To Love and to Cherish (15 page)

Leah rubbed her temple, her face pale against the flowing fabric of her dark green dress. “I wouldn’t do anything without speaking to my husband first. Surely you know that.”

“Of course.”

Leah lumbered away, one hand on her lower back. Emma waited until she disappeared into her bedroom and the
thump, thump
sound signified she sat at the treadle sewing machine, pumping the foot peddle. Then Emma scurried the other direction toward the room Josiah shared with Mark, and now Joseph and William. She peeked around the corner. Josiah bent over something on his narrow bunk bed. She hesitated. He turned and grabbed a shirt from a hook on the wall, then another. They disappeared into…a trunk. He had a trunk open on his bed. His movements were quick, almost frantic. He didn’t look up and he didn’t hesitate.

Her heart banged against her ribcage. He couldn’t leave. She couldn’t let him. A wave of memories washed over her, making it hard to breathe. Carl standing on the porch. Carl tearfully apologizing. Carl walking away.

Not again.

The definitive snap of the trunk lid made Emma jump. She rushed to squeeze between Josiah and the quilt-covered bed where the trunk sat. “No. Don’t go. Let’s talk about this.”

Josiah’s sad smile didn’t reach his walnut-colored eyes. “We’ve talked and talked. There’s no more talking to do.”

Emma couldn’t let him go. Somehow their future as a family depended on her being able to convince him to stay.

She snatched at the handle, but Josiah brushed her hand away. His long, knobby fingers touched hers with a surprising gentleness that brought tears to her eyes. He hadn’t changed from his black pants and suspenders, but the lack of a straw hat to cover his unruly thatch of hair told her a decision had been made. The talks with Carl hadn’t helped. Her admonishments hadn’t helped. And Leah’s intervention certainly hadn’t helped.

He straightened. “It’s done. I’m going.”

“No, no, it’s not. Please.”

He grabbed the trunk, looked around the crowded but neat bedroom as if memorizing it, and then moved away from her. “It’s for the best. I’m only causing more problems. It’s too crowded here with
all of us and all the memories of Mudder and…” His voice broke. “You know…”

“Where will you go? You can’t go to Sarah’s!”

“I’ll talk to her father. Explain the situation. Maybe when he knows I’m leaving the community for good, he’ll change his mind. If not, I know an Englisch family I can stay with until—”

“Until what? What will you do?”

“Get a job. Go to school or get a GED. I’ll learn things. Things you’ll never get to learn.”

After throwing that piece of certain truth in Emma’s face, he marched out the door, his skinny teenager legs carrying him away from everything he’d ever known.

Emma closed her eyes for a second. His words hurt, even though they rang with a truth that the teacher in her recognized. Still, knowledge wasn’t as important as faith. The jumbled words of prayer milled around in her head, incoherent. Josiah couldn’t go. If he did, she might never see him again. She’d lost her mother and father. She couldn’t bear to lose a brother, too.

Father, please help me find a way to save him. Not for me. But for him
.

Go after him
.

The voice in her head whispered the words with a sharp clarity that startled her into action. She rushed down the hallway toward the closing door. Josiah’s hand clutched the outside knob. The door shut. Emma grabbed it and pulled.

Josiah leaped over the last porch step and started across the heat-scarred grass.

She scurried after him, her long skirt hampering her headlong struggle to reach him. “Josiah, wait. Just stay one more day. Talk to Carl again.” She couldn’t believe those words came from her mouth. Carl who had abandoned her. “He understands what you’re going through.”

“The difference is that he had a chance to find out for himself what he wanted. He got to see what’s out there.” Josiah stopped and turned. “I need to see the world out there. I have Sarah. Her family will accept me as I am. I won’t be alone.”

He didn’t need Sarah and her family. He had his own family. Aunts and uncles and cousins—an entire close-knit community of people who loved him. “You have me and Annie and Catherine and Luke and Mark and the twins.” She struggled to keep her voice from breaking. “Miriam wants to make a life with you. She’s waiting for you to see that. You belong here.”

“Miriam knows I care for someone else. She’ll find someone new. I’ve already arranged for a ride. I asked George Johnson if his dad could pick me up at the road.” Josiah’s voice cracked over the name of the Englisch boy who had helped him go to Wichita before. “I’ll walk to the crossroads to meet his car.”

He was trying to spare her from having to watch him drive away. “Don’t go.”

He kept walking. She stood there, watching, until he disappeared from sight, and then long after.

E
mma folded the tablecloth she was embroidering, laid it in her sewing basket, and plunged her needle into the pin cushion. She wanted to finish this piece. It was intricate enough, pretty enough, that it should sell quickly at the produce stand. The Englisch people liked these things almost as much as the quilts. But her eyes were too weary for the intricate cross stitches, and her tired fingers couldn’t maneuver the fine daisy and French knot stitches anymore. The dusky evening quiet soothed her tangled thoughts of Josiah and where he would lay his weary head tonight.

She sighed. Her mind wouldn’t stop going round and round, trying to find another ending to the story. None came. The children had been asleep for at least an hour. Luke and Leah were in their room. Emma extinguished the kerosene lamp. She should join Annie and Catherine, who were surely asleep by now. Yet the restlessness consumed her. She glanced out one of three large open windows that lined the far wall, allowing a soft, cooling breeze to chase away the heat of the day. The sun burrowed on the horizon, almost gone from sight. Time to go to bed.

Emma cranked her head from side to side to loosen the tense muscles in her neck and shoulders. It didn’t help. The stairs beckoned. She hesitated. Instead, she went to the kitchen where she turned on the
gas stove and set the kettle on the burner. Maybe a cup of chamomile tea would assuage the empty feeling inside her.

Supper had been a quiet affair, with no one bringing up the fact that a family member was missing from the table. Apparently all the words about Josiah’s infraction and departure had been said earlier when Emma had listened to the rise and fall of Luke and Leah’s voices behind the closed door of their bedroom.

Luke’s only words at the supper table were the “Amen” after his silent prayer before the meal and to ask for more fried potatoes.

The image of Josiah trudging down the road, his trunk banging against his leg, miniature puffs of dust rising up with every step, assailed her. Where was he now? Had Sarah’s father welcomed him into the Kauffman home? Surely he had taken pity on a young man whose heart hung so precariously on his sleeve that he was willing to give up his home and family for the man’s daughter.

She wiped the counters even though Catherine and Annie had left them spotless. Annie’s ingredients for the pies she would make in the morning sat in a neat row on her preparation table. The biscuits for breakfast were wrapped in a towel and nestled in a huge basket. Emma sniffed.
Go to bed
.

Resolute, she turned off the burner and marched down the hallway to the stairs that led to the bedroom she shared with her sisters. Something moved outside the open living room windows. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs. What was that noise? The rustling sound grew louder. She stood very still. Someone lurked in the grass outside the windows.

Her hand went to her throat. Who would visit this late? Her heart lurched. Thomas had said he would figure out a way. Maybe Deborah Brennaman enjoyed having her grandchildren spend the night now and then to give her son a break from double parenting duty. Emma had no way of letting him know that things had changed since their conversation. Doubts pummeled her. Thomas made no promises, but his track record showed him to be an honorable man of his word. He would never leave Bliss Creek. He might also never find the time to court. She had a history with Carl. Once she gave her heart away, could she really get it back?

Emma slipped over to the windows and peeked out.

A beam of light flickered over her head. She craned her neck and looked up. The light waved back and forth, touching an upstairs window. The window to her bedroom. Thomas had said he was too old for flashlights and covert courting, but as a Plain person, Thomas also stood on tradition.

She peered through the dusk, trying to see beyond the light. The shadowy figure had no features against the dark expanse of sky. She opened the door. “Thomas?”

“Thomas? It’s me, Carl.”

Thomas shook the reins and clucked. The new mare—Eli and Rebecca were still debating its name—picked up its pace. The full moon hung heavy in the sky. A good night for courting. He tugged at his hat, his palms damp. It had been a very long time since he had picked up a young lady and taken her for a ride in a buggy.

His courtship with Joanna had been a long one. For a Plain girl, she was a quietly stubborn young lady with a surprisingly sharp mind of her own. No one hurried her into making a decision. She wanted to be sure she was doing the right thing—for both of them. She’d kept him waiting. Something she regretted when she came to realize their time together would be so short.

He brushed away the memories. Not tonight. Tonight, he planned a new beginning. The children were safely tucked away with their groossmammi and groossdaadi. Thomas had all the time he needed to convince Emma to take a buggy ride with him.

He turned on to the road that led to the Shirack house. To his surprise, lights shone in his face. He heard the clip-clop of horses hooves before his eyes adjusted. A horse pulling a buggy trotted briskly along the other side of the road. Thomas ducked his head, knowing that his own battery-operated lights would allow some other courting
couple to see him. Given the fact that Annie and Catherine were of age for seeking a husband, he should’ve been prepared for that.

As the buggy passed, he couldn’t help but glance toward it. He almost dropped the reins. Carl Freiling. Thomas sucked in air. With Emma? Surely not. He dared a quick second glance. Emma. Stunned, Thomas snapped the reins and the horse picked up his pace again.

It took a few seconds to understand. Carl had convinced Emma to give him another chance. Thomas’s fingers tightened on the reins. Anger flashed through him. He tapped it down. It was selfish of him. If Emma could finally find happiness with Carl then Thomas should be happy for her.

He leaned back in the seat and tried to relax. Emma would surely be hurt again. Carl had no claim to the title of gentleman. That much everyone knew. He hadn’t treated Emma well, although her faith dictated that she forgive him for those past transgressions. And she had done so. Thomas would have to live with this scenario. It was his own fault for waiting so long to approach her and then being so wishy-washy about finding a way to court her.

He tugged on the reins and brought the buggy to a halt in front of the Shirack house. He covered his face with his hands and sat, not moving. The emotions that battered his already scarred heart paralyzed him in an agony of regret. Emma, with her brilliant blue eyes and fair skin. Emma, with her careful, crisp way of speaking her mind, and her honed sense of right and wrong. The crinkle at the corners of her lips when she smiled. Her image wavered and then dissolved beyond the horizon, beyond his grasp. He’d never felt more alone.

A darkness-cooled breeze washed over him, taking with it his sense of uncertainty and despair. Thomas raised his head and stared at the beautiful starry sky. The soft white glow of the Milky Way drifted above him. The enormity of God’s creation dwarfed him. He felt oddly comforted by that fact.

Don’t give up
.

The words rang clearly in the night sky.
Don’t give up
.

You’re not alone
.