The Symbolon (16 page)

∞

Finally resting in her bed, instead of restlessly dozing on the couch, Valeria sensed his presence and pulled his arms around her waist in her dream. His hands brushed along her fingers and then threaded and locked on hers. She pushed into the curl of his body as she dozed happily. Then she realized how vividly she could smell that wonderful blend of aftershave and soap—that was uniquely
his
. She felt his sweet kisses on her neck. Her eyes flew open as she turned and blinked twice. His extraordinary face was there, inches from hers. All she could do was stare at him, thinking it was a hallucination.

“Hi
, beautiful!”

She threw her arms around his neck and drank in the feel of him. If she was dreaming, she didn’t want to wake up. “How did you…?” she whispered into his neck. Alex pulled back and gently touched his finger over her mouth.

“I’ve been working on this,” he replied. “It’s not perfect…but it is better than the alternative!”

“Are we going to run away together?” she asked, clinging to him.

“In a manner of speaking.” He stroked her face. “I decided that since we are spiritual beings, we should be able to master this tiny little problem.” The corners of his mouth turned up in the way that she loved and then he gently brushed the hair from her face, looking at her intensely. “Here’s the thing, Val. They may try to tell us that our bodies can’t be together, but they can’t control our minds, our hearts…our souls!” She smiled as the tears streamed down her face. He continued, “You feel it don’t you. I’m with you always—just look.” His eyes filled with great yearning. “Let me be with you.”

“Always!” she whispered.

“I’m sending you some…well…some people whom I think can help us with this problem. You’ve already met them.”

“I don’t need anyone else, if you’re with me.”

His face got somber. “Val,” he gazed up, “we need help.” He shook his head. “This…is a lousy substitute.” Then his eyes got playful as he reached for her hand, and said, “Now…let’s play!” And then they disappeared into the blackness.

∞

He sat on the edge of the bed with her head cradled in his arms as his lips moved over hers and then brushed against her forehead. She felt no fear, no loneliness, no empty longing, only his love. She opened her eyes again and saw him smiling at her with absolute adoration and then sleepily, she closed them again and felt his hand brush her hair back from her face.

“Sleep,” he murmured softly as his arms laid her head gently back on the pillow and his hand stroked her face. She sighed and turned her face to the side, kissing his hand. She barely heard him when he whispered in her ear, “I have to go now, beautiful. And you have things to do.”

“No!” she cried, and bolted up in the bed. He was gone. She glanced over, but her door was closed. Still, she could smell his wonderful scent and she could feel his presence. Brushing her fingers over her mouth, she could still feel where his mouth had been only moments before. And then she remembered the Gretchen Kemp poem that he had shared with her when he proposed: “There’s this place where your kisses still linger.” It was the same quote that was engraved on the face of his watch. Could it have been a hallucination?

Expecting to feel slammed back down into the well of pain, she was surprised to discover that she felt strangely invigorated. She took a deep breath. It was time for confronting. She forced herself to get up and dress, then she ate some Greek yogurt that Weege had stocked in her refrigerator. It didn’t have any taste to her but she forced herself to eat.

Then she put on her sneakers and walked out the door. The clouds were low and thick covering the tops of the skyscrapers. The pavement was wet from a recent rain, and it was cold enough that she could see her breath. Suddenly, she realized that every day when she avoided the places where
they
had been together, her life was that much smaller. She had to walk to the park where they met but, as she neared it, the tears began to flow…
hadn’t they run out yet?
Then she began to run.

She ran down the path that she and Alex had walked over and over until she could do it without breaking down more than once. The cherry blossoms had started to bloom and she noticed that the man Alex had given money to
was no longer there—as he had been every day for years before she had met Alex. Getting up her courage and strength, she ran down 5th Avenue where Alex had first saved her life.

Steam came off a nut vendor’s machine
, and she was surprised that it smelled good. She wasn’t hungry, but she considered that major progress! Glancing at the spot where Alex had rescued her from the speeding red Mustang she recalled the feeling of his arms wrapped protectively around her as they flew into the air and then struck the sidewalk. Valeria glanced up to see the vendor who Alex had seemed to know. Her sobs lasted for only five minutes. And then she ran more. She ran until she couldn't catch her breath, until her sides stung and her legs trembled.

The next day she tried to walk into Sarabeth’s. But the waitress
, Katie, who had served her the only other time she had been inside, with Alex, came to take Valeria’s order and she stood and left sobbing. She forced herself to eat at a restaurant a block down and had a veggie omelet and French pressed coffee. The food stayed down and she was actually able to walk home without any major tears. She did that every day for two months.

The boardroom was filled with mostly corporate executives, and a few floral artists. Valeria wasn’t crazy about the executives nor was she crazy about standing in front of them
or
wearing a business suit. But it kept her busy. And one day a week, it gave her something to do besides reread her favorite books and run…and avoid thinking of Alex.

She continued with the presentation, “That’s a lot of data, I know. But what it all boils down to is that the success of The Secret Garden was because our artists felt free to experiment. I believe that Townsend Investments can best duplicate that success by creating a culture where creativity is not only embraced, but encouraged at every level!”

Suddenly, the glass door opened and in came Holly and Peg with a rolling cart topped with a birthday cake for Reggie Cotton. Valeria said, “Ahhh, isn’t that nice,” but her face revealed her true feelings.

Moments later
, Valeria was briskly walking down the hall of cubicles when Weege joined her. Pointing an accusatory finger at Weege she said, “If you ever give Holly and Peg my birthday information—I will…I will disown you!”

Weege rolled her eyes
. “It’s just a party! What’s the big deal? I mean, would anything be wrong with being just a tad bit social?”

Glancing briefly at Weege, she said, “Social? No thanks. I spent almost three years in foster homes—that was social enough for a lifetime! And let me tell you—
after you understand true human nature, you know that it is just not worth it.”

“Man, they really screwed with you, didn’t they?”

Slowing her pace, Valeria shrugged. “No. Really none of it was a big deal. I just…I just didn’t connect. I didn’t understand them. They seemed so…different.”

Weege pulled Valeria to a stop. “Do I seem different? Like them?”

Ever since Weege had seen Valeria’s meltdown at Sarabeth’s, she had been incredibly sensitive. Valeria tried to decide what to tell her friend. Certainly, Valeria was closer to Weege than to anyone outside of her new family, but not close enough to tell her about Alex.

Cocking her head to the side, Valeria smiled kindly at her friend
. “No. You seem like Weege—my closest friend in New York!”

On the other hand, Valeria had never hesitated in telling Alex or Camille anything. As a matter of fact, she trusted almost everyone at Morgana on a different level from the rest of the world. Valeria shrugged to herself, thinking for the first time that perhaps she really wasn’t such an emotional cripple. Maybe it was everyone else
who was screwed up. She smiled at her thought—until she saw Holly and Peg heading toward them. They had taken the bypass around the building to cut her off.

“Hi, Val, we finally got the scoop on you!” Holly snipped. “I knew you were a Libra!”

Peg narrowed her eyes. “But probably a Capricorn rising is my guess.” Holly looked to Peg, who nodded.

Leaning in toward Valeria, Peg added with glee, “I had no idea you were older than me!” Valeria noticed Weege about to pounce, Valeria held her arm out toward Weege, in assurance that this would be handled. Peg was most certainly at least ten years older than Valeria.

“Libra?” Valeria’s eyes narrowed in thought as she looked at Weege. “Isn’t that…hmmm isn’t that…?”

“In the fall.”
Holly smiled, pleased with her secret knowledge.

Valeria shrugged
, wide-eyed. “Well, I’m not sure where you got your information…What sign is the beginning of March? Isn’t that Aries?”

“I told you, that’s Pisces!” Weege interjected, playing along.

“Oh, yeah…that’s right, Pisces.” Valeria said.

Holly and Peg nodded, both obviously confused. Satisfied that she hadn’t lied, but had thrown them way off track, Valeria continued walking. She smiled pleasantly, but as soon as they passed Peg and Holly, her glare turned toward Weege.

“I did not tell them a thing! I swear!” Weege continued, “They bribe Frank, in accounting. They keep a list of everyone and their astrological sign and who is older than them…well and then they lie.”

They turned into the corporate gym and Valeria pushed open the
door to the ladies’ locker room.

“See what I mean, Weege?” She opened her locker and pulled out a water bottle with a thick green liquid. She took a long swig before stepping out of her heels.

Grotesquely eyeing the contents of the bottle, Weege exclaimed, “What the hell are you drinking?”

“
A kale and strawberry smoothie.” Valeria set her drink on the wood bench and pulled her sports bag from the locker to change into her running clothes.

Sitting down on the other side of the bag, Weege rubbed her hands together anxiously. “So, what are you wearing tonight? Dress corporate okay?
Looks hot on you. Looks,” Weege looked down at herself, “decidedly not hot on me. But on you it’s—”

“Got it.”
Valeria interrupted. “I’m wearing this.” Valeria pulled jeans and a T-shirt from her bag.

Shaking her head, Weege said in disapproval, “Go for your run. Then
take a shower!” Weege smiled, as if she had to say that to Valeria. “Then change into something sexy.”

“
Oh, my God
, Weege! This is a set-up, isn’t it?”

Shaking her head innocently, Weege continued, “You could show off your arms and wear a tank!” Valeria looked at her, irritated. “Well
, if you feel the need to be covered, you could wear that gorgeous burgundy silk sweater you have in the front of your closet, the color’s great,” Weege thought for a moment, “although it’s probably too big for you. Yeah…something more fitted would be good.” Weege was talking about Alex’s sweater so Valeria didn’t even bother to respond. “I take that as a ‘no.’ Well, how about putting on some heels.”

“I swear that if this is a set-up, I’m out of there without
so much as a social response! Do you understand?” Valeria glared at Weege.

“Well…no. No. It’s not a set-up.” She cocked her head to the side
. “No, not really. It’s just some of us from corporate getting together.”

“And?”
Valeria asked suspiciously.

“Look
, you don’t have to like this guy. He’s just a good guy…and he’s very sexy.” Her eyes lit up at the words. “And I thought it would be a good fit. I mean,
you never know—
”

Valeria interrupted Weege, “I
know
!” she said, as she turned her face toward her locker so that Weege couldn’t see the tears.

“Look sweetie, you don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to talk to this guy or even make eye contact for that matter. But I told him that you would be there. If there’s no spark—nothing lost. Besides, this guy is golf buddies with my big boss. It would help me out a lot if you would just come with me.”

“You are fortunate that I am such a good friend. I will go there with you. I may even say hello to this guy. But I will explain that I am not on the market. And if you do this again, I won’t show up. Okay?” She finished tying her running shoes and then stood and loaded her clothes back into her locker.

“Okay. But, wear the heels, okay.”

“I’m wearing what I have or else I’m going home for the evening.” Weege rolled her eyes. Valeria picked up her sports bag. “Home or out?”

Weege shrugged, irritated
. “Well, can you at least do your hair? Please don’t just shower and throw it in a ponytail! Guys like a chick’s hair down.”

“I like it in a ponytail!” She tossed her bag back in the locker. “See you tonight.”

∞

They arrived at Sardi’s at 7:30
p.m. and it was packed.

“They’re upstairs.” Weege shouted as they worked their way around the crowded foyer and up the circular mahogany staircase that looked like it was from the Hollywood hay days. Following Weege closely, Valeria hoped this guy wasn’t
expecting her to be nice. She wasn’t in the mood for “nice” tonight. In fact, she had to ignore the fact that this might turn into a set-up, because, frankly, it made her stomach feel weak. She really didn’t want to think about anyone…but
him.

From the staircase she could see into the dining room and although Valeria wouldn’t know most celebrities even if they told her their name, she saw Dan Akroyd and Donna Dixon talking with an enamored tourist. In another part of the room was Kirk Douglas…
Kirk Douglas!
Weege and Valeria laughed at a couple of the cartoon caricatures that covered the walls.

Upstairs the bar was packed. She recognized a few faces from the negotiation of the sale of her florist shop and in her six month transition. She said hello, noticed all of them had wedding rings on, except for a few of the gay guys. They sat down at the bar and Valeria ordered a glass of chardonnay and Weege ordered an Appletini. After twenty minutes, Weege was getting concerned.

“Where is he?” Weege said, irritated, while continuing to scan the bar.

The thrill of it hit Valeria—she had been stood up! And by a guy
who had gone to extraordinary measures to get a date with her. Chuckling to herself, she ordered another Chardonnay. The bartender was busy, but seemed to be ensuring that he was there for her. He winked seductively. What a game it was, Valeria thought with a laugh. Just then, Weege’s phone rang. She looked at her phone. “It’s him,” she said. And then she covered her other ear so that she could hear over the bar chatter. “Yeah?” she said into the phone and jumped up and began looking around. “Oh! There you are! Yeah. Coming right over.” She put her phone back in her purse. “He has a table for us.” Damn, Valeria thought, she was about to head back to her brownstone.

She had to say that this guy had
really blown it! Maybe he had reconsidered and had decided that Valeria wasn’t the girl for him. Or maybe he was slick and that was his intention; let her have a few drinks before he tried to pick her up. She decided she would be kind and explain to the guy that he should have been on time and purchased her drinks instead of hiding out like a coward….or words to that effect.

“You’re going to be so impressed with this guy!” Weege was buzzing with anticipation. Valeria paid her tab
, and then pulled her purse and sweater from the chair. As they approached the table in the back corner of the bar, she noted that he was sitting with his back to her.
What?
He didn’t even stand up? Was he too good to come and meet her? Finally, he stood and pulled out a chair in the corner for her. Rude! He signaled for Weege to sit at the outside chair. This clown had a lot to know about being a gentleman. But then she had been spoiled by Alex…badly spoiled. She gulped back the thought. She preferred to be irritated.

As she pushed past him to the only other seat at the table, he moved to the right, effectively trapping her in the corner. She sat her wine down and pulled her sweater over her shoulder.

Having just turned back around, she heard Weege say, “Val, Paolo. Paolo, Val.”

Valeria’s jaw dropped in horror and then repulsion. Weege noticed but didn’t seem troubled by her expression. “All right, well, I’m going to leave you two alone.” She giggled and disappeared in the crowd.

The effect on Valeria’s body was immediate and intense, a chill ran down her, and then just as suddenly, her entire body began trembling violently. Even if she could have found her voice, there were no words to describe what she felt.

She had to get out of there! He was blocking the way out. She would have to find another way. Leaning one hand on the
wall and the other on the table, she crawled over the chair and table, almost dumping them—thank God she wore her running shoes!

Fighting her way around the chairs and tables, cocktail waitresses with full trays
, and a large mass of people, she moved, for once, without an apology or an “Excuse me, please.” From the corner of her eye she was certain she saw him following her. Suddenly, she was about to vomit! She covered her mouth as she broke into the restroom and pressed on stall doors until one opened, just as her stomach seized. It felt as if it would never stop, even though her stomach was mostly empty. Finally, the powerful spasms in her stomach ended and she went to the sink and rinsed her mouth. Then she realized, Oh, God…he would be waiting for her when she came out! She went back to the stall and locked the door.

How could she speak to someone
who had robbed her of the only people she loved in this world and
the one person who she couldn’t live without?
He had plotted and planned and then just as she was about to have everything that she could desire in life, he had ripped it from her grasp the night before her wedding!

Earlier
, she had been certain that she would not be able to stop herself from hurting him if she ever saw him. Now, here she was! Oh, God! She hadn’t actually cried since Caleb had left and she was determined that she wouldn’t cry now. How could he have the nerve to try and meet with her?
She would never speak to him.
She wished she was the kind of woman who could slap a man. She wanted to hurt him, to humiliate him for everything he had done...and instead, coward that she was, she hid in the bathroom stall.