The Regal Rules for Girls (18 page)
SHOPPING AREAS TO AVOID:
Harrods (too touristy!—although you should at least see the Food Hall once in your lifetime)
Knightsbridge (too touristy!)
New Bond Street (too expensive—but fun to window shop)
Oxford Street (too crowded! and too touristy!)
Portobello Road (unless you like flea markets)
Sloane Street (too expensive—but fun to window shop)
Westfield Shopping Centre (London is a city where you shop on the street, never at the mall.)
There are no ugly women, only lazy women.
—H
ELENA
R
UBINSTEIN
This summer I was sitting in the beer garden of a pleasant West London pub, when I spotted two women sharing a bottle of white wine.
The girl on the left was wearing well-fitting jeans and a simple navy-and-white striped T-shirt; her hair was clean and sprinkled with a few impeccably placed highlights; her nails were neatly trimmed and painted nude pink. She had a larger than average nose, but her cheeks had color and her skin tone was even. Her makeup was expertly applied, and her large eyes and perfect lips were subtly emphasized so that her natural beauty shone through.
The girl on the right was wearing a patterned dress in a style that was considered “in this season” but that absolutely did not suit her figure. (I could tell that she definitely cared about and put an effort into what she was wearing; she just had no clue what colors and proportions were appropriate for her body.) Her dark hair was slightly greasy and sloppily tied back. She was blessed with pretty features, but her complexion was pasty and her eyeliner was badly smudged, which gave her a subtle panda-like look.
I couldn’t hear their voices, but I had a hunch that one was American and one was British, so I walked past their table to see if I was correct—and of course I was.
Can
you
guess which girl was which?
While the Brits love fashion, they haven’t quite caught up with Americans when it comes to hair, makeup, and overall grooming. I’m not quite sure why this is. It might be because salon services are twice as expensive as they are in America. (For instance, a pedicure of mediocre quality costs roughly $100.) It might be because British women simply don’t know
how
to blow-dry their hair or the correct way to apply concealer. Or it might be that a long, long time ago, the only women in England that bothered do their hair and makeup were prostitutes—and so for many years afterward, any woman who dared to paint her nails was deemed an automatic whore. Thankfully, attitudes like this have moved on somewhat, but whatever the reason, the natural American urge to look pristinely polished has not yet been wholly embraced by British women.
To their credit, there are some British women who have been blessed with shiny, maintenance-free hair (that requires neither products nor heat-styling to look gorgeous) and startlingly clear skin that glows without the help of blush or pressed powder. A girl like this is what you might call a true English rose. Excellent examples are Sophie Dahl, Rosamund Pike, Kate Winslet, and of course our beloved Duchess of Cambridge. (In fact, the lovely Kate is so unusually well polished she’s practically an honorary American.)
However, on the streets of London, girls like these are few and far between; everyone else you encounter looks like Kate Moss or Amy Winehouse the morning after. Meaning, everyone else needs to wash their hair, clean their nails, shave their legs, and not be so heavy-handed with their eye makeup. And for the love of god, please don’t wear chipped toenail polish in public.
The Duchess of Windsor (formerly Wallis Simpson) with her husband, Prince Edward, the Duke of Windsor, on their wedding day.
Wallis Simpson, an American socialite, was hardly known for her beauty, yet she was always immaculately groomed. What happened to her? She married the heir to the British throne.
The lesson? American grooming makes you luminous. Use it to your advantage. (And just so you know, if Prince Harry falls for an American girl, there is absolutely nothing in the law that says he has to abdicate.)
For more on Wallis Simpson and her royal love affair see “Royal FAQ’s,”
p. 108
and “Your Crush is Nothing New,”
p. 118
This is where you will shine as an American. Without even trying, your daily beauty habits will
already
be eons ahead of most of your London counterparts. And for this reason, you
will
get noticed by Londoners of the opposite sex. When faced with your perfect yet subtle manicure, faultless blow-dry, and flawlessly applied natural makeup, they just can’t help themselves.
American girls are livelier, better educated… not as squeamish as their English sisters… and better able to take care of themselves.
—T
HE
P
RINCE OF
W
ALES
, 1930
Beauty Basics
When it comes to makeup, always strive for a classic,
understated
look. The real key to makeup is that it shouldn’t look like you’re wearing makeup—it just looks like
you
(only slightly better).
Understand the shape of your face. The way you apply eye shadow and blush may not work for me because our cheekbones and brow bones are shaped differently. So just because you like your friend’s makeup doesn’t mean it’s the right makeup technique for you.
See a professional. I went to a MAC makeup counter when I was sixteen years old, and although I don’t use all of their products (I’m still a fan of Maybelline!), nearly twenty years later I still use many of the same application techniques that
I learned that day. So choose a cosmetic counter and book an appointment. Tell the makeup artist that you want a natural, understated
daytime
look. If you’re not happy with the result, go somewhere else until you are.
Take care of your skin. Even if you stay out till three in the morning clubbing the night away with Prince Harry—make sure you cleanse, tone, and moisturize before falling into bed.
Embrace the power of concealer. There is no point slaving away with foundation, blush, and eye makeup if those tiny imperfections are still on display. So cover up those dark circles and tiny red spots before you do anything else. I also use concealer to cover up the annoying redness in the creases of my nose and across the entire surface of my eyelids.
Always apply makeup in natural light. (Because badly applied makeup is a great deal worse than no makeup.)
Take care of your eyes. I use eye cream at bedtime and eye gel first thing in the morning. Always use your ring finger (because it’s the weakest) when applying anything under your eyes and always use outward motions to avoid causing wrinkles.
Even your skin tone. Unless you have super dry skin, use a powder-based (not liquid) foundation to avoid greasiness. I love MAC’s Studio Fix.
Achieve English rosiness with the perfect powder blush—make sure it matches your skin tone perfectly or it can look dirty. Apply blush to the apple of your cheek—where the sun would naturally hit.
Long to look like Diana? Don’t attempt to create doleful princess eyes by wearing lots of 1980s blue eyeliner. And while we all love Kate Middleton, many experts agree that her thick eyeliner is a bit heavy-handed. For a look that is soft yet defined, try lining your eyes with dark brown shadow instead of heavy liquid and apply it with a small angled brush (MAC #263). Also try shadow to color your brows instead of greasy pencils.
Forget what all the magazines say about “this season’s” eye shadow colors—the only colors that belong on your face should be muted and natural (think gray, brown, beige, apricot, cream). Unless we’re talking about your actual, God-given irises, stay away from blue, green, and purple.
Expensive doesn’t always mean better. I use mascara from Max Factor and instead of lip gloss, I use Vaseline! Once you’ve found something that works for you, stay loyal. There is no point in spending money on dozens of dazzling new products that you’ll probably never use more than once. (Besides, your bathroom cabinet in London won’t be big enough to hold them.)