True North (7 page)

I dumped out my bag and found my jeans, black tank top and my zip-up black running jacket and laid them on the bed with my undergarments. I cracked a smile, thinking back to how I’d announced I wasn’t wearing any last night.

“
What the hell? They’ve all played that stupid game before. I don’t know why Jules and I are the exception to everything!” I muttered aloud.
At least I didn’t take off an article of clothing and dance on the table—
I’d seen others do it.

The plush white carpet was soft and thick under my bare feet as I made my way into my bathroom. It was luxurious not to have to share. I glanced to see how awful I looked and came undone.

A piece of paper was hanging on the mirror, held on by a slice of duct tape. At first I thought it was going to say—
jiggle the handle after you flush—
or some stupid practical joke like—
Hey, Liv!
No dropping feminine products into the toilet
—I wouldn’t have put it past Sam. But it wasn’t any of those things.

It was song lyrics. And on the counter was my mp3 player. No, I hadn’t in a drunken stupor written myself a song or listened to my playlist. I turned the mp3 player on, and it was preprogrammed to play the song the lyrics were from—Crossfade’s “Cold.”

I tentatively put the earbuds in and realized whoever did this must have turned down the volume because I usually had it up pretty high for running. It was set on three.

I checked the back of the paper, but there was no signature. I flashed back to four years ago when Jake gave me my necklace wrapped in a Seether song.

I had no doubt who it was from.

I sat on the edge of the tiled Jacuzzi tub and listened while I followed along with the words. The song was a perfect apology. Was this really how Jake saw himself? As someone who was screwed up with no hope? And this was his plea for forgiveness for being so cold?

Three minutes and twenty-six seconds later tears were streaming down my face.

After I was showered and dressed I sent a text to Jules—yes from the bathroom—to see if Jake had come back. He hadn’t.

My other issue? Did I still want to escape or should I stick around and see what happened if he came back?

Forgiveness was complicated and so was Jake.

Instead of doing anything, I chose the procrastination-passive-aggressive route and lay back on the bed listening to “Cold”—Jake’s apology—over and over again.

The idea that I was what got him by made me feel like he was singing it to me. I had to formulate a plan, and I had to figure out what was going on in the first place.

Jules and Nate both said Jake hadn’t been himself since he’d gotten back.

I could attest to the fact that, behind his eyes, was a dark cloud that had never been there before.

He’d confessed to being an a-hole and felt like he didn’t belong in his own home—this home was his world …

Before I could take the thoughts further I heard someone pull into the driveway. I dreaded seeing Jake at the same time that I hoped it was him. Once he was here the decision would have been made. I got up and went to the window. I pulled the curtain back and saw Caleb’s Dodge Ram truck.

I silently cursed. I hated that I had to be back on campus Monday … it was too soon, and I seriously considered feigning illness for the week. Nate would be majorly pissed, but he wouldn’t find out until after the fact. I put that idea on the back burner, slipped on my boots and tied my jacket around my waist. I couldn’t hide in here all day.

Jules said I was badass and that my actions had put us on an equal level with the guys. I had to remind myself of this as I gripped the doorknob. I held up my chin and put on my best game face as I sauntered downstairs into the kitchen.

Caleb was pouring himself a glass of orange juice. “Jesus, Livie, you really know how to create havoc don’t you?” When he looked up, his eye had a wicked shiner.

I bit my lip. “Sorry.”

“
Sorry, nothing.” He came by and ruffled my hair.
Yeah, right, out of the little sister club.
“Jake’s been a charge ready to blow for a while now.”

I grabbed a mug and filled it with ice. “What do you mean—for a while now?” I took the OJ from him.

Caleb looked at Nate, who was stuffing his face with toaster waffles, then to Sam.

“
What?! It’s a question, Caleb. Do you really need to call for backup?” I lifted a waffle from Nate’s plate as he growled at me and leaned back against the sink. Jules kept flicking her eyes between all of us.

“
For Christ sake, we should have told her a long freaking time ago,” Nate mumbled between bites.

“
Oh my God, what have you been keeping from me?” Now I was getting mad.

“
Chill.” Caleb lifted his hands in a truce. “I don’t know everything, none of us do.”

Now I was scared.

He continued, “A few years ago something happened while he was in Afghanistan, but he won’t talk about it.”

“
He hasn’t confided in any of you?” That didn’t sound like Jake.

“
We couldn’t get the base doctors or commanders to tell us jack-shit either,” Caleb confessed. “Everything was confidential and top secret or some shit.”

“
Was he injured?” I asked.

“
He flashed a couple of battle scars at us once when he was sloshed but wouldn’t tell us how he got them,” Sam put in before he drained his coffee cup.

“
Okay … so no serious, life-altering injuries?” I was thinking limb damage; I’d seen enough pictures of soldiers coming home in wheelchairs or with artificial limbs.

“
Jake won’t even let us bring it up,” Nate said.

We all jumped when we heard the front door open and close.

I thought of making a mad dash for the back door, but it was too late. Jake walked into the kitchen, and I thought I’d turn into a puddle. He was wearing a pair of faded blue jeans, a black fitted t-shirt and a leather jacket for riding. Did he have to be so hot even when he wasn’t trying? And could I make my brain work like a normal person’s when he was around?

I started to open my mouth and decided better of it. I tried to remind myself it wasn’t my job to fill the blank space.

“
Want some juice?” I reached out my arm and offered him mine. So much for shutting my mouth or acting like a normal person.

He smiled a little sadly. “I could go for a cup of coffee.”

Sam piped up. “I’m closest. Still cream and sugar?”

“
Black.”

Sam poured him a cup. “So, what’s the plan, guys?” Sam rubbed his hand together like the devil.

“
Nate and I have to go back to work. We don’t get a vacation like your lazy student ass,” Caleb jeered.

“
Whatever.” Sam was unfazed. “I’m going to play a set at Wild’s tonight. You guys need to show up.”

“
Who’s playing back-up band?” Nate’s interest was obviously piqued.

“
There’s a house band, but I could really use
you
on drums, buddy.”

“
Cool. Bet your ass I’ll be there. What time?” Nate got up and followed Caleb to the door. They each grabbed their Carhardt jackets.

“
Nine p.m. sharp,” Sam said.

“
I’ll be back early this evening,” Nate said excitedly, and Caleb shot him a look full of daggers. “We can go over the set list.”

“
Caleb, you’re coming too, right? It’s my only chance to show you guys some new songs before I have to head back to Seattle,” Sam reminded Caleb. I could tell he was just trying to get him off Nate’s back.

“
Of course I will.” He shook his head, and he and Nate took off.

“
Well,”—Sam folded his last waffle and jammed the entire thing into his mouth—“IFGOTAGOPACTISH.” And he took off towards his room.

Jake, Jules and I were the only ones left in the kitchen. Jules had, at some point during the conversation, sat up on the countertop. Jake was still on the other side of the counter, looking more like a bystander than part of the family, and I leaned over the counter toward him, still resting against the sink. An awkward silence settled over the three of us.

“
Can you believe my Lit professor gave me homework over the weekend vacay?” Jules rolled her eyes and blew out a stream of air that lifted the bangs over her right eye. She hopped off the counter and gave me and Jake each a quick peck on our cheeks before she skipped out of the room.

I couldn’t decide if I wanted to thank her or smack her. Traitor.

“
Did you get a chance to eat yet?” Jake asked me, indicating the half-eaten waffles stuck to syrupy plates.

I laughed lightly. “I had a few bites. My stomach wasn’t much into it.” Saying it made me think back to last night, and I felt a twinge of both resentment and guilt. Gotta love conflicting emotions.

“
Got any plans for the day?” he asked, now meeting my eyes.

Lie!
“Nothing solid.”
Dammit! Smooth, Liv.

“
Want to go for a ride?”

Do I want to breathe and eat and live???
“I don’t know? Is there an extra helmet somewhere around here?”

“
You can use mine.”

He was killing me with eye contact!
Can you die from eye contact?

“
Are you going to play daredevil and scare me half to death like that time you took me down the mountain on the ATV?” Even with his apology song, he’d still behaved like a prick last night. I couldn’t appear too eager.

“
Liv, I promise I’ll only go as fast or slow as you want me to.” I wasn’t sure if we were both talking about driving speed.

Breathless.
I managed to nod. “‘K.”

He came around the counter next to me. “It’s colder out there today. You can wear my jacket … it’s preheated and has riding armor.”

Preheated, yeah.

He unzipped his jacket the rest of the way and pulled it down over his shoulders, and I was mesmerized by my private mini strip-session. Both of his arms were covered with full sleeve tattoos. They looked mainly like a tribal pattern in black, but woven in the patterns were small splashes of colorful pictures, winding a variety of things into a masterful collage. As an art student I wanted to take the time to study them; as a girl crushing hard I wanted to know what each one meant.

You’ll want your running jacket on underneath.” He was right. I nodded and put it on.

He got as close to me as we’d been last night when we were dancing and put his arms around me with the jacket in his hands. I brought my arms back a bit to find the sleeves and he pulled it up over my shoulders. It was so warm from his body heat and infused with his scent. I was intoxicated.

He engaged the zipper at the bottom and pulled it up to my chest. Every muscle tensed.

“
What are you going to wear?” I exhaled.

“
I have four brothers; I’ll find a coat.” He grinned. It was natural and put me at ease. “You haven’t even seen it yet, have you?”

“
The bike? Nope.”

“
Then come on,” he purred, and I could have sworn he started to reach for my hand but pulled back.

We went through the hallway, and he grabbed a spare leather jacket before we headed outside.

“
You got yourself a Victory Judge!” I ran my fingertips along the Nuclear Sunset body. “Six speed transmission, one hundred pounds of torque with a 6-V twin—Jake, she’s a beauty.”

“
Still checking out American muscle,” he stated proudly.

His double meaning wasn’t lost on me, and I blushed.

He straddled the bike and twisted around to offer me his helmet. His position, the curve of his waist, the look of anticipation in his eyes; my head swam with all of the possibilities of this situation: danger, speed, sensuality and confusion. I knew that once I wrapped my arms around his waist I accepted all of it, in any measure. I took a steadying breath and situated myself on the seat behind him as he started the engine.

The bike’s vibration shot through my core. My entire nervous system was alight with the combination of the bike’s trembling and the sensation of Jake North cozied up against my open legs.

“
Hang on tight, Livie.”

Between his commanding request and the sound of my name rolling so sexily off his tongue, I melted. Keeping it together this close to him was going to take a serious effort.

He pulled forward. The momentum made me squeeze him harder. My nose and mouth lingered in the heat from the back of his neck. His scent filled me with a longing to trace my lips over the soft stretch of his muscle. He must have felt my breath because he tipped his head back to look at me just for a moment. The smooth smile that stole his expression made me think maybe he felt it too.

I didn’t care where we were going or that no one knew we had taken off. I only cared about the euphoria of his proximity, the feel of the leather, bone and muscle under my hands and in my arms.

He turned his face so I could hear him. “Tell me if you like the music?” The hazelnut coffee on his breath was pleasant, and I dreamt about the taste of his lips. He turned on his bike’s sound system.

I was completely caught up in the rush of the wind and music around us as we were pressed close against each other. I took it all in—the open, bright blue sky above us against the green and gold grasses of the sprawling prairies around us—and the beautiful disbelief and impossible reality of the “
us”
in all of it.

The music I hadn’t heard before. It was a male lead and the songs were emotional with a hard edge.

“
I love it!”
I love you.
“Who’s the band?”

“
My Darkest Days,” he said thickly. “I thought you’d like them.”

I paid closer attention to the lyrics since it seemed to me that it was easier for him to speak to me through the words of songs. Of course this train of contemplation put me on a fast track to a thousand more questions: were these random songs he was playing now? Did he set up a playlist in a specific order that would tell me what he wanted me to know—like a code—like the song on the mirror this morning? Or was the poor guy really just having me listen to a new band he liked?