Torn to Pieces (The Boys of DownCrash #2) (new adult contemporary romance / rockstar romance) (18 page)

As the band sang and played, it took Tatum a minute to finally look around and then down.  When our eyes met, his mouth remained open but he didn’t sing anymore.  I heard the difference in the song, but I wasn’t sure if the crowd noticed or cared.  He continued to play guitar as though it was second nature.  Our eyes burned at each other.  I could feel the connection, still alive and well.  I swallowed and my eyes glazed over.  All I needed to do was give some kind of signal and I was certain Tatum would have dove off the stage to protect me. 

Before I could do anything, Derreck put his lips to my cheek.  He started to kiss me, over and over, working to my neck and then finally to my ear.

“This is fucking killing him,” Derreck whispered.  “Fucking killing him.”

I looked at Tatum as I moved my shoulder, trying to shoo Derreck away.  But how did it actually look?  It could have been some kind of cute gesture.  His lips were back at my cheek as DownCrash continued to play. 

The song came to an end and the crowd applauded.  That included Derreck, who put his hands up and started to whistle.  My eyes were locked to Tatum’s.  I wanted to mouth something to him, but there was too much to say.  He stood and lifted the acoustic over his head.  He stood for a few seconds, looking at me.  He looked destroyed. 

I felt the same.

He closed his eyes as he started to turn and that’s when it hit me, what I could’ve mouthed to him.

The truth.

The only truth I really knew right then.

I love you, Tatum.

I was in love with Tatum from DownCrash.

I suddenly found a shot of energy.  I pictured myself taking the stage and jumping into his strong sweaty arms.  He could take me away from all of it.  Derreck wouldn’t do a thing to Tatum... no way.  I had to believe it. 

My toes curled and I licked my lips, planning my escape.

I could do this.

I could leave Derreck.

I could shatter all of his fucking promises. 

I watched Tatum walk to the side of the stage and someone handed him an acoustic guitar.  I was going to wait until he turned to make my move.  So he knew I was coming and he could react.  As my heart started to fill with life again, I watched a tall, skinny girl walk up to Tatum, holding a pair of drumsticks.  She had long, straight hair and the face of an angel.  A small, pointed nose, thin lips, and skin that looked like porcelain.  She handed Tatum the drumsticks and then kissed his cheek. 

My mouth fell open in shock.

Tatum smiled and turned to walk away.  That was my moment, right there.  But it was stolen when the girl smacked Tatum’s ass, playfully, with the hint of something else there. 

I saw the look in the girl’s eyes as Tatum walked to his drum kit.

It was the same look I gave Tatum.

Derreck’s hands suddenly felt like handcuffs on my body.

Holding me forever.

Taking everything away.

Tatum sat at the drums and looked at me.

I loved him, but the eyes staring back at me... they didn’t look the same. 

Tatum had moved on, just like I told him to do.

~18~

The show ended in explosive fashion, with Tripp running across the stage, playing the same riff over and over with Logan holding his bass in the air and Tatum standing over the drums but not missing a beat.  They played and played for hours, letting the last of their energy drain, letting the crowd scream their lungs out until it all came to a screeching stop. 

The silence that followed was intense and Tripp put his mouth to the mic.

“Thanks,” he whispered and smiled.

That was it.

The show was over.

The crowd cheered and began to leave, some going for the bar for another drink, some going for the tables, hoping to grab a bite to eat.  Many went for the front door, leaving to continue their night.  I stood watching the stage, doing my best to see the band after they left the stage, but it was too late, they were gone.

I should have been backstage.

On the side of the stage the entire show.

I should have been handing Tatum his drumsticks and kissing him.

The thought of Tatum with another girl crushed my heart.  The pieces were already shattered over and over, but with Tatum moving on, backstage with another girl, probably kissing her,
probably fucking her
,
it turned the pieces of my heart into ashes. 

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” Derreck said. 

He pulled at my waist and used me to push forward again with the crowd.  I put my elbows up, crashing into person after person, hitting them, knocking them away.  I faced tons of pissed off faces, apologizing over and over, hoping nobody would smack me in the face for being rude. 

“Hey, asshole!” a voice cried out.

I looked left and saw a big, burly looking guy with a thick beard and dark eyes coming towards Derreck.  I smiled, hoping it was someone to knock the shit out of Derreck.  But I couldn’t get that lucky.  The man pushed through the crowd the same way Derreck and I did.  Someone said something to the guy and he stopped, grabbing a handful of the other guy’s shirt and went nose to nose for a second.  The big guy looked like a bull ready to trample someone.  He let the other guy go a second later then came over to Derreck.

“You son of a bitch,” he bellowed at Derreck and grabbed his shoulder.  “I was wondering if you were coming out tonight.”

“Yeah, I decided,” Derreck said.  “Took the woman out for the concert.  She loves the band.”

“Those fucking pussies?”  The big guy waved his hands at the stage.  “Strum some notes and get pussy all night, right?”

“If it works,” Derreck said.

“Fuck that.”

“What’s up?  What are you doing now?”

“I’m going to battle my way to the bar and get lit up.  Want to join me?”

Derreck looked me and smiled.  “That’s Nick.  I work with him.”

I looked at Nick.  The man was nothing but muscle and evil eyes. 

“Let’s go, Derreck,” Nick said.  “Leave the little lady to herself.  She can fend her way home.”

Derreck pulled me close to him.  His lips were at my ears.  “Go the fuck home and wait for me.”

“You can’t drive drunk,” I said to him.

“I can’t?  Are you telling me something?  Are you ordering me not to do something?”

“Derreck, please,” I said.  “I don’t want anyone to get in trouble...”

“The only trouble will be if you’re not home, waiting for me.”  He pulled away and looked at me.  His lip curled.  “Promise me.”

I lost the battle, easily and willingly, nodding.  “I promise,” I whispered.

“Good.  See you later then.”

Derreck turned and Nick wrapped one of his big arms around Derreck’s neck.  The two of them pushed and punched their way through the crowd, knocking people out of the way without care.  If anyone dared to say something, they were thrown and one guy even took a quick punch from Nick to the gut, dropping him. 

It was terrifying to watch the capabilities of Derreck and Nick.

However, it didn’t surprise me because Derreck had always hung out with the craziest, scariest people.  People who had no hearts and most of the time, no minds.

I looked around, feeling trapped and alone in the middle of the crowd. 

I couldn’t just leave, could I?

If so, how the hell would I get home?

Walk?

It would take me an hour, at least, to walk home.

I spotted Derreck and Nick at the side of the bar.  I peered to my left, looking at the stage.  Most of DownCrash’s equipment had been taken away.  The band was still backstage. 

That meant Tatum was still backstage.

I thought about him looking at me.  I thought about the girl kissing him.  I thought about everything. 

I needed to see if I could talk to him.  Ironically, I hurried against the movement of the crowd, but everyone moved out of my way.  I made it to the stage in no time.  I slowly walked towards the side, as far as I could go.  A small barrier separated me from the backstage.  Just like in the other clubs I’d been in and DownCrash played, next to that area were the doors for the bathrooms and the kitchen area. 

I just stood there, feeling alone and hopeless.  I knew if Derreck saw me lingering, he’d make me pay for it.  Plus, I had to make sure I was home when Derreck came back, or else.

For the few minutes I stood there, I just hoped whatever was happening backstage was what Tatum wanted.  Finding someone who could love him, appreciate him, care about him, and not just because he was a rockstar or because he was deadly sexy.  Someone needed to care for Tatum for who he was.  The way his eyes looked, the way his touch felt, the way his heart...

“Maggie?”

I heard Tatum’s voice, but didn’t respond right away.  As far as I was concerned, it was all inside my mind. 

Then I felt a hand on my shoulder and I cringed.  I could only imagine it being Derreck, ready to unleash hell because I stayed there.  I looked to my left and saw Tatum standing there.

“Tatum...”

“Maggie, are you okay?”

Tears filled my eyes.  I shook my head.  “No.”

“Shit... come with me, quick.”

Tatum took my hand and we darted for the bathrooms.  He chose the women’s room and closed the door behind us, locking it. 

I stopped and stared at him.  His tall frame blocking the door.  That’s all I ever wanted to see.  Tatum blocking all the bad from getting in and hurting me.  Hurting us.

“What’s going on?”

I looked around.  “I’m in a bathroom with the drummer from DownCrash.”

“Better than the men’s room, trust me.”

I smiled as a tear fell out of my eye.

We stood in silence.  I had no idea where to begin or what to say. 

But Tatum did.

He stepped towards me and I didn’t step back.  I wasn’t afraid of Tatum like I was with Derreck.  Tatum touched my cheek, wiping the tear away.  I wanted his hand to linger but it didn’t.  I squeezed my eyes shut so more tears would fall.  When they did, he put both hands to my face.  His thumbs rubbed the tears, taking them away.  His right hand fell away from my face but his left hand stayed. 

This was all I ever wanted... this real moment. 

His left hand slowly moved to the back of my neck.  I could feel everything between us.  The passion between still burned. 

He put his forehead to mine, just like the night I was drunk and he came to save me.

Our noses touched and Tatum kept going.  He pulled at the back of my neck and brought his lips down to mine.  We kissed once and Tatum moved away.

“Fuck,” he whispered.

“Tatum, please don’t...”

“I can’t, right now,” he said.

I opened my mouth and Tatum put his lips to mine.  We didn’t kiss, we just let our lips touch for a few seconds.

I felt more tears fall from eyes.

Tears of fear.

Tears of passion.

Tears of perhaps believing that whatever Tatum and I wanted would never actually happen.  It would only be collected in a few steamy memories I could hold forever. 

“I have to know,” Tatum said, his lips fluttering against mine, “did he hurt you?”

“This time?  Of course.”

“Physically...”

“No,” I whispered.  “I avoid him the best I can.”

“Why then?  Why... Maggie, why?”

I could hear Tatum’s voice cracking.  The passion in the room quickly rolled into regret.  Both of us regretting so much at once, but we didn’t have to apologize to know we were sorry.

“I can’t explain,” I said.  “I just... don’t know...”

“Is he here now?” Tatum asked.

I closed my eyes and nodded. 

“Does he know you’re here?”

“Yeah.  He’s drinking with a friend.  He thinks I’m on my out though.  I have to be home when he gets there or...”

“Or what?  Will he... touch you?”

“I don’t know,” I said.

Tatum took a deep breath and put his head back.  I heard him growling for a second and then his fist connected with the wall.  The drywall cracked and the thunderous sound was only followed by my helpless cry.

“Dammit, Maggie,” Tatum said, “I was gone one night...”

“He came back,” I said.  “He came back like nothing ever happened.  I promised him...”

“Another fucking promise?” Tatum asked.

“When we were eighteen I promised him that I’d be there when he came back.  I didn’t mean it then, but he came back.  I didn’t know what to do...”

“I knew you didn’t mean a thing you said,” Tatum said.  “And I swear to you, Maggie, I will protect you.”

Tatum moved at me again.  I reached for his right hand and touched his swollen knuckles.