Underneath It All (Sexual Misconduct Volume II) (3 page)

Xander

Stay.

It sounded like a simple request, but as soon as the door shut, I knew I should’ve insisted on leaving.

Ellie
glared at me as she picked up her plate and shoved it into the dishwasher. “I got to get out of here,” she grumbled under her breath.

“
You don’t have to run away.”

She
whipped around and frowned at me. “I’m not running. I have a study group. Then later I have to go to
work
.”

She
put emphasis on the last word as if she were trying to remind me where we’d met.

“
You should quit.”

“
Who the fuck do you think you are? You come in here and in six weeks you’ve turned Avery into a completely different person. Now you’re trying to dictate what
I
do.” She waved her arms around, and her face was flushed.

“
I’m not telling you what to do. I think you already know how disappointed she’ll be if she finds out.”

“
And you’re all about not hurting her, right?” She crossed her arms over her chest.

“
You know what? Do what you want. She loves you. She’s dedicated her life to making sure yours is perfect, and you want to trash that by stripping at a titty bar and fucking strange men when you don’t have to?”

“
I told you I don’t sleep with the customers. And you have no right to judge me when you were on the receiving end.” She glared at me.

“
But I’ve stopped. When are you going to stop doing things that would hurt her? You’re better than this.”

“
You don’t know me!” She shook her head in aggravation.

“
I bet I know you better than half the people in your life. She talks about you every day. She wants the world for you.”

“
Fuck you, Xander. Just stay out of my life.
Ugh
… I wish I never gave you that card.” She walked off, slamming the door to her room with a resounding bang.

So much for
staying
and making nice—which I’m sure was Avery’s intention.

Xander

“
I need help.” I licked my lips and smiled at Avery because I knew she had a weakness for my dimples.

“
What kind of help?” Avery furrowed her eyebrows, gazing at me over her glasses.

“
I have an obsession with sexy doctors who pull their hair up in tight buns but wear sexy garters and naughty underwear.”

“
Well, Mr. Pierce, sounds like you need therapy.” Avery came around the desk and leaned her ass on the edge, pulling off her glasses and eying me.

“
It’s really severe, Dr. Shaw. My fingers tremble with the need to let her hair down, my mouth waters from her smell, and my dick gets so…
hard
.”

She
stepped forward, bit down on her bottom lip as she leaned over, and rubbed my cock through the fabric of my pants. “It’s not only hard. It’s feverishly hot.”

“
What can you do for me, doctor?”

She
smiled. A slow, sultry smile. She unfastened my belt, dragged my zipper down, and pulled out my cock. “Maybe I can cool it down.” She cupped my balls in her palm and massaged them, her lips brushing against mine. “With my mouth,” she whispered against my lips.

I hissed.

She dropped down to her knees, looked up at me, then rolled her tongue over the head of my cock. I jolted. It was all I could do not to come. She caressed the underside of my dick, then flicked her tongue into the seeping slit.

O
hh…
fuck
. She was going to kill me. Hundreds of blowjobs and I never felt anything like this. Once she got her mouth on my cock, there was no such thing as a simple blowjob. It was more like a
blast
of pleasure, a rush of sensation, and then a series of aftershocks once the earthquake passed.

Her mouth worked me hard and fast. I
laced my fingers into her hair and restrained her, because the only way I’d survive this was if I took the bull by the horns and controlled it. She peered up at me, trying to persuade me with her blue gaze to let her drive me mad.

But
fuck that. If I was going to pour my soul out to her today, I was going to savor this moment. I guided her up and down my shaft, her lips soft and her mouth hot. She licked the head every time I pulled her back, sucking me almost to the base when I pushed her down.

She
’s too good at this. I’m going to blow soon.

The
next time I pulled her back, she licked my cock with this wicked smile on her lips. Then she sucked it into her mouth and twisted and sucked and twisted. The pleasure was too much. I fucking whimpered, shuddered, then growled because I was pissed she’d won. She wasn’t going to let me stall at all. I came in a hot rush of pleasure that raced up and down my spine, then shot out into her mouth.

She
swallowed it.
I think.
My mind was in a whirlwind and I couldn’t focus on much of anything that happened after that orgasm.

She
sat in my lap and kissed me. Yeah… she swallowed because she tasted like me. She held me until my breathing evened out. Then she stood up and tucked my dick back in my pants.

“
Xander,” she said, pushing away my hand as I tried to slip it back up her thigh. “I know you’re stalling.” Her expression was effectively sobering. The room went from reverberating sexual cries to brimming with tension in a few short minutes. “We agreed to meet here because you said you would take this seriously.”

“
What just happened here was serious as fuck.” I smirked, trying to lighten up the solemn tone that was setting in around us.

She frowned.

“Fine.” I huffed a breath. “But before we continue, I want to tell you I’ve never been good at relationships.”

“
What do you mean by that?”

“
I mean I’m controlling and manipulative. I become consumed when I feel something for a woman.”

“
Don’t worry about any of that. I just want to know who you are underneath all the bullshit. Underneath the asshole persona, who
are
you?”

I didn
’t know where to begin. What were the right words? In my nervousness, I’m sure I worded my confession the worst way possible. “You want to know who I am? Underneath it all… I’m the man who killed his wife.”

Avery

I’m the man who killed his wife.
The words rolled around in my head. Wife? Killed?

As a professional
, I should’ve known which questions to ask and what things to say, but as a woman with her heart on the line, I was completely frozen with shock.

“
I worded that wrong. It was a car accident.”

I took a breath of relief.

Jesus.
It would’ve been nice of him to have said that part first so I didn’t have to imagine ten different murder scenes in under a minute.

“
I met her my first year of college.
We hit it off instantly. Within a month, we were inseparable and I quickly fell. Hard. It’s what scares me the most with what’s happening between us.”

Did he just imply he
’s falling in love with me?
Because that was an area we hadn’t touched yet, and we clearly had much more pressing matters to worry about.

“
By our junior year, we were living together. Senior year, we got married.”

There were so many things I wanted to ask
about this whirlwind romance, but now that the floodgates were open, I was swimming in a sea of Xander’s past, and I wasn’t ready to get out of the water. Any input from me might cause him to shut me out again.

“
She was a small town country girl with a wild spark that lit up once she got to college. She kept her family from me until we were married because her mom was an addict and her dad disappeared when she was ten. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they were nice to her, but there was always this suspicion in their gaze. They weren’t happy with my decision to marry her. I never came home without her since my freshman year, and she was always nice to them. I couldn’t figure out what it was that made my parents so put off by her.” He shifted nervously in his seat.

“
My father confided in me that he thought she was using me. I thought he was out of his mind and being overly protective. I mean, I was an aspiring actor living off his parents. Granted, I was living a pretty lush lifestyle with the trust fund my grandparents left me. I brushed off his warning because I loved her.”

He fell eerily silent. Somber even. His expression partially shuttered
, but his unease was apparent in the way he twisted the ring on his right index finger with a sullen look on his face.

“
We came home for a couple weeks in November. I spent probably about two months a year here, split into two-week intervals, back then. Near the end of our second week, I’d usually spend a night out with some of my high school buddies. This time I wasn’t feeling it. After an hour at the bar, I decide to go home and spend some time with Jessica. But when I got home, I realized she already had plans. Plans to fuck my brother.”

I furrowed my brows and tried not to react.
But
what
? Xander’s expression hardened and his jaw clenched, but he continued on.

“
After that, the whole night turned into a series of crazed flashes of insanity. Ian and I fought. I left him unconscious, returned to the bar. I remember drinking.
A lot
. Then popping a pill one of my friends gave me. By the time I got home, between the drinking and that pill, I was maniacal. Ian was gone. Jessica and I argued. She told me she was tired of being with me. I was too clingy with her, and I was holding on to some false dream of becoming an actor. She basically let me know I was shit, and my brother was the success of the family.”

He
smiled ruefully. “She’d be shocked to see how the tables have turned.” He sighed, then laid his head against the back of the chair.

“
You don’t have to continue. We can talk again another day.” I wasn’t so far gone from my professional training to not see that he was having a hard time talking about this. He kept shifting nervously in his seat and he barely made any eye contact.

“
No, I need to do this today.” He straightened and seemingly shook off his anxiety. “I told her we were leaving, that once we were back in California, she’d realize Ian had tricked her and she should be with me.” He huffed and shook his head. “I don’t know if it was the high talking or if I was really that deluded. I carried her to the car despite her fighting me. She tried opening the door to get out, but I kept hitting the lock button on the keychain to keep her in. Once I sped off, she got angry. Like
I’m fed up and I’m going to confess everything
kind of angry
.
”

“
You know sometimes people say things they don’t mean when they’re angry, Xander.” I spoke in a soothing voice, my therapy voice.

“
Oh, she meant it. She told me she and my brother snuck around behind my back for three years. Whenever he came to town and stayed with me or we came home, they were together. She needed a man with
ambition
. Ian was older with a law degree and on his way to following in our dad’s footsteps at the time.”

He
grew quiet, a bit dazed as he stared out the window. I closed the distance between us, sitting on the coffee table in front of him and pulling his hands into mine. He looked at me as I touched him and seemed to snap out of the flashback he’d been silently having.

“
I remember my hands were trembling, sweating like it was the middle of the summer when it was the dead of winter. It was raining and I was speeding as though there were some kind of happily ever after at the end of the road.” He shook his head and turned toward the window again, squeezing his eyes shut.

“
What happened, Xander?” I clutched his hands.

“
She told me she’d married the wrong brother. That she was leaving.” When he turned back to me, his usually tanned complexion was ashen. He looked me in the eyes, but his gaze was so distant.

“
I lost my shit, Avery. I kept telling her that I loved her, that I’d change. I was so fucking pathetic—so weak. It’s what scares me the most about this thing between you and me. I don’t want to be that man again.”

I lifted a hand and touched his face. He leaned into my touch before pulling away and sitting back in
his seat.

“
I remember hitting the gas despite my shaking hands and spinning head. She was screaming at me to slow down—to let her out—but I ignored her. I was determined to get out of Washington and preserve what was left in our relationship. If I hadn’t been high, I would’ve realized there was nothing left. I was chasing hope down an endlessly dark highway.

“
I must’ve been going over a hundred miles an hour. She screamed,
Slow down, Xander. You’re going to get us killed.’
” He shook his head, his lips pressed together in a tight grimace. He leaned forward, his elbows braced on his knees and his head hung low.

“
Do you know what I told her?” he asked in a low tone, without glancing up at me.

“
What did you say, Xander?” I twisted my hands together anxiously.

He
took a deep breath and lifted his head to meet my gaze, his eyes full of remorse and guilt. “I looked her in the eye and said, ‘
Before you leave me for Ian, I’d rather we both die.’”

Oh
my God
… My heart clenched at what I knew was coming. “You didn’t mean it.” I shook my head vigorously.

“
How do you know what I meant? Every single time I flashback to that moment and remember everything that came before it, I know I meant it.”

“
What did you do?” My tone was ominous.

“
Nothing. I watched her face turn from angry to downright terrified. She screamed at me to watch out, but by the time I looked back to the road, it was too late. I’d swerved into oncoming traffic. One moment I was looking into Jessica’s face; the next, the car crumpled and flipped over.”

“
Jesus.”

H
is demeanor deteriorated. His shoulders slumped, head hung, and breathing escalated.

“
You okay?” I asked after several silent minutes. I reached out to touch his arm, and he flinched, then pulled away.

“
I passed out.” He continued. “When I came to, there were flames shooting out the dashboard and by the pedals. Jessica hadn’t woken up, so I tried to wake her, but she didn’t respond. I clawed at the door, shoved it, but it wouldn’t budge. I tried to get her seatbelt off, but it was stuck. I remember chanting I’m sorry, I’m sorry, over and over. She finally managed to open her eyes, and I knew we’d be fine. As long as she was alive, I’d get her out.”

He sighed and shook his head.

“It’s amazing how quickly you sober up after something tragic happens.” He snorted. “Someone yanked open my door and was trying to pull me out. I begged them to take her first, but they said they had to get me out first. The car had flipped and landed on the passenger side. Her only way out was through the driver’s door.” He ran a hand through his hair and looked at me with red-rimmed eyes brimming with unshed tears.

“
They never got her out,” I stated because I just knew.

“
I
barely got out. The car exploded, throwing me and the man who tried to help me a few feet back.”

Oh my God. The burns on his legs…
I’d never questioned him about the scars on his calves, but I somehow knew it had been related to the nightmares.

“
So when I say I killed my wife, I mean it, literally. I killed my wife, Avery. I can’t consider it an accident.”