Underneath It All (13 page)

***

The drive to the university was filled with silence, except for the music coming from the radio. Vacation was over, and my relationship with Reeve was coming to an end, or so I thought.

The rest of the trip was pretty quiet from there on. Reeve was the only thought running through my mind at that moment.
Are Reeve and I still together? Where does our relationship stand? Who is Lucy?

I shook the last thought out of my head not able to bear the thought of him seeing someone other than myself.

“Here we are,” I heard Mikael say beside me while I looked up to see us stopped in front of the university. “I…I’m sorry,” he said at last with genuine sincerity in his eyes. “I shouldn’t have…I just thought,” he trailed off. “I was stupid,” he finally got out. “I know things between you and Reeve will be a little more complicated.” He shook his head. “We were caught up in the moment, Agata. Things got out of hand. I should have used prote—”

“Hey,” I rested my hand gently on his shoulder. We both shared unspoken words while searching each other’s eyes. “I’ll see you at dinner. Dad wants us to come home tonight.”

I was walking toward the door after our class in molecular and cell biology when Tats called me. She cocked an eyebrow at my direction, and Raven even asked if everything was all right. I gave what was obviously a forced smile, saying there was no need to worry, and that I was fine. No one was fooled, though, as anyone who had any common sense could easily tell I wasn’t fine. Apple gave me a concerned look but didn’t press any further.

“You looked really off today.” Tats said. Raven and Apple emerged from behind and with the look on their faces, I knew what they’d been up to.

We made our way to the rooftop as fast we could. Raven pulled out cans of Heineken beer out of her backpack and defiantly twisted the top off.

“Anyone?” she asked, and handed us our beers. “Gats, are you okay?” Raven asked softly, standing beside me.

“I’m okay,” I shrugged. “Just a little vacation blues, I guess.”

“What’s up with you and your lover boy, Gats?” Apple asked.

“Do not bitch at me ’cause I’m not in the mood, Apple,” I warned her.

“Right back at you, judgy. Can I just ask a friend how she is? Gats, you don’t have to pretend you’re okay. You have friends who care about you,” Apple said and gulped her beer.

I remained silent.

“What happened on your Maldives escape?” Tats inquired, trying to lighten up my mood.

“We really had a good time, everything went as expected or better. It was truly an exceptional experience. It was the best week of my life,” I replied, trying to disguise the trembling tone of my voice. “Everything was like a dream; except when we got back to my parents’ to celebrate Thanksgiving, the dreams turned to nightmares.”

“What do you mean?” Raven asked.

“Mik brought his girlfriend on the eve of Thanksgiving, same as I brought Reeve. The problem was Mik’s girlfriend happened to be Reeve’s sister, who also happens to be pregnant with my brother’s baby.” Each word that came out of my mouth brought tears to my eyes.

“Holy crap,” commented Apple.

“The thing is Reeve didn’t say a word to me when he left. No text. No phone call. I was left wondering where our relationship stands.” I let out a huge cry I was holding.

“Fine. He was devastated by the news but he couldn’t let this shit get in the way of your relationship,” said Raven. “And he left without saying anything at all? Huh! If he texts you when he’s bored, ignore it like you’re busy, okay?” Raven downed the can of Heineken, opened another can, and immediately drank it.

“Maybe I just expected too much.”

“That sucks, Gats.” Tatiana came up to me and hugged me tightly. Raven and Apple did the same and the three of us let the day pass in a blur.

The rest of the school days seemed to drag on forever. Today was the last day of the fall term. Reeve hadn’t reported to his office since the Thanksgiving recess ended.

I tried to reach him but all my messages went to his voicemail. I checked his house and it was locked.

Where do I go from here?
He couldn’t possibly give up on us that easily. I tried to convince myself.

I decided to talk to President Gates. I knocked on the door of his office and stepped in when I heard him say, “Come in.” He was sitting on his swivel chair behind his desk, looking down at some papers.

“Ms. Ferrero.” President Gates looked up when I came in. “Please, sit down.”

“I need to speak with you, sir, if you don’t mind.”

“Is it because of Rogue or Reeve?” He pushed up his glasses and leaned back to his swivel chair.

“Both,” I answered, keeping my gaze on the floor.

“Reeve drove Rogue to my house after what happened the night of Thanksgiving, then he drove off. I haven’t seen him since then.”

“You already know what happened then.”

“I knew what happened between your brother and my daughter. Rogue confessed to me a couple of weeks ago. She was afraid of Reeve more than she was afraid that I might get upset when I learned about her pregnancy.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” I muttered when I met his gaze.

“It wasn’t your fault, Agata.” He smiled weakly at me.

“Sir, can I ask you something?” He nodded. “Rogue mentioned someone by the name of Lucy, that she’s not going to let anything happen to her baby like what Lucy did. Reeve reacted when he heard the name. Do you know her?” I finally mustered up the courage to ask him the question that bugged me insanely these past few days.

“Lucy…” Mr. President’s expression changed and he straightened on his seat. He took a deep breath before saying something. “Lucinda Pierce is my ex-wife. She was the mother Reeve knew and grew up with. She was found dead three years ago, carrying his baby.”

Chapter XV

Dead Ringer

I clasped my mouth with my hand, completely shocked. I felt my stomach churn. I wanted to throw up right then, even worse than before. I couldn’t wrap my head around something so terrible.

I didn’t know how to react to what I heard. I didn’t really understand what President Gates just told me. My head was a complete mess and my heart felt like it was being stabbed repeatedly with a sharp object.

“I’m sorry.” President Gates smiled weakly, reaching out and touching my hand lightly. “I shouldn’t have told you anything about it.”

“I don’t understand…” I had to bite down hard on my tongue to keep from protesting out loud. “How did it happen? Tell me, please. I need to know,” I asked, looking up at him. He hesitated for a moment, then he let go of my hand and stood up from his seat.

“I don’t know either,” his voice muffled a little as he looked out of the window. “I left him in his stepmother’s care, and he lived with her until I found the courage to show up and take custody after fifteen years.”

The silence now sat oppressively between the two of us. I felt myself stiffen; my hand going a little limp.

“You abandoned your child under the care of his stepmother?” I was completely dumbfounded and utterly confused.

Heaving a weary sigh, he nevertheless continued to gaze out of the window.

“I was never a good father to him and to Rogue, and now he’s paying the price for all my mistakes. I was young back then. I was careless, immature, and very irrational. I really made terrible mistakes,” he whispered, his voice cracked a like a nervous thirteen-year-old boy. “I messed things up royally with my children, and it frightens me to think that it might be beyond repair,” he continued.

“You can either mourn the past or create a way to make it right,” I said flatly, my tone icy and cold.

“Do not tell me what to do, Ms. Ferrero. You don’t have any idea what I’ve been through.”

“If you think I have been unfair in what I said, by all means try to persuade me to change my mind. But you won’t do it by simply saying I don’t understand.”

He turned around and sat in front of me. His gaze traveled across the leather seat in front over to me.

“Amanda, Reeve’s mom, means a lot to me. I got her pregnant when I was just seventeen. In all our two years together, she showed me nothing but love and loyalty, as well as being a wonderful mother to Reeve. For me, she was the most beautiful thing there was.”

I turned to look at him and his emerald eyes were full of sadness and pain.

“Then I met Lucy. We were assigned to work on a project together and found ourselves becoming close. I felt sparks and butterflies. I admit I was selfish, egotistical and flattered by another woman’s interest in me, the way she listened to me, and appeared to admire me. I realize this makes me sound incredibly immature, and like a lot of men, I probably was.”

“So you left Reeve’s mom for Lucy?” My voice began to crack and stutter, my nerves getting the best of me. He nodded. “T-then what made you leave Lucy too?”

“That was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, Agata. Just when everything started to get better I fucked it all up again and I made even more bad choices,” he said as he shook his head and massaged his temple, as if the memories of the past were internally berating him. “I went my way forging ahead in my career, but I got behind. My family’s business was going down. Lucy stopped modeling when we started living together, we were struggling to survive…” He paused and took in a deep breath. “…then I met Diana Litchfield, and she provided me with everything I wanted, everything I needed.”

“Diana Litchfield? The late Mrs. Gates?”

He nodded.

“Lucy was oblivious about the affair. In all ten years I was hardly home and I kept the affair from her. She took care of and loved Reeve just like her own. Little did she know I was with my other family on the other side of the country. When I got Lucy pregnant with Rogue that’s when Diana learned about Lucy. I had to choose. Eventually, I left them…for good. Reeve was about twelve at that time and Rogue was only a couple of months old.”

“What?” I shrieked in dismay. That was rather depressing news. Words couldn’t describe how shocked I was. I was totally disgusted with this man who was sitting right in front me. This man wasn’t the respect-worthy person he was before. My admiration, gratitude, and respect seemed to vanish into thin air. I was trying to hold back my tears, but I just fell apart. I was angry at him, angry for Reeve.

He stood up from the leather seat and returned to his desk.

“They never heard from me for a long time.”

She was found dead with Reeve’s child.

I shivered, swallowing hard. I shifted uncomfortably on my seat.

“What kind of father are you?” I hissed through gritted teeth. I didn’t even care that I was talking to the president of our university anymore.

“I’m not the one who screwed my stepmother,” he stated.

I stood up from where I was seated with my jaw tightened and fist clenched.

“I can’t believe you.” I felt my tear ducts start to fill again and I blinked them away. “You’re a monster.”

“Am I? From what I heard Reeve fell in love with Lucy. No wonder he fell in love with you too because you look a lot like her. You are incredibly the spitting image of Lucy.”

My mouth fell agape slightly, as if to produce a sound, but nothing escaped it.

I walked out of his office and ran down the hall. I walked away as quickly as I could. I threw open the door of the ladies comfort room and locked myself inside one of its cubicles.

Once I was safely inside of a toilet cubicle, I broke down into tears. It was like there was a big, gaping hole in my chest I could put my hand through. I sat down on the closed lid, crying silently not wanting anyone to hear me crying.

***

As I was sitting at my study desk in the dark corner of my room, trying to make some sense of the events of the day, I found myself trembling and feeling physically ill thinking about Lucy, the woman Reeve was in love with. The woman Reeve thought was his real mother. The woman who died carrying his child.

Was he attracted to me because I’m a dead ringer for Lucy?
It would suck big time if he was and I would hate him for that.

I sighed heavily and slumped back in the chair, staring at the unfinished thesis I was currently struggling with. I couldn’t think very clearly anymore. I still hadn’t seen him since Thanksgiving. I shook my head and put my face in my hands, trying to make the mental images go away.

After another thirty minutes of not getting anything done, I shut my computer off and stood up, grabbing my coat in the process. I had to go see him. I needed answers. I had to go see Reeve.

The door flung open and my friends came in.

“Damn. W-what happened to you?” Apple went over and wrapped her arms tightly around me. I put my head on her shoulder, nuzzling over her vibrant red hair.

“Oh shit, you look like a freak show,” Raven commented.

“I knew you would say that.” I sniffed and wiped my face furiously with the back of my hands. I didn’t notice that my eyes were incredibly blood-shot and puffy from crying and mascara smudges dribbled down my face.

“Gats, I don’t like what I’m seeing right now,” Tats remarked.

“I’ve been weak,” I’d declared. “I’ve been weak and pathetic and an idiot.”

“Gats, you are none of those things. You are amazing,” Apple tried to console me.

“Tell us about it,” Raven demanded.

I told them half of everything that President Gates told me, leaving out the part where Reeve got his stepmother pregnant. I had been completely inconsolable that evening and I kept referring to myself as an idiot, which pained my friends to no end.

They held me when I cried, listened to my angry rants, and gave me words of encouragement over a few bottles of beer.

“God, I want to kill that son of a bitch and wipe that smug expression off his face for good!” Apple shrieked. Her face turned as red as her hair.

“Fuck him! Fuck that asshole and his stupid face!” Tats yelled at one point, before bursting into tears as well. “You mad cow. Remember, we’re here for you. We love you.”

I laughed through my tears. “Shut up, fat-assed bitch. I love you more.”

“Crazy bitches, come here.” Raven pulled us in for a long hug. “Let’s forget about all this shit; we’re going out tonight.”

I agreed, thinking it would be good for me to put myself out there, maybe meet some new people, and have some fun. I wore a short, skin-tight black dress which showed off my figure perfectly and I matched it with killer heels. I let my long brown hair down with its loose curls and my red lipstick finished off my look.

***

I stared across the dark and crowded nightclub as I held a glass of wine in my hand while watching my friends grinding their hips.

The colorful, flashing lights stung at my eyes and the loud music vibrated through my skull.

“You don’t look too thrilled.” A rough masculine voice from behind me nearly made me drop my glass. I pulled it down from my lips, turning to see Kyle. He smiled at me a little before glancing over to where my friends were, in the middle of several other guys I didn’t recognize.

“Kyle.” I freaked out inside and was about to walk away. A nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach crept up. “I-I have to go,” I stuttered, walking off.

I gasped when he grabbed my arm, turning me around. “Agata, wait.” I shot him a look and he let go of my arm. “I know this isn’t the right place, but I’m really sorry.” His warm brown eyes were soft and sincere. I stared into those tantalizing eyes that I used to adore, and I relaxed a little. “I never thought I’d see you around here without your knight in shining armor,” he half shouted in my ear to make sure I heard him over the ridiculously loud music in the club.

I only smirked at him. “I won’t need a knight in shining armor if you’re not going to be an ass.”

I didn’t really want to talk to Kyle or anyone. I was totally over the whole Reeve disappearance, Rogue pregnancy, and Lucy thing but a part of me still had a tiny feeling that would be happy to see him again even though I still hated him after what he did.

“I’m sorry. I swear it won’t happen again.” Suddenly all the amusement and all the mischief had vanished out of his eyes, his voice carrying utter sincerity as he continued, “Please forgive me.”

“Let’s just forget about it,” I yelled over his ear and gave him a small smile.

“Can I buy you a drink?”

“Yeah, that would be nice; thank you.”

Kyle ordered four shots of gunpowder loaded with Bacardi 151 and Sambuca which baristas make by setting fire to the liquor, sprinkling some cinnamon powder over the drink giving it a flaming effect and then trapping the smoke using another glass once the fire disappears. Right after I drank the shot using a straw, I had to inhale the smoke. The crowd got louder with cheers. I immediately felt light-headed as the alcohol burned my throat and heated my body up as the effects took their toll.

“Let’s dance.” Kyle yanked my arm and dragged me to the dance floor.

I was able to get a better look at him in a semi-lighted area. Kyle looked unjustly handsome even in this dim club lighting. He was tall with shaggy hair. He was wearing dark blue washed jeans and a snug fitting white shirt. The shirt clung to him in all the right places, snug around his arms and torso showing off his muscles.

The bass in the music pumped and the strobe lights made my eyes feel funny making my vision a bit blurry around the edges.

Kyle pulled me closer to his body, grabbing me around the waist, which led me flinging my arms around his neck. The alcohol had given me a bit of a buzz. He was a really good dancer, even though he was drunk. The way he moved his hips should be illegal. He knew it too, which made him so confident anyway.

His face was inches away from me. He moved some hair away from my face and said at a volume so I could barely hear him, “You are so beautiful.” His breath smelled of alcohol. His head was moving toward mine and I thought he was going to kiss me, but suddenly someone grabbed Kyle’s arm, twisted it, and punched him in the face, knocking him to the ground.

“Stop it!” I yelled. I stood in between them and shot Reeve a death glare, but he ignored me. I could almost see the smoke coming out of his ears.

Everyone quickly made a circle around the two men making sure there was no escape to run away. Reeve had him pinned to the floor and was close to kneeing him in the crotch before Kyle managed to kick him and get out from underneath his grip.

Kyle’s friends pulled Reeve back. This would not end well for Reeve if I let them throw punches at him. He struggled to break free. Kyle recovered from his momentary daze and punched Reeve in the stomach while the others held him back.