Tight Knit (5 page)

“Lachlan, son, I want you to come home right after school. I need to talk to you about all this sneaking out you’ve been doing.” 

My jaw muscles all fail at the same time and I look down at my frail grandmother, her boney hands resting on her hips. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” she says. “I’m an 80-year-old woman who had a husband and 4 children. Don’t think you can pull the wool over my eyes that easy, young man. Be home, or we’re going to have problems.” 

“Yes, Gram.” I say with total sincerity. I never want to have problems with Gram. I’m terrified of what that could mean. 

CHAPTER FIVE

Talia

The first day of school is my worst nightmare. In the literal sense, I’m still having nightmares about it. 

I text Janna when I wake up. She always has her phone, I swear she sleeps with it pressed to her ear, but I still haven’t heard from her. 

I hate first days, and I’ve already had a panic attack that left me curled up on my bed, exhausted. I’m used to this. I also have night terrors all the time, the doctor says it’s part of the anxiety. I say it is because my brain is revolting against me. I’m used to it, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck big time.

I brush my teeth like a zombie and can’t stop the dark shadows of my thoughts from closing in. They slither and slide through my brain, tainting everything with doom. 

I can’t shake the feeling that the actual first day of school isn’t going to be far from the nightmare version, so I take my time getting ready. I eat breakfast at a glacial pace as my mother sits across the table from me, painting her long fake fingernails. She looks up once. Once. But hasn’t said a word. Part of me wishes she’d talk to me, part of me is glad that she just stays out of it. When she does talk to me it’s about going back on pills. I don’t tell her about the attacks anymore. I used to call out to her but now we barely speak.

“So when is dad getting home?” I ask, trying to make conversation. She smiles at me but it’s fake and it doesn’t reach her eyes. My mother is very pretty. Tall and skinny like Nan but she has Pop’s brown eyes and light hair. 

“On Saturday maybe.” 

“Maybe?” How does she not know when her husband is getting home? Sometimes I feel like we’re just roommates, the three of us, instead of a family. It didn’t used to be this way. I remember when my dad was a defence lawyer and mom and I would go watch him in court. Now he settles accounts and writes contracts for some corporate insurance company and we never see him anymore.

“It depends on how the negotiations go, Tali. He might have to stay, or he might be able to come home.” 

“I bet he just has another family,” I mumble and dump my bowl into the sink.

“What was that?” Mom glances up from her nails and narrows her eyes.

“Nothing.”  

I don’t think I’d be surprised if he does have another family. 

I put on a grey hat I’d knit a long time ago with Nan and adjusted it, tucking in my bangs. I lift my bag over my shoulder and push my headphones onto my head. I don’t say goodbye to my mom. I never do. 

~

The school looks the same as it did last year, and the year before. Eleventh grade won’t be any different than the 10th, I’m sure. We’re not the youngest, not the oldest, just there. No need to panic. I am alone, but that’s okay. I’m always alone. Except for Janna, who usually helps me through first days. I wonder why she hasn’t text me back yet. 

Girls giggle behind me and despite myself I turn to see what it’s about. I don’t even notice the girls because my eyes are glued to a black and silver motorbike and it’s tall, tattoo-covered rider. I try to turn away but he sees me and I freeze. No one ever sees me.

 Lachlan hangs his helmet on the handlebars of his bike and reaches into his back pocket. He pulls out my hat and sets it on his head. His dark curls flatten around his face and hang over his thick eyebrows. The intensity of his gaze makes me shiver, but not in a good way. He’s wearing jeans, a white t-shirt that’s frayed around one arm and a leather wristband on the other tattoo-covered arm. I had heard once that he has to wear the band because, whatever is tattooed underneath, the school won’t let him leave it uncovered. But I hear a lot of things about Lachlan. Most of them straight up ridiculous. He can’t be a drug King Pin, he’s in high school. I also highly doubt he’s as big of a player as people say, with college girls none the less. Why would any college girl want a senior in high school? 

The giggling girls snap me out of my thoughts and I realize I’m staring.

Lachlan walks up the concrete pathway and half his mouth turns into a grin. I look behind me. Yup. He’s grinning at me.

I should just walk away but instead, like the awesomely cool person I am not, I stand and stare.  

“Talia, right?” he asks pointing. I nod. I’m blushing. He puts his hand on my shoulder, “Thanks for the hat. Make sure Gram pays you for it, okay?” 

He winks and disappears into the school. My face is on fire, not because Lachlan had talked to me, but because the giggle trio are staring with mouths open. 

“You gave him that hat?” The tallest blonde one asked. My face burns hotter. People don’t notice me. People aren’t supposed to notice me. 

“Actually, I made it. His Grandma stole it from me.” Why did I just say that? This is why I stay invisible.

The three girls exchange a sideways glance and then frown in unison. I don’t wait for them to respond. My breathing speeds up. 

Not again.
 

I switch direction quickly and try not to sprint around the side of the huge brick school. Chills travel the length of my body and my hands are shaking. I round the corner to find a spot to just stop and breathe. I walk straight in on a make-out session. 

I stop, alright. Everything stops. Time stops. The shaking stops. 

I gawk at the two startled faces that stare back at me. It seems like hours before I recognize them. 

“Deacon?” I ask. A stupid question because I am well aware it’s Deacon. 

Why do people ask stupid questions?

“Talia!” Janna shoves Deacon away from her. Her eyes are wide and there are tears sliding down her cheeks.

“Talia, babe...” Deacon starts but I raise my hand. Janna slides down the wall until she’s sitting in the dirt. Her shoulders are shaking. Her hand is over her mouth. She refuses to look at me. I turn back to Deacon.

“Nope.” 

It’s all I can think of to say. I turn on my heel and walk away. 

I should be panicking. This is the perfect moment to panic, but the tricky thing about panic attacks is they never happen when they are supposed to. I am in too much shock to feel anything really. 

I storm towards the bike rack, my shoulder slamming into someone I don’t see. I have tunnel vision. I just need to get out of here.

I hear footsteps behind me, “Talia!” Deacon grabs my arm. 

I turn. 

He stands in front of me, his sandy hair hanging around his face, but his expression doesn’t look any different than normal. 

“She’s my best friend, Deacon. She’s my only friend.” My voice is less than a whisper.  

“That was nothing,” He shrugs.

Did he seriously just shrug? I yank my arm from his grip.

“That didn’t look like nothing.” I cross my arms. My lip trembles and I chew on it.

“If you’d let me explain,” Deacon’s voice is hard, like I’m the one at fault for not letting him talk.

“Go away, Deacon.” I need to get out of here. I need to see Nan. I start walking away again.

Deacon grabs my arm, harder this time, and spins me around to face him. It hurts and I try to yank my arm free. 

From out of nowhere, Lachlan steps in between us and pushes Deacon out at arms length, his long fingertips on Deacon’s chest. His other hand is on my stomach. I feel nauseous. He’s shielding me with his body.

“If I heard correctly, I think the lady told you to go away.”  Lachlan’s voice is low and serious, but unnervingly calm. Even more unnerving is that his tone soothes me. I feel calmer, stronger. His southern accent is faint but there’s a slight twang in his voice that I didn’t notice yesterday. I never knew he was from the South, but that is ridiculous. I don’t know anything about him.

Why am I thinking about this? 

My stomach won’t stop flopping around, but the pressure of Lachlan’s hand helps a little.

Deacon watches me from around Lachlan. I look at my shoes. When I lift my head up again my now ex-boyfriend is gone. Lachlan grins and raises one eyebrow. 

“Trouble in paradise?” The twang is gone.

I scoff and unlock my bike. “You could say that.” 

“You want to get out of here?” he asks and points to his bike. I must have a horrified look on my face because he laughs. Really loudly. 

“This isn’t where I take you out of town and murder you, Hat Girl. Our grandparents know each other, someone would find out. I prefer to murder people my Gram doesn’t have a crush on.”

I feel my face burn again. That’s not what I thought. 

“Um, no. I mean, no thanks.” I swing a leg over the seat and push my bike forward. Away from Lachlan. I can hear him laughing behind me. The burn in my face changes from embarrassment to anger. 

Guys
are
jerks.

~

I pedal at hard as I can until I reach Nan’s house. 

I’m such an idiot. 

Tears pour from my eyes. I can barely see to get to the door.

Janna. How could she?

Sobs come so forcefully that my breath catches in my throat, and I have to choke out each individual lungful of air. I collapse onto the front step and pull my knees to my chest. 

My body rocks back and forth. 

I don’t know how much time passes.

A warm hand touches my hair and Nan makes clucking noises with her tongue as she sits down beside me. I didn’t even hear the door open.

“Darling? Darling, what’s wrong?” She tries to pull my head up to look at her, but I just bury my face deeper into my arms. I am so embarrassed. I should have noticed at the pool. How could this happen to me?

Nan runs her fingers through my hair while I cry and clench and unclench my fists. 

Finally, I take a couple deep breaths. My head is throbbing and I can feel my eyes swelling. 

“Okay, now tell me what’s wrong? Shouldn’t you be at school?” Nan places her hand under my chin and my eyes fill with tears again.

“Deacon... and he... kissing her... how could he... my best friend...” I try to get it out in one sentence but my voice keeps breaking. 

Nan nods her head and wipes at my tears with her thumb. 

“Did you love him, darling?” She asks calmly. I sit back. 

“What?” I wipe my eyes with the heels of my hands.

“Did you love him?”

“Um, I don’t know. No. We’d only been dating for the summer...” 

Nan tilts her head to one side. 

“Did you love her?” 

“Janna?” I’m still confused. “Yeah. I loved Janna.” 

“Well then cry for her. Not him.” 

I open my mouth and then close it again before any excuses escape.

“Those we love are the only ones worth crying over,” Nan continues. She reaches out her hand and I take it. She wraps her other arm around my shoulders and I lean against her. 

“Now that’s not to say it doesn’t sting. That’s not to say you can’t hate the cheating bastard for a while. But save your tears for those you love. For all the Jannas that you lose.” 

I rest my head on her shoulder and she kisses the top of my head. Sometimes I wish she’d agree with me. Or give me permission to hate the world and everyone in it.

“I thought the saying is those who love you will never make you cry?” 

Nan laughs making her cough a raspy cough. 

“Oh good heavens girl, what fantasy land are you living in?” she says after she recovers. Her eyes sag. She wheezes faintly with each exhale.

My eyebrows pull together. 

“In the one where guys are decent.”

And Nans don’t lie.

She smiles with her mouth but her eyes are dull. 

“They’re not all bad, darling. Someday you’ll see that.” 

CHAPTER SIX

Lachlan

Straight home after school. Just like Gram said. I jog up the front porch humming a tune she used to sing to me as a kid. 

Shutting the door behind me, I throw my keys in the bowl by the front door. I kick my shoes off and hang my helmet on the peg that Gram dedicated for it. Heaven help me should I hang anything on
her
peg. 

“Gram! I’m home. 3:30 on the dot.” I listen and hear nothing. I also smell nothing, which is really weird. Gram’s place always smells of food. 

“Gram?” I step into the living room. The radio is playing softly in the background, but otherwise silence. My heart beats a little faster.

“Where are you?” I call louder. Nothing. 

I fly down the hallways and to her bedroom. I push the door too hard and it hits the wall with a crunch, the handle piercing through the drywall. I scan Gram’s room. Nothing. 

“Lachlan?” a small voice sounds behind me. I turn. No one in the hallway. 

“Gram?” 

“Lachlan, I’m in the bathroom. I fell down, son. Can you please help me?” 

I burst into the bathroom without thinking and immediately spin around, throwing my forearm across my eyes. 

“Hand me a towel, will ya?” her voice is pleasant. The woman falls naked in the bathtub and has been laying there for who knows how long and she says
hand me a towel, will ya?

I grab the towel from the rack and reach behind me so she can take it. When she’s covered I turn to help her up and out of the tub. I wrap her robe around her and hug her tightly to me. She’s shivering.

“Good thing I fell so I could turn the water off.” 

I hold her at arms length. Her lips are bluish but she’s smiling. 

“Good thing...? Gram you could have broken something... you could have cracked your head open.” 

“Oh, don’t be such a drama queen. I’m fine.” 

I hug her again, rubbing my hands on her arms to warm her up. I lead her to her room and sit in the living room while she changes. When she sits down next to me a few minutes later she’s still shivering so I wrap a blanket around her and get her slippers. I slam my way around the kitchen to make her tea.