The World's Awesomest Air-Barf (7 page)

‘I’m sorry, Dan,’ said Matthew.

Danny twitched his eyebrows once. So am I, Matt, he thought.

Matthew understood and nodded. ‘We will never,
ever
fall out,
ever
again.’

Danny raised his eyebrows twice: No.

‘Do you see what happens when I’m not around to look out for you?’

Danny twitched his eyebrows once: Yeah.

The two boys perched side by side in the tree, and looked down on the people celebrating in the town square. After a while, Matthew sighed.

‘Have you realized that when your dad gets the job as manager of Real Marisco, you’ll have to live here and I’ll have to go back to England?’ he said.

Danny frowned: What?

Matthew stared at Danny sadly.

‘We’ll probably never see each other again,’ he said quietly. ‘Ever.’

Danny’s eyebrows nearly twitched off his face: Noooooooooooooo!

Hotel La Langosta

Marisco

Spain

Dear Mr Bibby,

I dressed up as El Periquito and collected 14,975 caterpillars. I didn’t know it at the time, but as I passed the buckets down to
Father Ignatius, Matthew was counting the caterpillars in each one, so that I could write to you with my score. I also stayed in the tree whistling for ten hours and twenty-three minutes. When
I’d finished, I had cramp in my whole body. I couldn’t move for fifty-three hours and sixteen minutes. Surely one of these
must
be a record?

Best wishes

Danny

Dear Danny

Fantastic! You saved Marisco from disaster, and claimed not just one, but
two
El Periquito world records. You beat the previous
caterpillar–collecting record by more than thirteen thousand, and whistled in the tree for nearly ten hours longer than anyone had ever done before. I’m sure your records will remain
for a very long time, possibly for ever. Congratulations!

Unfortunately, however, the long attack of cramp you suffered is not a record.

In 1966, Harriet Snood of Tolpuddle attempted to break the world record for dancing ‘The Twist’. After sixty–nine hours
and seventeen minutes,her whole body locked like stone. Doctors have been unable to thaw out Harriet’s frozen muscles even to this day. She is still stuck in twisting position! With every
minute that passes, she adds to her record, which as I write is 15,696 days, 3 hours and 6 minutes. Harriet now has a successful career as a ‘Living Sculpture’.

Finally, Danny, you didn’t tell me about the kiss!

Your mum sent me the video she made of you and Sally Butterworth kissing in the tree. I’m delighted to tell you that you and Sally
have set a new world record, and I have included two extra certificates, one for you and one for Sally. Would you please pass it on to her?

Congratulations on breaking three world records at once, Danny!

Best wishes

Eric Bibby

Keeper of the Records

Danny and his dad kicked a ball around the beach. The sun shimmered orange, like a huge satsuma, above the calm blue sea. Danny dribbled the ball towards his dad, and nutmegged
him. Dad toppled on to the sand with a groan. Danny came over and sat down next to him.

‘Have you and Matthew made friends again?’ asked Dad.

‘Yeah, ’course we have,’ replied Danny.

‘Good. What about Sally Butterworth?’

‘She’s going home today.’

Dad nudged Danny with his elbow and winked.

‘Was she a good girlfriend?’ he asked.

Danny blushed prawn-pink, and looked away.

‘She was a good
footballer
,’ he answered.

Dad laughed and ruffled Danny’s hair. He nodded at the view. ‘Fantastic, isn’t it?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Do you like it here in Marisco?’

‘Yeah, it’s Ace.’

‘Would you like to live here for good?’

Danny pushed his feet into the sand and hugged his knees. ‘Could Matt come and live here too?’

‘No, of course not. His mum and dad couldn’t just pack up and move out here because we have.’

Dad put his arm around Danny’s shoulders.

‘Honestly, where would you rather live, here or in England?’

Danny took a deep breath. ‘In England!’ he blurted out. ‘I’m sorry, Dad. I’d be OK living here, honest, but I’d have to spend every day wearing factor 5
million suncream, and I’d miss the rain at home, and I’d miss my school football team, and . . . I’d miss Matt. He’s my best mate.’

Dad frowned and looked thoughtful. ‘Yeah, I thought you’d say that.’ A grin spread slowly across his face. ‘Good thing I turned down the Manager’s job here at Real
Marisco then.’

‘What?’

‘Walchester United want me to be their goalkeeping coach. It’s my Dream Job, Danny. I start as soon as we get back.’

Danny jumped up. ‘Are you serious?’

‘Totally.’

Danny punched the air, put his head back and yelled, ‘IN . . . THE . . . NET!’

When they got back to the hotel, Sally Butterworth was waiting in reception for the bus to go back to the airport. Matthew was there too, to make sure she didn’t miss it.

‘Bye, Danny,’ said Sally as the bus pulled up.

‘Er . . . bye, Sally.’ Danny stood well back, in case she had any goodbye kissing in mind.

‘Did you know, Father Ignatius, of the Church of the Holy Budgerigar, has said that from now on “El Periquito” must be kissed by a beautiful young girl before he comes down
from the tree? Why don’t we come back next year and try to break our own record?’

Danny and Matthew looked at each other.

‘Not
Ace!’ cried Danny.

‘
Not
cool!’ agreed Matthew.

Sally got on board the bus and waved sadly through the back window as it pulled away.

Danny’s mum walked up to them.

‘Have you two boys packed yet?’ she asked. ‘We’ll be leaving after lunch.’

Danny grinned at Matthew. ‘Come on, Matt – cola and paella for lunch,’ he said. ‘I’ve got sick-bags to fill!’