The Summer I Learned to Dive (12 page)

“Yes,” I said, still taking it all in. “Yes it is.” I finally looked at him.

Hannah, Matt and Meg found a secluded spot and put their stuff down on the ground. I trudged slowly through the sand, focusing more on the scenery than anything else.

“It’s hot. I don’t know about you all but I’m going in,” Hannah said and ran toward the water. Matt chased after her and grabbed her around the waist. She laughed and kicked water on him. They looked happy, like they were in love. I wanted that kind of relationship—an effortless one that would make me happy.

Meg grabbed an inner tube and walked with it in the water.  “The water feels great Finn!” she shouted, sitting down on the tube.

“I’m coming,” I replied and walked into the water. The water was ice cold but felt exhilarating. It was such a hot day, the water’s frigid temperatures were an instant relief, a reprieve. “Brrr,” I said to Meg who laughed. I shivered a little and then started wading around the water. I floated on my back and let my hair get completely wet. I stared up at the blue sky.

Jesse floated on a raft. He lay on his belly, his head and feet hung over the edges. He was too tall for it but didn’t seem to mind. We were near each other, but didn’t say anything. I floated on my back, feeling utterly peaceful.

“Come on, Finn,” Meg urged me, splashing water on me. It broke my trance. I stopped floating on my back and swam towards the shore.

“Where are you guys going?” I asked. Hannah, Matt and Jesse were walking a few feet ahead of us.

“Diving, of course,” she said.

I felt instant dread. “No, you go on without me. I’ll stay here.” I started back towards the water.

“Finn, what are you doing?” she yelled. Jesse heard her and stopped walking. He went over to Meg. I heard him ask her what was wrong with me. She shrugged her shoulders. He told her to go ahead and headed toward the water, towards me.

I tried swimming further away, but he was too quick and too skilled to get away from. He swam to me. “Hey, what are you doing?” he asked a little out of breath.

“Nothing. Just swimming,” I lied. We treaded water. He looked at me skeptically.

“You don’t have to dive, Finn, if you’re afraid,” he said, trying to reassure me.

“That’s not it. I just want to swim instead. You go on ahead.” I tried to smile but it looked fake. He could tell.

“I can teach you, Finn.”

“Teach me?” I tried to sound confused, but I knew what he was talking about.

He rolled his eyes. “To dive, Finn.”

“That’s okay. You go on ahead.”

He tilted his head, crinkling his nose. A wrinkle creased in his forehead. “If you want to live your life never experiencing anything, that’s your call.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked defensively.

“I mean,” he said, swimming closer to me. “You’ve lived your entire life too afraid to live off balance. You’ve stuck to this plan of yours and it’s kept you from experiencing life. So, if you’re too afraid to try and dive, then stay here and swim.” He swam away from me and started walking out of the water.

“Wait!” I yelled. He turned to face me and grinned. I trudged toward him, hesitantly, stubbornly, mad and with a mission to prove something to him but I didn’t know what that was. I didn’t want to be the person he described—a person that allowed life to pass by. “Don’t be smug.”

He laughed, but stopped when I glared at him. “I knew you’d change your mind,” he said.

I sighed heavily. “Oh yeah, how’s that?” I asked exasperated.

“I just did. You’re ready to take the plunge.” He laughed again. He had the most beautiful sounding laugh I had ever heard, but I wasn’t about to tell him that.

I followed him toward the rocks. I was apprehensive, fearful, and uncertain. He studied my face, seeing the anxiety. “Don’t worry, we’re not starting on those rocks. That’s for the big kids. We’re starting out in the kiddie pool,” he said, pointing to the smaller rocks. I gulped out loud, afraid to move. He swam toward them. He placed his muscular arms on one rock and lifted his body effortlessly onto it. He stared down at me. “It’s just like a diving board, only better. Come stand on it with me,” he said extending his hand. I grabbed a hold of it and allowed him to lift me on the rock with him. He picked me up with ease like I was light as a feather. We stood together on the one rock. His proximity made me more nervous and excited at the same time. 

“The most important thing is not to be scared. You have to dive in, so to speak, without thinking. This isn’t something you can over think, Finn,” he said, squinting, the sun shined in his blue eyes. His breath smelled deliciously sweet, like caramel. His lips were moist from swimming.

“Watch my form.” He moved his sculpted arms above his head and placed his two palms together. Suddenly, he dove head first into the water. It was a perfect dive. Water splashed onto me. I wiped my eyes. He bobbed up from the deep depths of the lake. His head and bare shoulders exposed.

“Now you try,” he said encouragingly.

I stood pensively, doing exactly what he told me not to do, over thinking. I raised my arms above my head and placed my palms together, trying to imitate Jesse. I looked at him for guidance.

“Come on, Finn,” he said enthusiastically.

I dove into the water, not as gracefully as Jesse. I swam quickly to the surface, almost out of breath from fear. I coughed and tried wiping water out of my eyes.

“Are you okay?” he asked with concern. I couldn’t see him; my eyes were clouded with water. He took my hand and led me to the rock, helping me up, lifting me with no effort.

I sat on the rock and waited for my eyes to stop burning. He sat patiently next to me. “That was great. Ready for another?” he asked. I thought he was joking, but his tone was serious. He shook his wet hair out of his face and smiled at me. His smile made my heart melt.

“I don’t think so,” I said and coughed.

“Finn,” he started.

“No,” I said more adamantly.

“You can’t quit after your first time. You’ve almost got it. Just give it a few more tries and you’ll have it,” he said, trying to coach me.

“It’s not what I thought it would be.”

“You can’t have expectations. You just have to do it. If you go into it expecting something, then you’ll always be disappointed. Just dive.” He smiled and stood up. Quickly and beautifully, he dove into the water, with little effort. He made it look so easy.

“I know you’re not a quitter,” he teased. “Do I need to call you one from now on?”

I rolled my irritated eyes at him. “Fine,” I grumbled. I stood up too annoyed to think about what I was doing. I dove into the water, this time a little neater, a little cleaner. I swam to the surface of the water. My eyes had been closed, so no water lingered in them. Jesse waded in the water, grinning at me.

“That was good,” he said. “I knew you weren’t a quitter.” I hoisted myself up on the rock and sat on it, my feet dangling in the water. He swam up to me, close to my feet. His hand touched my foot.

“Want to do another one?” he asked eagerly, nudging my foot. It was hard for me to concentrate. The touch of his hand on my foot made me feel woozy.

I stood up, without saying a word, and quickly dove into the water again except this time with more ease, nearing perfection. It would only be a matter of time before I would have it. I felt triumphant. I felt like I had conquered the world. I smiled broadly and confidently.

Jesse dove into the water right behind me, shouting “woo hoo” as he dove. We were having fun. Diving wasn’t scary. It could be exhilarating and liberating. Doing something without planning could be exciting. I swam toward the rock again and lifted myself up, ready to take the plunge once more.

Chapter 13

They were dressed up again, holding Tupperware dishes in their hands.

“Where are you off to?” I asked.

“Just seeing an old friend,” she said.

“Can I come?” I wanted to spend more time with them. Plus, I was curious about this friend they saw every Sunday: this friend that they brought food to and made a point to dress up for.

“No honey, but thanks for asking.”

“I don’t get to see you and Grandpa much anymore,” I said. Since I had made friends, my social calendar had filled up.

“I know. But you’ve made friends and that’s what people your age should be doing, not hanging out with two old coots,” she said and smiled.

“You are not old. Grandpa may be, but you aren’t,” I joked.

“What am I?” my grandfather asked, walking in on us.

“Old,” Nana replied.

“Tell me something I don’t know,” he said.

“We’ll be back later today,” she said before they walked out the door.

***

Time had flown quickly. As each day passed, I felt closer to my grandparents like there had never been a distance in time between us. Talking and being around Jesse felt natural, like breathing. Our conversations were fluid, seamless, without a lull or lack of words. Sometimes if he gently touched my hand, my nerves would react erratically feeling as if butterflies were flying in my stomach or the wind suddenly had been knocked out of me. I wondered when these crazy reactions would stop.

Grandpa sat on the swing sipping sweet tea. It was late in the afternoon. The house was empty and quiet. I looked outside the front door, the sun was setting. I stood inside behind the screen door. “Where’s Nana?” I asked.

“She’s decorating for the dance tonight,” he said. He took a sip of his tea and wiped sweat off of his brow.

“Oh, I forgot about the dance.” Nana had talked about it for weeks, but somehow it had slipped my mind.

“It’s not too bad out here right now,” he said. I opened the screen door and walked over to him. He motioned to the empty space next to him on the swing.

I sat down next to him. We silently swayed. He offered me some tea. I took a sip and handed him back the glass.

“Your father loved sitting out here,” he said.

“Really?” I asked interested.

“He’d stay out here for hours.” He chuckled lightly. “He and your mother would neck out here you know. ’Course they never thought we knew, but we knew.” He raised an eyebrow at me and nodded his head. “He would have slept out here if he could.” He smiled to himself.

“My mother never told me much about him. There’s so much I want to know,” I said.

He didn’t respond. He looked thoughtful. We rocked gently on the swing, going back and forth and back and forth again.

“What was he like as a child?” I asked.

He looked at me. “He was a precocious boy, always into something. He was good at everything. He played sports, the guitar, he could do it all,” he said.

“I’m not like that,” I said and sighed.

“You’re smart though, real smart. Like him,” he said.

“Thanks. You’re smart, too, Grandpa.” I said reassuringly.

He laughed. “Well, I’m not book smart like you are, but I wasn’t just let off the turnip truck either.”

I looked at him confused. He laughed again.

“Do you miss him?”

“I miss the good times we had together. And there were a lot of those. But I try not to think about it. It doesn’t do you any good in life to dwell on things from the past. The best thing you can do is move forward, not backward.” He patted my hand gently.

“I’m glad I came here,” I said.

He looked at me and smiled. “I am too, Finn. You’ve made Nana and me very happy. You’ve given us our life back,” he said. We swayed gently with the breeze. A hummingbird fluttered near us, flying quickly with the sole intent on finding food. I stared at it and then looked at my grandfather who was watching me.

“You’re the spitting image of him. Sometimes when I’m looking at you, I think I’m looking at him,” he revealed. He looked at his watch and slowly got up. “We’ve got a square dance to go to.” He held his hand out to me and I took hold of it.

I looked at him bewildered. “We?” I asked.

He smirked.“If I have to go, then you do, too.”

“I don’t dance,” I admitted.

“You’ll learn. Maybe Jesse can teach you. He taught you to dive,” he said with an impish grin. I blushed slightly and followed him into the house. “Go on get dressed, we’ve got to leave soon,” he said, walking up the stairs towards his room.

***

The square dance was exactly where I expected it to be. I found myself walking into an old barn, illuminated with white lights. Beautiful flower bouquets were in the center of each small table. A stage had been set up. A band was playing music and some people were already dancing. There was a buffet table full of an endless array of food and drinks. It wasn’t quite past six o’clock in the evening and the place was already packed. Everyone was dressed in country attire—the ladies in frilly dresses with pouffy skirts, the men in smartly pressed dress shirts and cowboy hats. People were square dancing, laughing, having a good time. This definitely was a popular event for the town.

We saw Nana and walked over to her. “Finn, you look beautiful,” she said. She kissed my grandfather on the cheek. “I see you cleaned up, too,” she said to him, smiling. He was wearing khaki pants and a polo shirt. We were the only two in the barn dressed in normal clothes.

“Thanks Nana. He didn’t tell me I needed to dress up for the hoe down,” I said. I looked at my jeans, emerald green button up blouse and brown flip flops. I felt out of place.

“You look great,” she said. She squeezed my hand. “Your grandfather owes me a dance. We’ll be back.” She lead him to the dance floor. I watched them dance as I stood shyly against the wall. I didn’t know anyone and felt too uncomfortable to make small talk. I fidgeted, playing with my hair nervously. I looked around the room and saw Jesse talking to some people. He smiled at me and came over to me.

“Having fun?” he asked.

“Yeah, sure,” I lied. “I didn’t think you’d be here, too.”

“Everyone comes to this dance. It’s an annual event.” He grinned.

“Oh,” I said, bobbing my head, moving to the beat of the music.

“Do you want to dance?”

“That’s okay,” I said.

He looked at me peculiarly. “What?” I asked.

“Let me guess. You don’t dance,” he said, his arms folded.

“I dance. I took ballet for a year.”

“It’s not the same,” he said.

I was tempted to stick my tongue out at him, but kept myself from doing so. Instead, I stood there silently, listening to the music and watching as couples moved to the beat of the music.

Unexpectedly, he took a hold of my hand. “Come on,” he said, walking in haste toward the dance floor giving me no time to resist.

“I don’t want to dance, Jesse,” I said, attempting to release his hold of my hand although I really wanted to keep holding onto to it.

“Just try one dance. If you don’t like it, I’ll leave you alone the rest of the night,” he said smiling, so sure of himself.

“Promise?” I said, but I didn’t want him to. I wanted to hold his hand forever.

“My word of honor,” he said, moving his hand to his heart. I followed his lead and danced with him. He was right, it was fun, more fun than I expected. And it wasn’t difficult to grasp either. I kept my eyes on him, imitating what he did and it was easy to keep up.

The tempo changed when the band began playing a slower song. People left the dance floor, leaving couples only. I looked at Jesse unsure of what to do. He took a hold of my hand and moved me closer to him. He placed one hand on my back and continued holding my hand with his other. We swayed slowly back and forth. I smelled his cologne; it was sweet, musty almost, like the outside. I leaned my head against his muscular chest. I tried to control my breathing. My heart was beating rapidly. I hoped that my palms did not start sweating. They usually did when I was nervous.

“Your hair smells good,” he said. I could feel his breath on my head.

“Thanks,” I said anxiously.

“It smells like flowers,” he said. “You’re having fun dancing, aren’t you?” He knew my answer before I could even utter it.

“Yes.”

“Told you.” He laughed. The song changed and we stopped dancing. “Are you hungry?” he asked.

“A little,” I admitted. I hadn’t eaten in several hours and my stomach was growling.

He led me to the buffet table and handed me a plate. We each filled up our plates with food. He poured tea into two cups and handed me one. 

“There’s a spot over there,” he said, motioning to empty chairs toward the back of the barn.

We sat down and started eating. I didn’t talk much; I was nervous, but didn’t understand why. We had been around each other for weeks but somehow, being with him at a dance made it feel like a date and I was very inexperienced in that area. I didn’t know what the proper protocol was—how to act, what to say. Thinking more about it made me even more nervous.

“Save room for dessert,” he said and laughed again. I instantly blushed.

I looked at him, embarrassed, realizing that I had just made myself look like a pig. I had cleaned my plate in the same amount of time that he had eaten a few bites of his. I wiped my mouth with a napkin and took a sip of my sweet tea.

“I’ve never been to a dance like this.” It was so easy to tell him the truth.

“They probably don’t have a lot of hoe downs in Tampa,” he said. He chewed on some food.

“No.” I shook my head. “I’ve never been to a dance,” I said unabashed.

“Well, it’s good you finally got the chance to go to one then.”

“Have you been to one before?” I asked, curious about other girls he may have danced with.

“Sure.” He shrugged. “I went to my senior prom with the most boring date. You’re much better company.” He nudged me lightly sending an electric current directly from my arm to my heart. Was he indicating that I was his date?

“Thanks,” I said and blushed again.

As he finished his meal, I watched the other people dancing. “Do you want to dance again?” he asked.

“Yes.” I wanted to be close to him, to hold his hand again.

He took my plate and cup and threw them in the trash can. I followed him to the dance floor. We danced with each other the rest of the night, having fun and forgetting time. It felt like it was just the two of us out on the dance floor. I forgot about everyone else.

The evening came to an abrupt end, too soon for me. Most of the people had left and we were still on the dance floor, holding on to each other, swaying back and forth to the slow tempo. The band promised one last song for those of us left. It was a slow song, perfect for that moment. Jesse took my hands and lifted them up, gently wrapping them around his warm neck. He placed his hands on my hips and we swayed gently back and forth to Bob Dylan’s
Forever Young
. We looked into each other’s eyes, and in that moment, he took my breath away.  The song ended too soon. I wanted the moment to last forever. I hoped that the image would be plastered in my mind for a lifetime. I unwrapped my hands from around his neck and let them drop to my hips. He took one of my hands and held it, lacing my fingers with his.  It was the first time he had held my hand like that and I didn’t want to let go. We walked toward Nana. She saw us and smiled, her eyes focused on our hands. She winked at me.

“Jesse, will you take Finn home for me? I have to stay and help clean up,” she said. But most of the cleaning had been done already. I didn’t see much for her to do.

“Sure,” he answered. I tried not to look too eager, but deep down I was excited I would have the chance to be alone with him again.

“Where’s Grandpa?” I asked, looking around the barn.

“Oh, he snuck out a couple of hours ago,” she laughed. “He always does that. Thanks again, Jesse.” It was her way of saying go on.

Jesse and I ventured outside. The perfect gentleman, he unlocked my door and opened it for me first. I leaned over and unlocked his door for him.

“Thanks,” he said, sitting down. I caught another whiff of his cologne. He smelled earthy and sweet. I inhaled slightly, just enough to capture his fragrance. He started the ignition and we were on our way. He turned on the radio. I hummed along.

“It’s so pretty here,” I said.

“Yeah, it is. But this is nothing compared to Dixon State Park,” he said.

“Where’s that?”

“It’s about twenty miles from here. It’s beautiful, lots of waterfalls and great hiking trails. We should go,” he offered. I wondered if he was asking me on a date.

“Yeah. That would be great.”

“How about on Monday?” he asked.

“Okay,” I said, trying to quell my excitement.

“Great. I’ll pick you up about nine in the morning,” he said. “You’ll want to wear tennis shoes, not flip flops.” He pointed to my feet and smiled.

Just then, his phone rang. “Hello?” he answered. I saw his forehead crease, his facial expression change. He breathed into the phone. He looked so stressed. “I’ll be there soon,” he said and hung up. He let out a heavy sigh.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. I could feel the tension.

He shook his head. “It’s nothing.” I could tell he was lying. It was something, something major. His whole demeanor changed as soon as he took that phone call.

“Is something wrong?” I asked, but I knew the answer. The answer was yes and it probably had to do with his father. He didn’t answer me. He stayed focused, looking at the road ahead. He put his hand up to his forehead and rubbed it across his face.