The Skeptics Annotated Bible (691 page)

16 Therefore
the LORD, the God of hosts, the Lord, saith thus; Wailing shall be in all streets; and they shall say in all the highways, Alas! alas!
and they shall call the husbandman to mourning, and such as are skilful of lamentation to wailing.

(5.16)
“The LORD, the God of hosts, the LORD, saith thus; Wailing shall be in all streets; and they shall say in all the highways, Alas! alas!”

17 And in all vineyards shall be wailing: for I will pass through thee, saith the LORD.

(5.17) “And in all vineyards shall be wailing: for I will pass through thee, saith the LORD.”

(5.18-20) Many Christians look forward to the “day of the Lord,” but according to these verses, they shouldn’t.

18 Woe unto you that desire the day of the LORD! to what end is it for you? the day of the LORD is darkness, and not light.

(5.18) “Woe unto you that desire the day of the LORD! to what end is it for you? the day of the LORD is darkness, and not light.”

19 As if a man did flee from a lion, and a bear met him; or went into the house, and leaned his hand on the wall, and a serpent bit him.

(5.19) “As if a man did flee from a lion, and a bear met him; or went into the house, and leaned his hand on the wall, and a serpent bit him.”

20 Shall not the day of the LORD be darkness, and not light? even very dark, and no brightness in it?

(5.20) “Shall not the day of the LORD be darkness, and not light? even very dark, and no brightness in it?”

(5.21-27) God rejects the Israelites’ prayers, songs, and sacrifices because they worshipped other gods and didn’t offer enough sacrifices during the Exodus (many centuries ago). To punish them he’ll make them all slaves.

21 I hate, I despise your feast days, and I will not smell in your solemn assemblies.

(5.21) “I hate, I despise your feast days, and I will not smell in your solemn assemblies.”

22 Though ye offer me burnt offerings and your meat offerings, I will not accept them: neither will I regard the peace offerings of your fat beasts.

23 Take thou away from me the noise of thy songs; for I will not hear the melody of thy viols.

(5.23) “Take thou away from me the noise of thy songs; for I will not hear the melody of thy viols.”

24 But let judgment run down as waters, and righteousness as a mighty stream.

25 Have ye offered unto me sacrifices and offerings in the wilderness forty years, O house of Israel?

(5.25) “Have ye offered unto me sacrifices and offerings in the wilderness forty years, O house of Israel?”

26 But ye have borne the tabernacle of your Moloch and Chiun your images, the star of your god, which ye made to yourselves.

(5.26) “But ye have borne the tabernacle of your Moloch and Chiun your images, the star of your god, which ye made to yourselves.”

27 Therefore will I cause you to go into captivity beyond Damascus, saith the LORD, whose name is The God of hosts.

(5.27) “Therefore will I cause you to go into captivity beyond Damascus, saith the LORD, whose name is The God of hosts.”

(6.1-6) Woe is everyone (especially musicians and wine drinkers).

6
Woe to them that are at ease in Zion, and trust in the mountain of Samaria, which are named chief of the nations, to whom the house of Israel came!

(6.1) “Woe to them that are at ease in Zion, and trust in the mountain of Samaria.”

2 Pass ye unto Calneh, and see; and from thence go ye to Hamath the great: then go down to Gath of the Philistines: be they better than these kingdoms? or their border greater than your border?

3 Ye that put far away the evil day, and cause the seat of violence to come near;

(6.3) “That put far away the evil day.”

4 That lie upon beds of ivory, and stretch themselves upon their couches, and eat the lambs out of the flock, and the calves out of the midst of the stall;

(6.4) “That lie upon beds of ivory, and stretch themselves upon their couches, and eat the lambs out of the flock, and the calves out of the midst of the stall.”

5 That chant to the sound of the viol, and invent to themselves instruments of musick, like David;

(6.5) “That chant to the sound of the viol, and invent to themselves instruments of musick.”

6 That drink wine in bowls, and anoint themselves with the chief ointments: but they are not grieved for the affliction of Joseph.

(6.6) “That drink wine in bowls, and anoint themselves with the chief ointments.”

7 Therefore now shall they go captive with the first that go captive, and the banquet of them that stretched themselves shall be removed.

8 The Lord GOD hath sworn by himself, saith the LORD the God of hosts, I abhor the excellency of Jacob, and hate his palaces: therefore will I deliver up the city with all that is therein.

(6.8) “The Lord GOD hath sworn by himself … I abhor the excellency of Jacob, and hate his palaces: therefore will I deliver up the city.” God swears to himself that he hates Jacob’s palaces, so he will deliver up the city (and kill everyone in it).

9 And it shall come to pass, if there remain ten men in one house, that they shall die.

(6.9) “If there remain ten men in one house … they shall die.”

10 And a man’s uncle shall take him up, and he that burneth him, to bring out the bones out of the house, and shall say unto him that is by the sides of the house, Is there yet any with thee? and he shall say, No. Then shall he say
, Hold thy tongue: for we may not make mention of the name of the LORD.

(6.10)
“Hold thy tongue: for we may not make mention of the name of the LORD.”
(If God hears you, he’ll probably kill you, too.)