Torn to Pieces (The Boys of DownCrash #2) (new adult contemporary romance / rockstar romance) (16 page)

I nodded and licked my lips again.  I looked down and saw the bulge against the towel.  Derreck was hard.  But I knew that if it was Tatum, that bulge would be bigger.  Much bigger.

“I’m getting dressed,” Derreck said.  “Go get ready for your meeting with the rockstar.  Break his heart good, maybe he’ll write a song about it.”

Derreck laughed and I didn’t.

I wasn’t ready for this.  I wasn’t ready for any of it.

I thought about canceling with Tatum, but the idea blew up in my face when he texted me -
on my way!
.  Tatum would see through my words in a heartbeat and the more I thought about it the more I hoped he would because it wouldn't be such a bad thing.  If he could see... if he could see it in my eyes, how I felt, maybe he could help me. 

But at what cost?

Taking on Derreck was taking on a loose canon, and the Derreck from high school was a man now, not a boy.  Not a hormone driven, fast car driving bad boy.  He was a muscular, intense man, hell bent on forcing me into keeping promises I made at the tender age of eighteen. 

It was a lifetime ago to me, yet that lifetime currently whistled in my bedroom as he dressed himself.  The faint odor of soap and body spray lingered in my apartment, and the more I smelled it, the more I realized that my time of
my apartment
was probably going to go back to being called
our apartment
.

Ten minutes later, Tatum pulled up outside.

I rushed to greet him, knowing a set of evil eyes would be upon us.

~15~

Tatum had his arms open and as ironic as it was, I ran towards him as though I hadn't seen him in ten years.  Just that little bit of time away and look how much things had changed.  I thought about if Tatum hadn't had the show up and he was in the apartment when Derreck showed up.

What would have happened?

What could have been?

I halted a few inches from Tatum knowing that if I dared to jump into his arms I'd have hell to pay later on in the day and night. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked.  "You look scared."

I swallowed.  How was I supposed to do this?

"Tell me about the show," I said, avoiding the painful topic I'd need to get to.

"It was good," Tatum said.  "New crowd, new fans.  Sold some CDs, talked to a guy from a management group.  He already had our CD and loves it.  We might have representation soon."

"Then you'll be on bigger tours?"

"I don't know, why?"

I felt anger hit me.  The sudden realization that I may never get to touch Tatum again.  Kiss his mouth.  Taste his lip ring.  Tease his nipple ring.  While I needed to take that anger out on Derreck, I couldn't.  It wasn't in me.  But I could give it all to Tatum.

"Did you fuck anyone?" I asked, my voice bitter.

"What?  Why would you ask that?"

"Why won't you answer?"

"Maggie, I wouldn't do that to you..."

"You're a big rockstar now."

"We played one big show, last night.  What's going on?"

Tatum looked around and I moved towards him.  My finger touched his chest.  Fuck, he was hot, but I had to stay mad.

"Just tell me what you did last night."

"I slept in a van," Tatum said.  "We drank after the show, partied and crashed."

"How drunk were you?"

"What?"

"Drunk enough to fuck some girl?" I asked.  "I bet you were."

Tatum grabbed my arms and I whimpered, my eyes filling with tears.

"Whoa, what's going on here?" Tatum asked.

I looked at him, giving him the look that I knew I needed to give.  His face changed, understanding something.  What, I didn't know.

 "We can't be together," I said, finally saying what would keep my promise alive in Derreck's eyes.

"We can't be together?"

"No.  It's done here, okay?"

"What's done?"

"Us, Tatum.  We had fun but it's done."

"We had fun?  Maggie, I haven't stopped thinking about you since I left here.  I could barely sleep last night hoping you were okay.  All this time thinking about music and life and none of it made complete sense... could I fall in love and still have a band?  It never worked before, no matter how serious, and then you come along..."

"Just stop it," I said.  "I can't hear it right now."

"Why?  What changed?"

I sighed and looked at Tatum.  He was hurting.  I was crushing him with each passing second.

"Just let it go," I said.  "You know everything, Tatum.  I'm a mess."

"A mess, huh?"

Tatum opened his hands and I watched him put them to his sides.  I had pictured a much different scene for when Tatum came back from his show.  One that involved us rushing into my apartment, to my bed, touching first, fucking second, and eventually talking about whatever.  My body ached for his touch and protection.

"You deserve more," I said.  "Your band is huge and only going to get bigger."

"And that means we can't be together?"

"You deserve to have fun in your life, not punching guys because they're touching me."

"Punching guys?  I knocked Danny on his drunk ass because he deserved it."

Tatum's lip snarled and he opened the door to his car.  This was gut wrenching.  This would leave me alone with Derreck forever. 

"Don't you want a better life?"

"What does that even mean?  My life with you is better, no matter what happens around that."

I bit my lip and shook my head.

"So this is it?  I go out on one show and you freak out?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"I call bullshit," Tatum said.

"Call it whatever then, I don't care."

"I think you do.  Let me come inside.  We can talk."

"No," I yelled and stepped back.

Tatum nodded.  "Something bad would happen if I came in..."

"Let it go."

"Something," he said again.

His eyes told me he knew something.

"Maggie... don't do this..."

"Please," I whispered and shut my eyes for a second.

"I'm going to text you.  I'm not leaving you for good.  I don't care what promise was made."

I looked at Tatum and wanted to go with him.  And I should have.  I should have jumped into his arms and ran away.  But I was afraid for Tatum too.  He didn't deserve to be pulled into Derreck's hellish world. 

To let him leave.

As our eyes met one last time, he mouthed something to me.

I'll protect you.

I wanted to believe him, but I couldn't.

~16~

The days started to move fast and under other circumstances that might have been a good thing.  If I had been counting something down, like Tatum coming back to get me or Tatum coming home to me for good, it would have been a good thing.  But as time sped along.  I felt more and more trapped each time I looked at Derreck.  The only thing I had to look forward to with time racing by was death.

How could someone in their twenties think that way...?

There were times when Derreck was romantic.  He made dinner, picked out the perfect movie, tried to casually touch me, hug me, or hold me.  Even when it came to
other stuff
, if I didn’t want to, we didn’t.  And that meant since he came back, we hadn’t touched each other sexually.  I knew that clock was ticking down to zero because if I was going to keep my promise to Derreck, meaning I loved him and would fulfill his every wish and desire, that would include a lot of activity in the bedroom.  He spent a lot of time on the phone, each call making me wonder if he didn’t run from the law.  He went out one day and came home saying he had a job with some old friends doing landscaping.  I didn’t want to believe anything about him.

We sat at the table, sharing a silent lunch, when a knock came at the door.  I turned my head, praying it was Tatum at the door.  I couldn’t get the image out of my mind of Tatum standing at his car, ready to tear the door off.  Tatum’s eyes burning at me, ready to take me away. 

But he didn’t.

I didn’t want to blame him for not doing more, not with the way I had been acting, but part of me hurt.  I just wanted someone to do it all for me, just once.  Sure, Tatum had punched Danny in the face, but I wanted Tatum to punch the world away for me.  To protect like he said he could and probably would... but to do that, I’d have to embrace him.  I’d have to let him in.  Let him...

“Don’t move,” Derreck said as he stood from the table. 

I found myself still sitting, even with a good minute passing since the first knock came at the door.  My mind and body suddenly felt trained, like I was an animal or something.

Derreck opened the door and said, “Can I help you?”

“Where’s Maggie?”

I knew the voice.

I smiled.

I turned and waved to Scarlett.

Derreck turned to his side, looking at me with annoyed eyes.  “Friend?”

“That’s Scarlett,” I said.  “She used to live here.”

“So that’s your empty room?” Derreck asked.

“Yeah.  And you are...?”

Derreck smiled.  “How terrible of me.”  He put his hand out and Scarlett took it.  “I’m Derreck, Maggie’s boyfriend.”

Scarlett’s eyes widened and she nodded.  Obviously confused.  She looked at me, ready to signal me to talk, but Derreck cut that short.

“We’re having lunch right now,” Derreck said.  “If you don’t mind...”

“No,” Scarlett said, “I just wanted to stop by.  I haven’t talked to Maggie since my great aunt died and...”

“How sad,” Derreck said.  “Death is always sad.”

“I didn’t really know her,” Scarlett said.  “Didn’t bother me too much.”

She took a step towards the apartment and Derreck shifted.  I cringed and thought about standing.  I held back for a second.

“Is everything okay here?” Scarlett asked.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Derreck replied.

“Can I come in?”

“You don’t live here anymore,” Derreck said.  “You abandoned your friend for a singer, didn’t you?”

“Wait, what...”

“Scarlett,” I called out.

Derreck put a hand out to me... it started as an open hand but became a fist. 

“You left her,” Derreck said.  “And I came back just in time to pick up the pieces.”

“The pieces?” Scarlett asked.  She looked over Derreck’s shoulder at me.  “Maggie, what’s going on?”

“She’s safe now,” Derreck said.  “No more rockstars or rock shows.  This is real life now, okay?”

I couldn’t believe Derreck was so abrasive like this.  Then again, Scarlett was a woman.  He loved confrontation with women.  He knew they’d back down and if not, his hands could do the rest.

“Just get out of here,” Derreck said.  “Okay?  I found her huddled on a couch, alone, waiting for someone.  I should have never left her before, but I had to.  Now I’m back and nothing is going to take that away.”  Derreck leaned towards Scarlett.  “Nothing.  Understand?”

I saw the spark of fear grow in Scarlett’s eyes.  She had an inkling of my daily life, but she could walk away without consequence.  I wasn’t so lucky.

Scarlett looked at me and I nodded.  I needed her to leave.  She couldn’t be a hero either.  She didn’t understand Derreck and she didn’t need this at all. 

“I get it,” Scarlett said.  “I just wanted to stop by for a second...”

“And that second passed two minutes ago,” Derreck said.

Derreck looked ready to kick Scarlett, but she backed away some more and finally left.  Derreck slammed the door and locked it.  When he turned, I jumped up, ready for whatever came next.

“Old friends suck,” he said.  “Fucking screw you over and come looking for more.”

“She didn’t screw me over,” I said.  “She moved in with her boyfriend.”

“Yeah?  Was that the plan for you too?  Move in with the drummer?”

I shook my head.  “We hadn’t gotten that far...”

I caught myself but enough had been spilled.  Derreck came at me with a thousand fires.  I backed into the table and leaned into my plate of spaghetti and sauce.  Derreck had a finger touching my nose which was nothing compared to what I thought he was going to do.  His eyes were on fire and his voice ready to burst.

“I don’t want to hear it,” he said.  “I don’t want to hear a fucking thing about it...”

My phone vibrated and beeped.  We both looked and Derreck grabbed the phone.

“That bitch doesn’t stop,” he said.  “She just texted you.”

I swallowed, only imagining what it could have said.

Derreck let out a laugh.  “Perfect.  She wants to go to a concert with you.  She said DownCrash is playing a show tonight.  She wants you to go.  She didn’t mean to cause any trouble and hopes you’re not hurt.”