This Side of the Sun (The Sun Trilogy) (4 page)

I felt Everett’s eyes on me the entire walk up the stairway. I knew he was pissed, but he had no right to try to force a relationship. Saul kept my hand in his. We walked through the pig-decorated upper portion of the pub and finally slipped outside into the cool night air.

“It’s dark out,” I muttered. I had lost track of time.

“Hattie, who was that?”

“Everett. A friend of my brother’s. Well, a friend of ours. We all went to school together.”

“He looked like he was getting a bit too friendly with you.”

“Yeah. He thinks we should fall in love. What are you doing here?” I asked, changing the subject.

“I was meeting a friend for a drink. He canceled at the last minute.”

“A boyfriend?”

Saul laughed deeply. “No, Hattie. A potential business partner.”

“Oh.”

“I’m not gay,” he said in a very serious voice.

“Me either.”

“How much have you had to drink?”

I shrugged. “Maybe four or five?”

“I’ll take you home if that’s okay?”

“I don’t want to go home.”

“You should sleep it off.”

I shook my head side to side.
“Every time I close my eyes, I see the fire. I hear all those people screaming.”

Saul rubbed at his chin with his fingers. His five-o-clock shadow was rugged looking, and quite sexy. “You can come home with me if you want. I’ll make you some coffee. We can talk about what happened yesterday.”

I looked down, realizing we were still holding hands. “You sure you don’t mind?”

“I’m sure. But didn’t your mother tell you not to talk to strangers, or go to their homes?”

“She died when I was born.”

“Crap. I’m sorry, Hattie.”

I shrugged. “It’s ok. I don’t remember her. Besides, you’re not a stranger. You saved my life.”

“Let’s get you out of here and sobered up.”

“Wait…Everett…he shouldn’t drive.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll call the staff. They’ll call him a cab.”

“You sure?”

“Positive. C’mon, let’s get out of here.”

He kept my hand in his and walked me down the sidewalk toward his truck.

“Hattie!” I heard Everett yelling from behind us. “Hattie, you can’t just go off with some dude!”

I felt Saul squeeze my hand as he slowed to a stop and turned to face my long-time-friend-turned-jerk-for-the-night.

“Leave it be, man” said Saul in his husky voice.

“No way, Dude. I don’t know you and Hattie’s not going off with some fucking guy I don’t know.”

Everett was slowly approaching us. By his facial expression I could tell he was really pissed. Saul must have sensed it too, because he put an arm out in front of me to keep himself between me and Everett.

“Back off, man,” said Saul. “I really don’t want to hurt you, but I will.”

I had a feeling this might end badly. I stepped to the side so that I was still behind Saul, but so that Everett could see me.

“Everett. Take a cab home, ok? I’ll see you tomorrow and I promise we’ll talk.”

“This is horseshit, Hat. If this fucker hurts a single hair on your head Joe and I will both kill him.”

“Go home, Ev. Just go home,” I said as I found Saul’s hand again and slowly pulled him toward his truck. I didn’t look back at Everett.

***

I sat quietly beside Saul, trying to not shiver. It was a cold night and even though he’d turned the heater on, it hadn’t warmed the cab yet.

“I’d offer you a jacket, but you took it home with you,” he said quietly.

“I’ll be okay.”

“It’ll warm up soon.”

The drive to Saul’s cabin only took about twenty minutes. He was kind enough to not ask any questions about me and Everett. Once we were there, we were greeted with a welcome quietness; the gentle lapping of waves nearby, the barking of a sea lion in the distance, but otherwise just
quiet
.

As Saul unlocked the ivy-draped front door, he looked at me sideways.

“You ever go fishing, Hattie?”

“Nope.”

“Maybe I’ll take you.”

He held the door open for me and I stepped into a dimly lit living room. He had left a single lamp on beside a big overstuffed couch that was covered in dark plaid fabric. Despite the ambient temperature being cool, the room was warm and inviting.

“Go ahead and sit down. I’ll light a fire and get it warmed up in here.”

“Thanks.”

“Sorry the fireplace is the only way to get heat around here.”

There was a split-log chair with similar fabric as the couch, but it didn’t look very comfortable. I opted to occupy one end of the sofa. I sat back and slumped against the armrest, making myself comfortable.

Saul knelt down in front of an older-looking wood stove and began crinkling newspaper and inserting small pieces of kindling. Before long the fire was crackling and he added a couple of larger logs. Once it was burning on its own, he turned and walked toward me.

“Alright, Hattie. You ready to talk?”

I looked at him with dread. “About what?”

“Anything you want. How about I make some coffee?”

“Do you have any tea?”

He grinned at me, the gesture lighting up his whole face. “Yes, I have tea. Herbal or black?”

“Black, with two sugars?”

“Hang tight and I’ll be right back with it.”

I watched as he left the room through an open archway that I assumed led to a kitchen. I only saw two other doorways, which I imagined were a bedroom and bathroom. The walls were all made of logs. I had never been in a real log cabin before. I stared at an animal head mounted on the wall, wondering if it was a deer or an elk. My feet were aching, so I slipped my sandals off and curled my feet under my butt. I allowed myself to sink into the couch, curling up in an attempt to get warm. My stomach was sour and my head was starting to ache from too much alcohol.

After several minutes, Saul walked back through the archway, carrying two steaming mugs. I sat up straighter and took the mug he held out for me.

“Careful, it’s hot.”

“Thanks,” I whispered.

“It’s just Lipton. I hope that’s ok?”

“It’s perfect.”

I sipped on it carefully, avoiding burning my lips.

“Is it sweet enough?”

I nodded.

Saul sat beside me, in the middle seat. My heart skipped a little beat at him opting for such a close position. I noticed he had taken his shoes
and socks off, too. He had big feet with long toes. Like the rest of him, they looked strong.

“Did you want to talk about what happened tonight?” he asked me.

“My brother got married,” I explained. “They wanted to go out for drinks afterward.”

“So you know that guy well?”

“Everett?” I asked, immediately taking another sip of tea.

Saul nodded.

“Yeah. I’ve known him since my brother Joe and I were in kindergarten.”

“You guys went to kindergarten together, all three of you?”

I nodded. “Joe’s my twin. We grew up doing pretty much everything together. The Fidalgo Bay elementary school was small enough to force us to be in the same classes all the way till middle school.”

“Ok, so this friend of yours, Everett, all of a sudden he wants to date you? Or has this been going on for a while?”

I shook my head. “He’s kind of always had a thing for me, but we’ve never dated. He’s more like an older brother. We even talked about it after you dropped me off at home last night. He and his mom stayed over and I couldn’t sleep. I explained that I just didn’t feel that way about him. Then he pulled this crap tonight.”

“Well, I suppose I can’t fault him for being attracted to a pretty girl, but no means no. He crossed a line.”

I felt my face flush at the compliment he had snuck in.

“So, tell me about you,” I suggested.

“What do you want to know?”

“Well, anything I suppose. What are you doing living here?”

“My grandfather passed away about a year ago. The rest of the family fought over his estate, but he left everything, including this place, to me and my little sister. It’s not much, but I used to stay here with him a few weeks every summer. It was pretty special to us.”

“I’m sorry he passed.”

He bowed his head for a moment. Looking up again, he quietly said “thanks.”

“Do you think you’ll stay here?”

“I imagine so. I left my job back in the city. Came here with a little savings. I imagine I’ll look for a job soon.”

“What kind of work?”

“Probably construction. Maybe dock work or fishing. I like to be outside.”

I yawned.

“Am I boring you?”

I shook my head no and chuckled. “No. Sorry.”

“So, why were you drinking so much tonight?”

I leaned my head back, resting it on the back of the couch. “I just wanted to feel numb for a while. Try to forget about the explosion
s.”

“It’s gonna take time.”

“I feel like a freak. It’s hard to sleep, eat…think. All those people who died. Their screams. Bodies in the street. That baby…and its mother…”

I could feel a hot tear fall down my cheek. The last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of this man that I barely knew. Before I had a chance to wipe it away, I felt the heat of his hand doing it for me. Before I knew it, I was in his arms, crying into his chest.

“It’s ok, let it out. Just let it out,” he soothed.

I had never been comfortable with people seeing me cry, and I had never really been close enough to anyone to cry against them before.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled.

He rubbed at my back gently with one hand, the other smoothing my hair. “Shhh,
it’s fine.”

I forced myself to stop crying and moved back from him enough to wipe my eyes. Again, Saul took over with his thumbs and gently wiped the tears away from beneath my eyes.
He was looking at me with a softness that warmed me.

“It’s pretty incredible,” he whispered.

I looked at him questioningly.

“How beautiful you are, even when you’re crying,” he said softly.

I wiped a stray tear from my neck. “I am not.”

“I’m glad I saved you, Hattie.”

I felt my face warm under his stare.

“I think you have a lot to offer thi
s world,” he continued.

“You’re embarrassing me,” I admitted.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” He paused. “Come fishing with me tomorrow?”

I looked at him, unsure. “Okay.”

He smiled, showing off his straight white teeth. They were almost too perfect. “Good.”

“Did you have braces when you were younger?” I asked.

He laughed at the question. “Yup, sure did. Let’s go to bed.”

My eyes must have widened because he laughed again.

“I’m not that kind of guy. I think you’re gorgeous, Hattie. And I love your personality. Maybe someday I’ll get a chance with you, but tonight you can have my bed. I’ll take the couch.”

I smiled awkwardly.

“You’re not used to compliments, are you?”

I shook my head back and forth.

Saul stood, offering me his hand. I took it, a bit unsure. I knew so little about this man yet trusted him with my life. He led me through one of the closed doors, into a small bedroom with a bed covered in a heavy wool blanket in shades of blue, green, and yellow. There was a dresser next to the door and a simple wood night stand beside the bed. Saul walked to the dresser and pulled out a t-shirt.

“Here. You can borrow this.”

“Thanks. It’ll be a lot more comfortable than my dress.”

He opened a different drawer and pulled out a pair of sweat-pant shorts. “These’ll be too big for you but they have a drawstring.”

“Is there anything else you need?”

“Maybe just the bathroom?”

“Yes, I have one of those,” he said with a wink. It made me smile.

After a quick shower and change of clothes, I emerged from the bathroom to find Saul arranging his makeshift bed on the couch.

“Feel better?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yes. Thanks for the shower and clothes.”

He walked over to me and ran a hand over my hair.

“Your hair’s wet.”

“I didn’t see a hair drier. Don’t worry, it’ll dry.”

Something about the way he was looking into my eyes made my stomach flip-flop and tingle. His hand was still on the side of my head, cupping it gently. He was standing so close that I could feel his body heat radiating. Without realizing what I was doing, I closed my eyes and leaned into his palm. I could hear his breathing slow and deepen and sensed his face close to my own. Surreally, the heat of his soft lips set me on fire as he kissed me tenderly. His fingers wound through my damp hair as he deepened the kiss, tasting me sweetly. I returned his advance, opening my mouth to accept his affection. I wasn’t even sure if I was doing it right since I had only ever kissed one boy on the lips before: Fred Malloy in ninth grade. I felt weak in the knees as if the world had fallen away from me. I breathed in through my nose, inhaling his manly scent while tasting his mouth. Saul groaned into my mouth, and suddenly broke the kiss.

“Slow down, girl.” He was slightly out of breath.

“I’m sorry,” I muttered, not sure what else to say.

He laughed, making my face darken to what must have been seven shades of red.

“Hattie, I kissed you. You have nothing to apologize for. I just know you’ve been drinking, and I don’t want to move too fast.” He sighed heavily. “Ok, so I want to, but I won’t. You need to know I have genuine respect for you.”

I must have pouted, because he took one hand and cupped my chin, forcing me to look at him. If you want to explore things between us once you’re sober, we can. But there’s no rush. Really.”

I thought for a moment. “Well, was it any good?”

He chuckled again. “The kiss?”

I nodded silently, still feeling flushed.

“Yes. More than good.”

“I wasn't sure if I was doing it right.”

He looked at me slightly confused, and slightly horrified. “Hattie? That was your first kiss?”

I bit my lip nervously. “Well, a guy dry kissed me on the lips in high school. Does that count?”

He didn’t laugh this time. He just shook his head
slowly from side to side. “No, that doesn’t count.”

“Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.”

He set his forehead against my own and cupped the base of my head in his hand, causing my heart to beat faster. My head was spinning.

“You need to get some sleep. We’ll talk in the morning, okay?”

I nodded.

“Leave the bedroom door open so you get the heat from the fireplace. It’ll dry that pretty hair of yours.”

I nodded again. He let go of me and placed his hands on my shoulders, turning me around to face the bedroom. “Sweet dreams, sweet Hattie.”

I shuffled forward, not daring to look back at him. I climbed onto his bed and slid under the covers. The sheets smelled like fabric softener. I welcomed the softness of the mattress and pillows. It felt almost like a long awaited hug. As I drifted off to sleep, I found myself wishing that Saul was beside me.

***

It was a sunny day and I was walking with a bouquet of daisies in my hands. I was barefoot and wearing a sheer blue sundress that tickled my ankles as I walked. A breeze carried in the calls of seagulls and the musty scent of low tide. There was something wrong with the sky. The color was off. It should have been a warm yellow glow from the midday sun. Instead, it was the deep color of glowing embers. It made everything look an awkward shade of pink-orange and was starting to hurt my eyes. Looking down at the flowers in my hands, I realized they were now scorched and blackened. They crumbled in my hands, falling to the ground at my feet in a small pile of ash that was quickly carried away by the wind. The wind. It had gotten stronger and was blowing hot against my face. I began to run, my bare feet burning on the sidewalk. People were slowly walking toward me. As each passed, they mouthed “it should have been you.” I looked back and saw them fade into nothing. I knew they were dead.

A baby began crying hysterically. It sounded like it was crying from pain. I looked around, but all I could see were flames. The heat was growing intolerable. The crying was so loud
that my ears were hurting. The cries changed to a woman calling out for her baby. Suddenly she was standing in front of me. Her mouth was opening as if she were screaming, but there was only the constant crackle of fire. Without hearing her words, I knew she was screaming at me for taking her baby.

“Hattie, wake up.”

The room was dark. I wasn’t sure where I was. Something was wrong. It was hard to breathe and my chest felt tight.

“We have to help them,” I choked out.

“Hattie. It’s Saul. You’re ok.”

I sat upright in the bed, trying to catch my breath.

“It’s so hot,” I moaned as I tried to kick off the covers.

“I think you had a bad dream. You were trying to yell out in your sleep.”

“The baby’s mom was looking for it. And the people who died…”

“Shhh. It’s over now.”

“They told me I should have been the one to die,” I said as I tried to breathe.

My eyes were adjusting to the dark and Saul looked like an angel with the faint glow of the firelight behind him.

“I should have died instead,” I said in a
hoarse whisper.

“No. It wasn't your time,” he said softly.

He wrapped his strong arms around me and held me, soothing me by rubbing my back gently.

“It was so real,” I mumbled into his neck. “I could feel the heat from the fire burning me.”

“You’re okay now. I won’t let anything hurt you.”

“I’m sorry I woke you up,” I said sincerely.

“Don’t be,” he whispered. His voice had deepened noticeably.

He unwrapped his arms from around me and placed a palm on each side of my face, forcing me to look at him.

“I want to be here for you, Hattie. Okay?”

I couldn’t nod my head with the way he was holding me, so just looked into his eyes. He leaned forward, hesitating with his lips close enough to mine to feel the heat, as if asking for permission. When I didn’t back away, he continued forward until his lips parted mine softly. He kissed me gently but with a passion that was stronger than
our first kiss only hours before. He was so tender with me that it nearly brought tears to my eyes.

He slowly let go of my face and moved his hands down my arms, never moving his lips from mine. His fingers ran down my upper arms slowly and lightly, sending little shivers through my skin. I closed my eyes and let myself relax under his touch. Every place his fingertips trailed was both hot and cold at the same time. I caught myself moaning softly into his mouth as he awoke desires deep within me.

He gently broke the kiss and I sighed.

“Was that okay?” he asked in a deep voice that hinted at longing.

I took a moment to breathe, not quite sure how to put into words just how okay it had been. He had stirred something inside of me that I had never felt before.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No,” I said, sounding a bit too desperate.

He almost instantly returned his lips to mine. My head was spinning as I felt the warmth of his hand beneath my t-shirt. His kiss was slow and tender, yet filled with need and want. He smelled of wood smoke and some sort of spice and his kiss tasted like vanilla and mint. I wrapped my arms around his back. He wasn't wearing a shirt and his skin was warm and smooth. He melted under my touch and groaned slightly. I felt a tingling sensation deep in my core and had trouble keeping my composure as his hands slid around to my front and gently stroked at my breasts. He moved his mouth down to my neck, which he sucked on gently at first. The sensation of him tasting my flesh caused me to groan deeply and knead the skin of his back, which in turn caused him to suck harder. He used his fingers to twist gently at my left nipple, leaving me quivering and I cried out softly.

His mouth left my neck and he kissed my cheek sweetly, very near to my ear. “Does it feel good?” he asked, whispering sweetly.

“Yes,” I admitted.

“Good,” he answered as his hands left the confines of my shirt. “But we need to stop now.”

“No,” I begged. “Please?”

He chuckled, almost evilly. “Hattie, seriously, I want to keep going but it’s not the right time.”

I heard an unusual noise of frustration escape my own lips and he chuckled again.

He followed my own protest with a sigh of his own. “You’ll wake up hating me if we do this now. We barely know each other.”

I didn’t say anything. My feelings were a little hurt and I was being left very unsatisfied. To top it off, I still felt like I should have died in the explosion. To my horror, tears began welling in my eyes. I looked down at my lap, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

“Oh, God, no. Don’t cry,” he said in dismay.

I tried as hard as I could, but my chin began quivering and I sniffled. I felt his hand under my chin and looked up as he gently lifted my face toward his. I could feel tears roll down my cheeks, despite trying so hard to keep them at bay. He took his thumbs and gracefully wiped the moisture from my face, and followed with tiny little kisses down each cheek.

“Can you at least hold me for a while?” I choked out in a pathetically broken voice. I had always had a difficult time speaking when crying.

He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. I leaned into the crook of his neck and inhaled. His scent was almost as calming as his touch.

“You should try to get some more sleep,” he said next to my head.

“Stay with me?”

I felt like a child asking, but being alone was the last thing I wanted. He let go of me and looked me in the eyes.

“I won’t go anywhere, I promise.”

I nodded.

“Climb under the covers. It’s cold in here.”

I did as instructed, settling back down in the bed. I felt Saul climb under the covers behind me. He wrapped an arm across me and held me close.

“Sleep,” he whispered.

I closed my eyes and tried to tune out all of the thoughts swimming through my head. Saul’s hand slowly moved down and settled just below my belly button. It caused me to squirm slightly, which in turn caused Saul to reposition himself a bit. I wriggled under his arm until I was able to turn and face him. The fire in the other room was dying down, and the light in the bedroom was nearly gone.

“Hey,” he whispered.

“Hey.”

I reached one of my hands out from under the covers and placed it on his bare chest.

“Saul?”

“Hmm?”

“I feel like I’ve known you for a long time.”

He took my hand in his and wove his fingers through my own.

“I know what you mean,” he said. “And I think I’d like to know you for a long time.”

I snuggled up close to him and fell asleep in his arms.