Unbearable Desire (Paranormal Bear Shifter Romance) (Bear Valley Clan Book 1) (4 page)

The fuck? The fuck did I just see? What the fuck is happening?

I sprinted through the forest, bursting out into the field. My pumping legs carried me across the spring grass and headlong up the stairs onto the porch.

It was only there that I finally turned to look behind me.

The strange man hadn't followed.  I don't know if I wanted him to or not. After all, I was probably going crazy. I was losing my mind up here. That was the only explanation as to why I was so frightened of an oddly dressed hiker.

An oddly dressed hiker with amber eyes, who had looked at me just like a bear.

It was the way he had bowed his head and backed up the minute I had ordered him to go away. It was the way he lifted his amber eyes so that they shone at me through a lock of his jet-black hair.  The memory of my encounter with the bear came flooding back the minute I had spied the hiker in the first place. That was why I had frozen in fear.

But just like with the bear, I was curious about this man.

The first thing I had noticed, aside from his shoulder length black hair and chiseled features, was the strange style of his clothes. The avocado green flannel shirt had wide, unfashionable lapels and it clung too closely to his broad chest. It was made for someone smaller, someone older.

It looked exactly like a shirt I remembered my grandfather wearing when I was small.

The next thing I had noticed was his oddly formal way of speaking. He didn't talk like anyone I had met before. I wondered if it was some strange, Pechin Valley accent. But he didn't sound like the owner of the market,or my grandmother for that matter. He sounded like a foreigner who was translating in his head.

When I slipped, the speed at which he crossed the stream was unnerving. But what was more unnerving was the sight of his unashamed nakedness.

I paused on the porch and bent my head down, placing my hands on my knees. The blood was still rushing through my body from my impromptu sprint, but that was not why I was suddenly hot all over.

When the hiker had grabbed my hand, I had to turn my head. It was the only way I wouldn't start drooling on the spot. The man looked like some master sculptor had chiseled him. His bronzed body was all ridges and valleys, broad and powerful as the mountain itself.  Even my quick glimpse told me everything I could ever know about desire, from the wiry thatch of hair nestled between his pecs to the rippling muscles of his abdomen right down to that swinging perfection that hung between his legs.

And the way he had looked at me... the intimacy of his gaze was what unnerved me, almost as much as his unconscious echo of the bear's submissive actions weeks before. He looked at me like I was something precious to him. It was tender and loving, but protective. It scared me to have a strange man look at me with such feeling. 

Tragedy has always seemed to stalk my family.  From my grandfather's disappearance, my parents' divorce that led to me disavowing my father and taking my mother's maiden name as my own, her sudden, untimely death and now my grandmother's slow decline, there was never a time when I could poke my head up from our drama to be able to take stock of the world around me. Relationships flared brightly, and then were snuffed out by the choking stranglehold of my duties as a Palmer. If a man had ever had these sorts of tender, protective feelings about me, I would have barely had time to notice.

But I had noticed the hiker's intentions. For some reason his feelings were quite clear to me. Like I had an open channel to understanding his thoughts.

This frightened me too.I pushed my way through the door and peeled off my muddy clothes. I hurried to the small alcove I had been using as a bedroom and changed into something warm and dry. Moving to the kitchen, I put the kettle on for a cup of tea.

The silence of the house was louder than it should have been.  The hair on the back of my neck was already standing up before I even knew what was missing.

"Gran?"

There was no sign of her faint snores. No gentle sipping of breath from her gently parted lips.  Her head was lolled to the side, but the rise and fall of her frail shoulders had ceased. And when I pressed my hand to her cheek, it was cool. 

And when I screamed her name and clutched her to my chest, she only sagged forward, dead in my arms.

As Kai lumbered slowly back to the den, he tried to understand the heaviness that was ringing his heart.  Each step away from Noelle seemed to be agony.  Each footfall grew harder and harder, like he was pulling taut against some invisible band that threatened to snap him back to his place by her side. Though she had told him quite clearly that she wanted him to leave, that connection that had been forged the moment he held her hand in his own was still demanding that he stay close by.

He tried to pull against the tether, but it held him fast, until finally he gave up and stopped trying. Standing stock still in the forest, he lifted his shaggy head and sniffed the air, searching for Noelle's scent on the breeze.

And what he sensed there was pure sorrow and heartbreak.

The taste of her agony flooded his mouth, sending flashes of panic through his own veins. His bear took over instantly, the animal instinct sending him headlong through the forest to be with his mate.  Every sense he had demanded that he be at her side, comforting her.

It wasn't until he reached the field outside of her cabin that he remembered to shift back into his human form.  And to put his clothes back on.

Her sobs were quiet, but his sensitive ears could detect them even across the expanse of the field.  Clouds were rolling in off the mountain peak, heralding a late-spring thunderstorm. It was dangerous to be out in the open when the weather turned. And his mate needed him.

He stepped on to the broad front porch and paused. He had never been in a human dwelling before.
It is a den.
he reminded himself.
A den for humans, that is all.
His instinctive fear diminished.
It is a cozy den,
he decided.
Nothing taboo about it.

Besides Noelle's heady scent in the air, there was also something deeper, something old and magical about this place that stirred his bear's deep memory.  He touched the wood and received flashes of the tree it once was, felled by hand by a man's hard work.

In spite of the reassurances from the place itself, the taboo on entering a human's dwelling was still so strong that he could barely bring himself to touch the door.  He raised his fist, intending to beat it down, and only succeeded in slamming his hand ineffectually against the wood.

The door burst open and Noelle's tear-streaked, shocked face stared back at him. "What the fuck?" she sobbed.

Kai felt her fear; her grief and her anger at being disturbed hit him all at once. He ducked his head. "I am sorry to bother you.  But it seemed to me that you needed some help.  May I assist you?"

Noelle wiped her nose on the back of her hand and then buried her face into her open palms. Kai caught her as she pitched forward; her wrenching sobs robbing her of her ability to speak.  She could only shudder against his chest as he held them both upright.

"My name is Kai," he whispered, brushing her hair back from her tearstained face. "I will stay with you."

The rain was coming down in sheets and the lightning was flickering so rapidly that outside of the cabin windows it looked like a strobe light was flashing.

Inside the cabin was much more tranquil.

I didn't know why Kai had come back to me after I ran from him like that, but in the moment I was grateful for his presence. His heavy footfalls in the kitchen, the clatter of plates and glasses in the sink, even the low, rushing sound of his breath all comforted me as I lay in my alcove and watched the storm rage outside. I hadn't realized how much I needed to hear the sound of another person in the cabin with me. It helped me deal with the horror of what was coming next.

I had called the ambulance hours ago, but the storm had made the road up to the cabin too dangerous. They said they would come for my Gran as soon as they could. I had hiccuped a laugh when they said that, my frayed nerves stretched to their breaking point. "It's fine!" I half shouted, half sobbed. "Not like she's going anywhere!"

Then I hung up the phone and sobbed while Kai silently stroked my back.

"You should lie down and rest," he told me. "I will prepare some food."

If anyone else had told me to leave, I would have shrieked at them for interfering. If Gabby were here, I would have screamed that I needed to stay with Gran in death since I hadn't been here for her actual passing. The guilt weighed on me fiercely.  In spite of my commitment, in spite of my lip service to doing my duty, in the end, my Gran had still died alone, with no one there to hold her hand.  I had cried myself raw but the hurt still boiled in my stomach.

But when Kai told me to go lie down, I did. For some reason it was easy to believe that he was doing what was best for me.  I went to my alcove meekly, and allowed him to tuck the covers up to my chin and rub my hair back from my face again. He had been doing that since I allowed him into the house, just brushing my hair away from my eyes like he was trying to see me clearly. 

Like he was making sure I could see him clearly.That tenderness in his eyes didn't seem quite so unnerving now that I needed the comfort.  So when he touched me, I closed my eyes against the dry warmth of his palm, feeling an immense wave of safety. I had just met him, but he somehow made me feel protected.

When he left to go work in the kitchen, I opened my eyes again and stared at the rain-spattered window. The wild grief was starting to make way for planning and preparations. The ambulance would transport Gran's body, then the funeral home would take it from there. Preparations had been made years ago, so all that remained of my duty as a Palmer was to carry her ashes back up the mountain and scatter them around the wild place she had called home for nearly sixty years. Once she had come up here in life, she never went back down again, and now her commitment to this land would endure even in death.

What hurt the most was knowing that the cabin would now sit empty.

I would need to talk with Gabby. Three generations of Palmers had lived in this house, but there was not another generation of us rising. Gabby and I were both single, a fact that wouldn't exactly change if we stayed up in this remote place, alone. I reached out a hand and touched the wall, a rough-hewn log my grandfather had felled himself. There was something about this place that was in my soul in spite of the loneliness.  No other place in the world had ever felt so much like home.

A shadow fell across the wall and I turned from the window to see Kai standing before me. From my vantage point on the mattress on the floor, he looked even larger.  But his size was comforting now, not frightening.  He was real and substantial, living flesh and blood.

"Hi," I smiled at him. "I never thanked you for coming back."

"You are welcome," he answered in that strange, formal way.

I propped myself up on my elbow and looked up at him. "Why did you come back?"

Kai sniffed a little and I sensed his hesitation. He wanted to tell me something but wasn't sure how I'd react. "Never mind," I held up a hand. "You don't have to tell me, I'm just glad someone is here right now."

Kai exhaled slightly in relief, and I realized once again how easily I could read his feelings.  I didn't even have this strong of a connection to Gabby.

"I prepared you some food," he said, squatting by my mattress.

I leaned over and looked at the strange concoction on the plate. It resembled some sort of beef stew, though I had no idea where he would have procured beef. Fragrant steam wafted to my nostrils and suddenly my appetite came roaring back.

I picked up the fork and dipped it into the thick broth.  "Wow," I said, feeling my eyes go wide as the flavors danced on my tongue.

The stew tasted like how being in the woods felt. That was the only way I could describe it. The tastes, while completely unfamiliar, danced on my tongue and awakened something inside of me.

Without meaning to, I sat bolt upright in bed. "What is this?" I demanded as I shoved the spoonfuls into my mouth as quickly as I could.

Kai's grin was soft but proud. "You like it?"

I couldn't answer because my mouth was stuffed full of stew. I wanted to eat it for the rest of my life. I didn't want there to be a single minute when that delicious stew was not sliding down my throat and enlivening my body.  I just nodded as I spooned every last drop into my mouth.  When the plate had been completely scraped clean, I grabbed it out of his hands and licked up the last dregs, then whimpered when it was finally gone.

"It's an old family recipe," Kai explained.

"I'd like to meet your family!" I gasped, and then clapped my hands over my mouth at my boldness. "Sorry, was that weird? That was weird."

HIs manner was strangely sorrowful as he replied. "I would like for you to meet them too, but I am not certain that would be best."

"Why is that?"

He pressed his lips together and I felt his hesitation again.  The warmth of the stew was flooding through my body, the heat unknotting some of the tension I felt about him. He was caring for me with such tenderness and so far he had asked nothing in return. 

I sensed nothing hostile in his intent, and though I've never been one to completely trust my gut before, with Kai I felt like I could do exactly that. I reached up and slid my hand over his.  He looked down and turned his palm over so that he could clasp mine in return. 

Settling himself down on the floor and setting the plate aside, he reached over and took my other hand in his.  His grip was firm but gentle, and the heat from his skin loosened yet more of the lingering tension inside of me. I began to feel incredible sleepy.

"Because where I come from," he began after such a long pause that I had almost forgotten I had asked a question, “it is a difficult thing to bring in outsiders."

"What are you, in some sort of cult?" That would explain the stilted speech and formal demeanor.

I saw confusion in his eyes.  "I am not certain what that word means."

"Never mind then," I said hastily, afraid of pressing him further.  I wasn't entirely sure I wanted an answer.

"I am from a close family," he clarified. "A family where the whole group must agree to the presence of a newcomer.

I was about to protest that this was wrong when I thought of my own family.  What was left of us, anyway. We were so insular, so caught up in our own tragedies, that there was little room for anyone outside of our little circle. And I realized how hypocritical it would be of me to condemn this man for living a life that mine rather closely resembled. "My family is, was, close as well.  It is important to belong to something."

Kai smiled a soft smile and squeezed my hands.  "I agree."

For a moment he caught my eyes in his amber gaze and I was held there, fixed upon his face.  I felt something shift inside of me, and then the strangest sensation of crawling and vibrating, like my skin couldn't hold me any more.

I shuddered and the feeling passed, but the antsiness remained.. "How freaking long is it going to take for the ambulance to get here? Are they going to leave her overnight?"

Kai stood up and looked out the window. 'The rain will ease soon," he declared with certainty.

"How do you know that?"

He looked down with his strange amber eyes. "I spend a lot of time out of doors."

"Is that something your family does as well?"

"Yes." He cocked his head and turned towards the door. "They are coming."

"I don’t hear anything," I protested, and then I suddenly did. The rumbling crunch of wheels on gravel.

"Oh god," I gasped.

Kai was at my side immediately. "What is wrong?" he asked, crouching low, his forehead creased with concern.

I felt my heart speeding up and my breath began coming in short shallow gasps. "It's just, they're taking her away. That means she's really gone.  This is really happening."

He put his hand to my head and pulled me to his warm, unyielding chest. The noise of the storm crashed around us, the approaching ambulance banged across the field, but the sound of his heart thumping sure and slow was louder still.  I nestled my head close and pulled his arm around my other ear, drowning out all of the other sounds besides his heart, his breath and his nearness.

The surrender started at my heart and spread outward as the rhythm slowed and matched his.  Letting him cradle me this way, listening to his heart beating louder than the chaos that approached, I found myself clinging to him, holding him just as closely as he held me. 

My body was surrendering to him and with it a need was arising. A need to have him near me, a need to know what his lips tasted like, a need to have him tell me things about myself that I knew to be true in my heart. I needed to know more about this man and I needed to know that he would always look at me with that tenderness in his eyes.  Because now that I had seen it, I was afraid I had been utterly changed by it.  Now that I knew it existed, it was a necessary as breathing.

The ambulance noises ceased, and loud boots sounded on the porch.  "I will direct them," Kai murmured, pressing his lips to my hair as he spoke.

"No," I sighed, pulling back from him.  "I have to do it, it's my duty to her."

"Then I will be here until you are through,"

The banging on the door thundered louder than the peals overhead.  Kai put his hand in the small of my back, both propelling me forward and keeping me upright at the same time.

"Miss Palmer?" The EMT looked harried.  I can only imagine what it took for them to get up the mountain in this storm. 

"I'm Noelle Palmer," I nodded, surprised at how steady my voice was.  I suspected it had something to do with Kai's hand on my back. "My grandmother is over here."

The men filed in.  When I saw the stretcher, I felt my mouth go slack. I hadn't even realized I was staring until Kai gently took my face into his hands.  "You do not need to look," he told me.

"How?"

"Watch me." His tone was low and even. "Watch my face. Do not look unless they call you."

"But I have to...."

"Noelle." His voice snapped me back to his face.  His lips were right there. They looked soft and safe.  I stared at them, watching them move as he spoke. "You do not have to do anything more." With a gentle tug, he guided me right into his warm arms that folded up around me like they had been made for me and me alone. I buried my face in the crook of his arm and he squeezed a little to block out the sounds of movement in the other room.

"Don't go back to your tent, Kai," I whispered.

"I won't."

"Thank you,"

He didn't answer. I felt him brush my hair back from my face.  And then the gentlest touch of his lips as they brushed across my forehead, as light and precious as a butterfly alighting on my skin.