To Love and to Cherish (16 page)

Emma stared into the darkness, glad that clouds found their way across the moon, blocking out the light for a few seconds so Carl couldn’t see the red that burned her face. Thomas had come for her. Four years she’d gone without courting and tonight, two men had come for her. What would she have done if Thomas had been a few minutes earlier? She gripped her hands in her lap to keep them from shaking.

Carl continued to talk, recounting his day at a horse sale and the long hours in the field with his father and brother. He managed to make everything sound like a funny story. Carl loved to talk, which worked out well at the moment. She couldn’t have spoken if she tried.

“I know it’s been a long time, but surely you aren’t nervous around me.” Carl clucked and snapped the reins. The horse picked up speed. “Cat got your tongue, or have I put you to sleep with my boring stories?”

A high-pitched half-giggle escaped her mouth. She sounded like a teenage girl. “No, I’m not nervous.”

“Good, because I promised myself I would entertain you. I’ve been saving up my stories all week. Shall I finish with a joke I heard at the feed store yesterday?”

Emma tried to smile. Her lips wouldn’t work. “I’m wondering if this is a terrible mistake.”

Carl shook his head. “Don’t do that. Remember, we’re starting fresh. We’ve just met. This is our first time out. I said how do you do, you said fine and dandy. We might even go to a singing, how about that? Would you like that?”

As if she wanted to pass the evening with girls and boys not too far removed from her schoolroom. Her face heated up again at the thought. She leaned back and stared at the clouds that floated across the sky. A light breeze lifted the strings of her kapp. “If only it were that easy to go back. You know it’s not.”

“Yes, it is.” Carl tugged at the reins and the buggy veered left onto a dirt road that led to his parents’ farm. “It’s that easy. That simple.”

“Only because you were the one who left and had all the adventures while I stayed here and watched my friends marry, one by one. They all said the same thing. Someone is waiting just for you. You’ll teach for now, but one day, the right man will come along. But he never did.”

“Because I’m that man.”

Emma snorted. It wasn’t a ladylike sound, but she couldn’t help herself. “You had a funny way of showing it.”

“Did you ever wonder if it is really possible for people to find their heart and soul mate at age eighteen or nineteen? We’re barely grown, barely out of a schoolroom where we learned two plus two and how to speak some English and we’re supposed to be sure about something that we commit to until we die.”

Leave it to Carl to question something that was time-tested, something that had worked for generations of Plain people. Had he shared these thoughts with Josiah? “My parents did it this way, as did their parents before them and my great-grandparents. Just as yours have done.” Emma struggled to keep her voice down. No man liked to have a woman argue with him. “It’s our way. We know from the time we are old enough to understand that we will have book learning for a short time, but it’s the learning with your mudder and daed that is important. Every Plain child knows it.”

“Because they know nothing else.”

Emma pushed back a tendril of hair escaping from her kapp. “But we’re not eighteen anymore. I’m twenty-three. You’re twenty-four. We’ve grown up. You especially know something different. You saw something different out there, and now you can’t forget it. You can’t erase it. You’ve become worldly.”

“No. No, that’s not true.” Carl yanked on the reins. The horse snorted and reared its head, and the buggy came to an abrupt halt in the middle of the road. “Easy, girl, easy. Sorry.”

Emma couldn’t be sure if he were talking to the horse or to her. “You’re changed, Carl. You’ve been changed by what you saw and what you did. There’s no denying that.”

“So I’ve changed. It’s made me value what I have here. I value you.”

His voice choked, and he stopped. The only sounds for several seconds were his harsh breathing and the rustle of the wind in the trees that lined the road.

Emma opened her mouth and closed it. She had no words to describe the tumult inside her.

“Giddy-up.” Carl clucked and tugged the reins. The buggy circled round. “I’ll take you home.”

That’s what she wanted, wasn’t it? To go home. She bit her lip until it hurt. “Wait. Not yet. Let’s just ride a little bit more.”

He tilted his head toward her, his face dark under his hat. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. It’s a beautiful night.” She held on tight to the side of the buggy with one hand. “Let’s just see where it takes us.”

The buggy lurched forward. “And Carl, could we just not talk for a while?”

She couldn’t see his face, but she felt the tension that jolted through him. “If that’s what you want.”

“That’s what I want.”

F
inally. Emma inhaled the crisp early morning air. The first day of school. How she loved the first day. All those smiling faces, scrubbed, brown from the sun, lined up in her classroom. She forced herself to slow her pace. The twins’ short legs couldn’t keep up with the bigger children.

Normally, Emma went early to prepare her lessons and herself for the task of coordinating the education of more than twenty-five children who ranged in age from five to thirteen, no easy feat. Children who still needed to learn the alphabet and English. Children who were readers. Older children who would soon leave formal education behind. But today, she served as chaperone for the four children coming from the Shirack house. Mary and Lillie chortled over some silly thing. If they had any qualms about starting school, it didn’t show. Her lunchbox containing sausage on a bun in one hand, Mary stuck her other sticky hand in Emma’s. “See the pretty butterfly, schweschder? Mudder liked the pretty butterflies that came into the garden.”

Emma squeezed her sister’s small hand. In their own sweet way, the twins did know the significance of this milestone. And celebrated it without their parents. A bittersweet ache filled Emma’s throat. Mudder always stood on the porch and wished her a good day on that first day.

Not today.

The schoolhouse came into view, bright with its new coat of white paint. The men had painted the trim a dark green. The windows shone in contrast. She smiled. Life went on. Even though she had no idea what to do about Carl. Or Thomas. Carl hadn’t been back to the house since he dropped her off that night two weeks earlier.

Thomas had not returned to the house, either, and she certainly didn’t expect that he would anytime soon. The man probably felt humiliated. Shame ebbed and flowed through her, as it did every time she thought about it. She swept the thought away. Today she would focus on her students, not on herself. Today she would do good for others all day. And every day for the rest of the school year.

Laughing and chattering, children clustered near the porch. Some boys chased each other through a stand of nearby oaks. A volleyball bounced past her and rolled into the high grass on the other side of the road. “Teacher!” Helen Crouch’s daughter Ginny called out. “Teacher’s here! Play volleyball with us!”

“Welcome back. Welcome back, everyone.” Emma smiled and waved. No time for play this morning. She had her devotions picked out and the children would select the first songs of the school year, but she wanted to write her assignments on the board. “No volleyball this morning. It’s almost time to go in.”

The
clip-clop
of horse hooves made her glance to make sure the children weren’t in the road. Thomas pulled his buggy into the yard. Suddenly Emma felt warm, despite the balmy early morning breeze. It must have been so hurtful to see her with Carl. Guilt mixed with regret ate at her like a canker sore. Carl said words lightly, while Thomas did not. Thomas didn’t deserve to be hurt. He deserved someone with whom to go forward in his life, to be happy after all he’d lost. She didn’t deserve his attention, not after standing him up for Carl.

His hat pulled down on his forehead, he sprang from the seat with ease, turned and helped Rebecca down without making eye contact. “Good morning.”

He appeared to be talking to her shoes. “Good morning.”

He turned his back to her and spoke to Eli. “Behave yourself, son. Emma has a full classroom this year. She doesn’t have time for silliness.”

“Eli is silly all the time.” Rebecca grinned. She’d lost a front tooth sometime during the summer. “That’s what Daed says.”

“Your father is wise.” Sometimes. About some things. Emma clapped her hands together twice. “It’s time to begin our first day. Everyone inside. Quickly, now.”

Mark opened the door and the children poured in. As they passed through, she began to count how many she would have of each age group. She didn’t see any unfamiliar faces.
Gut
.

“Emma.” Thomas’s hoarse voice spoke volumes even as he whispered her name. He stood only about a yard from her. “I thought you were—”

She glanced at the children. They took their seats in a semi-orderly manner. Giggles and whispers ensued. She only had a few seconds before restlessness set in. She turned to him. “Thomas, I—”

“I came to your house.”

“I know. I saw you.”

“I thought you…you said we could…I don’t understand.”

“I didn’t anticipate Carl’s visit. I’m sorry. He took me by surprise, and I felt obligated to hear him out.”

“Obligated? After what he did to you?” Thomas snorted. He lifted his hat and slapped it down on his head. “I’m too old for this.”

Always with the same excuse. If he kept saying it, they might both start to believe it. She folded her arms. “Then I guess it doesn’t matter whether I see Carl. If you really believe you’re too old to court, why did you approach me to start with?”

He held up a huge hand. “Because!” His voice had risen. A couple of children looked back. He stepped closer to Emma. His face darkened with emotion. “I like you. And I’m…I’m lonely.”

Emma’s hand went to her heart. She knew the stark gray of that feeling. She had plumbed its depths. “I’m sorry, Thomas.” She gestured toward the classroom. “It’s time for devotions. And I have to teach.”

His gaze drilled hers. He nodded, backed away, almost missed the step, then righted himself. “I hope Carl treats you well.”

The gruffness of his voice spoke of emotions tethered. Tears pricked Emma’s eyes. “Carl hasn’t been back since that night. It didn’t…it didn’t go well. I’m not sure what I want to happen with him.”

Thomas shrugged. “I hope you figure it out. Have a good first day of school, teacher.”

Those were the words Mudder always said on the first day of school. How did he know these things? He couldn’t. She breathed a sigh. “Danki.”

Without another word, he pounded down the steps.

Tempted though she was, Emma didn’t have time to watch him drive away. She had children to teach. The thought steadied her. At least that was something she knew how to do.

E
mma chunked another piece of wood in the fireplace, careful not to singe her fingertips. “
Brrr
, it’s cool this morning.” She wrapped a wool shawl around her shoulders and picked up her cup of hot tea. “Fall is turning into winter already. Before we know it, it’ll be Thanksgiving—and then Christmas.”

Cousin Ruth nodded, but the way she studied her oatmeal-raisin cookie as if she’d never seen one before told Emma her cousin hadn’t really heard the words. Their conversation had gone on like this ever since Ruth arrived in an impromptu visit. Emma enjoyed her company, but usually they exchanged news and laughter among all the women folk. Today, Catherine had gone to clean houses and Annie had to take a special order of a dozen pies to some Englisch folks in town. Leah’s boys were down with colds, so she had her hands full.

That left Emma with Ruth, who had been practically mute since her arrival. If they weren’t going to visit, Emma had things to do on this fine Saturday morning. Teaching all week put her behind on her chores at home. Catherine and Annie took up the slack, helping Leah, but still, Emma intended to do her fair share, especially with the baby coming in December. “Ruth? Ruth! Are you listening to me at all?”

Ruth’s face creased in a dreamy sort of smile. “Yes, yes, I’m listening. It’s just…just…”

“Just what?” Emma sipped her chamomile tea. She added a smidgen more honey. She liked it sweet. “You’re downright silly today. Why so preoccupied?”

Ruth smoothed her kapp. She smiled, then sighed. “David Fisher and I plan to marry. The bishop will publish the announcement at the prayer service tomorrow.”

Emma’s heart contracted and then became stuck, as if it might not beat again. She rubbed a pain in her collarbone with two cold fingers, willing herself not to cry. “Wonderful. What wonderful news, Ruthie.” She rushed around the table and threw her arms around her. “Congratulations.”

“I came to tell you first because I wanted to ask you something. I know it’s been a hard year for you, what with your parents passing and all.” She sniffed and wiped at her nose with a hankie embroidered with roses. “Carl came back. Josiah left. It’s hard, I know, but I hope you’ll do me the honor of being one of my attendants.”

Her little cousin Ruth, nineteen years old, would marry first. Emma swallowed hard, took a breath, and smiled. “Of course I will. I’m honored you asked me.”

“Molly Kruger will be the other one. Jonathan Yoder and Michael Kelp will be David’s attendants.” Ruth hugged Emma. “Oh, there’s so much planning to do, so many preparations to make. The wedding is to be a week from Thursday. Mudder bought the most beautiful blue material. I’ll start sewing the dress tonight.”

Jonathan Yoder. He was Annie’s age, baptized the same week. Emma nodded, her fingers twisted in a painful grip in her lap.

Ruth popped up from the table. “I have to go. There’s so much to do. We’ll talk more after the service tomorrow, all right?”

Emma followed her to the door. “Of course.”

All smiles, Ruth hugged her yet again. “I can’t believe David asked me to marry him. I so wanted it. I thought he would, but I wasn’t sure. We’ll be so happy. And there’ll be babies.” Her hands fluttered to her pink cheeks. “I can’t help it. I’m floating, I’m so blessed by everything.”