The Summer I Learned to Dive (10 page)

“I just need to lie down for a minute.” I handed him the cup. He took the last sip and put the cup on his desk. He plopped down next to me. We lay silently for a few minutes. The room kept spinning.

“You don’t drink much do you?” he asked.

“No.” I hiccuped and then laughed. He laughed with me. He was suddenly so funny. Things were blurry and the room felt like it was moving. I turned to face him. He looked at me and then moved me closer toward him and began kissing me. His breath smelled of beer and cigarettes. The taste was making me sick. I wanted to stop kissing him. His mouth was full of saliva, his tongue was jammed into my mouth. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. His hand started moving up my shirt. I pushed it away. He laughed and kissed me again. He placed his hand under my shirt again. I pushed it away, hoping he would stop. The more we kissed, the more repulsed I became. He placed his hand on my chest and touched my breast. I instantly moved it away. “No!” I said annoyed.

“Oh come on. You’re being uptight. Loosen up,” he whispered to me. He placed his hand on my shirt and began unbuttoning the top button. I pushed his hand away, this time harder.

“Cut it out,” I said assertively, more angrily.  I sat up. He sighed heavily and got up off the bed.

“You’re a tease,” he said, glaring at me. “You came up to my bedroom. What’d you expect? That we’d talk, hold hands and sing camp songs? Grow up. This isn’t play school, Finn,” he said.

“I expected you to be a nice guy, but I was wrong.” I got off of the bed. Everything was still spinning. I headed toward his door, unsteady on my feet.

He stood in front of it, blocking me from leaving. “You don’t go into a guy’s bedroom unless you want sex. God, you’re naive,” he said condescendingly and with contempt.

My eyes watered. “I should have listened to Meg. You’re a real jerk. Move out of my way!” I shouted at him. He rolled his eyes at me and threw his arms up in the air. I slammed the door. He shouted something back at me, but I couldn’t hear him. I tried walking steadily down the stairs, but it was too difficult. I almost fell twice. My balance was off from the alcohol. I was still dizzy and things were not clear. I had to find Meg. I wanted go home immediately.

I wasn’t so out of it that I didn’t know where I was or what I was doing. I searched the crowds, trying to find her. She was on the couch, making out with Blake. I stared at her shocked and then tapped her on her shoulder.

“Meg,” I said, clearing my throat.

She stopped kissing Blake and laughed. “What Finny?” she asked strangely. She was drunk.

“I want to go home,” I said. I wiped the tears from my eyes.

“Just wait a while,” she said.

“We’re getting reacquainted,” Blake chimed in. He starting kissing her again, ignoring my presence.

“Meg!” I shouted.

“What?” she growled.

“I want to go home now.” I held onto my head, trying to control the spin.

She laughed. “Oooh, Finny’s mad,” she said, pinching my nose. I shooed her away.

“You can’t drive us home. Call Hannah and ask her to pick us up,” I said, this time with more authority.

She ignored me and began kissing Blake again. I grabbed her purse and took out her cell phone, searching for Hannah’s number.

“Hannah, it’s Finn. Meg and I drank too much. Can you come pick us up?”

“I can’t. Matt and I are at his grandparents. They live over an hour away. Call Jesse. You and Meg should know better,” she said, getting the last word in. I didn’t respond. I hung up the phone and looked for Jesse’s number.

“Hello,” he answered groggily. He sounded tired.

“Jesse,” I said with urgency.

“Who’s this?” he asked.

“It’s Finn. Meg’s drunk and I had too much to drink to drive us home. Can you come pick us up at Dylan’s party?” I hiccuped loudly. I heard him sigh. I waited for him to answer.

He sighed again, this time more heavily. “Why didn’t you call Hannah?” he asked.

“I did. She told me to call you,” I said becoming annoyed.

“Fine. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes,” he said reluctantly.

“Thanks,” I said and hung up.

***

It felt like forever, not fifteen minutes. Dylan had made his way downstairs and in the arms of another girl by the time Jesse arrived. Jesse was dressed in an old t-shirt and jeans, his hair disheveled. He was searching the room for us. He looked disgusted, like it was the last place he wanted to be. I waved at him to get his attention. He saw me and moved toward me.

“Where’s Meg?” he asked curtly.

“I tried to get her to stay out here with me. She and Blake went upstairs.” I felt helpless.

He rolled his eyes. “She doesn’t think. Come on,” he said, grabbing my hand and helping me off the couch. The room wasn’t spinning as much. He walked urgently up the stairs and banged on the doors while shouting her name. I heard her giggle from one of the rooms.

“Jesse. She’s in there.” I pointed to the door. He reached for the door knob. Of course it was locked.

“Meg, open the door!” he yelled.

“Get the hell out of here!” Blake shouted. “We’re busy.” Meg giggled.

Jesse ran toward the door, using all of his strength and shoved it open. His face was red. He was angry. Meg was scarcely dressed and looked at me incoherently.

“You’re a real dick for hitting on a drunk girl,” Jesse said.

“It was mutual,” he said. “She wants it, don’t you Meg?” he said in a creepy, soothing voice.

“Doesn’t look that way to me. You’re not drunk and she is. How’s that mutual?” Jesse asked, getting closer to him, his fist balled.

I put Meg’s shirt back on her and tried waking her. “Jesse, she just passed out,” I said, shaking her.

He came over to me and picked her up with little effort, tossing her over his shoulder. “You and your rich asshole friends think you can treat everyone else like they’re nothing. But you’re the one who is a piece of shit. I don’t know what Meg sees in you,” he said loudly, his head shaking in disgust.

“Whatever,” Blake said arrogantly, blowing off what Jesse had said, as if his opinion didn’t matter. “You’ll be working for people like me the rest of your life. Just like your loser drunk dad,” Blake said with a smirk.

Jesse walked over to him, Meg still dangling over his shoulder. His fists were balled, his facial expression furious. Blake looked afraid. He suddenly cowered, scared of Jesse’s reaction. I thought Jesse was going to hit him. I wanted Jesse to hit him, and I don’t know why. It was a low comment, lower than low, that didn’t need to be said.

“It doesn’t matter who I work for, money can never buy you respect from anyone,” Jesse said, jabbing his finger into Blake’s chest. He looked at me, still angry but a little more controlled and said, “Finn, let’s go.” I followed him out of the room. He slammed the door and walked down the stairs.

Chapter 11

Meg lay in his back seat, passed out. I continued to turn my head, hoping for a sign of life. “She’ll be out for a while, Finn,” he said, staring straight ahead. I quit turning my head toward the back of the car and looked at him. I placed my fingers to my temples, my head ached.

“My head hurts,” I said.

“It’s from the alcohol,” he answered. “I can’t believe you drank and went to this stupid party.” His tone sounding as if he were disgusted. He was angry with me, but I didn’t understand why.

“I didn’t drink that much,” I said, but it wasn’t much of defense. “Why are you so mad?”

He breathed heavily and turned to face me. “Because drinking like that is stupid. Those aren’t good people and you could have gotten hurt. Look at Meg. If we hadn’t gone in there, something could have happened. You’re too smart to do something this stupid,” he said angrily.

I titled my head down, looking at my hands, feeling ashamed and embarrassed. It was true. What I had done was stupid, but he didn’t have to judge me so harshly.  Why did he care anyway? He started the ignition and began to drive.

“Where are we taking Meg?” I finally asked. I spoke quietly, afraid of the tension.

“To my house. Her parents would kill her if she came home like this. I’ll take you home on the way.”

I shook my head. “No, I’m going with you.”

“No way. Your grandparents would be too worried about you.”

“Not if they think I’m staying at her house. I’m going with you. I’m not leaving her like this,” I said emphatically.

“Fine. I give up.” He sighed heavily. “Call your grandparents and lie to them then. I don’t like it.” He shook his head in disappointment.

“No one asked for your approval,” I snapped back at him. I took out my phone and dialed their number. Nana answered. It was the first time I had ever lied to her and it felt completely wrong. But it would have felt worse leaving Meg in that condition. I hung up and leaned my aching head back against the head rest.

“You feel guilty,” he said.

“Yeah, really guilty. I’ve never lied to her before, and now I feel awful,” I said.

“Well, at least you have a conscience,” he said. We drove the rest of the way in silence. He pulled into his driveway and turned off his engine. He lived in a double wide trailer in a questionable trailer park. If Dylan was the epitome of wealth, Jesse was the epitome of poverty. Jesse stared at me. “My dad is in there. Just try to keep it down, it’s easier that way.” He didn’t have to say anything else. I knew what he meant.

“Okay,” I said quietly and opened up the car door. He carried Meg over his shoulder and unlocked his front door. Neighbors’ dogs barked in the background. I heard a couple arguing, using several curse words, in the trailer next to his.

We walked inside. The floors creaked with each step we took. I questioned the foundation, wondering if we were going to fall through the floor at any moment. The space was small and confining, obviously inhabited by males only. Decorating was not on the agenda. The living room consisted of an old faded beige couch and two very old recliners. A few pictures from when Jesse was a kid were framed and hung on the wall. I glanced at them, seeing that even then, he was absolutely beautiful. He carefully laid Meg down on the couch. She mumbled something. I stooped down and stroked her hair.

“What is it Meg?” I asked in vain. She rolled over on her other side and went back to sleep. I looked at Jesse helplessly.

“She’ll be out for a while. You need coffee to sober up,” he whispered gesturing for me to follow him to his kitchen. He opened a can of coffee and poured the grounds into the filter. He poured water into the coffee maker and it began to percolate. The aroma filled the room. I inhaled slowly.

“I love the smell of coffee,” I said. “It’s nostalgic for me but I don’t know why. I didn’t start drinking it until a few years ago.”

“If only it tasted as good as it smells,” he said.

“It does,” I protested. He laughed. The coffee pot beeped. He poured me a cup and knowingly added cream and sugar.

“How’d you know?”

“I’ve seen you drink it at the diner. You have a sweet tooth.”

“Oh,” I said, surprised but pleased that he had paid that much attention to me. We sat down on the yellow vinyl chairs. The wooden table was scratched and worn.

“Why’d you drink tonight?” he asked sitting across from me, his hands rested under his chin.

I shrugged. “I don’t know.” I felt ashamed.  “Everyone was drinking and looked like they were having a good time. I guess I wanted to try it, to see what it felt like,” I admitted.

He rolled his eyes at me.

“What?” I asked.

“You’re too smart to do something just because everyone else is,” he said and stood up. He rummaged through his refrigerator and took out a gallon milk and chocolate syrup. He poured the two into a glass and took a huge gulp. He wiped the milk mustache off and smiled. “Chocolate milk, now that’s worth drinking. But getting drunk with Dylan what does that prove?”

“I wasn’t planning to get drunk.” I said, glowering at him.

“You drank so much that you couldn’t drive Meg home. That’s what I call inebriation,” he said smugly.

“Okay. You win. I concede.”

“Why do you like him anyway?”

“I don’t anymore. He’s a jerk.”

“I could have told you that but you didn’t ask me,” he said. He took my empty cup. “Do you want more?”

“Please,” I said. He poured me another cup and fixed himself another chocolate milk. This time, he sipped it slowly. I stared into his blue eyes. “Thanks for coming tonight.”

“It’s not a big deal, Finn. It’s what friends do for each other.” He shrugged and then asked, “Was this the first party you’ve ever been to?”

I nodded and said “Yes” quietly, feeling as if I were confessing a deep, dark secret.

He looked at me, his head titled. His eyes moved around, showing that he was in deep thought. “And you’ve never had a drink until tonight?” he asked. He leaned forward.

“No. You don’t drink either.”

“I’ve definitely been to a party, and I’ve definitely had a drink or two before. I just choose not to drink for personal reasons.” I knew what his personal reasons were.

“I didn’t have the quintessential teenaged experience,” I confessed. He raised his eyebrows at me and looked at me interested. “What I mean is, I spent a lot of time focused on my academics instead of on social things.”

“So you were a shut in, a recluse of some sort?” he asked with a tone of sarcasm.

I rolled my eyes at him but found I couldn’t be mad, instead I laughed. “I wasn’t a shut in, Jesse. I just didn’t experience what most teens experience. I was too busy focusing on my plan,” I said.

“How’s this plan of yours working out for you?” he asked.

“It’s not. Things have... changed,” I told him. He was so easy to open up with. I couldn’t believe I was telling him so much.

“So going to this party tonight and drinking was sort of a rite of passage?”

“I guess my entire time in Graceville has become a rite of passage for me. What made you come and rescue us tonight?”     He shrugged his shoulders. “Meg’s a close friend and you sounded desperate which doesn’t surprise me considering you were at Dylan’s house.”

“I wasn’t desperate. I…”

He interrupted, “It’s okay to make a mistake every now and again as long as you learn from it.”

“Well, I learned plenty tonight,” I whispered, but he still heard me.

“That’s what builds character.” He grinned at me. I leaned back into the chair. I felt comfortable with him. The conversation felt real, not strained. I blew on my coffee and took a slow sip. He stared at me pensively. “What made you realize Dylan’s a jerk?” he asked.

“He kept trying to put the moves on me,” I said, making a disgusted face.

“Put the moves on you.” He mocked me.

I rolled my eyes at him. “You know what I mean. He wouldn’t lay off. And then he got mad at me when I didn’t reciprocate,” I said.

Jesse pondered what I said. “Doesn’t surprise me. He’s a real dick. He treated Hannah like crap. They dated last summer and then she found out he was cheating on her the entire time.” He stared at me and lightly touched my hand. “Come on, let’s go check on Meg.”

Meg lay on the couch sound asleep. She snored lightly.  “Should we wake her?” I whispered to him.

“No. Let her sleep it off. It’s good she’s snoring.”

“So what can I do then?” I asked feeling helpless.

“Nothing. She needs to sleep it off. She’ll pay plenty for it tomorrow,” he said. “ So, do you want to play a game of checkers?”

“Checkers? I haven’t played that game since I was a kid.”

“All the more reason to play then, Finn.” He took it off of a shelf full of board games. “We’ll play in the kitchen,” he said quietly. “We won’t wake anyone in there.” I knew he was referring to his dad.

I nodded in agreement and followed him. We played checkers for a few hours. He won every game which frustrated me. What wasn’t he good at? We talked the entire game but not about anything deep, just talked. He told me stories about my grandparents, about Graceville, about growing up in a small town.

“Your grandfather was the best scout leader. He’d take us all out in the middle of the woods and we’d have so much fun camping. He’d tell the best stories and make these awesome breakfasts over the campfire,” he said and then paused. “If it wasn’t for him, I don’t know where I’d be.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“He kept me in line. He helped me with school, you know, kept me out of trouble. I could have gone down a different path. My dad, he tried to be a parent and he loves me, but the whole concept of parenting is foreign to him. Your grandfather helped fill those gaps,” he said.

“I had no idea,” I said, suddenly aware of the importance my grandfather played in shaping Jesse’s life. For one brief moment, I felt jealous, green with envy that Jesse had my grandfather all of these years. Then my sanity came back and those feelings ceased. “I could tell you two were close. I just didn’t know how it happened.”

“He loves you a lot. He’s just hard to get to know,” he said as if reading my mind.

“I’ve come to realize that,” I said, sitting back in the seat, sighing.

“Be patient. He’s trying. You’re smart enough to see that,” he said.

I yawned loudly. “It’s almost dawn.” I stretched my arms out and yawned again.

“Lightweight,” he teased.

“What? It’s five o’clock in the morning, Jesse,” I whined.

His eyebrow arched. “And?”

“I’ve been up for hours and I’m tired.” I yawned again.

“No sleeping yet. We’re going to watch the sunrise,” he said.

“Let me just rest my head here.” I laid my head down on his table.  He sprung up and tugged on my pony tail. The touch of his hands to my hair caused my nerves to react erratically.

“Come on, Finn.” He touched my shoulder, gently nudging me. “I bet you’ve never done this before, either,” he joked. My eyes answered him. He laughed. “Just what I thought. That whole plan of yours really made you miss out on things.”

I reluctantly followed him outside. We walked together in the darkness. It was hard to see what was in front of me. I blindly followed Jesse as he led me to a ledge. A chain link fence with a huge gaping hole in one area bordered the area. Jesse climbed through it and motioned for me to do the same.

“No way.” I shook my head and folded my arms against my chest.

“Come on.” He motioned.

“Are we breaking a law or something?” I asked. It felt like we were. Wasn’t the fence there for a reason? Was I trespassing and would the police be there to haul me in?

“Finnnnn,” he said. I relented and crawled through the wide whole and sat down next to him.

“Where are we?” I whispered.

“At the edge of my neighborhood. It’s the best place to see the sunrise,” he whispered back to me. We were in such close proximity, I could hear him breathing.  If it had been daylight and I had seen where we were sitting and how far the fall below me was, I would have been shaking from fear. The night was so quiet. I could hear the faintest of sounds, crickets chirping and frogs croaking from miles away.  My heart beat loudly, and I wondered if he could hear it beating rapidly.

“Why are we doing this?” I asked.

“Because it’s something you haven’t seen before because of this plan of yours. A sunrise shows a new day has started, that whatever happened before is the past,” he said.

I nodded my head in agreement, trying to discern what he had just said. It was a profound statement. “That’s deep, Jesse,” I said sarcastically, but secretly was impressed.

“It’s true. Whatever is past, is past,” he said.

We stared into the stillness again. I nodded off and on, my eyes could not stay open. I heard him saying my name. I slowly opened my eyes, realizing I had fallen asleep, my head lay against his shoulder. I quickly lifted my head and looked straight ahead. The sun was rising; the sky was several different colors. It was stunning. The bright, circular shaped orange sun slowly crept up, out from nowhere, now an awe-inspiring presence.

“Beautiful,” I said out loud.

“See. It’s worth staying up for isn’t it?” he asked, nudging me.

“Totally,” I said mesmerized. “Thanks.” I turned to look at him.

“For what?” he asked.

“For helping me see what I’ve been missing,” I said and smiled.

***

Jesse drove Meg and me to her car early in the morning. Meg profusely apologized to Jesse, begging him to forgive her. She had a flare for the dramatics. “It’s not a big deal, Meg. Just promise me you’ve had your fill of Blake,” he said.