The Swear Jar (30 page)

“Thanks,” Meara said
half-heartedly.

“Meara, have you been sleeping?”
asked Sherrie.  “You’re pale and you don’t look so well.  Have you been
eating?”

“Not much on either.  Let’s get
through this meeting.  Then I’m leaving, I can’t stay.  I can’t take it
anymore.”

“When Duncan comes back, you’ll
talk to him.  Why do you have to leave?”

“He probably doesn’t want to see me
again.  I’ll go.  It’s easier this way.”

“Don’t you want to be the
chairperson?  Why are we doing this?”

“We’re doing it because we agreed
to do it.  I’ll tell them I’m not interested.”

“Are you going to tell Russell
you’re leaving here?  Are you going to work for him?”

“I won’t say anything until Duncan
accepts my resignation.  It’s unprofessional otherwise.  I owe him that much
respect for hiring me.  No, I’m not going to work for Russell.  He hasn’t hired
anyone yet.  He’s stupid.  Besides, Duncan has been a fantastic director.  I
couldn’t work for anyone else.”

“Then talk to Duncan and stay,”
Sherrie pleaded.

“I can’t.”  Meara’s eyes filled
with tears.  “I need to go.”

“Then let’s get through this
meeting.”  Sherrie hugged Meara.

They set up the meeting room by
arranging tables and chairs.  They prepared the coffee and refreshments.  Meara
went to her office to get a pen and notebook.  A few of the meeting attendees
were arriving.  She headed back, her head down.  She was so lost in thought she
didn’t hear the doors open in front of her.  She also hadn’t seen Duncan
walking from the Circulation Desk towards the Youth Services Room.

Duncan kept his distance, but he
was following her.  This was the first time he had seen her wear a dress.  She
looked extremely attractive and did indeed remind him of a sex kitten. 
Jealously, he scowled at the flowers on the desk.  He stayed out of sight when
Russell came out of the meeting room.  Duncan wanted to listen to their
conversation.

“Good morning, Miss Meara!” Russell
said, smiling broadly.  “May I say you look particularly lovely day?”

“Thank you,” Meara said dully.

Russell held two dozen red roses. 
“For you, Miss Meara.  Congratulations on your chairpersonship.”

She waved him off.  “I’m sorry, Mr.
McMahon, but I won’t be accepting the chairpersonship.  I’ve decided to turn it
down.”

“First of all, please call me
Russell.  Second, what do you mean?  You’d make a great chairperson.  These
people need you.  Meara, if I may call you that, you seem like something’s
wrong.  Is there anything I can do to help?  I hate to see you so upset.”

Russell surprised her by sounding
genuinely concerned.  She didn’t like roses, especially red ones, but he was
trying to be nice.

“I appreciate your concern,
Russell.  I’ve been a little stressed out with this meeting.  I realized the
chairpersonship is something that would take too much of my time.  I’m sure
someone else could be persuaded.”

Russell sighed.  “I won’t press
you, but I’m disappointed.  Is Duncan keeping you too busy?  Where is your dear
director?”

“Mr. Phillips is on a well-deserved
vacation.”

“He’s on vacation?  This place can
run just fine without him I see.  I bet no one knows he’s even gone,” Russell
chuckled.

Duncan bristled.  He hated when
Russell made jokes at his expense.  He cringed to think how Meara would reply. 
He was sure she was still upset with him.  She had slipped her resignation
under the door.  She didn’t want the chairpersonship.  She was going to leave
the library.  It didn’t sound like she was interested in working for Russell. 
She had rejected the roses, but she was calling him Russell.  She might be
interested in dating him.  Duncan was anxious.

“Russell, let me tell you
something.  Mr. Phillips runs this library so well his staff is comfortable
with running it in his absence.  He has trained his staff to respond to
problems if they arise.  We’re also free to contact him if we need help.  It’s
all the signs of an excellent director.”  Sounding haughty, she had her hands
on her hips.

Duncan grinned.  Even if she was
upset with him, she wasn’t going to let Russell criticize him.  She was defending
him.  She still loved him.  Duncan came out from hiding and approached them
quietly.  Russell saw Duncan.  Meara was too upset with Russell to notice
Duncan standing behind her.  She waited for Russell to respond.  Duncan spoke
first.

“I’m humbled to know my staff
appreciates me so much.  I’m a very lucky director.  Good morning, Russell.”

With her back to Duncan, she paled
and closed her eyes.  She confirmed Russell’s suspicions.  Duncan and Meara
were together, but at the moment, it seemed as if they were having problems.

Russell filed away this
revelation.  “Good morning Duncan.  I’ll leave you two alone.  I’ll ask your
assistant for something to put these roses in for now.  I’d still like you to
have them, Meara.”

“Good morning, Miss Meara,” Duncan
said softly.

Chapter Thirty-Four

Still in shock, Meara turned to
face Duncan.  He carried a large bouquet of flowers, similar to the one he had
given her on her first day.  He wore a dark blue suit with a white shirt and
cerulean blue tie.  The blue matched one of the colors in Meara’s dress.  His
hair was neatly trimmed.  He looked incredibly attractive and sexy.  Her heart
racing, she felt dizzy from all the emotions running through her mind.

“Good morning, Mr. Phillips,” Meara
whispered.

She couldn’t take her eyes off
him.  She wanted to reach out and touch him, but she was terrified this was her
nightmare and she would wake up to find him gone.  Her eyes misted up.  She
swayed gently.

“These flowers are for you.  I
can’t seem to find a vase.  I think there’s one in the staff kitchen.  Would
you help me find it?”

“Of course, Mr. Phillips,” Meara
said, struggling to speak.

She led the way.  He closed the
door behind him while she looked in the cabinets for the vase.  He came up
behind her.  He was standing close, but wasn’t touching her.  He made her
nervous.  She couldn’t reach the vase on the top shelf.

“Here, Lady Meara, hold the
flowers.  I’ll get the vase,” he said.

He handed her the flowers and
placed his hand on the small of her back.  He reached up for the vase, gently
pressing against her shoulders.  She was crying silently.  Placing the vase on
the counter, he noticed the flowers were trembling.  He lifted her chin to see
her crying.  His heart broke.

“Don’t cry.”  He wiped away her
tears.  “I’m sorry we had a fight.  I’m sorry I didn’t explain myself better. 
Please don’t cry.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” she
said, sniffling.  “It’s my fault.  I overreacted and behaved badly.  I’m
sorry.  I’m sorry I left without trying to understand what you were saying.”

He held her face in his hands,
aching badly to kiss her dimple.  “You look beautiful, but also terrible.  Have
you been sleeping?  You look so tired and you’ve lost weight.  Have you been
eating?”

“The hair is too short and I hate
dresses.  I haven’t been sleeping or eating much.  I’ve been having
nightmares.”

“You’re stressed out.  We both know
why.  We’ll work it out.  Promise me we’ll work it out,” he whispered
desperately.

“I’d like that very much.” 
Trembling, her voice was barely a whisper.

“Go to your meeting.  Be
chairperson if that’s what you want.  We’ll talk afterwards to work this out. 
Until then, you’re still my girlfriend.  Right?”

“Yes.  Why do you ask?” she asked,
puzzled.

“Who gave you the flowers on your
desk?  Are they from other guys?  You’ve changed the way you look.  You’ve
always been attractive, but now, it’s hard not to notice.  You aren’t wearing
your wedding ring, so guys might get the wrong impression.  I want to make sure
I’m still your boyfriend.”

“Flowers on my desk?  I don’t
understand.  Anne wanted me to get my hair cut and Diana talked me into some
new clothes.  I’m not wearing my wedding ring, but I’m not encouraging anyone. 
The flowers are from guys who have children or grandchildren in our storytimes. 
Oh.  I didn’t realize they were flirting with me.”

“Now you understand.  May we
clarify you’re still my girlfriend?”

“So jealousy IS a green-eyed
monster.  And a big one named Duncan!” she snapped.

He had to be honest.  “It’s true. 
I’m staking out my territory and making sure I have clear claim.”

“How very romantic of you, Sir
Duncan!  Are you sure you don’t want to mark your territory by licking me or
peeing on me?”  Her eyes blazed.

Undoing his belt, he pushed her
against the counter.  “If I’m going to take my pants off, I’d rather do
something else to you, but if I have to, I will.”

“DUNCAN!” she giggled.

His heart skipped a beat.  He
grabbed her, pressing her against the counter.  He held her face, kissing her
lips.  She kissed him back.  He didn’t want to stop, ever.

“I was going to the meeting.  Now
we’re kissing,” she teased.

“You’re kissing me back.”  He
murmured, sucking on her bottom lip.

“It’s the suit.  You look delicious
in it.  I could eat you alive.  We should stop kissing,” she giggled again.

“Okay.”  He kept kissing her.

“I missed you,” she whispered, the
tears welling up again.

“I missed you too,” he said with
great emotion.  “Do you have lunch plans?”

“I’m sorry.  Yes, I do.”

He gently pushed her back so he
could look into her eyes.  “With Russell?”

Her nose crinkled in disgust. 
“Never going to happen.  With Anne and Diana.”

“Good.”  He kissed her again. 
“Have you eaten anything this morning?”

“No.”  She swayed in his arms.

“You need something to eat.  You
also need a nap, preferably with me.”  He kissed her again, wrapping his arms
around her waist and pressing close to her.

“That sounds like a wonderful
prescription for what ails me.  Thank you, Doctor Duncan,” she purred.

The kitchen door flew open and
Sherrie rushed inside.  She saw them kissing and threw up her hands.

“Oh, thank God!  Now break it up,
you two.  Meara, they need you in there.  Russell’s being a jerk.”  Sherrie
grimaced.

Meara was still dizzy, but she was
calmer.  She reached up, kissing him again.

“Wish me luck.”  She winked.

“You don’t need luck, but I’ll wish
it for you anyway.”  Duncan watched Meara leave.

He turned to Sherrie.  “Please
don’t say break it up.  That’s the last thing I want to hear.”

“Good, because she’s been a basket
case since she came back.  Patch it up quick or she’s going to wind up in the
hospital.”  Sherrie patted him on the back.  “Tom and Lucy need to see you. 
And you may want to buckle your belt.”

Tired but happy, Meara found Duncan
after the meeting.  She wanted to talk to him, but Anne and Diana would be
there soon.  He stood behind the Circulation Desk.

“How did the meeting go?” asked
Duncan casually.

“It went well.  I accepted the
chairpersonship.”

He beamed, hoping this meant she
wasn’t going to quit.  “That’s wonderful.  They could use your talents to get
them organized.  What happened to Russell?”

“He’s gone.  He asked me out to
lunch again.  I told him no.”

“Did you tell him you had other
plans?”

“No.  I told him I wasn’t
interested.”

He was pleased, but also
preoccupied.  “I have a favor to ask of you this afternoon.  Tom and Lucy had
to leave.  A good friend of theirs is in the hospital.  It’s pretty serious.  I
let them go.  I need help at the Circulation Desk this afternoon.  Would you
please help me after you come back from lunch?”

“I’m sorry to hear about their
friend.  Of course I’ll help.  I can skip lunch if you need me that badly.”

She mistook his distracted attitude
for indifference.  Her butterflies came back in full force.  She swayed.

“No, don’t do that.  You need to
eat something.  I’ll go to lunch when you get back.”

“Do you want me to bring you
something?”  The dizziness made her eyes hurt.

“I wouldn’t turn down a sandwich.”

Anne bounded into the library and
up to the Circulation Desk.  “Hi Aunt Meara! Hi Duncan!”

He was relieved to hear Anne call
him by his first name.  It meant Anne hadn’t heard about the fight.

“Anne, we have to go and come
back.  I’m needed at the Circulation Desk,” Meara said, wringing her hands
nervously.

Anne followed Meara.  A few minutes
later, Anne skipped towards him.

“HI AGAIN, DUNCAN!  HOW ARE YOU?” 
She raised her voice.

“I’m fine, Anne,” he said quietly.

“THAT’S GOOD!  AUNT MEARA WANTS TO
KNOW WHAT KIND OF SANDWICH YOU WANT!”

“Anne, why you are yelling?”

“Aunt Meara said as men get older,
they have trouble hearing.  She said you might be hard of hearing.”

Instantly annoyed, he asked, “She
said what?”

“She wanted to know what kind of
sandwich you wanted.”

He was glad Anne didn’t repeat the
part about being hard of hearing.  Meara’s cruel streak was unbecoming.  He
didn’t like it.

Through gritted teeth, he replied,
“Your aunt knows what sandwich I like.  And I’m not hard of hearing.”

“Okay.  We’ll be back soon.”

As they exited the library, Meara’s
face clouded.  She could barely look at him.  He grimaced, thinking she liked
riling him up on purpose.  He needed to speak with her, but it was going to
have to wait.  By the time she returned an hour later, his stomach was
rumbling.  She looked even more tired than she had in the morning.  She handed
him a brown paper bag and a bottle of soda.

“Your sandwich and a bag of chips
are inside.  There’s a cookie too.  Give me a minute and I’ll take over.”

He watched her, thankful she hadn’t
said anything caustic, but the afternoon was young.  He was sure she wasn’t
done with her sharp tongue.  He didn’t understand why she was lashing out at
him.  Sitting at his desk, he put down the bag and soda.  He looked up to see
her standing in the doorway.

“I left an envelope under your
door.  Did you find it?”

“Yes, I did.  Can we wait until
after work to talk about it?”

“Our personal and professional
relationships are tied together.  Even if we work our problems out, I’m not
sure working here is a good idea.  Perhaps it’s best I left.”

“No.  Absolutely not.  I won’t
accept your resignation.  You’re doing a fantastic job here.  I won’t let you
quit and go work for another library.”

“You mean quit and work for
Russell.  Jealousy is an ugly emotion.”

“Would you work for Russell?”

“No.  I have no desire to work for
any other director.  You’ve spoiled me for other directors.”

“Then why do you want to quit?”

The strain of the fight and
separation was taking its toll on her.  She was going to either break down
completely or run screaming from the building.

“Fine.  I’ll go to the next Board
meeting and give them my resignation letter.”

He picked up her white envelope. 
He tripped it into pieces.

“What resignation letter?”

Eyes flashing, she clenched her
jaw.  “All right, let’s play this the hard way.”

“Meara, I need you.”  He stopped himself
as this was not the time or the place.  “I need you at the Circulation Desk.”

She took a good look at Duncan. 
They were both hurting.  She was pushing his buttons because she was afraid he
would say it was over.

“I’ll be at the Circulation Desk,”
she whispered.

He watched her leave.  He buried
his face in his hands.  He opened the bag to see she had gotten him his
favorite sandwich.  It was just the way he liked it, from Lynn’s Café, where
they had their first lunch together.  He sighed as his stomach growled.

Meara’s least favorite job in the
library was the Circulation Desk.  There were so many technical details to
remember.  She was already overwhelmed and in no mood to be cheerful, but
Duncan had said he needed her.  As much as she was afraid it was over, she
wanted to help him.  Her heart ached every time she saw him.  She was
encouraged before the meeting, but afterwards, he had been distant.  She felt
herself pushing him away.  She didn’t want to be hurt again.  Before she left,
Sherrie came to the Circulation Desk to talk to Meara.

“How’s it going?”

“Fine.  It’s slow now, but if there
are too many people, I’m calling him out here.”

“That’s not what I meant.  How’s it
going with Duncan?”

“He won’t accept my resignation. 
I’m going to have to quit at the next Board meeting.”

“If he won’t accept it, it means he
wants to work things out.  Wasn’t the fact he was sucking your face this
morning make you think he wants to be with you?”

“It’s a little more complicated
than that.  What if he’s using me?  Maybe not on purpose, but in the end, what
if we’re not going to be together?”  Even Meara thought she sounded crazy.

Sherrie spoke softly.  “Meara, I’ve
known Duncan for years.  There’s no way he’s using you.  He loves you.  He
might be afraid.  Try listening to him before you think the worst.  It’s like
when a parent is teaching a toddler to use words to speak.  Duncan hasn’t had
to use his words in a long time.  He needs to find them and use them the right
way.  Like a child in storytime, have patience.  You do it every day.  Give him
a chance.”

Duncan came out of his office and
went into the men’s restroom.  A few minutes later, he walked behind the Circulation
Desk.  He stopped to speak to them although he looked nervous.

“Please let me know if you need
help, Miss Meara.  Sherrie, I hope you have a good weekend.”

Meara had an innocent look on her
face.  “Mr. Phillips, perhaps you can help.  Sherrie and I were just talking
about storytime.  I was thinking about starting a grandparents’ storytime. 
Since that’s your demographic, I was hoping you could give us some ideas on how
to appeal to the seniors in the community who have grandchildren.”

Sherrie inhaled sharply, stepping
away from Meara.  Frowning, Duncan balled his hands into fists.  Meara, hands
on hips, smiled cruelly.  He rolled his eyes and walked away.  Sherrie slapped
Meara on the back of the head.  Meara scowled.

“What the hell are you doing?”
asked Sherrie.  “Lashing out is not going to solve the problem.  I’m leaving
now.  Will you behave until you can speak to each other?”

“I won’t stay here if we can’t work
this out.  If he thinks he’s too old for me, I’m not giving in to how I feel
about him.  It doesn’t matter how adorable and sexy he looks in a suit.  I’m
not going to get sucked into those mesmerizing green eyes of his either.  I
hope this day ends soon.  I need to get out of here and away from him.  I can’t
think and I’m tired.  I had another nightmare last night.”