This Girl Stripped (15 page)

“Paisley, you have three point two seconds to spill before I call Chrome and tell him you’re pregnant. It will take him all of five minutes to have River on the phone. Don’t try me, little sister.” She means business now. Using Chrome is bringing out the big guns, especially since he’s on the road with the club. The same place Diesel is.

“It’s Diesel. Alright? Jesus!” My hands land over my eyes as I wait for her backlash.

“Wait. You and Diesel?” She asks confused. Does she know something more about him and Ryker?

“Yeah, me and Diesel. We spent a night together. But, I ran like I always do. I shouldn’t have, but my life is too much of a mess for all the baggage of a relationship. He helped me a lot, still does.” It’s the truth.

“You’re the reason Ryker left.” She says. It isn’t a question, and I had no idea Ryker went anywhere.

“Ryker left?” I’m way beyond confused.

“Yeah, a couple weeks ago, Ryker up and left without any reason. I suspected it had something to do with Diesel after what you told me though. I always suspected they had something going on because they’re always together, but when you brought it up, it all made more sense. It was more than just one of those bromances. But, neither of them have spoken about it. Not a damn word. You know, I hate that men aren’t like women in that aspect. I would love to hear that gossip.” Star goes on and on. She’s rambling, but I’m learning more about Diesel and the kind of
friendship
he had with Ryker. Maybe I’m the one who ruined that?

Who am I kidding? I know I’m the one who got in the middle of it. Ryker found us that morning and it fits the timeline. I instantly feel bad for turning Diesel’s life upside down. He had a comfortable and constant life before I fucked everything up. Now I’m just screwing shit up even more for him with a baby. A baby that might not even be his and he has no damn idea.

There is one thing I know for sure; I have to tell Diesel about River as soon as he comes back with the boys. It isn’t fair to lead him to believe he’s going to be a dad when he may be nothing to me or this baby in a couple months.

My Boyfriend is Back

A week later Chrome and his merry band of bikers returned from someplace in the south. Warm weather, open road, and farmers’ tans. They weren’t too happy to be back in the ice and snow. Hell, I wouldn’t be either. The snow was slowly becoming too much for me to deal with. Navigating the roads in Diesel’s giant truck wasn’t as easy as he promised.

Tonight we would fall into a comfortable evening in. A fire in the fireplace would probably be the first thing, followed by some takeout and of course, a movie. We would cuddle, but he would remain the perfect gentleman. Like he always does. The room he has continued to give me is bordering on annoying. We know there’s a flame between us, but we continue to ignore it - walking on eggshells around the other because of everything that has happened.

The only difference is that tonight, I’ll tell him about River and the possibility of him being the father of the growing life inside me. It could go really good or really bad. I won’t know until I actually grow the balls to tell him. I just can’t put it off anymore, even if I want to.

I begin setting the kitchen table when a knock on my front door disturbs me. But, nothing prepares me for the sight on the other side of the door. His black hair catches my attention first. Instead of being spiked straight up, it falls flat. His normally bright green eyes are clouded and red instead of vibrant. His shoulders are slumped and he wears a frown. This isn’t the confident River I’ve grown to know. This is a broken man.

I pull the door open and we stare at each other for a moment.

“River?”

“I’m so sorry, Paisley. I shouldn’t have disappeared like that.” He moves toward me, pulling me into his arms. My body goes stiff under his unwelcome touch. “Will you please forgive me?” He begs, but I can’t do anything but pull away from him.

“River, its too late. You broke me. I can’t do this back and forth dance with you. We can be friends, but that’s it. I just…” I don’t even have any words to describe what he’s done to me, whether he likes it or not. He ruined whatever we could have had at one point in time.

“I can’t do this with you, River. I have too much going on.” Its the truth. Not the complete truth, but shit, I’m giving it all a try.

“I know, Paisley. I know about the baby. I want to be here for you both.” His words hit me like a ton of bricks. He knows about the baby? Why would Star tell him? Did she tell him?

“River, this baby may not even be yours.” I’m so pissed off at the situation as a whole, I completely miss Diesel walking up the driveway. He catches the last thing I say and I watch him stop. His face goes from happy to see me for the first time in a week to hurt. I’m poison. I’m a disaster. I’m not for either of these men. I just will continue to hurt them.

“Paisley?” Diesel asks from behind River.

River turns around and faces him. They square off, staring for a few moments. I hold my breath wondering who’s going to take a swing first. I can’t let this happen.

“Both of you, STOP!” I yell. I quickly move between the two men. It’s freezing out and now I’m standing on the snow covered pavement with no damn shoes on. “Just stop and listen to me. This is my fault. I’m the only one for either of you to be mad at. I wanted to tell you each separately at the right time, but clearly nothing in my life goes as I plan anymore. River, before we slept together, I was with Diesel. Shit happened and we went our separate ways. I care about him, just as I care about you. But it’s different with him. He doesn’t ignore me or hurt me like you have.” I pause, thinking about what the hell I can say next.

“Diesel, after what happened that morning, I ran because I was scared. I wanted uncomplicated and that wasn’t an option with you. Or at least that’s what I saw that morning. Over Christmas, River and I got together. Then he walked out on me again. Which is what he continues to do, and it’s exactly why I can’t let him in anymore. No matter how much he begs or pleads. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. River, I’m done.”

I swear my life should be a fucking movie. This would make such an awesome climax scene. The raging red head, freezing her ass off while she yells at all the men in her life.

“I need you both to respect me and this situation. I need you to let me deal with this the way I need to. It is what it is, and I understand I’m the one who fucked up. No matter what, whoever the father of my baby is, I’m not going to change my mind about who I’m choosing to let into my life. And that isn’t going to be you, River. I can’t deal with you like that. I just can’t and I deserve better. I deserve more. I deserve all of whoever I’m with and you just can’t offer me that. If this is your baby, you’ll be able to be a dad if that’s what you choose, but don’t mistake that for playing house.”

I can feel tears stinging my eyes again. I know they’re going to fall. I don’t want either man to see me cry. But it’s inevitable.

“Diesel, I would like for you to stay tonight so we can talk like I’d planned. River, I would like you to leave. Next time you plan on visiting, please call first.” I remove myself from between the two men who absolutely tower over me and walk back into the house, heading straight for the bathroom to run my poor frozen feet under the hot water.

The water runs as the tears stream down my rosy cheeks. I completely miss him coming in the house and opening the bathroom door. I stay perched on the edge of the white tub while his arms wrap around me.

“Well, that was uncomfortable.” Diesel says with a forced chuckle. Yes, uncomfortable described that pretty well.

“Diesel, I had no idea he was coming over. Hell, I didn’t have any idea he knew. I wasn’t going to tell him at all. I was going to tell you everything tonight. I just didn’t have time before he ruined that for me.” I sigh and a tear drips off my face, and lands on his tattooed hand. I run my fingertip along the bright red rose with his mothers name elegantly written under it, all while wiping away the evidence of my emotions.

“Shhh, Paisley. I knew.” he whispered into my ear as he pushed the hair away from my neck. “It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay, Paisley. I promise you, I’m not going anywhere.” His lips meet my neck in a simple peck. It’s an intimate action. The first intimate contact we’ve had since we spent that lust filled night together.

“My life isn't complete without your fire, distraction, and tragedy. I need your chaos to survive. I don't know how I lived before you, Paisley.” His words don’t sink in at first, but the more I think about them as we both sit there thawing my feet, the more I understand how much they truly mean.

“Diesel, you don’t mean that.” I try and shrug him off. I try and make some kind of excuse for him. Maybe he’s in love with the idea of having a family. Maybe he just wants the future with me. But everything is so fucking confusing. I know I’m confused as hell. Maybe he’s just as screwed up as I am?

“Paisley, I never say anything I don’t mean, Princess. From the moment I had you in my arms, I knew I would love you till the day I die. I don’t care who or what gets in our way. You are it for me, this I know for sure. You take your time figurin’ it all out. I don’t need that time. That’s why I told you, when you’re ready I’ll be here waitin’.”

He stands from the toilet seat behind me and starts toward the door. I turn the water off, and reach out for him.

“Diesel, wait.”

I hope he doesn’t leave before I catch up with him. My feet hit the bath mat, and begin tingling. Fuck they hurt! It was stupid to stand out there in the snow for as long as I did. I round the corner and he’s sitting at the kitchen table, big black boots kicked up on the chair next to him.

“You think I was leavin’?” He smiles at me, and I just nod. I’m frozen in my spot.

“Princess, you should know by now, I’m not gonna let nobody come between us.” It was true. No matter who tried to cause drama, Diesel ignored them. River, Ryker, anyone. It was the two of us. I’m silently thankful that he wouldn’t let their antics come between whatever was blossoming between us.

It certainly wasn’t a conventional relationship, but it was ours. It wasn’t your typical hearts and flowers, but it was exactly what we needed. Two broken souls mending together, entwining our hearts as they heal.

“Come here, Darlin’.” He whispers into my ear as his arms wrap tighter around my body. The movie ended almost an hour ago and we’ve laid here in silence ever since. The night has been so full of emotions. We walk on eggshells around each other, skirting everything said only a couple hours ago. I don’t want to skirt anymore.

I told myself I wasn’t going to jump into anything with anyone, but Diesel makes everything so fucking hard. He makes me know everything is within reach. He makes me know we could be pretty damn great together. Yet, something continues to hold me back and I have no idea what it is.

I mull over the thought as he holds me tight. Enveloped in safety and warmth I find it hard to imagine my life without him. But will he run if my baby isn’t his? I want to ask him, but I don’t want to break this moment. I want this connection, I want him deeper. I want him completely.

“Diesel?” I question. My voice breaks the silence and he only replies with a grunt. His nose burrows in my hair, his favorite part of me.

“I want this.” Those three words are the hardest thing I’ve had to bring myself to speak in the longest time. I thought the confession of my sins and past would break me, but these may be the words that completely do me in.

“I do too, Princess.” his lips brush my cheek.

“You aren’t gonna leave me?” I ask. I want to go into detail. I want to ask the hard question hanging between us, but I know he already knows exactly what I’m talking about. He’s smarter than anyone gives him credit for.

“Paisley, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Diesel?”

“Mmhmm…” he replies.

“Make love to me?” his grip around my hip tightens as he pulls me closer. His mouth nips up and down my neck, only stopping once his tongue meets my collarbone.

“You sure, Princess?” He questions as he gently bites and sucks on my tender flesh.