Torn to Pieces (The Boys of DownCrash #2) (new adult contemporary romance / rockstar romance) (19 page)

“He won’t hurt you,” Tatum said.  “I’ll tell him to leave.”

“He won’t leave,” I said.  “That’s not how it works.”

“Then how does it work?” Tatum asked.

“You tell me first,” I said.  “You moved on already...”

“I what?”

“That girl... she kissed you...”

Tatum lowered his head.

“It’s your new girlfriend, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know,” Tatum whispered.  “Okay?”

“You don’t know?  What does that mean?”

Tatum looked back at me, his eyes desperate and sad.  “She’s... my ex.”

I laughed and touched my face.  “How fucking perfect.  We’re both with our exes.”

“My story is a little different than yours,” Tatum said.

I took that as a shot and let out a small cry.  Just to know that Tatum did that to someone, knowing for sure now, it was like a thousand knives inside me at once.  It was... unfair.

“I’m sorry,” Tatum said.  “But after you... my mind was just... I needed to right a wrong and I did.”

“Right a wrong?”

Tatum sighed.

I suddenly wished we weren’t in a damn bathroom, but it was the only safe spot in the club, maybe the world even.  Plus, with the door locked, I guess I was trapped with Tatum. 

It could always be worse.

“Listen to me,” Tatum said.  He grabbed my arms and pulled me towards him.  “Carrie was the girl I was with when DownCrash started getting popular.  She stayed with me through the shows, the girls, the everything.  But as the band got bigger and better, it became too much to handle.  Something had to give somewhere.  I was being pulled on all sides.  From Tripp.  From Logan.  From the shows.  From the recording.  From the practicing.  From Carrie.  Then it came down to a choice.  I knew it.  The band knew it.  Even Carrie knew it.  I didn’t set out to hurt anyone and I believe you didn’t do the same with me.”

“Did I hurt you?” I asked.

“Fuck, Maggie, you crushed me,” Tatum said.  “Watching you yell at me, knowing something else was hurting in you, something I couldn’t get to.  I had to drive away from your apartment while you were in pain.  Do you know what that’s like?”

“Yes!” I cried out.  “I watched you drive away in pain.  Because of me.  I didn’t want to cause you pain, then or now.  I want you to be happy... in love... smiling... kissin...”

Tatum’s lips touched mine again.  This time with more passion.  More heat.  With the same intense lust as before.  I moaned, feeling warming pleasure everywhere.  It was exactly what I needed right then. 

The kiss broke again, much like before, and again, Tatum whispered,
“Fuck
.”
 

“Tatum, don’t stop,” I begged.

“Let me finish my story,” he said.

He still held my arms as he continued.

“So, one night, while we were drinking after a practice, it all came together for me.  I needed to choose.  Either music or love.  Not both.  They couldn’t exist together because one would always try to top the other.  My heart belonged in one spot and one spot forever.  I sobered up by staying up all night, thinking about DownCrash and thinking about Carrie.  I knew my decision long before I made it, but it was nice to reflect on what I had with Carrie.  We had that young romance and butterfly feeling...”

Jealousy burned in me.

I wanted to be young, romantic, hopeless, floating.

“So I broke up with Carrie.  I destroyed her heart and just let it fall.  She begged me not to do it.  She begged me for anything.  And right after that happened, her father had a heart attack and died shortly after.  It was the hardest six months of her life.”

I nodded.

“I didn’t even get in touch with her after her father passed away.  I just ignored her for such a long time, and it always bothered me.  Then you came along, Maggie, and changed everything I knew.  I don’t care if we weren’t together for a long time or not even a real couple, whatever.  You just... made everything right.”

“Right to go back to her?”

“It’s not like that,” Tatum said.  “I swear.  I thought about what your ex was doing to you and if I couldn’t fix it, I could at least fix what I did wrong.  So I did.  I called Carrie and apologized.  We met up and talked... and I realized something... I can have both.  I can have music.  I can have romance.  I see the way Tripp and Scarlett look at each other and they both know and respect what music represents to each other and the band.  It just works.  And I want that.  I deserve that.”

“Of course you do,” I said.  “You deserve the world, Tatum.”

Tatum took a deep breath.  “You showed me that, Maggie.  That love and music can exist side by side.”

“Great,” I said.  “I showed you how to get back together with your ex then.”

“No,” Tatum yelled.  “Fuck.  No.  I look at you, right here, right now, and it just makes sense.  The world makes sense looking at you.”

“Then prove it,” I said.  “Do something about it.  Make me... feel it.”

Tatum bit at his lip ring.  Temptation danced around us in the bathroom.  The rest of the world stayed right where it belonged - outside.  The reality of whatever waited felt like a dream and Tatum and I felt like reality.  He kissed me again and this time, I could feel it, this kiss wasn’t going to end a few seconds into it.

Our lips were locked and when he opened his mouth, I stole the chance to finally have the kiss I’d been dying for.  My tongue explored his mouth and his hand on the back of my neck squeezed.  He groaned and his hand down at his side came forward, touching my hand.  Our fingers interlocked and as we kissed, my heart fluttered.  My heart came to life.  The pieces began to lift, just like that.

Tatum pressed against me.  I felt his body, finally.  The hardness of his muscles under his shirt.  The light dampness of sweat from the show.  The scent of desire.  He began to push me so hard that I had to back up.  He was too strong and I was too ready.  I stepped back, over and over, stumbling a few times, almost falling, until I crashed into the wall.  I let out a cry and Tatum groaned. 

I touched between his legs.  He was thick and ready.  I needed him.  I didn’t care about anything right then.  Just Tatum.  Just his body.  Just our passion.  I pulled at his zipper, allowing one of my hands to get into his pants.  I felt him over his boxers, rubbing him up and down. 

Tatum gripped my waist.  He unbutton my pants and forced them down.  My skin tingled at the touch of his fingers.  His right hand cut up between my hips, touching my panties and then tearing them to the side.  His fingers touched my moist slit, and then two fingers were in me.  My mouth opened and I let out a long moan.  Tatum slid his lips down my chin to my neck.

“Maggie,” he whispered.  “I... can’t control myself...”

“Don’t.  Don’t control it.  Do it.  Right now.”

My hand moved into his boxers, gripping his hard, bare skin.  I wrestled until he was exposed, my small hand racing up and down his erection.  I moved as fast as I could until Tatum stopped me. 

“Fuck, girl, you’re going to kill this moment,” he said. 

We looked at each other and we both smiled.

The moment was so wrong... in so many ways... but when he touched me nothing felt so good and so right.

Our eyes were locked as he guided the thick tip of himself into me.  His hands were then back at my hips, holding me, positioning me, preparing me.  My body thrust at him, wanting more.  My knees bent and I offered myself the best I could.  Tatum moaned and thrust forward, fully entering me.  My mouth fell open, my breath stolen from the intense pressure and pleasure coming together in the same second at the same spot. 

Our bodies connected over and over, and we acted as though they were the last seconds we had alive or the last moments we’d ever touch each other.  At one point my hands were under Tatum’s shirt, feeling his abs tightening as he fucked me.  I finally found comfort behind his neck, I locked my fingers together as I held on tight.  The harder he bucked at me, the better it felt.  Knowing that just beyond the walls of the bathroom was the bar and restaurant, along with both Derreck and Carrie, it made everything riskier and hotter. 

I lifted my legs off the floor and Tatum’s hands cupped under the back of my legs.  He lifted me a little more, putting me in the perfect position and I wrapped my legs tight around him.  His hands then moved to my ass where he cupped and pulled, wanting more of me.  The sex got hotter as we breathed heavily and cried out to each other.  When I looked into Tatum’s eyes, I could see a little regret and I knew he could see the same in my eyes.  But beyond that, more dominant than anything else was the fact that we wanted each other.  Nothing else mattered as he thrust deep in me. 

My back tried arching against the wall and when I felt my climax rushing, I put my mouth to Tatum’s ear and bit for a second.

“I’m coming,” I managed to whisper with a whimpering moan.

Tatum grunted and came at me harder.  He exploded a few seconds later, matching the intensity of my orgasm.  We were against the bathroom wall, the thrusts slow and deep.  Our lips came together again.  I put my feet back to the floor only to have Tatum thrust a few more times, lifting me each time he did so. 

I moaned through every thrust until Tatum pulled himself from me.  He took two steps back, put himself away, and stared at me.  I stood with my hands at my side, my pants and panties still down, stuck between pleasure and shock. 

I couldn’t believe that just happened.

More so, I couldn’t believe I broke a promise to Derreck.  A big promise. 

“Maggie,” Tatum said. 

I swallowed and tears filled my eyes.

“Shit,” he whispered.

He came back to me and bent his knees.  I looked down at him and watched as he gripped my panties.  He gently lifted my panties, followed by my pants. 

“Should I have done that?” Tatum asked.

A tear fell from my eye and I smiled.  “Yes.  You should have... and more...”

“Maggie,” Tatum said, his hand touching my face.  “I never want you to be in pain.  I never want you to hurt.”

“Tatum, I’m in love with you.”

Tatum’s mouth closed.  He didn’t blink.  The seriousness of our relationship had just been put into a catapult and sent off into space. 

“I love you, Maggie,” he said.

We kissed again and I casually fixed my panties and pants.  I did my best to look as normal as I did walking into the bathroom. 

Tatum and I lingered for a few minutes, staring at each other, kissing, knowing the seconds were counting down until we would have to face the outside world.

“What are you going to do?” Tatum asked.  “I want to help.”

“There’s nothing you can do,” I said.  “It’ll only cause trouble.  I’m going to talk to Derreck... tell him...”

Tatum nodded.  “If you need me...”

“You have to deal with your stuff too.”

Tatum nodded and closed his eyes.  “I fucked it up again.”

It was my turn to touch Tatum’s face.  My thumb went for his lip ring, playing and teasing. 

“You didn’t fuck anything up, Tatum,” I whispered.  “You’re following your heart.”

“Now you sound greedy,” he said.

“Maybe I am.  Don’t I deserve to be greedy, for a second at least?”

“You deserve anything you want,” Tatum said.

He backed away and put his hand to the doorknob.  I could read his consoling eyes, the worry and guilt crashing like waves.

“I’ll be fine,” I said.  “I’ll be home before anything happens.”

“I need to see you again,” Tatum said.  “Soon.  I’m not waiting days or weeks.”

“Tomorrow.  Derreck has work.”

“When are you going to talk to him... about...”

“When he gets home from work, okay?”

Tatum shook his head.  He closed his eyes and put his head back.  The grip on the doorknob was fierce, his knuckles white. 

“Tatum, what’s wrong?”

“I can’t do it,” he said.  “I just can’t.”

“Can’t do what?” I asked.  “Us?”

“Not that,” Tatum said.  “I’d die for you, Maggie.  Right here, right now.  And tomorrow... and forever.  You’ve shown me things I never thought possible.  Even when you weren’t with me, it was all there.  Just waiting.”

“Someone else just stepped into it, right?”

“No, not at all.  Carrie is nothing compared to you.  I need to just apologize and finish it.  Just so you know... we never, uh, you know.”

I nodded.  “Me and Derreck, the same.  I don’t want anyone but you, now and forever.”

“You mean that?”

“I swear on it,” I said.

“I don’t want to force you into anything though.  That’s why I can’t say anything else right now.  And what we just did... we can’t again.”

“That makes me want to end things with Derreck quicker.”

“That’s up to you,” Tatum said.  “I’ll wait forever if I had to.  I hope I don’t.  And if you feel he’s dangerous, let me help you.”

“I told you,” I said, “if you step in, it’ll make things worse.  I should have said something sooner to Derreck.  I’m sorry I hurt you, Tatum.  I’ll carry that for the rest of my life.”