The Rules of Regret (20 page)

“
No, not handsome,
”
Torin continued, still trying to
find an adequate description for Lance.
“
So
…
so happy to meet me.
”

My
mouth twitched.
“
Why
wouldn
’
t
he be?
”

“
I don
’
t know.
”
Torin
’
s childlike grin fluttered my heart
and made me feel like I was spinning around in circles again in Lance
’
s arms.
“
I was hoping he would view me as a
threat or something. I mean, I did just spend the last three weeks with his
girl.
”

“
He doesn
’
t view you as a threat.
”

Torin
worked on a swallow and said,
“
Why
not
—”

“
All set to go?
”
Lance returned and fell in step with
us, my pink bag adorning his shoulder. The McIverson
’
s personal chauffeur was perched
against a black Range Rover just outside the exit doors, the SUV
’
s windows tinted almost as dark as
the finish of the paint on the vehicle.
“
Let
’
s get you both settled in.
”

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I
folded the last piece of clothing into the dresser and tossed my duffel bag
into the towering wardrobe, latching the mahogany door back into place.

“
I still don
’
t see how this is okay with him,
”
Torin chimed from the front of the
hotel room. I heard the slam of a drawer first and then his footsteps as he
entered the room. Lance had gotten us a suite, so I took the room in the back
and Torin claimed the fold out sofa as his own. And now he stood in the doorway
separating the two spaces, his tanned arms zigzagged over his chest.
“
I don
’
t get how he
’
s alright with us sharing a room.
”

“
You heard him,
”
I said, taking my toiletry bag to
the adjoining bathroom. The mirror stretched all the way to the ceiling and the
lights that hung on it glittered against the glass like amber stars. Even the
hotel bathroom was excessively ornate. Seriously, all you were supposed to do
in here was pee. It really didn
’
t
call for gilded drawer handles and golden encrusted faucets. Oh, the McIversons
and their overstated tastes.

I
settled my makeup bag onto the marble countertop and stared myself down in the
oversized mirror. I looked sort of awful. That was fitting, because I felt sort
of awful. One day (okay, maybe two) of deception and the lying had taken an
obvious physical toll. By the end of the trip, I
’
d look like death warmed over.
“
We have to share because he said
there was only one room available.
”

“
So why aren
’
t you staying with him?
”
Torin plopped onto the foot of my
bed, his legs tucked up under him. He was tense, and the muscle that pulsed at
the back of his jaw did this tightening, then relaxing, thing that made me grit
my teeth in an attempt to steady my erratic breathing. I
’
d never felt asthmatic before, but
Torin did something strange to my respiratory system.

“
He can
’
t have guests at his apartment.
Something to do with his internship. I don
’
t
know.
”

“
I know it doesn
’
t bug you, but I
’
m starting to feel a little insecure
about him being
so
okay with me
hanging around.
”
Torin flicked his head to shake the hair from his forehead. He was way overdue
for a haircut. Maybe I should add that to our agenda today: lose the
disheveled, untidy mane.
“
I
might not be a McIverson, but I don
’
t
think I
’
m
repulsive.
”

I
bracketed my hands on the curved ledge of the bathroom counter and laughed
lightly.
“
You
’
re not repulsive, Torin.
”

“
No. I just make you gag.
”

After
placing my toothbrush in a glass near the sink, I exited the bathroom to join
him at the foot of my bed.
“
You
don
’
t
make me gag.
”
Well, he did, but not for the reasons he thought.

“
That
’
s not true. It
’
s happened twice now.
”

I
dragged in an extended breath and closed my eyes, knowing things were about to
get seriously awkward.
“
I
may or may not have told Lance that you might be gay.
”

There
was a long, uncertain pause. Someone just dropped a pin over on Pennsylvania
Ave, I
’
m
fairly sure I heard it.

“
That
’
s very confusing, Darby. You may or
may not, might have? What is that supposed to mean?
”
That muscle along his jaw thrummed
again.
“
Your
boyfriend thinks I
’
m
gay?
”

I
tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but it was the size of a tennis ball
and I choked instead.
“
Lance
is not the understanding guy I
’
ve
made him out to be,
”
I explained, twisting a strand of hair around my thumb until the fingertip
looked like a swollen grape. I felt my pulse beating in it.
“
He
’
s actually sort of the jealous type.
He
’
d
never be okay with you flying out to D.C. with me. I had to come up with
something
.
”

“
And telling him I was gay was the
only option? How am I going to pull that off?
”
With an unexpected smile, Torin
tapped his fingers on his mouth like he was actually trying to figure out how
to make this whole thing work.

“
Pull that off?
”

“
Well, yeah,
”
he said, nudging my knee, giving me
a sidelong glance.
“
You
took a risk bringing me here. I
’
m
not going to throw you under the bus for that, Darby. So how do I pull this
off?
”

“
Well, for starters, you
’
re going to have to dress a lot
better than that.
”

Shifting
his gaze, he surveyed his clothing. His black V-neck shirt was so faded that it
looked more gray than ebony, and his jeans had about five holes ripped through
the tattered fabric, like he had gotten into a fight with a feral cat in some
dark alleyway.
“
What
’
s wrong with the way I dress?
”

“
Nothing,
”
I giggled, covering my mouth with my
palm.
“
If
you
’
re
homeless.
”

“
It
’
s comfortable.
”
With his thumb and index finger, he
pulled at the hem of his shirt, exposing his taut stomach slightly, reminding
me of the day on the rock when he laid there bare chested next to me. I really
wished he wouldn
’
t
do that. To go with my recent asthma self-diagnosis, I was about to write
myself a prescription for an inhaler.

“
It
’
s not presentable. You can
’
t go to the gala tonight wearing
something like that, Torin.
”
When I realized I was unintentionally fanning myself with the end of my braid,
I dropped it like it was on fire, hot potato style.

Leaning
in closer than he should, Torin said,
“
Well
then. I think we have some shopping to do.
”

***

“
Your boyfriend is freakin
’
hot.
”

I
was used to hearing that phrase. If I had even just a penny for every time I
’
d heard it, I
’
d likely be able to pay my own college
tuition, and my education came with a hefty price tag. The only thing was, this
girl was not talking about Lance.

“
I think I like this last one on him
the best.
”
She smacked a pink wad of her gum between her teeth and swiveled her perfectly
curved hips as she made her way back behind the register.

A
few feet away, the dressing room drapes fluttered. Torin reached a hand out to
draw the curtain back all the way, and it was like one of those slow motion
dramatizations in a soap opera. Or maybe it was the fuzzy feeling in my head
that seemed to slow everything down, like the world spun just a little more
lazily on its axis.

I
crisscrossed my legs, the sweat on my thighs slipping over them. The east coast
during the summer was hot, humid, and all kinds of uncomfortable.

“
Do you know how to do this?
”
Torin emerged to stand immediately
in front of me, outfitted in a tailored, charcoal gray suit, the flat-front
pants looking like they were made just for his body and the jacket tapering
perfectly over his angular shoulders. A thin, black tie hung loosely around his
neck and he flipped the end of it up.
“
I
’
ve never worn one of these.
”

I
peeled myself from the chair and stood on unsteady legs.

Torin
looked amazing. Like one of those unbelievable before and after
transformations. The only thing was, the before was already pretty incredible,
so the after took him to a whole different level. He was all sun-kissed hair
and tanned skin and sleek, tailored lines. Total model status. A status I was
completely uncomfortable with, especially when I realized this was the same guy
I
’
d kissed just hours ago. I suddenly
felt out of my league, which was an odd sensation considering I was actually
dating a guy that was literally in a league all his own.

“
Can you help me out with it?
”
Torin flicked the tie, wrapping it
clumsily over itself in a pretzeled knot.

“
Yeah.
”
All of my syllables got twisted
together in my mouth.
“
I
can help.
”

I
’
d tied a tie a hundred times at the
very least. But as I grabbed ahold of the silken fabric draped around Torin
’
s neck, it was like my fingers forgot
how to move, how to function in any sort of manner that would make tying a tie
even possible. I was all thumbs. In that moment, I wouldn
’
t even be able to tie my own shoe to
save my life.

“
It
’
s not a noose, Darby.
”
Torin smiled, a lopsided sort of
grin.
“
Try
not to strangle me. Though I wouldn
’
t
blame you if you wanted to. I probably deserve it after that stunt on the
plane.
”

My
eyes lifted to his as my fingers slowly recalled how to work again. I tugged
the wider side of fabric through the loose knot and pulled it tight, sliding it
up toward his throat, wriggling it back and forth slowly in a rhythm that made
the whole thing seem strangely sexual, kind of like the whole cootie catcher
disaster. A slight sheen of sweat pooled at the divot where Torin
’
s collarbone and neck met, and I
fought back the urge to sweep it away with my fingertips. Well, in reality I
fought back the urge to lick it off first. And when I realized how
inappropriate
—
and
slightly gross
—
that
was, I fought the urge to wipe it off. Like he could somehow sense this
ridiculous internal struggle of mine, Torin
’
s Adam
’
s apple lifted up and down as he
quietly cleared his throat, ripping me out of my hormone-driven state of being.

“
I don
’
t want to strangle you,
”
I said, reclaiming my right to my
own composure, but my voice was too hushed and almost raspy.

Peering
down at me, Torin wrapped his fingers over mine on top of the knot at the base
of his neck.
“
Thank
you.
”

“
Yeah.
”

“
Yeah.
”
He narrowed his eyes at me, slivers
on his face, almost like he was trying to read my thoughts. But even if he
could, he wouldn
’
t
discover anything. My brain was fuzzy and empty, like I
’
d been sucking a balloon filled with
helium.
 

With
his chin tucked, his head leaned forward an inch. My natural instinct was to
press up on toe to lessen the gap, but I didn
’
t. I fought it; I fought the pulling
sensation in me that wanted to kiss him again. And it was so weird, because
there was this charged chemistry between us that
—
under other circumstances
—
would lead to
kissing, eventually. In fact, I was sure it would lead us to a lot more than
that. There was an undeniable rush of excitement that filled me when Torin was
close. I didn
’
t
have this with Lance. And it wasn
’
t
one of those situations where I used to have it with him and after six years,
it slipped away. I
’
d
never experienced this, so it was unnatural to fight it off when it was the
most natural thing my body, and my brain, had ever known.