Underneath It All (15 page)

“She was punishing you with your father’s mistake. Why didn’t you leave?” I felt the pain in his eyes like my own and my chest ached as I looked at him.

“She threatened to sell Rogue to a pedophile if I left. I won’t let anyone’s hand touch my sister.” His eyes were dark, flinty and grey, rage and something else marbling the normally sapphire blue.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his head down to my chest.

He pulled slowly and looked away. “I eventually got used to it. You know what surprised me the most? I started to like it. I hated myself for that. I hated myself for the fact that I liked fucking my own mothe—”

“Stop,” I cut him off. “Stop, please.” I told him pressing our foreheads together. I couldn’t bear for him to feel any more pain. The thought that Reeve fucked his own mother sickened me, even though she wasn’t his biological mother. It pained me that the memory, the trauma, and the agony were burned in his mind.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his lips down to mine.

“I thought I had an Oedipus complex just like what a psychologist once told me. I was freed when I found out the truth.” Reeve smiled bitterly. “After years of fucking.”

“D-did you love her?” I mumbled when I finally had the courage to ask.

He nodded.

“All right,” I answered, trying to hide my emotions as best as I could, but I knew he had figured out I was hurt.

He held me closer and soothingly rubbed my back. “I was ready to start a new life with her…with our child.” He closed his eyes and tightened his hold on my body. “But she was crazy. Crazy for Rufus. After all those years she was still madly in love with him. When she found him and he refused to take her back, she killed herself.”

“What?” I gasped.

He let out a shaky breath and raised his hand to touch my face.

“This face…this is the face of the demon that haunts me. This is the face of the demon that sent me to hell, but you gave me a taste of heaven, Agata.”

I squeezed his hand and leaned on it.

“We will fight your demons together,” I assured him, kissed and hugged him tight.

It was an overwhelming feeling. I was happy he trusted me with his past the way I entrusted him with my future. I was completely enamored with him, and I always would be.

Chapter XVII

Fooling Around In The Snow

And Snuggling Day

The sounds of excited yipping and barking woke me that morning.

My eyes fluttered open, adjusting to the bands of brightness shining through the bedroom window. Outside, the wind was wild and uninviting. Slowly, my surroundings came back to me.

Reeve’s dogs proved to be ten times more effective than the alarm clock. They were alternating between chasing each other’s tails and racing over to the window.

Reeve grunted in his sleep and unconsciously tightened his arm around my waist, bringing me closer to him. As my eyes blinked open and my lips turned up into a sleepy smile, warmth spread through my chest.

“Good morning, sunshine,” he said sweetly. I wasn’t the only one who’d been woken up by Conan’s barks.

Our bare feet tangled under the covers as he stared at me. I’d never understood the magic feeling of love like that of Dad toward Mom, but there was something different today. I’d woken with a feeling I’d never believed tangible; I could actually grasp it. Him…my happiness.

I’d never been one to go for someone as difficult as Reeve. I’d once been in a relationship with the exact opposite of everything he was but never did my heart skip a beat. I’d reserved that emotion for one man and one man only, and regardless of the fact that nothing would come of it, I couldn’t bring myself to forget him. He made me angry as hell, disappointed me more than anything had or ever would, but I was a fool if I said I hated him. I could never hate Reeve Gates.

“Good morning,” I snuggled closer.

His eyes were softer and warmer than they’d been before; he must’ve slept well.

When ignored for more than a few minutes, Conan resorted to jumping up on the bed and licking our faces.

“What’s the matter, boy?” Reeve asked the Bullmastiff.

“He seems happy,” I presumed.

Tiny, the Great Dane, continued to bark, looking out the window. Optimus, the Rottweiler growled; though it may have seemed like a happy bark, it sounded scary to me.

Reeve slipped his legs out from the blankets and sat over the edge.

“What’s up with you guys? Are you that hungry you couldn’t wait another minute?” he asked groggily, with his eyes half open.

He walked over to his closet and put on a pair of sweatpants and pulled a sweater over his head.

It took another minute or so for me to figure things out, but after watching how the dogs kept looking toward the window, I finally caught the hint. I slid out of the bed and once I’d pulled the curtains aside, I let out a delighted squeal.

“Oh my gosh, it’s snowiiiiing!”

A flake landed on my cheek and tickled my face. The sun had finally given up for the day and snow had started falling gently outside the window. The wind swirled the snow in beautiful patterns worthy only of this kind of morning.

I stared outside at the snowfall, watching each individual snowflake fall to the ground. Reeve hugged me from behind and kissed my cheek. The way he held me, caressed my face and kissed my head made me feel loved and wanted.

“How’d you sleep?” I asked.

“I’ve never been more rested in my life. You, sleeping beside me, is all I ever need.”

The words he spoke, the way he spoke them with so much emotion, was overwhelming. I fell more in love with him the more I spent time with him. It was not because his rather exceptional physical features were a mask for his emotional weakness, or because his calm, cool, collected, and hard exterior was a cover for his fucked up head and his wounded soul. It was indescribable. The love stuff was strange.

He hadn’t said it back to me yet, and wasn’t sure when he should but I knew it was more than just about the sex. We were getting more serious faster than I probably wanted.

He buried his nose into the space between my shoulder and neck, inhaling deeply.

“I was never one to open up to people, Agata. Not that anyone cared to dig deep enough. Either way, I always wanted them to see me as unbreakable. It just all became too much when I thought of losing you or scaring you away.”

I turned my head to kiss his jaw, my nose nuzzling his cheek tenderly. I turned around, hugging his waist tighter, and willed myself to keep the tears at bay.

I laughed a little. “You thought I’d done a runner?”

“Agata, I don’t have the best track record when it comes to a relationship.”

“Neither do I, Reeve.”

He straightened up and looked down onto me, his nose almost caressing me as he kept his gaze on me, his hand stroking my back up and down in circling motions.

“I can’t stand the thought that I might fuck this up,” he said and inhaled deeply.

“I’m going to promise you this. I won’t run away. I’ll stay and fight for us. This is where I belong, with you.” My voice was quiet and shaky.

He smiled before pressing his lips against mine, teasing me with just enough tongue to leave me needing, my eyes fluttering under the caress of his mouth, almost groaning when he pulled away all too soon.

“Today, I proclaim, is officially ‘Fooling Around In The Snow And Snuggling Day,’” Reeve announced.

“I love this day, Dean.” I angled my face just a little closer, so our noses were brushing together with every slight movement and I could feel Reeve’s breath on my lips.

Once breakfast was finished, we changed into our winter gear. I put on overly large coat and boots that were Reeve’s.

“All right! Let’s do this thing!”

As soon as I stepped out into the snow, I let out a loud “brrr!” and shook myself.

There were only about five inches of snow presently on the ground, and the flakes continued to fall at a steady pace, resting on the snow-covered grass.

I scooped up a handful of snow and hurled it at him.

“Ooooof!” Reeve exclaimed when a snowball hit him while I just looked and giggled.

“You’ll regret that.”

“Hey, hey, hey! I’m your girlfriend remember?”

“You just started a war, sunshine,” he said, his eye glinting with mischief. “I won’t be going easy on you!”

We both bent down and began forming as many snowballs as possible.

“Too bad you’re going to lose; I won’t go easy on you either!” I shouted.

An all-out snowball fight broke out instantly.

Reeve had a bigger snowball in his hands. I gasped, seeing what Reeve had made, then I began running for my life. But I was laughing and heard Reeve laughing behind me too. I tripped, then the huge snowball hit me.

“That’s so big it’s not fair!” I cried.

“All is fair in love and war, baby.” Reeve laughed lightly as he grabbed my hands and helped me up to my feet.

He was caught off guard when I smeared a large heap of snowball in his face. I started laughing so hard. His eyes were closed; his mouth was set in a funny grimace. Comically, he spat out the snow that got into his mouth, and finally opened his eyes, blinking against the snow that was clinging to his eyelashes. He did not make another snowball, but instead playfully chased after me. He finally caught up, and successfully grabbed me and tackled me to the ground.

As we fell over in the snow, laughing, he kissed me lightly, yet hard enough to make me want another. Unmoving, we lay there, lips locked in an embrace.

He set a kiss on my ear and softly whispered, “I want to take you inside and warm you up.” I shivered against him and nodded.

We continued to lie in the snow, but now that we were not running around, the cold was beginning to get to me.

Reeve spoke. “I can’t feel my toes.” We both laughed.

We got to our feet and began walking back toward his house. We shook ourselves off, dislodging chunks of snow and ice from our boots, coats, and hair before going inside. I was shivering as I trudged up the stairs to his bedroom to change into warm clothes and felt a lot better soon after.

Reeve went downstairs before me, presumably to start a fire. And when I walked into the living room, I found he’d already coaxed a fire to life and it was slowly building. He’d laid out a thick blanket in front of the fireplace. Reeve was sitting in the middle, and he smiled when he saw me. He pulled me down to him, and I sat between his legs. Instantly his arms were around me and I put my arms around him too.

His lips descended on my neck and he squeezed me more tightly against him.

“That was fun,” I said after a while.

“Most fun I’ve had in a while,” he admitted.

Reeve swept my hair over my shoulder so that he could kiss my neck.

“How’s your sister?”

Reeve let out a frustrated sigh and I could picture him running a hand through his messy hair. He let out a deep breath to focus before continuing. “She’s fine…for now.”

I raised my eyebrows and jerked my head to stare up into his deep blue eyes.

“What do you mean for now?”

“Rogue was born with a congenital heart disease and had a pacemaker implanted at the age of six.”

“What?” I sagged against Reeve’s chest. I felt tears sting my eyes.

Did I hear him right?

A heart disease.

A congenital heart disease.

A fucking congenital heart disease.

“I was really worried when your brother announced she was pregnant. With her condition, pregnancy was not an option, Agata. She is at high risk of heart failure as the pregnancy continues.”

“Is there anything we can do?” I choked out a sob.

“I don’t know; we’ve done everything for the past several years.” Reeve shook his head. “There is a very real possibility Rogue would not survive delivery.”

“We’re not just talking about her heart; we’re talking about her ability to have a family,” I cried fully.

“Terminating wasn’t an option Rogue could accept, as tests showed the baby was perfectly healthy.”

“Will you let Mikael see her, please?” I pleaded.

He let out a deep, silent breath. His hands cradled my face. “I’ll think about it,” he said softly.

It was almost like a spell; like a force drawing us together, because our lips met and I honestly didn’t remember leaning forward. I didn’t know how my hands ended up in his hair, or how suddenly Reeve was on his feet, my legs wrapped tightly around his waist as he maneuvered us toward the bedroom, still kissing.

We made it to the bedroom. Reeve walked me backwards until I felt the back of my knees hit the bed. I sat down and slowly we made our way to the head of the bed.

Reeve gave me a reassuring smile before he was kissing me again. It was sweet and slow and so incredibly loving. I relaxed almost instantly.

Clothes were shed, the rubber was on, and Reeve seemed to be everywhere. His hands and lips caressed and adored every inch of me, and the sheer amount of tenderness he was showing was almost too much for me to handle.

“Love me,” I whispered against his lips, before pulling back to look him in the eyes. “I want you.” I gave him another kiss. “I want you to make love to me.”

And he did, sending me into a euphoric state that I never wanted to end.

I snuggled closer, pressing my ear against his chest, listening to the soft thumping of his heart.

We fell asleep together, with cold blankets of snow outside, and warm blankets around us inside.