The Years Between (14 page)

“Yes, it is, actually.”

“Still, you can’t hibernate because of it. Everyone makes mistakes. Will is gone. Your sister is gone. Please, let us be your friends.”

She closed her eyes, shuddering. She was trying to picture facing the room of Bella’s friends with the sex tape now out. But Bella was right; everyone who mattered was gone, and her being alone and isolated all the time usually preceded the bad things that crawled into her brain, and lay the seeds that easily sprouted, urging her to do bad things.

“All right.”

Bella beamed. “You and I are friends now; I don’t care two shits about your past, or how much you decide to tell me about it. I care only that I love to talk to you. I can’t wait to tell you the gossip I hear, and I love your funny, sarcastic, off-hand comments. I also fully trust you around my husband. He’s your friend too.”

She frowned. “Not many men are what I consider my friends.”

“Mine is. Besides, if Will were here, wouldn’t you trust me with him?”

“Of course.”

“Well, give me the same credit.”

“I never had a friend like you.”

“I know, right!? But none of my friends are anything like you, and I love it.”

The first time Jessie saw Finn again, they shuffled and stared at their own feet, totally trapped in impossible embarrassment. Finn turned red and mumbled a short hello. It took several such awkward meetings before he too, felt better about being around her. She needed his help when the furnace broke. When she asked him to come over and look at it, he cheerfully did so. From that moment on, they found the easy rhythm they shared before. Logan apologized under Bella’s watchful eye, and Jessie was shocked when Bella’s sister-in-law took her arm in confidence. She said how sorry she was for her husband to act like such a “freaking prude.” And strangely, several of Bella’s friends included Jessie in their invitations, and eagerly talked to her. They asked her to go shopping with them, or to lunch on the weekends, and to dinners during the week. Most of Bella’s friends did not have kids, but were busy professionals just starting married life, or dutifully working to improve it.

Yet they all seemed to like her. Finally, Jessie had…
friends
. Not just one, but an entire group who invited her to all their get-togethers. They went out drinking together, or stayed in and played silly games. They laughed and talked and gossiped with her; and not once, did her history, or her name, or her tragedy become the center of any of it. It was like having the freshest breath suddenly blown into her life.

It was like finally having a life.

Will’s favorite thing to do was surprise Jessie. He did it when she was waiting for him in his apartment, and again now. He did it because there were so few things he could do that brought her happiness. When he came home, she was happy. Besides, it only delayed him for a few days. He still talked to her, but she never knew all the details of what he was doing, or where he was.

She was in the back yard, working with Soldier. She had the big, lumbering dog sitting while she back stepped away from him, and turned until she hid the bumper, without the dog noticing exactly where she put it. Then she blew a whistle and the dog turned. She blew it twice and pointed which direction. Soldier shot off, and within thirty seconds, had the bumper in his mouth, taking it directly back to Jessie. He dropped it gently into her hand at her command. She grinned wildly, dispelling the stern look she was using previously for the dog. She dropped to her knees, which were already grass-stained, and wrapped her arms around the dog’s enormous head. She rubbed his ears and praised him with all her might.

She didn’t know Will was there. He was leaning on the chain link fence, resting his elbows on top. He wore his fatigues and boots. She had on grubby jeans and a t-shirt. Her hair was drawn back into a ponytail that bobbed around her head as she talked to her dog. She always talked to her dog, and maintained a constant, running monologue.

She had never looked so perfect to him.

He glanced to the side when he heard a noise. There stood a woman, tall and dark-headed. She was grinning maniacally at him.

“You must be Will,” the woman said, her wide grin nearly blinding him.

Will squinted against the sun and nodded. “Bella, I presume?”

She nodded her head up and down. “She doesn’t know you’re here, does she?”

He shook his head, and she nearly clapped her hands together in glee. “Oh my God! It’s so romantic. I can’t stand it. But I’ll leave you two alone. I’ll go inside. I swear, I won’t watch. Just… I couldn’t wait to meet you.”

He watched the woman spin on her heel before running back to her house and disappearing, going so far as to draw her blinds after she waved at him. Wow, Jessie made a friend. A nice friend. A loyal friend. That was good. Really, really good.

He turned back to her. She was still talking to Soldier, heading now towards the deck.

Their deck. Their house. Their dog. Their blooming garden. He found himself smiling; who knew
they
had a garden? He found it hard to believe what he saw before him. And all of it was just waiting for his return, under the careful watch of Jessie.

She suddenly stilled and her entire body seemed to turn into a statue. Her chest rose and fell sharply. She pivoted on her heel. Her eyes scanned the fence line until she found him. His heart might have exploded in his chest; he was so excited to see her. Her eyes widened, and her jaw dropped.

Fuck it! Grabbing the top of the fence, he bounded over it in a swift, lithe jump. He raced toward her as she suddenly ran and flung herself at him. He picked her up off the ground and nearly suffocated her with the tight embrace against him. She started to cry and her tears wet his shirt where she buried her face against his neck. Her hands clung to his shoulders and her little chest shook against his. She finally lifted her face to his and he kissed her long and deep, tongue and all. He sometimes just couldn’t help it. He knew it was better for her without it, but there were times when he had to be as close as physically possible to her. This was one of those times. Her hands reached up around him, pushing his hat off and tousling his hair.

She finally drew back enough to stare at him. Her eyes gazed at his forehead, his eyes, his nose, and his mouth. She shook her head. “Why did you do that to me?
Why do you always surprise me?”

He beamed. “Because it almost makes up for how long I have to suffer without seeing that smile of yours.”

“You prolong my angst, just so you can see me smile?”

“I do. I deserve it, don’t I?” He squeezed her next to him. “God, it’s good to see you.”

“You caught me training the dog! I’m so dirty. Not how I wanted you to see me. You always do this to me.”

“Always? How many separations have there been?”

“You caught me fat and with horses the first time. Then, crying over my father and you…”

“
Just now? I got to watch my healed, pretty wife playing happily in my back yard. If you don’t think this is what I’ve been dreaming about, then you don’t yet understand how I feel about you.”

She blushed. After all that they shared between them, how did she still manage to blush with him? “No, I probably will never quite understand how you could feel that way about me.”

He looked down when he felt something wiggling at his feet. It was a black and white little mutt. He raised his head, and his eyebrows rose. “You got another dog, didn’t you?”

She ducked her head and smiled. “Uh-huh. This one was abused and needed…”

“You.” He leaned down to pat the dog. It turned and ran off, cowering as if he just raised his leg to kick it.

“He is skittish. He’s barely gotten used to me handling him.”

“And you didn’t mention our new pet to me because?”

“Because I wanted to surprise you.”

“How many will I end up owning?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. “Remember when you said one is the limit because the vet bills were too much?”

She smiled cheekily. “Yes, but I have a job now, so that total rose higher.”

He eyed her. “To how many?”

She leaned back and took his hand. “Come inside.”

“Jess-ie?” he insisted.

“Two cats. But they’re cheap. They were homeless. Strays. Beaten. Hungry. What else could I do?”

“I guess we really will own a farm soon.”

“Come inside, Will,” she said, pulling his hand. He let her lead him inside, and took in a deep, satisfied breath of happy. He glanced around the small house, which he could take in with almost one sweep of the place, it was so tiny. But he didn’t care. It was home. For once, he came home to someone. Something. Someplace. And all of it mattered to him. The house was clean and tidy and decorated, looking like real people lived there. He didn’t know until that moment it was something he wanted permanently in his life.

Front and center on their kitchen wall was the calendar, with each passing day dutifully crossed off in bright red ink. Not long. Not long at all. He made it this many days closer. No death and no new injuries.

“I met your friend, Bella. She caught me Peeping
Tomming you at the fence line. She rushed inside to give us privacy. Her smile suggested she thought I was the greatest man ever for my romantic gesture. I really think I’ll like her.”

Jessie laughed. It was a pretty laugh that filled the room and made him grin in response. There were so many times when he had to go for days without hearing that laugh. “I see. Maybe you should leave her all alone, and surprise her after several months; and then we can see how romantic
she
finds it.”

“You know you’re happy I did it.”

Turning, she pushed herself against him, and he held her in a giant bear hug. “I am happy you did it. I know a girl’s wedding day is supposed to be the happiest day of her life, but this moment right now, with you at the fence, I think is my most favorite moment of my life.”

“Even better than when I showed up in Washington? Or the day Fuck-face died? Come on, those were pretty good.”

“Good. But not great; because you were always leaving. And we were barely, really together. Now, you’re home to be with me
for good.
”

“Okay, you got me there. You really do. My favorite moment was actually, when we got married. But this is pretty fucking close.”

She rubbed a hand over his mouth. “You know what I missed?” He raised his eyebrows in question. “I missed having sex. With you. Go figure.”

He let out a breath and smiled as goofily as she did. “I can fix that too.”

“No map needed?”

“No. No map needed. Do you remember I told you there was something I’d like to do to you?”

“Vaguely.”

“I think it’s time I showed you what that was.” He picked her up and carried her to their bedroom to finally celebrate coming home for
what felt like the first time in his entire nomadic, isolated, lonely life.

****

Home for Will this time seemed a lot more natural than after their reunion and honeymoon. Jessie didn’t act quite so perfect, and he didn’t feel like he was walking on eggshells while worrying what might set her off. Instead, they acted more real with each other than he could ever remember them being together. She could relax a lot more being in this house. His heart felt a twinge knowing it wasn’t him that did that for her. He was gone as usual. But the house, the
garden she tended, the job she worked, and the pets she was fast accumulating did a lot to ease her into pursuing a real, functioning life.

She was, in fact, doing far better in his absence than when he was with her. It was undeniable, but it unsettled him a little to realize that. She cut herself while he was with her, not when he wasn’t. He wasn’t sure what it meant, if anything. He was thrilled of course, to find her functioning again. She was building a life here. He just wished sometimes, he wasn’t what seemed to bring up half her issues. She loved him. He knew that as well as he knew his own name. But it always lodged in his chest, and was not lost on him, that his presence in her life was a detriment to her overall well-being. He was the face of her rescuer from hell, but he was also the face of the witness.

“Will?”

He turned when her voice called him. She was coming out of the bathroom and sat down on the bed beside him. He leaned his hands behind his head and raised an eyebrow in response. She sighed and scooted forward to lean her head into his chest.

“I hate to leave.”

He crossed his arms over her. “It’s okay. I’m tired. I’ll hang out here.”

“I’d take time off, but I’m so new…”

He remembered a time when she didn’t know the meaning of the words “responsible” or “accountable.” It still surprised him when she was. “Hey, you wait for my job all the time. It’s time I waited for yours. Besides, I promised Clint I’d show up for his kid’s birthday.”

He didn’t ask her to come. His team was close, and they all included their wives and families for many shindigs. But not him. He always showed up alone. It simply was too much for Jessie. She could not get better enough to join him. It reminded her too much of the kinds of things her father insisted she attend all her life. They made her feel like the general’s trapped daughter again. She could no more participate in military life as an Army wife than she could be a soldier. Will knew his friends’ families judged him for it. And she was judged also, but he didn’t give damn. He’d never again make excuses for Jessie. He’d never again try to explain her failure to accompany him. They simply didn’t need to know. She was how she had to be; and that was a thousand times better than he ever dreamed she could be. He didn’t need her doing PR work for him; he simply needed her to function.

She was still being judged. There was no denying it. She made a sex tape. She refused to bury her father’s ashes, a general in the Army. She attempted to cheat on Will when others thought they were married for real. Some of the things she did could not be forgotten or undone. And defending her would only bring up things she could not bear to discuss.

But here, in the little suburban neighborhood they found, life was pretty close to what could be called “normal.”

Bella and Finn invited them over to dinner, and Will liked the innocuous man who was married to a very nice, sweet woman. They were good to Jessie. That was all he needed for reference. But he was thrilled at seeing Jessie act funny and silly with someone else besides him. He even felt like he wanted Finn to fix stuff in his house when he was gone. He seemed a decent enough guy. He did not look too long at Jessie. Nor did he seem very interested in her. Just as Will treated Bella. He felt a hopeful lift in his gut. Jesus, maybe they could actually have some friends.

Will’s
only
personal associations involved his military life. But she couldn’t handle military contacts or gossip or even army wives in her life. God knows, Jessie of old had pushed away anyone and everyone who could have been her friend. So it was just them. It was very isolating and solitary, and not good for her. When he left her nearly all alone to go on deployment, he knew it was time for them to include more people in their lives.

They needed friends. They needed family. They needed a damn normal life. With each other, and with other people. Finally, that might
be possible.

They got together for dinner with the neighbors several more times. The more often Will spent time with them, the more he enjoyed their company and blowing off steam. Finn and he even enjoyed drinking a beer every evening after work, discussing sports and other crap.

Will was fine until he was introduced to Bella’s brother, Logan. He remembered the name. They were at a Labor Day barbeque, and Will was enjoying the company, the food, the beer, and the warm sun. He did not, however, enjoy meeting the man who cornered and humiliated his wife.