The Symbolon (13 page)

Pushing that dream back, she stood up with the blanket wrapped around her and walked to the house. The girl had prepared dinner for her but she walked past it. Her stomach wasn’t ready for food. The girl brought her the green drink and again insisted that she drink all of it. Valeria decided that the sooner she did what the girl said, the sooner she would leave
her alone. Then Valeria went back to the bed and slept, a dreamless night.

In the morning, Valeria got up and showered
. She pulled her hair back into a ponytail and dressed in jeans and a T-shirt—the first time she had gotten dressed since that awful night. Now, somehow, it was almost two days ago. The girl brought her coffee and toast. It wasn’t the perfect blend of coffee that she had become accustomed to, but it was good.

She packed only the casual clothes that she had brought. She couldn’t bear to bring the rest of
the things that Camille had purchased for her honeymoon.

She couldn’t check flights with her cell phone since there wasn’t internet or cell service at the house. She didn’t want to go
into the town of Gaios to see a travel agent because she didn’t want to risk running into anyone—not the family and not the others. She knew she would not be able to control her reaction if she saw the men responsible for this. She thought how strange it was, given all the abuse she had endured as a child and a young girl, and yet she never harbored any anger toward the perpetrators. For this, it was different. She would not forgive them…
ever
. Valeria found a house phone and was able to make airline reservations to Venice and the following morning from Milan to New York. It was decided.

In the bedroom
, she pulled out her toiletry case and tossed everything that wasn’t Alex’s in it, though most of his things had been moved to the other bedroom. She wondered if she should pack his things and take them to the cottage, but decided to leave them as they were. It did make her wonder where he was. Was he near? Was he wondering where she was? Would she always feel so very connected to him and, at the same time, so very isolated?

In the closet was the silk sweater he had worn the day before at the rehearsal. She pulled it to her face and breathed
in. Oh, she hoped she would never forget his wonderful scent. Unable to stop herself, she laid down on the bed holding the sweater near her face. After an hour, she rose, put on his gray jacket, and slung the sweater over her shoulders, tying the arms in front of her neck.

The water taxi arrived and helped her with her bags. She kept her sunglasses on. They helped her from feeling like she needed to be social. Within hours
, her flight was arriving in Venice. She recalled the balloon flight over the magnificent city just days before…when she was whole. She forced those memories to the back of her consciousness, wondering if there would be a day when she could stand to remember that extraordinary time in her life.

In Venice, she hired a limo. She wasn’t up to driving…she wasn’t up to anything. As she rode through the familiar hills, she tried to block out the memories—they were just too much. But closing her eyes only made it worse. This part would be over soon, she painfully reminded herself as the limo pulled onto their drive…she wasn’t certain whether that thought made it better or worse, perhaps both.

Stepping precariously out of the limo in front of her beautiful cottage, she concerned herself with how she would keep herself together. If she broke down in front of the limo driver, would he think she was insane and leave her? Then what would she do? Pulling the fresh mountain air into her lungs actually soothed her. She took in the feeling of the coolness on her skin and the smell of the forest. There was no fire in the fireplace today. The place looked flat without the light that was Alex…that was them.

She wondered if it was a mistake to come here. She could certainly replace her clothes
, but from somewhere deep within, she knew that if she didn’t come back here one last time, there would come a day when she would regret it.

Her heart pounded nervously before opening the door. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath pushing back the tears that sat poised on the edge of her eyes and her heart. She recalled the first time she had come here, and how he had stood at the door anxiously wondering if she would like it. And perhaps a piece of him wondered if she would appreciate what he had spent centuries creating for her.

The door was unlocked and she stepped in. Their first kiss had been right there. She ran her hands over the library of leather-bound classics.
Walden
was missing. He must have come here! She wondered if he was still near. She saw that
Sense and Sensibility
was pulled out slightly, was that an invitation to take it? Or had he considered taking it himself. Next to it was
Wuthering Heights
and two open spaces. She remembered reading it under the gingko tree by the side of the house. The lines flashed into her head from the book, “If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger.” To Valeria, at this moment, the universe had become a mighty stranger.

Setting her purse on the counter, she removed the two books that she had brought with her for their honeymoon
—
Pride and Prejudice
and
Shakespeare’s Sonnets
—and
replaced them on the bookshelf. Walking back to the bedroom, she stepped into their closet. Should she pack up everything now? Would it be more painful for him or less? Someday, he might want another woman. Her heart lurched in pain, and she held on to the doorway waiting for the waves of grief to settle. She decided that she didn’t want him to be one of those people who held on to the clothes of someone who was no longer there. She would remove all of her personal items, so that he could move on. Though she held on to the doorframe, this time the wave wasn’t as strong, and she was able to continue minutes sooner.
See, already I’m getting better.
And that thought brought her to her knees in an agonized cry. She didn’t want to be
over him!
That time, she thought the sobbing would never end…but it did.

In the wine cabinet she pulled out her favorite 2002 Ladera Cab. She remembered Alex smiling as they had sipped it—he was so happy to please her. Valeria opened the bottle and appreciated the musical tinkling as she poured it into Alex’s fine crystal. Taking a sip, she realized that his fine crystal made a difference in the taste of things. She would have to get some glasses like his…if she could bear it.

He had said that there could be no notes, no letters, nothing. Somewhere inside, she realized that she had held onto the hope that Alex would be here waiting for her to go into hiding someplace...but he wasn’t. This time, she only cried lightly while packing. It was as if she was cried out. Valeria decided that beyond her clothes and toiletries she would only take the Limoges box that he had purchased for her on their first date, but leave everything else as it was—except the pictures. What would she do with the pictures?

In the great room she stared at the portrait over the fireplace as she sipped the wine from the glass held in her trembling hand. It had only been just over a month ago when they had stood together, sipping their wine, and admiring the portrait. If she took it with her, there would be a hole where it had been. She would leave it and he could move it when he was ready. She picked up the picture of her, Camille
, and Ava making a snowman. She would take that one, and the picture of her and Caleb. In the bedroom there was the picture of her and Alex laughing. How could she leave it? She thought for a minute…how could she take that from him? Finally, she decided to keep the picture of Alex holding her while she slept, and she left him the one of them laughing. After his eons of mourning her, he needed to remember that there was a time when they had lived and laughed together…
and that she loved him
.

Valeria went back to the bedroom and packed the rest of her clothes. Her favorite sweater had been in the basket to be cleaned. Now it was gone. She glanced at his bedside table and there was the box that his watch had been in—the one she had given him two days before in Greece. She went to the bed and opened the box, wondering if she would find his watch there, but the box was empty. He was letting her know that he had been there.

In the end, they would both have to move on…eventually, she thought, attempting to be pragmatic. She looked down at the engagement ring Alex had given her. So beautiful, but to have the ring on without him…she knew she couldn’t keep it. It would serve only as a painful reminder of what once might have been. She went to his drawer and pulled out the sterling ring box and slid the beautiful ring from her hand and placed it back in its metal box. Resisting the urge to write Alex a long love letter, she scribbled a quick note, “As much as I want to, it doesn’t seem right to wear this now. Until we meet again. Please hurry back to me. Remember, I love you!”

Then she realized that he could end up reunited with
Kristiana or someone else. She couldn’t leave that message when that was a possibility. She crinkled her note up and threw it in the wastebasket and then hastily wrote one line on his elegant stationary and folded it. Valeria knew that the new “rules” forbid the note, but her heart felt too heavy to say anything less. Opening the envelope of cash he had left her, she pulled out 500 euros. Then remembering the kind Limo driver who was still waiting for her, she took another 1,000. She left the rest of the cash and the ring in the safe with a note that read, simply, “Until we meet again.”

Looking around the cottage that she loved, she wondered if she would ever see it again.
Without permitting herself to dwell on it, she left her beautiful cottage in the woods—her home where she desperately wanted to stay forever. Her heart was broken in half; as a symbolon—a heart divided in two, neither feeling complete until…she couldn’t finish that thought!

The driver took her to a hotel near the Milan airport. As he pulled into the drive, Valeria’s heart lurched again; it was the estate turned hotel where they had first stayed in Italy. She asked the driver to take her anywhere else but he had insisted, pointing repeatedly at his watch. She finally acquiesced, tipping him generously
, and then spent the night crying before catching her flight to what would now be home. She remembered telling Alex that her home was wherever he was. Now “home” was someplace else.

The next morning
, she thanked God, again, for sunglasses.

The sound of his cane echoed loudly as it tapped on the stone floor of the dark hallway with each step he took. He saw her and cackled, with no joy in his eyes.

“Our exchange is complete. You have what you want…and I have what I want.”

Toying with the crystal at her neck, the bronze-haired beauty glanced up and her eyes warily focused on Jeremiah.

“Are they still alive?” Kristiana asked, sitting on her battered throne in the cold grayness of her self-imposed prison.

The dungeonesque room spoke of another time with green velvet curtains, wrought iron candelabras, and rich tapestries that were now coated in thick cobwebs. Even Kristiana’s tattered clothing looked to be of another century. Despite that, there was something tragically beautiful about her.

“Yes…yes, they are alive, for the moment—but surely, my dear, you don’t believe that Alexander will be able to stay away from the girl.”

“He will stay away from her because he wants her to live,” Kristiana said, as if disinterested.

Jeremiah pursed his lips
. “Alexander’s impertinence almost cost him his life! He is fortunate that you and I have an agreement.” His eyes narrowed. “Those damned oracles seem to believe that they are impervious to the laws of this council because they were once favored!” He shook his head. “I’m afraid I must agree with your friend Aegemon on this; we should have killed them all as soon as Apollo faded!”

“You and Aegemon could have cleared the world of the oracles…except that
then I would not have gotten what I wanted.” She sat up and widened her eyes dangerously. “And I
always
get what I want, because I don’t care how long I must wait!”

Then her eyes looked down calmly as her fingers returned to the crystal. “Jeremiah, I will not have you speak of harming Alex. I will make that decision.” She tossed her head to the side
. “And as of yet, I have not decided.”

“If Alexander shows disrespect to the council, I
will
call Erebos! Make no mistake of that!” Jeremiah pounded his cane on the floor as a decree.

“That was not our agreement, Jeremiah! Remember that you are in power
only
because of me.” She swatted at imagined gnats.

She was most definitely mad,
Jeremiah thought. Who else but the insane would spend century after century alone in a cold, dark room, existing only for their brief moment of revenge?

“Ah, but I am in power now, and it would be best for you to remember that!”
Jeremiah said.

Her eyes narrowed and she was suddenly inches from his face
. “As you recall, I have my ways. And if I choose for you to no longer be in power, there are those who will assist me!” She was back in her throne in an instant. She glanced at her short nails and picked at them. “There are those who want you gone.”

He eyed her. “Our agreement was that—”

“Our agreement was that you were to take care of the girl,” Kristiana bellowed. “And if not for my intervention, they would be married now!” She sighed, as the irritation left her voice. “Why must I do everything myself?”

“Do you suppose it was easy for me to ensure that Shinsu didn’t know about the council meeting? That took almost a century of planning! I don’t believe she will speak to me for another century; all for you, my dear.”

A cynical smile touched her lips. “For yourself, Jeremiah! Remember that you have the council…and Shinsu, thanks to me and my visions.”

Jeremiah hesitated for a moment and then his eyes narrowed again. “Tell me, my dear, how do you do it?” His voice quieted, enticing her trust
. “After all, our secrets are our own. You may be immortal…but you are
clearly
not an oracle!” Kristiana glared and then looked away. Jeremiah, continued, “As I suspected, you do not carry the gift. You have fooled a great many—though your eyes are not the color of an oracle.” He pursed his lips. “Your visions have dates…they are specific…there are only two oracles who are that powerful.”

“
Were
that powerful…” Kristiana corrected, a wicked smile striking her lips. “Two oracles who
were
that powerful.”

Jeremiah nodded and cackled. “Yes…yes, you are right!” He tapped his cane, he needed to know and he would play the game until she had given him the information he wanted. “And remember that
together
we handled the first…and soon the other will be gone.” His eyes narrowed in sudden recognition. “Hmmm, Cassandra wouldn’t have helped you.” Rubbing his chin, he looked up and drew a breath in thought, narrowing his eyes. “It must have been Myrdd who gave you the events…Why would he do that?”

“Men are so easily controlled.” She glanced down. “Still, I expected more of him.”

“So this is about power…control! You see, you are not so different from me.”

“Perhaps…at one time. But then,”
her face and voice suddenly softened, “I saw Alexander and how he…
looked
at her,” she said, her words full of wonder. “It was long before I ever met him.” A smile briefly lit her face and then disappeared. “I wondered…Jeremiah, do you wonder…” She tilted her head to the side, in a gesture that was more personal than she had been in eons. She laughed. “Of course you do! You only wanted Shinsu because she belonged to someone you envied. Or could it be that you saw their love,” her voice became a whisper, “and you thought that if you were ever loved like that, your life might be different?”

Finding her honesty too much, Jeremiah cackled
. “I believe you have too much time to contemplate, my dear! So, now I know. And Aegemon?”

She shrugged
. “We have our agreements. But I don’t expect that he will be chasing oracles any time soon. There is one more thing that you must do! I do not want to ever battle for my husband again—do you understand?”

Shaking his head, Jeremiah
warned, “Be wise about what you demand now! I have done what I agreed. There will be no further price to pay.”

Jumping from her position in her chair
, she thrust her dagger toward him, and he cackled.

“You cannot threaten me with your daggers! I
will
take the next step. Not because you threaten me, but because I can…I do not want her there anymore than you do!” His face grew wary for a moment. “What will happen?”

Kristiana’s eyes glanced up at the ceiling, pursed her lips
and then back down at the floor as she shook her head. “I’m not certain. He was going mad by then and the visions weren’t as clear.”

“Myrdd?”

She didn’t respond to his question. “Still I have powers of my own now…powers that no one can take away from me.” She fingered the crystal at her neck and glanced to the tome resting, with its pages open, on a pedestal across the room from her