To Love and to Cherish (22 page)

“Even so.” Sarah shrugged. “He wants to study agriculture. He says there are better, more efficient ways of farming that will produce more food. In this world where there are so many starving people, that’s important.”

Josiah thought about starving people. How little she knew about him. Emma took a deep breath. “You know he has to come home. It’s best for him. The influence of the Englischers is destructive for people like us. It’ll destroy Josiah. You can see that, can’t you?”

Sarah’s face crumpled. She wadded up the hankie. “I know.” Her voice sank to a whisper. “I’ve always known he would go home. He missed you all something awful, even though he didn’t let on.”

“You have to tell him it’s all right for him to leave you. That you understand. That you want him to go.”

Sarah sniffed and wiped at her face again. “I know.”

“Will you promise me that you’ll do that? For his sake, don’t ask him to stay.”

Sarah raised her face. Her chin trembled, but she nodded. “For his sake, I will.”

“Thank you.” Emma wiped her own face, surprised to find it wet with tears. “Thank you.”

The double doors popped open and Luke entered, followed by Annie, Catherine, and Mark. Emma stood. After a second, Sarah joined her. The uncertain look on her face said she wasn’t sure what to expect from Josiah’s older brother. Luke nodded at her, but turned immediately to Emma. “The Carmichaels are waiting outside. Annie has the key card to the room, and she knows how to get to the hotel.” He handed Emma an envelope. “The room is paid for. This will cover your meals. Spend it carefully.”

“When are you coming back?”

“I’m not sure, but I’ll send someone with your things tomorrow or the next day at the latest.”

She glanced at her wilted dress. She could get by. “We’ll be fine.”

Luke’s expression didn’t change. “Remember what I told you.”

She nodded. Catherine gave her a quick hug, followed by Mark. Then they were gone.

“He didn’t speak to me. He’s mad at me.” Sarah’s gaze traveled to Annie. “You’re all so mad at me. For good reason, I know, but I never meant for any of this to happen.”

The arrogance of youth to think it was all about her. Emma shook her head. “Luke has a lot on his mind. An injured brother, a wife expecting, a farm to run, children to worry about. He doesn’t have time to think about you or worry about your feelings.” No, he’d left that one detail to Emma. “You should go, Sarah.”

The girl clutched her pink bag to her chest. “Please, I just want to talk to him one last time. I want to say good-bye to him.”

“Not today.” It seemed unlikely that any of them would be able to talk to him today. “The doctor says he’s sleeping. Come back in a few days.”

It was Sarah’s turn to root around in her bag. She came up with a pen and a scrap of paper. “I know you don’t want to use the phone, but if anything happens, good or bad, could you call me?” She scribbled a number on the paper. “Or ask the nurse to do it, if you don’t want to.”

Emma took the paper, but she made no promises. “He’ll be fine.” She said those words with more confidence than she felt. Would Josiah be fine?

Only God knew. She would have to trust Him.

E
mma sighed and shifted in the chair. Her neck ached, and a muscle in her shoulder twitched. She had no one to blame but herself, but she couldn’t face sleeping in the strange, cold hotel room. What if Josiah woke while she was gone? The odor wafting from her dress made her wrinkle her nose. She glanced at the clock on the wall across from Josiah’s bed. One-thirty. The light filtering from the blinds on the two windows beyond the bed told her it was afternoon. Otherwise, she’d have no clue if it were day or night. Josiah had been asleep for forty-eight hours now. The doctor had allowed her and Annie to take turns sitting with him for the last twenty-four. She rubbed the sleep from her gritty eyes and went to his bedside.

“How are you, bruder?” She brushed a hand across his forehead. His skin felt cool. “It’s time for you to wake up now.”

The doctor had weaned him from the medications, but still he slept. Doctor Chavez said it gave his body time to heal. For Emma, the waiting was excruciating. She wanted him to be better. She wanted to go home. She missed the school and her students. She even missed Leah. She took Josiah’s hand and held it tight in hers. “Please wake up. I want to talk to you. Thanksgiving is in a few days, and we want to take you home so we can all celebrate together.”

His still face, with bruises the color of plums and Granny Smith
apples, gave no indication he heard. She picked up the pitcher of water on the nightstand. The dry air in the hospital made her thirsty all the time. Josiah’s fingers curled around her other arm and tightened. “Josiah?” She leaned in closer. His eyes opened. She set the pitcher down. “Josiah, you’re awake!”

He licked dry, chapped lips. His eyelids fluttered. He winced and his free hand went to his face. His fingers touched his bruised cheek. “Where am I?”

“The hospital. I’m so glad you’re awake. I’ll get the nurse.”

The hand on her arm tightened. “Wait. Wait.”

She stayed by his side. “What is it? Everything’s fine. You’re fine. As soon as the doctors will let us, we’re taking you home.”

“Luke?” His voice sounded scratchy. “Here?”

“He had to go back to the farm for a few days, but he’ll come to get you and take you home as soon as you are able to go.”

Tears leaked from the corners of Josiah’s eyes and ran into his shaggy hair. “He wants me back?”

“Of course, he does. We all do.” Emma squeezed his hand. “Everyone wants you to come home.”

A suppressed sob made his skinny chest heave under the thin sheet. “I don’t want to hurt Sarah.”

“Sarah will understand, I promise.”

“I can’t stay in the city anymore.” Emotions crowded his bruised face. “It does bad things to me.”

“She understands that.” Emma breathed a silent prayer of thanks that Josiah understood it, too. “I’ve talked to her.”

“You talked to her?” Josiah tried to sit up, winced, and sank back on the pillow. “What did you say? You didn’t make her feel bad, did you? I need to talk to her.”

“I didn’t blame her for anything.” Not aloud. “It’s better if you don’t see each other anymore—for both of you. Saying good-bye will be so hard.”

“I have to apologize for the way I acted when…when this happened. I have to say good-bye.” The accident hadn’t changed her brother’s stubborn nature. “I’m not leaving Wichita without talking to her.”

Emma swallowed her fear. Sarah would live up to her promise to let him go. To send him away if necessary. “You’ll see her before we go home, all right? I’ll talk to her father. Don’t worry. Just get better.”

“I am better.” He struggled to sit up again and then tugged at the tube taped to his arm. “I want out of here.”

“Settle down. You can’t go anywhere until the doctor says you can.” She tried out her teacher voice on him. Josiah had never given her trouble as a student, only as a brother. “You have a concussion and broken ribs and fingers.”

“No wonder my head hurts.” He rubbed his forehead with the splinted fingers, then turned his hand back and forth, looking at the splints. “I have the worst headache. It’s a hospital—you’d think they could do something about that.”

Emma managed a smile at his attempt at a joke. She pulled the chair close to the bed. She didn’t know where to start, but they had to talk about it. They couldn’t sweep this out with the crumbs on the floor. “Do you remember what happened? How you ended up here?”

He wiggled so he laid on his side facing her. “It’s a little blurry.” He grimaced and rolled to his back again. “Can I have a drink of water?”

She poured it for him and helped him sit up long enough to drink. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

“Sarah and I went to some friends’ apartment to play video games after she got out of school. We weren’t supposed to be together, but we didn’t care.” His face reddened. “I remember being offered a drink. I took it.”

Emma gripped his hand. “And then what?”

His eyes closed. He didn’t answer.

“Josiah, then what happened?”

“You already know, don’t you? Sarah told you.”

“Sarah told me her story. I’m asking you to tell me yours.”

“Why?”

“Because Doctor Chavez thinks you need help. I want to know what happened so I know whether I need to convince Luke to get you that help.”

“I didn’t jump. I slipped.”

Emma took a deep breath. He didn’t jump. He didn’t mean to do it. “You were upset at Sarah because she said she wouldn’t marry you?”

“No. My head was all messed up because of the liquor. I would never have asked her if it wasn’t. I got up on that railing to scare her. That’s all.” His voice cracked. “I don’t want to die. I want to go home.”

“Good.” Tears rolled down Emma’s face. She didn’t bother to brush them away. “That’s good, bruder. We want you to come home.”

He closed his eyes. Tears trailed down the sides of his face. “I was messed up before the liquor.” The words came in jerky fits and starts. “I’m messed up about Mudder and Daed dying. I wasn’t there when it happened. I never got to see them again. I never got to say I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?”

“That I was so rebellious. I made them worry. Worrying is a sin.”

Emma squeezed his good hand through the bed railing. “They loved you. Hang on to that.”

His fingers curled around hers and tightened.

She bent her head and breathed a prayer of thanksgiving. Josiah wanted to come home.

The door opened and Doctor Chavez strode in. “You’re awake! Outstanding! How are you feeling, Mr. Shirack?”

Josiah let go of her hand. “Like I want to go home.”

The doctor’s energy filled the room. He took a pen from his coat pocket and flipped open a chart. “Well, let’s just see about that. Hmm.” He tapped the pen against the chart. “Physically, you’re coming along surprisingly well. I would still like to have a colleague of mine do an evaluation.”

“To see if I’m psycho kid?” The sharp edge of Josiah’s words cut the air. “I’m not.”

“Humor me, then.” Doctor Chavez dropped the chart at the foot of the bed and began examining Josiah’s eyes with a small flashlight. “Good. Good. You must have a very hard head, young man, because you came through this relatively unscathed. Still, you need to stay here
a few days under observation. The evaluation won’t take much of your time. It’ll give you something to do.”

“How long will you keep me here?”

“Until I’m sure this won’t happen again.”

“It won’t.”

“Unfortunately, I can’t take your word for it, Mr. Shirack.”

“He says it was an accident.” Emma couldn’t believe she had the courage to argue with a doctor. An educated, fancy person. But this was Josiah, and he needed to go home. “He fell. That’s all. He’ll get better at home among his family and his friends. If he agrees to your evaluation, can he go home right away when it’s over?”

“To be honest, he doesn’t have to agree. He can’t leave without it. I was humoring him.” Doctor Chavez’s smile didn’t take the sting out of the words. His gaze shifted to Josiah. “You can go home when I’m satisfied that the concussion isn’t going to cause you problems. In the meantime, I’ll have the nurses give you something for the pain.”

He picked up the chart and headed for the door. “You can have visitors now. I’ll ask Doctor Morris to come by as soon as he can work a consult into his schedule.”

After the doctor left, Josiah stared at the ceiling, his face morose. “I didn’t do it on purpose.”

Relief surged through Emma. Josiah had made a bad choice, but he wasn’t suicidal. The doctors would see that and then they would be able to go home. Soon, she’d sleep in her own bed, cook and clean and wash clothes in her own house. Teach her students. “I know you didn’t. That’s good. You’ll go home soon, that’s the important thing.”

“I want to see Sarah.”

“I’ll see what I can do, all right?” Emma debated. She needed to get word to Luke. And she needed to talk to Sarah’s father Roy. Which meant using the phone. “Why don’t you rest a while? Annie is in the cafeteria. I’ll get her. She’ll be so happy you’re awake.”

Josiah didn’t need much prompting. His eyes were already closed. Ten minutes later she had Annie planted in the chair by her brother’s
bed. The slip of paper in her shaking hand, she went to the waiting room and sat down next to one of two telephones. She smoothed the piece of paper. The numbers wavered in front of her. The calls needed to made. No one would consider it a frivolous thing. She picked up the receiver.

“There you are.”

She jumped. The receiver dropped from her hand and landed on the carpet. “Thomas! What are you doing here?”

“You were calling someone?” The note of surprise in his voice dismayed her. Thomas moved into the room, his expression uncertain. “Did something happen?”

“I can’t believe you’re here.” She smoothed her dress, conscious of the fact that her clothes were rumpled and her hair straggled around the edges of her kapp. What must he think of her looking like this? “I need to call the bishop and ask him to tell Luke that Josiah is awake. Luke should come. I want to take Josiah home as soon as possible.”

“It’s good news that he’s awake.” Thomas dropped Mudder’s ancient suitcase at her feet and sat down in the chair closest to her. “I brought clean clothes for you and Annie. Leah picked them out. She said it should be everything you need.”

Emma inhaled his earthy scent of sweet hay and light sweat. A knot formed in her throat. She missed home so much. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“You are?” Surprise caused his bushy eyebrows to rise and fall. He ducked his head and studied his long, narrow shoes. “I thought you might prefer Luke at a time like this.”

“Thomas, when will you stop doubting?” Frustration at this awkward one-step-forward, one-step-back relationship bubbled up in her. “You live up to your namesake in the Bible.”

“When you make your choice.” He pushed his hat back, raised his head, and met her gaze straight-on. “The last time we talked, you said I should be courting another woman. That doesn’t give me much reason to think you see any future for us. Who is the doubter, really?”