The Symbolon (19 page)

Paolo lifted his napkin to his mouth and rose to cross the patio. He stepped behind a tall hedge that led to Central Park,
returning in moments with a small, tri-colored puppy with floppy ears and big brown eyes. For the first time she saw someone other than her enemy. Paolo’s expression was so excited, so sweet and vulnerable. A couple at the next table watched as if it were the most romantic gesture that they had ever seen. The waitress even told Valeria how fortunate she was to have someone so sweet!

Valeria felt nauseous. She had to get out of here! Paolo proudly held out the puppy to her and
, in response, the puppy wagged its tail wildly, smiling at her with a silly grin nearly matched by Paolo’s. Paolo looked like someone with a heart—not the man who had ripped hers out only months before. Were there any depths he wouldn’t stoop to?

“What is this?” she demanded, ignoring the puppy. Paolo tried to hand the puppy to her. But she jumped up. “
I don’t want a dog from you!”

“Valeria, just pet him, he’s very gentle…and smart! I taught
him a trick…allow me to show you.” Paolo set the puppy down. “Valeria, just watch!”

She jumped back, and her throat tightened. T
ears were threatening to spill, and she certainly wouldn’t—couldn’t—permit Paolo to see them. She turned and hurriedly began walking away from him. Valeria felt the puppy at her heels and prayed that Paolo would have the good sense to come and get it.

“Valeria, what is wrong?” Paolo yelled.

She kept walking out onto the sidewalk of busy Central Park West. The puppy was trying to keep up with her as Paolo yelled after her, “Bella, please take him!” She began sobbing. She didn’t want something he had given her. She simply
couldn’t
care for anything Paolo had given her.

“Bella!
Please pick him up!” Valeria could see the innocent puppy out of the corner of her eye, distracted by the traffic. She was desperately afraid that he would run into the street and she wished she could pick him up. She simply couldn’t do it. If she picked him up, she wouldn’t be able to set him down again. It would be as if she accepted this life—or half-life—away from Morgana and her family.
Away from Alex.

Finally
, she heard the words from Paolo that changed everything, “Alex asked me to give the puppy to you.”

Valeria froze
. She knew she couldn’t trust Paolo. He would lie in a heartbeat to get what he wanted.

Paolo came closer. “Alex was worried about you being too alone. He said there was a puppy you liked in Trento.”

Valeria remembered the day she walked with Alex through the streets in Trento and had spotted a dog, just like this one. She had played with the puppy for almost an hour when Alex had suggested that after they returned from their wedding festivities, they should get one.

Immediately
, she dropped to the sidewalk and pulled the puppy into her chest as her body convulsed in an attempt to rid itself of the emotion. She would not cry. No more tears, she promised herself. No more tears, she chanted. If one fell, others would follow.
Alex hadn’t forgotten her!

Paolo knelt by her, while she drew in deep breathes as a bulwark against the tears. “He said you would like this kind of puppy. He sent him to me to give to you.” Paolo put his hand on her shoulder and she ignored it, her attention was focused on the puppy and Alex. He looked away and said, almost to himself, “I swore to myself that I would not tell you the dog was from him.” Then he looked directly at her
. “You know that I should not have told you.”

She put all of her efforts into loving the puppy, instead of hating Paolo. Holding the puppy close as he happily licked her face, she whispered, “Thank you for telling me.” She petted
him. “He looks like a Charlie,” she sniffed.

Rising
, as if she now had the most precious gift of her life in her arms—and a reason for living—she began walking back to her brownstone.

“Valeria,”
Paolo said, as he petted the puppy and smiled at him. “Charlie needs supplies. I can drive you home and then bring over his supplies.”

She wiped her face
. “No, I think we’ll walk.”

“But Charlie should not be left alone and
there are so many things a puppy needs. May I at least bring them to you?”

She nodded
. “All right.”

“I will see you shortly.”

An hour later, she buzzed him into her brownstone and he stepped in loaded down with numerous bags of puppy supplies—a doggy bed, a leash, toys, dog food, dog bowls—and a bottle of wine and flowers for Valeria. She took the dog supplies and wine.

“Thanks
, Paolo.” Then, taking the flowers, she shrugged and tossed them into the trash can. They both smiled. After drinking a glass of wine with her, Paolo said goodnight and left without fanfare.

That night
, she laid in her bed with Charlie asleep in her arms as she silently pleaded for Alex to come to her.

It was Memorial Day and Central Park was packed for the concert. Valeria sat on a tan blanket feeding Charlie, the puppy, leftover pieces of the barbecued chicken she had brought from Daisy Mae’s—her favorite barbecue in Manhattan. Charlie gratefully lapped up the remainder of the barbecued chicken from her fingers. The temperature was eighty-two degrees and it felt perfect on her skin. Weege watched Valeria with interest for a few minutes. “You’re happy, aren’t you?”

Valeria looked at Weege and realized that Weege had never seen her when she was with Alex. The only measure that Weege had was from Valeria’s life before
Alex, and her deep despair after losing him. So comparatively, she was considerably happier than she was either of those times, especially knowing that Alex was somewhere in the world. And looking at Charlie reminded her that he was thinking of her. But she wasn’t about to discuss all of that with Weege.

“I’m okay
,” Valeria said, laughing at Charlie’s expression as he finished the last bites of chicken. When she failed to give him more, he dropped his head on the blanket and gazed up at her woefully…evidently emotionally decimated by the lack of more barbecue.

Glancing at the grass next to them, Paolo was playing bocce ball with a few of the kids in the area. Weege’s new beau, Kenny
, was watching him and looked like a fish out of water; he was an overweight truck driver wearing shorts, revealing his very white legs and knee socks. Paolo looked like a male model or pro-athlete…which only increased the comedy of Kenny’s appearance. Kenny’s hands were lodged on his hips as he watched Paolo, as if at any minute Kenny might jump in.

“Kenny doesn’t know whether to throw a line at it, tackle it
, or have it for lunch!” Weege laughed. “So, Val,” she smiled smugly, “I always knew you and Paolo would end up together.”

Valeria shook her head, no longer upset by Weege’s constant comments about Paolo. “We aren’t together.”

“Well, did you notify your face? Because girlfriend, you look happy for the first time in a very long time.”

“Yeah, well
, you thought I was happy with David!” Valeria offered Weege a critical glance. She really didn’t want to hear that she was “happy” now. She just wasn’t in agony.

“Well, duh! David was a diplomat!” she teased, scrunching her nose. “Still
, with Paolo—”

Valeria interrupted in irritation, “Weege! I’m not
with
Paolo!” Valeria glanced toward him and lowered her voice. She really didn’t want to hurt him. She just saw him as a means to an end, which would seem cruel except for the fact…she shook her head. She needed to find another path!

“Weege, Paolo
is just a friend. I’m
with
Alex!” Valeria rolled her eyes. She noticed as Charlie hunched down slightly as if he was in trouble. She pulled him tightly to her chest. “I wasn’t talking to you, buddy! I was talking to Weege.” Charlie recovered and licked her neck in forgiveness.

She had never told Weege about what happened with Alex or who Paolo was. Weege had never asked about what happened that night at Sardi’s
, but Valeria was certain that Paolo had somehow justified her extreme reaction. Still, she had always been curious.

Glancing casually at Weege, Valeria asked, “I have been wondering how this whole set-up with Paolo happened.” She played with Charlie, pretending to be only mildy interested.

“Oh, I guess he must have seen you at the office.” Weege looked at Valeria. “I told you this, right?” Valeria shook her head no. Weege went on, “Well, he saw you and the next thing I know, Orin fricking Taylor—as in CEO, Orin Taylor,” Val nodded and Weege continued, “is calling me and telling
me
that a friend of his is quite taken with you. I assumed it was some computer geek—or worse, a flower freak!” Weege shrugged. “Then Orin says the guy wants to come by and introduce himself so that I know he isn’t some weirdo.”

Weege turned to Valeria
. “Can you imagine?” Valeria shook her head. “So, Paolo comes by five minutes later and I think he is just about perfect for you! Then he said I should keep the meeting very casual. He also said that the two of you may have had a misstep during the transition…” Weege rolled her eyes. “Misstep! Huh! I still don’t know what happened with that!” Valeria shrugged as if it wasn’t worth discussing and Weege continued, taking a bite of a carrot stick. “Well, anyway, Paolo said he wanted another chance to not screw things up with you…or something like that. Oh, and he asked me not to tell you who he was until he could clear it all up.”

Valeria glanced at Weege and shook her head
. “
Clear it all up?
Is that what he said?”

“Something
like that.” Weege thought for a moment, as Valeria anxiously waited to hear what words Paolo had used, feeling herself getting riled up. Weege glanced up. “Oh! I remember. He said that he would appreciate an opportunity to show you that he wasn’t the guy who you met before.” Valeria sighed. “He said that he would appreciate it—and so would Orin.” Weege sighed. “And you know the rest.” Valeria twisted her neck in tension. “Val, you must have had some fight with him, huh?”

“Don’t remember him.” Boy
, she had gotten adept at lying, but she had needed to in order to survive the past few months. Valeria glanced down. “I’m going to take Charlie for a walk. I’ll be back.”

Valeria hooked him up on his leash and Charlie started wagging half of his body in response. She smiled and then noticed Paolo watching her. Despite her anger toward him, he had grown on her, although she really didn’t want that. She wanted to hate him forever. But he had been a friend in a time when she felt very alone—albeit because of him!

Still, she found that she looked forward to their meetings although she refused to call them dates. Only six more weeks and she could see Alex. Her longing for him had not waned. There was this emptiness in her gut that nothing seemed to fill…except for him! One thing she felt certain of, Paolo would not permit her and Alex to meet if Paolo felt any threat that Alex would win. The meeting with Alex had to feed Paolo’s plan, not Alex’s.

Her mind had gone wild in the months with nothing from Alex to let her know that he was thinking of her. It was definitely a curse of her well-honed imagination! She wondered what he would say. Did he still love her? Would he tell her that he had reunited with Kristiana? Would he let her down easy? Valeria shook her head attempting to free herself from her thoughts. Still
, she felt like she was in the best shape of her life, physically. And emotionally, she was doing better with her sweet Charlie. Alex would love Charlie. In her mind, she could see Alex playing with Charlie in front of the fire at their beloved cottage.

The
first anniversary after her twenty-seventh birthday was in just over four months, the birthday that she had been cursed to die on for eons. Was she immortal now? Or had they just delayed things a year, as Tavish had questioned? She felt a cold chill run down her spine. She didn’t want to be away from Alex on that day. Perhaps they could meet on the anniversary of their first meeting in Central Park, when he had saved her life. She felt a tension of yearning in her gut. No, she couldn’t wait that long.

She imagined that they would hold hands—maybe that was permitted—and talk. Regardless of any rules, Valeria would tell Alex how much she missed him. He would tell her that they had made great progress and they wouldn’t have to be apart much longer. Or maybe he would surprise her early and tell her that everything had been resolved and they would walk off into the sunset—Alex, Charlie
, and her.

The walk back to the group was a lonely one—wondering if she would ever hold Alex again. At least Charlie’s wagging tail and smiling brown eyes made her feel a little less alone. She watched as a couple kissed over Bow Bridge. To be feeling that feeling again, so loved, so protected…so unalone. She had waited night after night for Alex to come back to her, but now she decided it had all been a dream or hallucination.

At the blanket, Kenny was making his way through half of a pie that Weege had brought. Paolo saw Valeria and jumped up in concern. “Valeria! I was about to go looking for you.” She shrugged.

“I was just walking.” The world smelled of grilled hot dogs.

Paolo looked at her critically. “You are sad.”

She didn’t answer. Those thoughts were best kept in her head. Weege and Kenny were in their own world. Paolo started playing and laughing with Charlie. She noticed that Paolo’s eyes sparkled when he laughed and
, despite the fact that she did not want to notice, it was hard to ignore how attractive he was. Paolo would never replace Alex, but his company was still oddly and surprisingly comforting to her.

She
laid back on the blanket and stared at the sky, noticing its intense shades of blue, wondering why life had taken her down this path. Why had she met Alex, only to be left alone without him? She closed her eyes, not wanting to think about it. The sun warmed her and she listened to nearby children laughing and playing. It was such a joyful sound. She imagined Alex there with her and breathed deeply, relaxing finally. She felt Charlie curling into her and she wrapped her hand around him. Thinking how the world would be perfect with Alex sitting next to her, her fingers moved through Charlie’s fur and then she felt Paolo’s fingers as he attempted to lace his fingers through hers…the way she would do with Alex. Her eyes flew open in shock as she immediately pulled her hand back and jumped up.

“I’m going home. You all have fun without me.” She straightened her top and grabbed Charlie’s leash. Paolo looked at her with concern.

Weege looked mildly upset. “The concert hasn’t even started!”

“I’m just not in the mood for a concert. Besides, I think Charlie is overwhelmed with all the people.”

Paolo stood. “I’ll walk you home.”

“No.” She shook her head. “Thanks.”

Paolo kept walking with her. “Did I do something to anger you?”

“I’m just tired. I’ll see you next week,” she muttered.

“I had a thought,” Paolo said, and she could hear his concern. She tried to keep her thoughts about Alex to herself, although it didn’t seem as if he cared anymore. She kept walking briskly and Paolo easily kept up as he said, “I thought perhaps we could go away together.”

“No. Sorry.”

He pulled on her arm to stop her. “What is it, Valeria?”

She turned to Paolo
. “Do you talk to him?” she blurted out, without thinking.

Considering his answer carefully, Paolo finally said, “Yes, sometimes.”

“Does he,” she gulped, “ask about me?” Tears welled in her eyes.

Paolo considered for several minutes and then looked down and nodded almost imperceptibly.

She swallowed and said almost in a whisper, “What do you tell him?” She knew she was crossing the line but she felt she had a moment where she might hear the truth from Paolo. A few kids on bikes rushed by them and Valeria pulled in Charlie’s leash, but otherwise she didn’t move.

“I tell him how you are.” Valeria looked at him as if the answer was a cop-out. Paolo drew a fast deep breath, knowing he needed to give her more. “I tell him that you are doing better every day.”

“Does he know about…the arrangement?”

“He is aware that there is an arrangement.” Paolo continued to keep his face down.

Valeria drew a shaky breath and touched Paolo’s arm with a plea in her eyes. “I can’t wait another six weeks to see him. Will you let me see him sooner?”

He looked away.

“Please, Paolo.” She swallowed back a tear. “
Please,
let me see him sooner?”

Evaluating her critically
, he finally responded. “Valeria, we have an agreement.” He thought for another moment, analyzing her expression, and his face softened for just a moment before he nodded. “All right, I have something I want and you have something you want. If you go away with me for a week, I will consider that as a fair exchange. But, be warned. I do not know if Alex can rearrange his schedule. So, please, do not take my word that he will be able to see you any sooner.”

She touched his arm. “I won’t sleep with you.”

He jerked back, angrily. “You think I do this for sexual pleasure?” His eyes clouded. “There is much more at stake for me. I know for you it is just the price to pay so that you can see a man who is married to another woman. For me, it is having my wife back.”

For half
of a second, perhaps less, Valeria felt sorry for him. But then she remembered that Paolo was the cause of so much of this devastation in her life.

She took a deep breath
. “Separate rooms. Separate baths. No midnight visits.” Paolo nodded and smiled. She went on, “And then, I want to see Alex.”

She turned from Paolo and wa
lked away without another word.