it.

She remembered the night Henri came to stay with them. He was angry. And depressed. He wanted to run as far away from his old life as he possibly could get. He hated what he did to his family more than the illness. He hated disappointing all of them. That night they sat on the porch talking about all the reasons why he was there with them and how no matter what he still meant the world to them. She promised him she would love him until she was physically unable to anymore and then after when all she could do was hold his photograph.

Henri stared out the window to far away to see below. But he could see the white clouds and the smooth blue of the sky. Occasionally a fleck of black shot past the window—birds. He was already feeling claustrophobic pinned in the small hospital room with all the beeping devices and sterile smelling air.

And then he saw her. Right before he shut his eyes for the millionth time she came into view. Her blonde hair inciting his heart, she rounded the doorway shoving a strand of hair behind one ear. Hesitating in coming all the way into the room, Flynn touched her back, letting her know it was okay.

Maven felt the rush of adrenaline as she finally laid eyes on Henri again. Even though it hadn’t been that long since the last time she did it felt like forever. She studied him, there wasn’t but a cut near his hairline, but he wore quite a lot of scrapes on various parts of his body.

Flynn backed out of the room, closing the door to give them some time alone.

Maven stepped forward, taking slow steps closer and closer to the side of his bed. Her hands gripping one another in angst, she swallowed down the painful ache in her throat and took Henri’s hand. “Hi.”

Henri placed his other hand over hers sandwiching hers beneath both of his. “Just the face I wanted to look at while I’m stuck up here.”  He smirked, doing his best to make things normal.

“You scared us,” she told him.

“I’m sorry.”

“What happened?” Henri shifted, moving over on the bed and offering her the spot next to him. He tucked the colorful wires closer to his body. Maven eased into the bed, worried she would pull something loose.

“I had an amazing night with a beautiful girl and then a horrible walk home.” He lifted his arm, Maven leaned in carefully. Henri pulled her closer to prove he wasn’t going to break.

“Would you tell me if Jake did this to you?” Maven asked.

“I don’t want to talk about Jake or a donor list or anything.” He pressed his lips against her shoulder. “You know I was sitting here thinking, I never showed you that painting I made of you.”

Maven nodded.

“I meant to give it to you. I want you to have it.”

She closed her eyes, cringing at the way he was talking. As if this was no big deal and something that wouldn’t matter tomorrow. “
When you get home you can give it to me.”

Henri breathed in the soft perfume on her white shirt. He touched her hair, taking pleasure in the smooth feel against his fingertips.

He could feel her body trembling all of a sudden, she brought her hand up wiping at the many tears he was sure were falling. All he could do was stare at her sandals next to his feet resting beneath the hospital sheet. He told himself to console her. And robotically he squeezed her tighter, his chest stiff and holding back the emotions that wanted to explode from the inside. It hurt more to know he was hurting her than the thought of what was to come.

“I didn’t want this to happen. I didn’t want you to have to go through this with me. I’m sorry,” he said, her sobs growing louder, she pushed her face into his neck crying harder. She held onto him.

“And I don’t want you to go through this without me. I wouldn’t want you to be alone at a time like this.”

“I have a family. You have a whole life ahead of you.” Henri argued. “I can’t imagine what it would feel like, I never lost anyone close to me, but I’m sure it’s not something you ever get over.”

“I’d never get over you regardless of what happened to you. You’re not something I want to get over no matter where I am in my life.” She warily wiped at her eyes.

“I feel that way about you too. You
just say it more eloquently than I do.” He laughed and the machine beside him beeped.

“Henri I want you to fight.” Maven blurted. It was now or never. “This can’t be it for you. Life is not that spiteful. You have a chance to get better if you just go on the donor list.” She sat up.

Henri plucked an imaginary piece of lint from the cotton sheet draped over his lap. He kept his eyes away from Maven. “No.”

Maven shook her head in disbelief. “Not even for me?” She knew it sounded selfish, but she didn’t have a lot to work with.

“I refuse to be selfish, to hang around for a couple more years at the most. A couple more years of life until the next medical issue rears its ugly head and attacks me from a different side.” He sighed. “I’ve been through all of this before. They all know the same thing I do. There is no guarantee that I’ll ever live a normal life.”

“A couple more years are better than none at all.” Maven insisted.

Henri shook his head. “A couple more years before you all have to go through this again. I don’t want to postpone my family’s misery anymore. I’ve seen what it’s done to them. I see what it’s doing to you.”

Maven’s mouth hung open. She tried to think of something else to say.

“So, then what?” She raised her hands palms to the heavens. “Do you think grief and sadness makes anything better?”

“I think time heals. And I think it’s what’s for the best.” He looked up. Maven turned away. “My parents have never been the same since they found out I was going to die. Death is so depressing when you’re waiting for it.” Death wasn’t so bad once it hit and finally became a reality; he only thought that because dying and dead was extremely different in his eyes. Dying was misery. Death was that period at the end of the sentence. They all could find a way to move on once it was over.

Maven drew up her shoulders as more tears escaped. She stared at the door feeling like an absolute failure. But something inside, something deep inside told her some things were just not meant to be. Some things didn’t work out the way anyone wanted them to. And maybe it wasn’t right to her or Henri’s family that he was giving up, but to Henri it was right, it was what he wanted.

She turned around. “I learned so much from you,” she said, climbing back into the bed beside Henri. Henri smiled, relief washing over him that she was letting it be.

“Like what?” He stroked her hair.

“How to be happy. That no matter how miserable I felt this summer I could just th
row that all aside and laugh with you.” She looked at him, gently touching his face. “Thanks for making me feel better.”

“It was a pleasure.” He closed his eyes. She softly pressed her lips against his.

“It’s going to suck when the summer ends,” Maven said with a sigh. She rested her head against Henri’s pillow, her hair touching the side of his head. She took his hand in hers, lacing her fingers with his.

“College. Yuck.” Henri joked.

They talked like this for twenty minutes, tucking the horrible into a deep dark hole, pretending to be just Henri and Maven. Two young kids that met one summer and developed feelings for one another that went beyond anything they ever imagined. They had an understanding. She had hope when he had none. And he had that special something that made her smile and laugh underneath the willows.

It was so… “Perfectly hopeless,” Maven said out loud. Henri opened his eyes, he was nearly asleep. “Meeting you was perfect, even if I could only have you for a short amount of time.”

“Perfectly hopeless,” Henri agreed.

Henri closed his eyes, Maven settled in beside him. The nurse coming in to check on them turned and walked away leaving Henri to his moment.

“Tell me about college,” Henri whispered, drifting in and out of dreams as Maven rattled on about school and all the things she didn’t look forward to. He crossed in and out of reality, slipping into moments of pure imagination and back into the hospital room. His heart speeding up and slowing down, he wasn’t sure if it was all in his head or reality.

“Promise me you’ll be happy. Always be happy because I couldn’t stand the thought of you any other way. Don’t ever go back to the way you were that day at the yogurt hut.” He didn’t know it, but he gasped, and it scared Maven to death, but she stayed where she was, secretly grabbing the call button and pressing it. She stroked Henri’s hair, his body trembling with each breath.

“I promise, Henri.” She moved out of the way for the hospital staff that was on all sides of the bed now. She gripped the end of the bed, watching them make Henri more comfortable. She wished she could look into his eyes just one more time.

The nurse and staff left promising to get the rest of Henri’s family.

Maven didn’t admit to Henri that the thought of him no longer being there made her sadder than any time before in her life. “I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to say goodbye to you,” she said under her breath, certain Henri wasn’t able to hear anything she was saying.

Henri listened to the soft hum in his ears, he felt light. He opened his eyes staring at himself lying on the hospital bed. He turned in a circle, a part of him stunned at all that was right before his eyes. He looked to the right and saw Maven standing at the end of his bed. She looked sad.

As he listened to her he realized she
was
sad—sadder than he imagined. This was enough to bring him back into his body. Maven studied his expression coming around the bed. “Are you okay?”

“Don’t be upset about this. I know it’s hard, but you have to get over it and move on with your life.” Maven pursed her lips and gave a small nod. “I’m sorry, Maven.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Flynn interrupted. “Not your fault you have a shitty heart.” Flynn smirked. The rest of his family gathered around the bed. Maven looked at all of them. Nobody was crying everybody was trying their hardest to keep it together for Henri. Henri’s mother kissed his forehead.

“I love you, Henri.” She backed away, letting Doug step into view.

“Love you, bud.” He patted Henri’s arm before taking off out of the room.

Aunt Janet stepped up along with his uncle. They each grabbed his hands. “You always were stubborn, even at a time like this.” His uncle joked. He cleared his throat extra loud and shook the emotions away.

“You remember all those talks we had kiddo. And you remember that I love you. We all do.” She kissed his forehead extra long.

Henri smiled at everyone, pleased to see his entire family and Maven around him in a time like this. He wasn’t sure if it was the end, but there was an eerie presence in the room. “Don’t forget about Maven.” He looked at Flynn this time. “Don’t let her be miserable, any of you.”

Sandra and April snuck past their brother and kissed Henri on the cheek. They whispered I love you in his ear and stood beside their dad trying to hold it together.

“I promise I won’t let her be miserable. Although I might make her miserable if I come around to much.” Flynn grinned, looking over at Maven. She smiled.

“He’s my cousin and best friend. I swear he’s good company. Don’t be afraid to call him if you’re ever down. He owes it to me,
so take advantage.” Everyone laughed.