Underneath It All (Sexual Misconduct Volume II) (7 page)

Xander

The doorbell kept ringing. I picked up my phone and realized it was three in the morning. There
were only two people who would be let up here at this time, and Marcus had a key. I slid out of the bed and threw on a pair of shorts before leaving the bedroom to answer the door.

“
What do you want, Veronica?” I asked, purposely blocking her entry by leaning against the slightly opened door. She wore tight black jeans, a yellow crop top that couldn’t contain her breasts, and huge sunglasses, even though it was pitch dark outside.

“
What’s going on, Xander? You come back and you don’t even call me?” She pushed her sunglasses up to rest on her forehead. The glasses had been hiding how dilated and weary her usually gray eyes were.
She’s high.

That
meant it was going to be harder to get rid of her. She pushed against the door and eyed me when I held firm. “Xander…”

I sighed, took a step back
, and let her in.

“
Who the fuck are you?” she said as soon as she stepped past me. “Never mind. I’m here now so you can get rid of her, Xander.”

Avery had followed me out
of the bedroom. She stood on the other side of the room, glaring at Veronica. She gave me a disgusted look, then turned her gaze back.

“She’s my girlfriend.”

“
What?
What the fuck are you on? I thought you were sober.” Veronica narrowed her eyes, glancing between Avery and me.

“
I am, but you obviously are not, so I’m calling you a cab.” I’d let her in because I felt bad for her. We’d signed into rehab together because we were feeding each other’s habits. She was always high, I was always drunk, and we’d mix sex into it and things got out of control. I was tired of feeding a dependency that only ever drowned me in my problems. Veronica didn’t bode well for my sobriety and never would. It didn’t take long after leaving rehab for her to relapse, so I knew it was time to cut ties.

“
Xander… I need you.” She pouted.

“
What happened to Nick?” Veronica had a habit of falling back on me when one of her new boyfriends didn’t work out. I guess I sort of spoiled her that way because I never turned her away.

She rolled her eyes.
“He’s an asshole.”

“
So am I,” I deadpanned.

“
Yeah, but you’re my soft spot. If I can’t come to you, then where will I go?” She frowned.

“
Home. To sleep it off.” I picked up the phone and had the doorman call a cab. Avery turned and went back into the bedroom as I walked Veronica out of the condo.

In
the elevator, she cornered me, her hands at my sides and lips pressed at my neck. I put a hand on her hip and backed her off.

“
You used to be fun,” she whined.

“
Yeah, we had fun, but what’s fun when I was drunk is just an illusion.”

She
crossed her arms and leaned back against the wall quietly until the doors slid open.

“
Goodnight, Xander. Don’t run to me when she fucks you over.”

I
held open the doors, watching her exit the building and enter a cab before I let the doors slide shut.

When
I got back to my place, I stripped, then got in bed with Avery. She straddled me abruptly and frowned. “So, Veronica?”

“
Friend.”

“
With benefits?” She lifted a brow.

I nodded. Veronica was a cast
mate in a movie I’d filmed four years ago. There were never any feelings between us. I’d drawn a line across that codependency after rehab, and I wasn’t getting pulled back in. When it wasn’t Veronica, it was sex with random women I barely remembered the next day.

Sex
with random women seemed great. It took me where I needed to be for a while, but I always came down. But with Avery, there was no down. She kept me strung up so high, even when she wasn’t in the same room, I felt lighthearted.

Avery leaned in and narrowed her eyes.

“What?” I asked

She
turned my head and moved in closer. “You have lipstick on your neck.”

I
tried to deflect by turning my head and pulling her off, but she held firm, yanking my hair and holding my head at a tilted angle, the sharp pain and forceful move actually turning me on.
Sick fuck.
I was in trouble, and all I could think about was playing rough.

“
Should I go after her? Because you gave me ownership of this.” She reached down and squeezed my cock. Hard.

Again… turning me on.

“She’s not a threat. You’re holding all the rights in your hand.”

“
Good.” She let go of my hair, wiping away the traces of lipstick.

Now that she got me hard
, she was going to have to take care of it. “Since you want to power play, I’m going to need you to pull your panties to the side and take control of my cock.”

“
You’re insatiable.” She shook her head, but that hint of a smile told me she wanted to.

“
For you.” I squeezed her ass, then said, “Less talking, more fucking.”

“
I thought I was in charge here.” She straightened and planted her hands on her hips.

“
I
let
you think that. Now be a good girl and slide that pussy over my dick.”

“
Jesus,
Xander.”

“
Do I need to spank you?” My tone relayed how serious I was, so she quickly shifted, slid her panties to the side, positioned my cock, and sat on it with a sharp gasp.

I’d always used my dependency to sex and alcohol to
help me forget the past. I’d given up the alcohol and I thought I’d given up the sex when I’d stopped fucking random women. But as Avery’s pussy enfolded my cock and she wrung an explosive orgasm out of me, I wasn’t sure if I hadn’t traded one addiction for a ramped-up version of another. My dependency on her body was intense and quickly mounting. I knew there wasn’t a clinic I would check into that would ever get me to not
need
her.

Xander

“Where’s Avery?” Marcus asked soon as I picked up the phone.

“
In the shower.” I shifted the phone from one ear to the other as I shuffled around the kitchen, fixing breakfast.

“
We need to talk.” The quiet urgency in his voice was odd.

“
Okay…”

“
Meet me at my place in fifteen minutes,” he demanded.

“
We’ll be there in—”

“
No! Just you.” It was our last day in L.A. and I didn’t want to leave Avery alone.

“
What’s going on, Marcus?” I was beginning to worry.

“
Just get here. I’ll be waiting.” The line went dead.

I waited for Avery to come out
of the shower and let her know I had to run to Marcus’s place. I left her with breakfast and a quick kiss on the lips. Whatever it was that Marcus had to tell me sounded urgent.

I walked the few short blocks to Marcus
’s condo, pretending not to see the paparazzi I’d spied since I stepped out my door. They were the main reason I’d avoided confronting Avery until we got back to my place the night before. Any confrontation with Avery at the after party or outside my condo would’ve made headlines. I’d almost forgotten how aware I had to be of my actions when I came home.

I used my key to get into
Marcus’s place and found him in the kitchen, looking down at some papers with a grim expression.

“
What’s going on, Marcus?”

He looked up at me and shut the folder. His head was tilted and he pulled nervously at his hair.

“Sit.” He motioned at the chair across from him at the small table.

I sat, our eyes never breaking contact. This had to be big
, because nothing ever dimmed Marcus’s extroverted personality unless it was grave.

“
You know how I was looking into Avery’s past for you?”

“
No, you were doing that for
you
. I told you months ago to drop it.”

He waved me off.
“I found something out, and it’s huge.”

I ran my hand through my hair
, thinking of all the things that could’ve happened to Avery in that foster home that caused those records to be sealed. I wasn’t sure I could handle it, but I couldn’t walk away without knowing. Marcus held up a manila folder. The look on his face told me this would be epic.

“
What did you find out?”

“
First, I found out who sealed her records.”

“
She was in foster care, so I just figured they helped her seal the records.” I shrugged.

He
shook his head. “It was your father.”

What?
“My father? Why would he do that?”

Avery knowing my mother had
come as a surprise, but she never indicated she’d ever met my father. As a matter of fact, she was appalled she’d never met anyone in my mother’s life.

“
I think he sealed it so no one would ever figure out the truth.”

“
What truth, Marcus? Stop holding back and tell me what the fuck is in that folder.” I was barely sitting on the edge of my seat at this point, my fingers gripping the edge of the table.

“
Did Avery ever tell you what happened to her parents?”

I nodded.
“Yeah, they died in a car accident.”

“
A car accident that happened on a dark, rainy night. A car accident that your dad would do anything to keep people from finding out his son was the drunk driver in the incident.”

Wait
, no.
“No, no, no. This is bullshit.” I stood up so quickly the chair fell backward.
This shit is not happening.
I kept saying that in my head over and over so I’d wake from this nightmare.

“
I’m sorry, Xander, but it’s all here. Except Jessica is listed as the drunken driver.” He put the folder down in front of me, and I pushed it away. Not looking at it wasn’t going to make it less true. Just when I thought I’d begun to vanquish my demons, Marcus went and unearthed the devil on my back.

“
Fuck that! I told you to stop digging! Why the fuck couldn’t you just listen to me this one time?” It was too easy to take my shock and frustration out on him. The shit he’d unearthed was meant to stay buried.

“
Xander, it’s not my fault.” He held his palms up in surrender.

“
No, it’s not. It’s mine. I. Fuck. Up. Everything.” I began pacing. Everything was out of control. My world shifted off its axis and I was tumbling off the edge. I dropped down on another chair and looked into Marcus’s worried gaze.
I killed Avery’s parents.
There, I said it. Now it was real. What was also real was this fucking ball of emotion threatening to choke me. I couldn’t believe I’d taken away the people who meant the most to her.

I heaved a breath.
“I never needed to know this shit. Now what do I do?”

“
You tell her,” he replied softly, eerily calm.

“
Have you lost your mind? I’ll lose her.” Panic lodged in my chest.

“
So you’re going to pretend you don’t have this huge piece of information about her past?”

I
thought about how wrong it sounded, then put my head down in my hands. “I don’t know. I have no fucking clue what to do now.”

Dealing
with the fact I’d taken her parents away from her was already eating me up. For years I thought about the strangers in the other car, but never brought myself to find out who they were. Putting a face to them and knowing how I’d wrecked their family had all been too much.

I should
’ve been man enough back then to do what I’d wanted to do, but my dad had talked me out of turning myself in. He was convinced I’d ruin my life and everything I wanted by taking responsibility. Not to mention he was running for senate at the time, and the whole thing would’ve turned into a family scandal. Justice had never been served, and now I was going to pay for that tenfold because once Avery found out, it would destroy us both.

“
You have to tell her, Xander.” He put a hand to my shoulder and squeezed.

“
It’s so easy for you to sit there looking in and tell me what’s right. I’ve lived with this guilt and pain for almost twelve years. I finally found the one person who was my remedy to it all, and now I’ve become her poison.”

I put my head
back down, took a few calming breaths because my heart was beating rapidly, then looked back up at Marcus. My eyes stung, but I blinked the moisture back. If there was anyone in this world I could show my pain to, it was Marcus. He’d pulled me through a hell of a lot and even talked me into rehab. But despite that, I didn’t want him to watch me break. I wasn’t ready to let the pain bleed out.

I looked into his eyes and asked him,
“How do I look the woman I love in her eyes and tell her I killed her parents?” I sniffed, trying to fight off the overwhelming emotion smothering me. “How, Marcus? How?”

I wiped my face on my palm
, and Marcus patted me on the back. “I don’t know. Whatever you decide to do, you know I’m on your side. You’re a good man, Xander. You just made a colossal mistake that you can’t live down. Don’t let it wreck you.”

“
I never deserved happiness. I knew that, and I stole it anyway. This misery will be my lifetime penance.”