Touch Me There (17 page)

According to a recent study by DaiSik Kim & Myung-Geol Pang, fol- lowing adult circumcision, many men reported a decrease in masturba- tory pleasure and sexual enjoyment, indicating that getting snipped nega- tively affects sexual function in many men.

F-Spot

The
frenulum (F-spot),
also called the
frenum
or
fraenum,
is a tiny, loose band of skin or a small bump located near the indentation on the under- side of the penis where the glans meets the shaft (in the twelve o’clock po- sition; see Figure 5.1 on page 64). This fibrous cord of connecting tissue joins the glans to the inner foreskin, helping to contract the foreskin over the glans. In some men, it is the most sensitive part of the penis. It can be stimulated in an up-and-down fashion with varying pressure and speed. Since most men find the F-spot to be highly sensitive to touch, its func- tion is thought to be that of providing pleasure by stretching during sexual intercourse. In fact, some men find that they reach orgasm too quickly if the F-spot receives unusually intense stimulation during intercourse or other forms of sex.

For circumcised men, the frenulum is an extremely sensitive area of scar tissue, seen as a slight bump. Scar tissue can be more sensitive than regular skin, with penile scar tissue being even that much more sensitive. In heterosexual sex play, a woman can stimulate her man’s frenulum and her clitoris at the same time. She starts by lying on her back with her legs shut. The man squeezes his lubricated penis between her thighs, thrusting up against her vulva. Squeezing her thighs together will provide even more stimulation. This can also be done from behind in a spooning position. Slightly crossing her legs and squeezing her upper thighs around

his shaft provides even greater “ohmigod” stimulation.

Among the frenulum’s marvels is its role in helping men with complete spinal-cord lesions (quadriplegia) to reproduce. Since a quadriplegic can- not ejaculate during coitus, vibratory stimulation can be applied to the frenulum to produce ejaculate for intrauterine insemination.

U-Spot

The male’s urethral opening, or
U-spot,
a slitlike vertical opening in the glans, is the orifice through which urine and semen are released (see Fig- ure 5.1 on page 64). It can be an erogenous area for some men, though many find its stimulation uncomfortable, painful, or simply ineffective. To stimulate this area, use lube and gently circle, rub, or press it with your fingers or a sex toy, making sure to check in with your partner as to whether or not such arousal feels good.

Why Is the Penis One of the Hottest Spots?

The penis is lauded as the trophy of all male hot spots because it puts on one helluva show. Plus, because of its sensitivity to touch, pressure, tem- perature, and stimuli, it is often regarded as having a mind of its own. Among the nerves that make the penis such a major hub of erotic activity are the dorsal nerve, which is a continuation of the pudendal nerve, and the greater cavernous nerve, which is key in erection.

But what really gets “ooohs” and “ahhhs” is the penis’s response to sexual stimulation. When sexually excited, a man’s penis becomes erect as it fills with blood and hardens, causing the glans to swell and become more noticeable. It’s practically irresistible, like an endearing puppy at the pound that locks in your gaze. It begs for attention.

Erections happen because the penis’s internal structure consists of spongy erectile bodies that fill with blood and swell (the corpora caver- nosa and corpus spongiosum mentioned earlier; see Figure 6.1 on page 85). As a man gets more and more turned on, a few drops of fluid, known as pre-ejaculatory fluid or pre-cum, appear at the tip of the penis. As his performance continues, he hovers near a titillating sexual boiling point

for as long as he can control himself, before bursting into orgasm, most often complemented by a geyserlike show of ejaculation! (Note: A man can ejaculate without necessarily having an orgasm, and he can also have an orgasm without necessarily ejaculating.)

Penis-Induced Orgasm

For most men, orgasm is almost always attained entirely through penile stimulation—the
penis-induced orgasm
—and is almost always accom- panied by the ejaculation of semen. This orgasm actually originates at his prostate, moving into his penis and testicles, seizing his entire reproduc- tive system. The muscles at the base of the penis and urethral bulb con- tract rhythmically, forcing semen through the urethra and then out of the opening at the tip of the penis. In some cases, with proper breathing, mindfulness, and control, this climactic reaction can spread, becoming a total mind-body-spirit experience.

Penis Myths and Misconceptions

Myth: Penises without foreskins are better.

Functionally speaking, both circumcised and uncircumcised penises are highly erogenous. Men experience a great deal of penile sensitivity with or without their foreskin. The foreskin does, however, contain a richer vari- ety and greater concentration of specialized nerve receptors than any other part of the penis, which is why many men who have been circum- cised feel unjustly deprived of their full erotic potential. (Note: Because the foreskin is so sensitive, partners should determine whether a man prefers for his foreskin to slide over the head of the penis during sexual stimulation or for it to be pulled back. His preference will probably de- pend on the type of sex play he’s engaging in.)

Aesthetically speaking, blessing a penis as attractive or not based on the presence or absence of a foreskin is really a matter of personal pref- erence and of what people are used to seeing. Factors like whether or not a culture circumcises its newborns (most around the world do not), or whether illustrations and photos show circumcised or uncircumcised

penises (portrayals in the United States tend to show circumcised pe- nises), play into what is visually appealing for both men and women.

Myth: All penises like to be stimulated in the same way.

Every male is different when it comes to penile stimulation. Some prefer concentration on the glans, and others would much rather have the co- rona lavished with sensation. Some prefer a certain kind of stroke. And preferences can change from time to time, depending on a guy’s mood, his fatigue level, the arousal situation, etc. It is important to be versatile when working with the penis and to check in with your partner about what is working for him at any particular moment.

Myth: Bigger is better.

Penis size is largely a matter of preference. Some people prefer large pe- nises while others would opt for smaller ones during lovemaking. Differ- ent activities also make having a bigger or smaller penis more or less en- joyable or difficult. It really comes down to lovers’ compatibilities, needs, and body types. Ultimately, as long as a man knows how to please his part- ner, stimulating their hot spots in a way that likens him to the gods, his size often becomes secondary in importance.

Myth: Masturbation affects penis size.

Masturbating does not make the penis permanently bigger or smaller.

Rules for Penis Play

• Make sure that your nails are well groomed, with no hangnails or rough edges.
  
• Do not scrape the penis with your teeth.
  
• Most men like a firm touch, so use strong, direct, intense stimulation
  

  —both while getting him erect and while stimulating him once he’s erect. You should also ask him now and again if more or less stimula- tion is needed.
  

• Try varying your fondling action from time to time, recognizing that different touches may create different sensations from one sexual episode to the next. Starting out lightly with gentle, teasing touches
  

  and grazing strokes will help to build anticipation and allow both of you to ease into foreplay.
  

• Make sure he’s comfortable. Having him sit up against a wall or on pillows during manual or oral stimulation will help him to feel more at ease and will make it easier for either of you to touch the entire genital area.
  
• Don’t get discouraged if he loses his erection. It happens on occasion for physical, mental, or emotional reasons. Unless there’s a problem in the relationship that needs to be worked out or he has a physical ailment that needs attention, this reaction is not an indication of your lack of skill in stimulating him or of his being “less of a man.”
  
• Use lube generously, experimenting with various types. Some may have a more numbing effect than others—it all comes down to per- sonal preference. In addition to water- or silicone-based lubes that have a smooth, comfortable effect, you can use your own spit or any pre-cum he emits during stimulation. Oil-based products such as baby oil and Vaseline—as well as slick, greasy lubes like Elbow Grease, ID Cream, and Boy Butter—are also options, but only if you’re not going to use latex forms of protection, since oil can cause latex condoms, gloves, and dental dams to deteriorate. Oil-based products can also stain your sheets and other fabrics and are pretty
  

  hard to clean up. With the use of most oil-based lubes, the penis will need to be cleaned before penetrating the vagina, because these lubes are not good for the vagina’s chemistry (this isn’t a concern with plain petroleum jelly or unscented mineral oil, but be reminded that even these products break down latex barriers).
  

• Communicate with each other! Every man is unique in his likes and dislikes. What may have worked for one may not fly with this one, and only he can tell you what feels good and how things can feel even better.
  
• Masturbate! Get to know your penis if you don’t already. Take the time to learn what turns you on—the pressure, stimulation, and sen- sations your penis reacts to—so that you can later share this info in the sack with someone special. It’s good to know what your body
  

  likes under various circumstances so that you can teach your lover about your needs and can understand your reactions; for example, how your arousal and sexual-response cycle are affected after a few drinks or an intense workout.
  

  • Don’t get so enchanted by your own penis that you miss out on your lover’s reactions to getting your motor going. Many partners love playing with the penis! Enjoy watching your lover get excited as they bring your member to life, worshipping it until you rumble with hot- spring reactions.
    
  • As a courtesy, and as a safer-sex must, give your partner a heads-up that you’re about to come, allowing your partner the option to spit or swallow.
    
  • If you’re the one being pleasured, do not force your penis deeper into your partner’s mouth unless they have given you the okay to do so. This can be very uncomfortable and can make a person feel like they are choking or having an “I’m-about-to-throw-up” reaction.