Torn to Pieces (The Boys of DownCrash #2) (new adult contemporary romance / rockstar romance) (15 page)

The clock read three in the morning.  I pictured Tatum, sleeping in his car, enjoying life.  Playing such an important show, wanting DownCrash become something bigger than a college band.  And here I was, going to get in his way if I asked for his help.  My heart ached like it never had before. 

Nobody understood what slept next to me, the only person with some sense of understanding was Tatum.  I touched my cell phone, thinking about what to do.  I pressed a button and the screen didn’t turn on.  Confused, I picked up the phone and started pressing all the buttons.  Nothing.  No response.  Not even from the power button.  I didn’t remember the battery being low.  I flipped the phone over, opened the back, and my body cringed.  Back in high school, Derreck used to steal my battery.  He regulated my cell phone, telling me who I could talk to and when I could talk.  If I broke his rules -
or his promises, as he always put it
- I would lose the battery, or worse. 

The battery to my phone was on the nightstand.  He must have done it as some kind of warning, memory, or perhaps a way to just invoke fear in me.  Whatever it was, it worked.  I put the battery in my phone and turned it on.  Two messages came through, both from Tatum.

This was going to crush me.  I knew it.

What a show... Strange not having everyone know you but some people actually did.  Hope your night is going good too.

Ten minutes later, Tatum sent another one.

Text me when you can.  I’ll be sleeping in a van... living the dream.  :)

Living the dream.

I sighed. 

I looked to my right, holding my phone up to cast light on Derreck’s body.

Tatum was living the dream and I was living the nightmare.

Just knowing Tatum was okay and thinking about me relaxed me enough to finally fall asleep.

I woke to the feeling of Derreck crawling over me.  I did my best to fake sleep, hoping he didn’t want to do anything.  It made me sick to imagine Derreck trying to touch me like Tatum did.  He could never do what Tatum did.  And there would be no way I could fake my way into enjoying it.  My body didn’t care about promises, it cared about pleasure.

“Good morning,” Derreck whispered.

His breath stunk rotten and stale.  He kissed my forehead and climbed out of bed.  There were times, not as few and far between as I would have thought, when Derreck could be normal, even romantic.  He proved it a couple minutes later when I smelled coffee and heard the sound of my small kitchen coming alive as a fresh breakfast began to cook.

Derreck cooked and served both of us, holding his coffee mug up, smiling.

“Let’s toast each other,” he said.  “To being together again.”

“Did you take the battery out of my phone?” I asked.  My mouth instantly snapped shut, regretting how jumpy I sounded.

Derreck didn’t like confrontation and he hated paranoia. 

Maybe the morning had some kind of effect on him, but Derreck remained calm.  I half expected him to throw his hot coffee at me, but instead he answered my question.

“You know what?  I did take the battery out.  I heard the phone beeping and it pissed me off.  So I took the battery out.  No need for it, right?  You were with me.  I’d kill for you.”

Derreck smiled. 

Some people said stuff like that -
I’d kill for you
- to sound romantic in love.  But with Derreck, he meant it.  He was dangerous, violent, and while I never wanted to see someone die, it made me wonder if he ever did kill someone, would that get him taken away forever?

He sipped his coffee and then said, “Maggie, look at me.”

I looked at him.

“Don’t question me like that, okay?  I’m not here to hurt you.  I’m here to take care of you.  Rockstar hour is over.”

I nodded.  “Okay.”

“Did you talk to drummer boy yet?”

“No.”

“You better.  Let him know what’s going on here.”

“They’re driving back today,” I said.  “I’ll talk to him later.”

“Not here,” Derreck said.   “I have no need to see some tattooed freak trying to fuck my girlfriend.”

“He doesn’t have tattoos,” I said.

Derreck’s lip snarled.  “Good to fucking know, Maggie.  Want to know about the women I met in Florida on the beaches... with their tight stomachs and big tits?  You want me to compare them to you?”

I shivered and hugged myself, shaking my head.

Why couldn’t I get away from this?  Why couldn’t I run?  I was older now... back in high school I was a kid, a confused kid.  I watched my mother remarry and I felt neglected.  Derreck scooped me up.  But that was then. 

I needed Tatum here.  I needed him in town.  I needed to see him, touch him.  I needed to finish falling in love with him.

But as I looked at Derreck, I really wondered what was going to happen.

Scarlett had moved out, leaving the apartment to myself.  She wasn’t even in town, I couldn’t call her. 

“That’s what was I wondering too,” Derreck said.  He leaned to his left and peered down the hall.  “This is a two bedroom place, right?”

I nodded.  It bothered me that Derreck could basically read my mind.

“Two bedrooms for one person,” he said.  “Roommate?”

“No,” I said.  “She just moved out actually.”

“Well, look at that.”

“She moved in with her boyfriend.  He’s the lead singer of DownCrash, the band...”

“Oh, I get it,” Derreck said.  “You were trying to be like your roommate.  Didn’t anyone ever tell you that drummers are the dumbest ones in the band?  Poor girl, you, you’re so lucky to have me here.”

I wasn’t exactly sure I considered myself lucky.

My cell phone beeped with a text message and as I turned, Derreck put a hand out to get my phone. 

Rules were rules.

Promises were promises.

Just like that, I was back in high school, taking orders from Derreck.  The difference now was that I didn’t have the comfort of my house to run to. 

Derreck looked at my phone, leaning against the counter, with a cocky grin on his face.

“Drummer boy texted you,” he said.  He waved the phone but it was too far away to read.  “He wants to know what your plans are today.  What should I say, Maggie?  Should I tell him you’re with me?  That we’re fucking each other like rabbits?”

I shook my head.  “Please let me talk to him.”

“You’re begging me for things now?  See?  This is why it’s better when I’m around.  I just tell you what to do.  You don’t need to think or worry.”

Derreck looked down and started to type.

I stood from the table, knowing the move was an act of defiance.  I couldn’t handle Derreck saying something bad to Tatum.  I couldn’t crush Tatum through a text message. 

“All done,” Derreck said.

He dropped the phone and walked to me.  His hands touched my hips and he kissed my cheek.  His nasty breath had the undertones of coffee.

“I wanted to tell him,” I whispered.

“Shut up, Maggie,” Derreck said.  “Fuck, you think I’m some asshole, don’t you?”

I didn’t reply.

“I told him to come here at three, okay?  You can meet him in the parking lot and talk.  I won’t go out, I promise.  Handle things the way you need to.  But end it.  It’s done.  Time we all keep our promises, right?”

I shut my eyes and nodded.

I had five hours until I’d have to break Tatum’s beautiful, sexy heart.

~14~

I figured, at some point, Derreck would leave because he was never the type to sit for too long.  He always had to be on the move, getting into trouble, keeping some promises, or finding indulgences that he didn’t need.  But to my shock he remained in the apartment all day, lingering, walking around, talking to me as though we hadn’t spent a day apart for years.  He told me he had to go to Florida to get some stuff and that we’d go together.  We were going to drive to Florida, make a big road trip out of it, and then drive back.  Sometimes he seemed normal, sometimes he seemed like the same old Derreck.  When he took a shower, he asked for my cell phone.  Asking instead of demanding was a slight change, but the overall purpose still hurt me.  He didn’t trust me with the phone and he didn’t trust me with my own keys because when I went into my bedroom, my keys were missing. 

I snuck to the bathroom door and slowly opened it, making it in without a sound.  There on the sink were my phone and keys.  Just sitting there. Within reach if I dared to do it.  I pushed the door open a little more, my foot touching the damp tile floor.  As I started to reach out, the water turned off and Derreck tore the shower curtain open. 

I gasped and froze, my eyes wide, staring at his naked body.

“Well, hey there,” he said, smiling. 

He had no problem finding confidence in himself and I couldn’t blame him now.  Back in high school, it was what it was, but now, the muscles on his body were dark and sexy.  That was, they were sexy until I looked at his face, remembering the person the body belonged to. 

“You should have told me you wanted to fool around,” he said.

I swallowed and caught my breath.  “Yeah.  Sorry about that.”

He hadn’t noticed I was going for my keys and cell phone.  He thought I wanted
sex
... with him… I shivered. 

Never.

Never again would I do that with him.

He reached for a towel, wrapped it around himself, and stepped from the shower.  It sent a wave of relief through me, knowing nothing sexual would happen.  For as much of a tough guy as Derreck tried to be, he acted like a baby pretty boy sometimes. 

Especially with sex.

When he got out of the shower or felt
extra clean
, he wouldn’t have sex.  He didn’t want to ruin the way he looked or smelled.  He didn’t want to take his clothes off and not have them look the same way back on.  He didn’t want the smell of his skin or cologne to be sweated away, or his skin to stink like sex.  The way he used to say it made me feel like there was something wrong with me.  Like I... like I smelled bad or something. 

But Tatum never said a thing.  He never cared about having sex with me.  When we wanted each other, we went for it.

Derreck stepped towards me.  “I know I look different but so do you.  However, our eyes are the same, aren’t they?”

Derreck touched my cheek and moved his pointer finger near my eye. 

“Yes,” I said.

Derreck’s eyes were the same wild blue eyes that stole my heart a long time ago. 

“Our hearts are the same,” he said.  “And our promises.”

I nodded.

“Kiss me,” Derreck said.  “Kiss me right now, Maggie.”

There it was. 

A sexual command.

Sure, what did a kiss really mean?  Nothing really.  Then again, as I thought about seeing Scarlett kiss Tatum and how it made me feel, a kiss could mean everything.  A kiss with Tatum fixed my broken heart.  A kiss from Tatum right now could sweep me away from this hell.  And a kiss with Derreck could suck me deeper into it.

“Kiss me,” Derreck repeated.

His hand moved to the back of my head.  He could have pulled me to his mouth but I knew he wouldn’t.  Nothing was ever forced, just commanded.  That’s how Derreck worked.  But with his commands came punishments.  To him, if he commanded something, that meant a promise had been made. 
And promises were always kept.

His fingers wrapped around my hair and he tugged a little.  Just a nice little reminder of what he could have if he wanted.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Maggie?” he growled at me.

“Nothing,” I said.

“Don’t be afraid.  Kiss me.”

I licked my lips and moved towards him.  I wished I hadn’t brushed my teeth all morning and afternoon.  I wished I ate fish or something smelly like that to chase him away.  But I didn’t and I did brush my teeth.  My mouth was kissable, which should have given me confidence, with anyone but Derreck.

My lips fluttered against his for a second and I pulled back.

“What the fuck was that?” he asked.  “Kiss me like you meant it.”

I closed my eyes and pressed my lips to his, holding steady.  When I tried to pull away, Derreck wouldn’t let me.  I had engaged him now... his lips parted and he tasted my lips.  The kiss broke and he smiled.

“Give me that tongue,” he whispered.  “Right now.”

I kissed him again, my lips parting.  I offered my tongue and we began to kiss.  I felt like I was being slobbered on.  There was no passion, no lust, no romance behind it.  Each time he closed his mouth against mine, I felt the torture increasing.  Then he stepped forward, letting me feel what the kiss had done to him.  I pulled back and broke the kiss.

“Fuck,” he said.  “I wish I didn’t just get out of the shower... I’d fuck you so hard right now, Maggie, you’d forget all about drummer boy.”