Underneath It All (Sexual Misconduct Volume II) (2 page)

Xander

“
Let me out, Xander!” she screamed at me.

“
No! Not until you listen.”

“
What else is there to say? It’s over. Were done.”

“
He’s fucking with your head. He’s manipulating you.” The panic grew in my chest. All the shots I’d drunk threatened to come back up. I was sweating and my hands were shaking. I was a total fucking wreck.

And all because I was losing her.

I sat up in bed, breathing raggedly. “It’s not real,” I murmured to myself. I needed to reassure myself I wasn’t still in that moment. It was over. Things that happened so many years ago shouldn’t still feel so real.

“
Hey.” A hand touched my bicep. I blinked in the darkness and whispered, “Jessica?”

“
What
? No. Who’s Jessica?”

Avery
.

I sighed and dropped back down to the pillow.
“No one.”

“
Xander?”

“
It’s nothing. Leave it alone.”

She
lay back down, tucking herself under my arm with her head on my chest. This was what I needed. I didn’t need to sleep. I could stay up all fucking night if I could just hold her. It’d been a week since I’d found out who Gabriella was, we were in a good place, and I was pretty sure she was going to keep her mouth shut.

Avery
fidgeted and tapped her fingers on my chest. It wouldn’t take long before the psychiatrist in her took over and she’d start trying to dissect my dreams.

I removed my arm
from around her and sat up, burying my face in my hands and taking a deep breath. “I’m going for a run.”

I got up and started to
pull on my running clothes. I heard her getting off the bed and tried to ignore her when she stood next to me. Distance between us would temporarily suspend the inquisition I knew she was dying to begin.

“
It’s two a.m.”

I shrugged.
“I do it all the time. The running clears my mind, and the added exhaustion helps too.”

“
I’m coming with you.” She went to the bag of clothes she now kept at my place and started rummaging through it.

“
You’re not coming.”

“
Why not?” She spun around with a pair of running shorts in her hand.

“
Because it’s two in the morning. Go back to sleep.”

“
Are you saying you can’t protect me from a stranger in the night?”

“
Maybe I’m the stranger you need protecting from.” I looked over my shoulder at her.

She
puffed out a breath in exasperation. “I’ll take my chances.”

I usually
ran along the pathways in the woods behind the house, but since she insisted on coming along, we left through the front door and ran along the roadside. Amazingly, she kept up and never tried to bring up
the
conversation the whole time.

She broke
that silence two hours later, after we’d showered and eaten an early breakfast. “I could schedule you a session with Matthew.”

I
paused with my glass of orange juice against my lips and glanced at her. “You can’t be serious?”

“
Why not?” She leaned her hip on the counter beside me as I put the glass down.

“
I’m not opening up to your ex-boyfriend.” I grimaced at the thought of it.

“
He’s my friend, and he’s good at what he does.” She touched my bicep and raised an eyebrow.

I gave her a look that said,
There’s no way in fuck I’m opening up to a guy who used to stick his dick in you.

“
You need to talk to someone, Xander.” She huffed, clearly annoyed with my inability to open up.

I leaned back against the counter and crossed my arms, meeting her determined stare.
“It has to be you.”

“
Xander…” She gave me a skeptical look.

“
You want me to open up and tell you about my past, right?” I raised my eyebrows, waiting.

“
But I can’t be your therapist. We can talk as a couple.” She shook her head, running her fingers along the edge of the counter.

“
Yes, you can. I can start coming to your office again, and we’ll pretend we don’t fuck at night.” In her office, I’d be able to pretend I wasn’t so scared of losing her. In her office, I could pretend she’d wear her professional hat and not be judgmental.

“
Fine. I’ll throw professionalism right the out the window. We both know you’re not going to behave.”

“
Only one way to find out. Either way, it will be a satisfying experience for you.” I grinned shamelessly.

“
Why’s that?” She smiled because she knew what I meant. But if she needed me to spell it out…

“
Because you get to come all over your office
and
you get to find out what keeps me up at night.”

Her smile widened
. “You’re right. I do come out on top.”

“
I like you on top.” I reached out and pulled her to me. She wrapped her arm around my waist and I rested my chin on the top of her head.

“
Come to the office,” she said seriously. “Whenever you’re ready.”

I nodded and we stood there holding each other for a long while because things had just changed. I
’d promised to let her in, but I was still afraid she’d run away once she started sinking too far.

Avery

Xander was stalling.

A week
had passed since he agreed to come to my office, and he still hadn’t made the effort to show up. The nightmares weren’t diminishing. He was constantly waking in a cold sweat or trapped in a dream, calling out to someone named Jessica.

I was trying to be patient
, but as his therapist, I was worried about him. As his lover, I wanted to hold him and make it all go away.

I watched him as he leaned against the
windowsill, staring out into the night. His room was dark, but the moon’s incandesce betrayed his handsomely distressed features. He raked a hand through his hair. Even in a tormented state, I couldn’t help but admire his naked beauty. He looked like a dark angel standing in a heavenly beam of light. His inner turmoil was a stain on his soul. If he didn’t open up soon, that stain would spread and taint who he was.

“
Xander?”

He startled
, the muscles in his back tensing before he glanced over his shoulder at me and turned back to the darkness. “You don’t have to babysit me. Go back to sleep.”

“
I’m not babysitting you.”

I
n the past couple weeks, I’d grown into the habit of staying up long hours with Xander. I wasn’t trying to be his watchdog, but I got frustrated for him. His insomnia was worse than I’d expected. I’d often stay up and talk or watch a movie with him until my eyes burned from the lack of sleep. He didn’t want me to sacrifice rest for him, but I couldn’t stop myself. I wanted to help.

Xander turned and slowly stalked back to the bed. I knelt on the edge and reached out
to hold his face in my hands.

“
You can tell me your secrets.
Here
. In the dark where they haunt you.” I slid my hand over his jaw. Confessions were always easier in the night where we could feel shrouded by its darkness. He leaned his forehead against mine, his sad green eyes pleading with me not to push.

“
Can we do it on Monday?”

“
Xander…” I didn’t believe he would open up. I didn’t believe he’d even show up at my office. He’d come up with another way to stall and keep everything locked up in that solid vault of his.

“
I promise you.” He kissed me. It was the first promise he’d ever made to me so I knew he didn’t make them lightly. He broke the kiss, then reached over and grabbed a condom off the nightstand. He kissed me aggressively, his tongue plunging into my mouth, causing me to moan.

The mattress dipped as he climbed on, pushing me onto my back, spreading my
thighs, and sheathing himself inside me unexpectedly. He wasn’t trying to make love to me. He rode me hard. He took me like a man possessed, and I wanted to be the one to drive him crazy this time.

I wasn’t
going to fool myself into thinking I was strong enough to make him do anything he didn’t concede to. He
let
me flip him over, allowed me to take control of his pleasure.

I straddled his hips, sinking down and letting his cock slide right back where I needed it to be. I
rode him, rocking my hips as I tunneled down onto his thick shaft. I was sweating and so wet I rode him harder. He trembled, his cock throbbing inside me.

He gripped the sheets,
stretching them so hard I thought they’d tear. His eyes rolled back, thick veins protruding from his outstretched neck. I could come just from watching his reaction to me. I knew that feeling, lived for the moments he made me feel that way.

As
I rocked my hips, I leaned in and bit him where his neck met his shoulder. His hips rocketed upward as he cried out, “Holy fuck.”

Every solid
muscle in him tightened and strained. His lips were parted as small sounds of shock escaped. I felt his cock jerk, then pulsate through the condom, spraying hot liquid that only intensified the flame in me. I moved quicker, rotating and feeding off the friction of my clit rubbing against his pelvis. His hands gripped my ass roughly as he matched me, banging his still-hard cock into me from beneath. In seconds, I was plummeting—coming so hard my body vibrated with rapture.

He held me, caressing my skin and running his fingers into my hair until my eyelids grew heavy with sleep. As I drifted off
, I realized he’d used his cock to put me to sleep so I’d stop fretting over him.

~*~*~

We woke midafternoon. Well,
I
woke midafternoon. Xander was already up and moving around the kitchen. I brushed my teeth, threw on a camisole and underwear, and went to find him. The smell of eggs and bacon drifted down the hallway, causing my stomach to growl.

I found Xander in the kitchen.
His back was to me, so I took a few minutes to admire him moving around in black boxer briefs. I gazed at his toned back, tight butt, his muscular thighs, and even his bare feet. Suddenly, the breakfast he was cooking wasn’t the only thing I hungered for.

I came up behind him and ran my hand ov
er his sides and abs. The muscles there tightened under my fingers as I glided my hand lower.

“
Good morning to you too.” I could almost hear the smile on his face. I rested my forehead against his back and breathed him in, my hand cupping his growing erection. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you to not play with dangerous weapons?” he joked.

“
But I like being punished.”

He spun around a
nd wrapped his arm around my waist, leaning in to bite my lip. “Go sit down and eat your breakfast before it gets cold.” I pouted and he shook his head. “If you’re a good girl, I’ll take you in the shower afterward and give you a good… hard… pounding.” He scattered kisses on my neck between each word, causing me to shiver.

That
wasn’t a deal I’d refuse, so I did as he asked. Before we began eating, Ellie walked through the front door, pausing when she noticed us seated at the table. Things with Ellie were already weird, but now that I added Xander into the equation, she seemed even more distant. Maybe she wasn’t used to me being with someone, or maybe it was because he was so famous.

“
Hey, Ellie.” I waved at her as she tossed her bag on the couch.

“
Hey,” she mumbled.

“
Have breakfast with us.” She looked between me and Xander, and I was sure she was going to refuse, so I jumped up and grabbed her hand, pulling her into a chair. She frowned. Xander dove into his food, seemingly oblivious to the building tension.

“
Are you just coming in?” I asked as I placed a plate in front of her and joined them.

She nodded.

Xander barely looked up from his plate. Ellie pushed her food around or played on her phone.
Me?
I was confused.

Why
is it so hard to get them to connect?

My
phone rang from the other room before I really got a chance to eat anything. I ran down the hall to pick it up. I had an emergency consult at the hospital, so I jumped in the shower, got dressed, and was headed out in less than five minutes.

When
I got to the kitchen, Xander gave me a confused look. We did, after all, have a rendezvous scheduled in the shower. “I have to run to the hospital for an hour.”

“
All right,” he said, rising from his seat and picking up his plate. “I’ll just stop off at my place and—”

“
No.” I pointed at him with my eyebrows raised. “Stay here.”

We had plans for the day
, and I didn’t want him running off because I had to step out for an hour. I knew he wanted to argue with me, but in the end he just nodded, and I was on my way out.

I
’d talked him into taking me to see a movie he’d produced almost two years ago that was now playing. Of course that meant we had to be covert. He always wore a cap and sunglasses, and we arrived after the previews had begun, in the cover of darkness.

I wanted him to feel at home
at my place. Plus, he’d barely spoken two words to Ellie since they’d met. If this thing between us was going to work, they’d have to get used to each other, and this was the perfect opportunity for them to talk a little.